A/N: I'm not really sure if you guys have noticed but my stories aren't
posting on the Fanfiction.net Roswell board. They come up as updates on my
profile page, but they don't show up in the Roswell section n-e-more. & ITS
DRIVING ME NUTS! So please Review if you manage to find this and please
tell others that its updated… thanks! OH and as you can see I used Alanis
Morissette's song from her newly released CD "Under Rug Swept" On sale now
and I LOVE IT! As I LOVE her! She rocks baby!
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!
Ch. 11
Utopia
Liz POV
4:24 a.m. 1589 miles later…
Silence was bliss, my bliss. That is until Max broke it.
"Liz." Max turned down my stereo with his 'powers', not getting up or shifting from his position in his seat. Was it just me or did he just speak it and it was done? He didn't even have to use the flick of his wrist this time! His gaze was still out the window when he spoke, "I know you must be… confused but. But I DO love you, you know."
I rolled my eyes. Where have I heard this emotional shit before?
"And I know your rolling your eyes right now." He said, his eyes still outside to the passing dark and gray scenery.
I flinched, "How-."
"I just do okay." He turned to face me now. "Liz," He paused. He put his hand to my steering wheel and my car began to turn and drive on it's own. "There, that's better. Now Liz." He began.
My eyes wide, my mouth open, he must have noticed my horror of his newfound powers.
"Liz. It's still ME. I've just… adapted more now." He finished; he put his hands to my face. I flinched again. His face crumbled.
Geez, what did he WANT from me? I wanted to jump over my seat and pound him in his head. Was it legal to kill a human/alien-hybrid? The FBI sure had no problem with it… But then again they wanted to kill me to and I'm human, hmm…that's sure something to think about.
"What are you thinking?" Max dared to speak.
"If its okay to commit alien hybrid murder." I rubbed at my chin contemplating the bogus scenario. Of course I couldn't KILL him, I smacked my forehead, he's more human than alien –the public wouldn't take to well to all that, why didn't I think about it before? I'm babbling as you can see. I'd rather talk to myself than listen whatever it is that Max has to say to me. As if anything he says even matters to me.
"At least you humor as some kind of emotion." Max snorted looking back out the window.
Now that really pissed me off. I have the right to the smart-ass remarks and hurtful words. He, Max Evans that is, has no right because he left me here on earth alone and sad and a virgin. Did he have any idea how special that emotion is? Two people giving in to themselves, to each other intimately? No it's not just SEX. It's so much more and it kills me inside to know how much people take it for granted.
"Liz," Max paused still looking away.
"What." I barked.
"WHY DO YOU KEEP SPEAKING TO ME IN THAT TONE?!" He blew a gasket.
I stared at him open mouthed and eyes wide. Did Max Evans just flash on me? Did I just get roasted? Did he just dare scream at me as if I were a mere understudy? His face was red and his rugged looks were twisted into rage. NO. Uh, uh this was most definitely NOT the Max Evans who left me that one fine day.
"What the hell was that?" I yelled back. "My TONE? Since when does my TONE bother you? Is there a certain TONE that the great KING Zan is supposed to be spoken in?" I spat; I don't know what has come over me. By now I would be groveling at his feet begging him to take me back. But that was the old Liz Parker, the one Max left behind. A lot can change between now and then.
"I'm sorry." He jammed his fist into the dashboard, then he fixed the dent with his powers. "I just don't understand why you're being so cold towards me is all." He said to his hands.
"I thought you left me forever, I never thought I'd see you again. Not even when Kyle told me number of times that even HE knew you'd come back for me. But I still refused to believe it." I locked eyes with Max. "So how can you expect me to just forget the fact that you knew and you STILL left me? How can you expect to tell me that you once loved Tess and chose her over me and then come back and expect to have me back as if nothing ever happened?"
"Liz, you're right. But I love you; I never said I had stopped. I never even gave you the impression-."
"Oh yes you did Max Evans. Zan, whatever the fuck you wanna be called now." I snorted in disgust.
"Why are you like this now? So bitter Liz, it hurts to just glance at your aura." Max shook his head in dismay.
"Well that's what happens when the love of your life leaves you behind." I replied, a single tear falling down my face, not commenting on the AURA remark. What the hell was up with this AURA crap? Did the pod squad turn into hippies or spiritualists like Maria? What's next? Was Max gonna whip out some cedar oil and offer me a whiff?
"I made a mistake. I know that, I knew that since day one, but pride was in the way. How can a supposed KING admit that he was wrong? That he made bad decisions? That he had hurt the only person he ever gave a damn about?" Max's words stung my heart, I softened a bit.
"Yea. You made a BIG mistake Max." I said.
He looked away out the window. He was doing that a lot.
"Why don't you actually look in my face when you're speaking to me?" I'm going to stop the sarcastic words, I swear.
He looked back at me, in my eyes.
"Geezus, you look like shit Max." I made a disgusted face.
Okay, starting NOW, I'm going to stop. I swear!
His face fell; if it could any further than it was it'd be drooping to the floor.
Seeing the pain in his eyes the hurt and the endless hope burning out. I knew it was now or never, it was do or die. If I were ever to give Max a chance again it would have to be now. Otherwise he would give up and I would really be alone. We sat in our seats in silent thought. I was remembered of a time right outside my house where I sat just where Max was sitting and Kyle was where I sat.
-
We were both so nervous. Everything was so new. We were free; we weren't fighting for our lives anymore. We were trying to start over, and in the quest for reinventing ourselves we seeked refuge in each other. I remembered it clearly as if it were yesterday. It was cold out, the weather was supposed to be yet another scorcher yet the wind was strong and the air freezing. We had concluded that the Granolith had somehow disrupted the climate and reversed the seasons for a small period of time. It had been two months since Max and the other's departure. Since the day my heart died, but sitting there next to Kyle in his red mustang, the windows fogged up, our breathing shallow.
"Are you sure you want this?" Kyle broke away from our passionate kiss.
The thing was, I didn't know WHAT I wanted. All I knew was that I didn't want to be alone. EVER again. And I knew that Kyle would rather die than hurt me the way Max had. He had whispered it in my ear and kissed my cheek that night, it was our first official "date" together, and we had seen an idie flick. What it was didn't matter because we both were preoccupied by the weirdness of the matter. I tried my hardest to focus on the subtitles, but I couldn't.
I could stop thinking that if this was a date, then were we supposed to hold hands and kiss? Whenever I seen Kyle in the corner of my eye try to be bold by slyly grazing his hands over mine I would stifle a small giggle and he would immediately pull away. A small part of me felt guilty for being with Kyle. I still felt as if I were Max's. No one else was ever to touch what was his, I was his.
It was then that Kyle finally built up the courage to take my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. And for the first in a really long time, I genuinely smiled. I squeezed his hand a bit and he squeezed back. From that moment on I was HIS. No longer was I Max Evan's property. I was Kyle's. I know a woman should never depend on a man so greatly but this was me. Liz Parker. And I was weak.
"I've never wanted something so much in my life." I said on Kyle's lips.
He was so scared, as was I. What were we getting ourselves into? What would the outcome be? Was it right? Was it wrong? I hadn't wanted something so much. I wasn't lying. I didn't wan to be alone. I wanted to be loved so much that I denied my love for Max. I condemned it as if it were a chore to be taken care of. And it was chore week. I cleaned up my messy life and cleared the way for Kyle Valenti.
I'm not sure just who initiated the first kiss, all I can say is that it was sweet. It was my utopia. We sat still as he drove me home the radio was off and the CD player blared overhead. We didn't talk, we drove home in silence. When we neared my house Kyle cut the engine and looked to me, his hair parted as always, his warm eyes staring into mine. His letterman jacket pulled tight
"Liz." He had said.
"Yes?" I replied quickly. –Maybe a bit too quickly–
"Uh…" He gulped, "What exactly are we doing here?" He played with his fingers nervously.
I took his hands in mine, I held on tightly. "I don't know." I whispered, my voice wavering.
"Are you scared?" He said anxious.
I nodded, "I'm scared that I'll fall in love with you and…and you'll leave me." My eyes glazed over and tears spilled down my face.
Kyle took me in his arms; his scent was of old spice and popcorn. I indulged myself in it. I snuggled with him in his arms and cried. His lips slightly grazed my ear, "I would rather die than hurt you the way that he did Liz." He whispered. Causing my shuddering body to convulse into hysterical sobs.
Dear God what a mess Max Evans had left behind and here was man, Kyle Valenti. Ready to help pick up the broken pieces and gently put them back together. It was then that our lips met and the windows fogged up. Trapping us in its utopia. Surrounding us in emotions. This was my utopia. I left his car that night flushed, wearing his letterman jacket; I would not part with it until we graduated High School. This was my utopia…
"We'd gather around all in a room
Fasten our belts engage in dialogue
We'd all slow down rest without guilt
Not lie without fear disagree sans judgment
We would stay and respond and expand and include
And allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve
And discern and inquire and accept and admit
And indulge and open and reach out and speak up
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate
We'd open our arms
We'd all jump in
We'd all coast down into safety nets
We would shares and listen and support and welcome
Be propelled by passion not invest in outcomes
We would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
Be gentle and make room for every emotion
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate
We'd provide forums
We'd speak out
We'd all be heard
We'd all feel seen
We'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful
We would heal be humbled and be unstoppable
We'd hold close and know when to do which
We'd release and discharm and stand up and feel safe
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate…"
(Utopia [#11], By Alanis Morissette - Under Rug Swept)
-
"So tell me everything." I blurted out of nowhere.
You may not know it but what I just said took so much more courage than you would expect. Those three little words followed by a compound were harder for me to say than it was to ask Max if he loved Tess. What he would say in return was what was tying my stomach into tight knots.
"I intend to." He took my hands in his.
I stared at my hands in his. My eyes traveled upward towards his. I didn't pull away this time.
***
Isabel's POV
Looking at them for the first time in 2 years I realized just how much I really cherished their friendships. How much I missed Alex Whitman. I realized that the reason I was so bitter was because I missed everyone. I missed all the people that I used to think I was better than. I even missed Michael and Maria fighting!
So here I was, Isabel Evans, sitting next to Alexander Charles Whitman. Leaning against his shoulder as he drove us all to Liz's home. But now that I thought about it, *Where did Alex live now?*
"Alex?" I asked/whispered.
"Yes my love?" He smiled.
"I missed you so much." I kissed his cheek.
"Ditto." He grinned.
"So where exactly ARE we going?" Michael said aloud.
"Lizzie's house." Maria answered.
"And where IS that?" Michael said agitated.
"Why are you being so grumpy?" Maria spat.
"Why can't you just answer a simple question?" Michael crossed his arms.
I rolled my eyes and shared a :*Here we go again*: look with Alex.
"Liz lives in California… Rockland, California…" Maria let the sentence trail on.
"Why? Where do YOU live?" He demanded.
"She USED to live there with Kyle… But he broke up with her this morning." Maria blurted, changing the subject, as usual.
"WHAT?! Huh!? I-I huh?" Michael was dumbfounded, totally forgetting the fact that Maria had changed the subject from where she lived.
"Yea well after you guys left… She and Kyle… Well you know." Her big blue eyes widened.
"How could she do that to Maxwell!!!" Michael shouted livid.
"WHAT!? How could he sleep with TESS!?" Maria yelled back.
Michael grimaced realizing his mistake.
"Yea. So shut up Michael." Maria burned.
"Sorry." He muttered.
"Huh? I didn't hear that. Alex hun, did you hear that?" Maria snubbed.
"No… Did you Iz?" He pinned.
"I'M SORRY!" Michael bellowed.
"Thank you." Maria grinned.
"Do you guys always fight like that?" Midea piped in from the back.
"They love it." Alex yelled over his shoulder to her.
"Yea, the more they fight, the more they love each other." I said smiling at them.
"Shut up." Maria and Michael said at the same time.
*I love you* Maria mouthed to him.
*I love you too* Michael mouthed back.
So cute. I thought. But my thoughts saddened looking at the envy in Midea's face. She's never experienced true love. But that's going to change, with a little help from us girls… And a touch of Sisterly love, it will happen.
-----------------------------
A/N: I really hope that you guys are enjoying this story, because I really enjoy writing it!!!
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!
Ch. 11
Utopia
Liz POV
4:24 a.m. 1589 miles later…
Silence was bliss, my bliss. That is until Max broke it.
"Liz." Max turned down my stereo with his 'powers', not getting up or shifting from his position in his seat. Was it just me or did he just speak it and it was done? He didn't even have to use the flick of his wrist this time! His gaze was still out the window when he spoke, "I know you must be… confused but. But I DO love you, you know."
I rolled my eyes. Where have I heard this emotional shit before?
"And I know your rolling your eyes right now." He said, his eyes still outside to the passing dark and gray scenery.
I flinched, "How-."
"I just do okay." He turned to face me now. "Liz," He paused. He put his hand to my steering wheel and my car began to turn and drive on it's own. "There, that's better. Now Liz." He began.
My eyes wide, my mouth open, he must have noticed my horror of his newfound powers.
"Liz. It's still ME. I've just… adapted more now." He finished; he put his hands to my face. I flinched again. His face crumbled.
Geez, what did he WANT from me? I wanted to jump over my seat and pound him in his head. Was it legal to kill a human/alien-hybrid? The FBI sure had no problem with it… But then again they wanted to kill me to and I'm human, hmm…that's sure something to think about.
"What are you thinking?" Max dared to speak.
"If its okay to commit alien hybrid murder." I rubbed at my chin contemplating the bogus scenario. Of course I couldn't KILL him, I smacked my forehead, he's more human than alien –the public wouldn't take to well to all that, why didn't I think about it before? I'm babbling as you can see. I'd rather talk to myself than listen whatever it is that Max has to say to me. As if anything he says even matters to me.
"At least you humor as some kind of emotion." Max snorted looking back out the window.
Now that really pissed me off. I have the right to the smart-ass remarks and hurtful words. He, Max Evans that is, has no right because he left me here on earth alone and sad and a virgin. Did he have any idea how special that emotion is? Two people giving in to themselves, to each other intimately? No it's not just SEX. It's so much more and it kills me inside to know how much people take it for granted.
"Liz," Max paused still looking away.
"What." I barked.
"WHY DO YOU KEEP SPEAKING TO ME IN THAT TONE?!" He blew a gasket.
I stared at him open mouthed and eyes wide. Did Max Evans just flash on me? Did I just get roasted? Did he just dare scream at me as if I were a mere understudy? His face was red and his rugged looks were twisted into rage. NO. Uh, uh this was most definitely NOT the Max Evans who left me that one fine day.
"What the hell was that?" I yelled back. "My TONE? Since when does my TONE bother you? Is there a certain TONE that the great KING Zan is supposed to be spoken in?" I spat; I don't know what has come over me. By now I would be groveling at his feet begging him to take me back. But that was the old Liz Parker, the one Max left behind. A lot can change between now and then.
"I'm sorry." He jammed his fist into the dashboard, then he fixed the dent with his powers. "I just don't understand why you're being so cold towards me is all." He said to his hands.
"I thought you left me forever, I never thought I'd see you again. Not even when Kyle told me number of times that even HE knew you'd come back for me. But I still refused to believe it." I locked eyes with Max. "So how can you expect me to just forget the fact that you knew and you STILL left me? How can you expect to tell me that you once loved Tess and chose her over me and then come back and expect to have me back as if nothing ever happened?"
"Liz, you're right. But I love you; I never said I had stopped. I never even gave you the impression-."
"Oh yes you did Max Evans. Zan, whatever the fuck you wanna be called now." I snorted in disgust.
"Why are you like this now? So bitter Liz, it hurts to just glance at your aura." Max shook his head in dismay.
"Well that's what happens when the love of your life leaves you behind." I replied, a single tear falling down my face, not commenting on the AURA remark. What the hell was up with this AURA crap? Did the pod squad turn into hippies or spiritualists like Maria? What's next? Was Max gonna whip out some cedar oil and offer me a whiff?
"I made a mistake. I know that, I knew that since day one, but pride was in the way. How can a supposed KING admit that he was wrong? That he made bad decisions? That he had hurt the only person he ever gave a damn about?" Max's words stung my heart, I softened a bit.
"Yea. You made a BIG mistake Max." I said.
He looked away out the window. He was doing that a lot.
"Why don't you actually look in my face when you're speaking to me?" I'm going to stop the sarcastic words, I swear.
He looked back at me, in my eyes.
"Geezus, you look like shit Max." I made a disgusted face.
Okay, starting NOW, I'm going to stop. I swear!
His face fell; if it could any further than it was it'd be drooping to the floor.
Seeing the pain in his eyes the hurt and the endless hope burning out. I knew it was now or never, it was do or die. If I were ever to give Max a chance again it would have to be now. Otherwise he would give up and I would really be alone. We sat in our seats in silent thought. I was remembered of a time right outside my house where I sat just where Max was sitting and Kyle was where I sat.
-
We were both so nervous. Everything was so new. We were free; we weren't fighting for our lives anymore. We were trying to start over, and in the quest for reinventing ourselves we seeked refuge in each other. I remembered it clearly as if it were yesterday. It was cold out, the weather was supposed to be yet another scorcher yet the wind was strong and the air freezing. We had concluded that the Granolith had somehow disrupted the climate and reversed the seasons for a small period of time. It had been two months since Max and the other's departure. Since the day my heart died, but sitting there next to Kyle in his red mustang, the windows fogged up, our breathing shallow.
"Are you sure you want this?" Kyle broke away from our passionate kiss.
The thing was, I didn't know WHAT I wanted. All I knew was that I didn't want to be alone. EVER again. And I knew that Kyle would rather die than hurt me the way Max had. He had whispered it in my ear and kissed my cheek that night, it was our first official "date" together, and we had seen an idie flick. What it was didn't matter because we both were preoccupied by the weirdness of the matter. I tried my hardest to focus on the subtitles, but I couldn't.
I could stop thinking that if this was a date, then were we supposed to hold hands and kiss? Whenever I seen Kyle in the corner of my eye try to be bold by slyly grazing his hands over mine I would stifle a small giggle and he would immediately pull away. A small part of me felt guilty for being with Kyle. I still felt as if I were Max's. No one else was ever to touch what was his, I was his.
It was then that Kyle finally built up the courage to take my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. And for the first in a really long time, I genuinely smiled. I squeezed his hand a bit and he squeezed back. From that moment on I was HIS. No longer was I Max Evan's property. I was Kyle's. I know a woman should never depend on a man so greatly but this was me. Liz Parker. And I was weak.
"I've never wanted something so much in my life." I said on Kyle's lips.
He was so scared, as was I. What were we getting ourselves into? What would the outcome be? Was it right? Was it wrong? I hadn't wanted something so much. I wasn't lying. I didn't wan to be alone. I wanted to be loved so much that I denied my love for Max. I condemned it as if it were a chore to be taken care of. And it was chore week. I cleaned up my messy life and cleared the way for Kyle Valenti.
I'm not sure just who initiated the first kiss, all I can say is that it was sweet. It was my utopia. We sat still as he drove me home the radio was off and the CD player blared overhead. We didn't talk, we drove home in silence. When we neared my house Kyle cut the engine and looked to me, his hair parted as always, his warm eyes staring into mine. His letterman jacket pulled tight
"Liz." He had said.
"Yes?" I replied quickly. –Maybe a bit too quickly–
"Uh…" He gulped, "What exactly are we doing here?" He played with his fingers nervously.
I took his hands in mine, I held on tightly. "I don't know." I whispered, my voice wavering.
"Are you scared?" He said anxious.
I nodded, "I'm scared that I'll fall in love with you and…and you'll leave me." My eyes glazed over and tears spilled down my face.
Kyle took me in his arms; his scent was of old spice and popcorn. I indulged myself in it. I snuggled with him in his arms and cried. His lips slightly grazed my ear, "I would rather die than hurt you the way that he did Liz." He whispered. Causing my shuddering body to convulse into hysterical sobs.
Dear God what a mess Max Evans had left behind and here was man, Kyle Valenti. Ready to help pick up the broken pieces and gently put them back together. It was then that our lips met and the windows fogged up. Trapping us in its utopia. Surrounding us in emotions. This was my utopia. I left his car that night flushed, wearing his letterman jacket; I would not part with it until we graduated High School. This was my utopia…
"We'd gather around all in a room
Fasten our belts engage in dialogue
We'd all slow down rest without guilt
Not lie without fear disagree sans judgment
We would stay and respond and expand and include
And allow and forgive and enjoy and evolve
And discern and inquire and accept and admit
And indulge and open and reach out and speak up
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate
We'd open our arms
We'd all jump in
We'd all coast down into safety nets
We would shares and listen and support and welcome
Be propelled by passion not invest in outcomes
We would breathe and be charmed and amused by difference
Be gentle and make room for every emotion
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate
We'd provide forums
We'd speak out
We'd all be heard
We'd all feel seen
We'd rise post-obstacle more defined more grateful
We would heal be humbled and be unstoppable
We'd hold close and know when to do which
We'd release and discharm and stand up and feel safe
This is utopia this is my utopia
This is my ideal my end in sight
Utopia this is my utopia
This is my nirvana
My ultimate…"
(Utopia [#11], By Alanis Morissette - Under Rug Swept)
-
"So tell me everything." I blurted out of nowhere.
You may not know it but what I just said took so much more courage than you would expect. Those three little words followed by a compound were harder for me to say than it was to ask Max if he loved Tess. What he would say in return was what was tying my stomach into tight knots.
"I intend to." He took my hands in his.
I stared at my hands in his. My eyes traveled upward towards his. I didn't pull away this time.
***
Isabel's POV
Looking at them for the first time in 2 years I realized just how much I really cherished their friendships. How much I missed Alex Whitman. I realized that the reason I was so bitter was because I missed everyone. I missed all the people that I used to think I was better than. I even missed Michael and Maria fighting!
So here I was, Isabel Evans, sitting next to Alexander Charles Whitman. Leaning against his shoulder as he drove us all to Liz's home. But now that I thought about it, *Where did Alex live now?*
"Alex?" I asked/whispered.
"Yes my love?" He smiled.
"I missed you so much." I kissed his cheek.
"Ditto." He grinned.
"So where exactly ARE we going?" Michael said aloud.
"Lizzie's house." Maria answered.
"And where IS that?" Michael said agitated.
"Why are you being so grumpy?" Maria spat.
"Why can't you just answer a simple question?" Michael crossed his arms.
I rolled my eyes and shared a :*Here we go again*: look with Alex.
"Liz lives in California… Rockland, California…" Maria let the sentence trail on.
"Why? Where do YOU live?" He demanded.
"She USED to live there with Kyle… But he broke up with her this morning." Maria blurted, changing the subject, as usual.
"WHAT?! Huh!? I-I huh?" Michael was dumbfounded, totally forgetting the fact that Maria had changed the subject from where she lived.
"Yea well after you guys left… She and Kyle… Well you know." Her big blue eyes widened.
"How could she do that to Maxwell!!!" Michael shouted livid.
"WHAT!? How could he sleep with TESS!?" Maria yelled back.
Michael grimaced realizing his mistake.
"Yea. So shut up Michael." Maria burned.
"Sorry." He muttered.
"Huh? I didn't hear that. Alex hun, did you hear that?" Maria snubbed.
"No… Did you Iz?" He pinned.
"I'M SORRY!" Michael bellowed.
"Thank you." Maria grinned.
"Do you guys always fight like that?" Midea piped in from the back.
"They love it." Alex yelled over his shoulder to her.
"Yea, the more they fight, the more they love each other." I said smiling at them.
"Shut up." Maria and Michael said at the same time.
*I love you* Maria mouthed to him.
*I love you too* Michael mouthed back.
So cute. I thought. But my thoughts saddened looking at the envy in Midea's face. She's never experienced true love. But that's going to change, with a little help from us girls… And a touch of Sisterly love, it will happen.
-----------------------------
A/N: I really hope that you guys are enjoying this story, because I really enjoy writing it!!!
REVIEW!!! REVIEW!!!