Broken Angel part 6
Jim sat quietly poking his food with a fork. Idly he watched peas roll across the fine china. Fred simply watched Jim worried. The boy had only eaten what he had to for the past three days, and that was after Fred had pressed it. Fred knew Jim hurt and hurt terribly. He made sure that Jim's physical wounds were taken care of. Bandages covered every place Jim's skin broke. An ace bandage bound Jim's right ankle to keep the sprain from getting worse. Fred even persuaded Jim to take painkillers and medicine to that helped the healing of bruises. Thanks to Fred all Jim needed was some time to heal.
Unfortunately the deepest wounds were not physical. Fred wanted to help with those injuries also, but Jim clammed up. Fred knew there was more going on with Jim and Gene than Jim had told him. Despite his anger he could not see Gene beating Jim up.
Jim's fork clanged agents the plate. He had gotten board with playing with his food. He began to think. Jim wanted to open up to Fred, but it hurt so much. To make it harder part of him wanted to stay away completely. That side desired to cut himself, hurt himself, or even kill himself. It told him that he was worthless, and he did not deserve life. Why else would Gene beat him. That voice screamed above the other.
Whenever he looked at Fred though Jim could almost win. To see Fred's normally cheerful face so solemn made Jim almost think Fred really cared, but the voice came back. Then it would say it was an illusion, and that he was weak and stupid to still love Gene. Because of that Fred could never care for Jim.
A single tear ran down Jim's face. Fred could not stand it, and told, almost pleaded to Jim. "Come in the other room, so we can talk." Once again Freed would try to open Jim's shell. That shell was more like an iron maiden than the protective covering Jim thought it to be.
Both Fred and Jim stood, and Fred lead Jim to another room. Fred took Jim's hand in his own. The voice did not want this. It said that Jim could not be loved or liked, and if he were it would lead to pain. The other half was terrified, but wanted it. Fred knew Jim contained a conflict over this, so he lightly rubbed his thumb on Jim's palm. The true Jim won, and did not pull his hand away.
Fred pulled Jim to a couch, and instructed Jim to sit with a flick of a finger. Then he sat beside Jim, all the while their hands never broke contact. They sat there for awhile fingers entwined, Fred's thumb caressing Jim's palm. Fred waited for Jim to relax, because only then could Jim speak. Slowly tension evaporated off of Jim like a mist. With his free hand Fred cupped Jim's chin, and lifted it up so there eyes meet. "Jim, please tell me what lead up to the incident or what you feel." Fred begged.
Jim closed his eyes, and bit his bottom lip. A conflict stormed in his mind. The side that hated his self fought the side that wanted to heal, and as always he was losing. Until he felt a hand brush his face gently. Jim also felt his hand squeezed reassuringly by a strong hand. He opened his eyes to stair straight in to Fred's. Jim got lost in those warm loving orbs.
Jim hypnotized by Fred's caring eyes spoke. "Conflict. There is a conflict in my mind." Jim's throat felt suddenly dry. "Part of me wants help. Another part wants me to disappear. I'm useless, and deserve to die for being so stupid." Tears fell down Jim's face. "I don't want to live. I'm too tiered, and I hurt too much." Jim gave up holding back, and sobbed.
Fred pulled him in to his arms, and positioned Jim on his lap. Fred wrapped one arm around Jim's shoulders and, and held Jim's head to his chest. He then rocked Jim the best he could on the couch. Fred rested his cheek on the top of Jim's head, and hummed an ancient lullaby. Fred did not know the name or the words to the song, but the melody soothed Jim. That was all that mattered to Fred.
"Angel, you are not worthless. To me you are priceless. You don't deserve to die or hurt, but instead to live haply. If you let me I will make sure you are happy no matter what it takes." Fred told Jim sincerely.
Jim looked at Fred, while his lips trembled. His eyes begged for Fred to mean what he said, and Fred's eyes replied that it was true. With the joy that was strange to him, Jim discovered a long lost strength. With it he made a decision to open up, and pressed his lips to Fred's. Inexperienced with the art of kissing Jim naively moved his lips agents Fred's. After the initial shook Fred decided to teach the novice a lesson in kissing. So Fred took it a step up, and slipped his tongue in Jim's mouth. There his tongue explored. He tasted every nook in Jim's mouth, until Jim moaned. Fred pulled away despite Jim's protest. "I don't think you're ready for more." Fred answered the unasked question.
Jim laid his head on Fred's chest. Absently Fred combed Jim's hair with his fingers. They sat like that content. Then Jim asked, with a bewildered look on his face, "Why did you call me "angel"."
"Because to me you are." Fred responded. The merriment reappeared in Fred's eyes for the first time in days. To that Jim had to feel special. He snuggled up close to Fred, and a smile curled around Jim's face for the first time in years.
***
Gene smiled a little too widely, as he rocked back and forth. Gene's legs were drawn to his chest. His unhealthily pale body contrasted with the crimson blood dripping from old and new wounds. Gene laughed.
Jim sat quietly poking his food with a fork. Idly he watched peas roll across the fine china. Fred simply watched Jim worried. The boy had only eaten what he had to for the past three days, and that was after Fred had pressed it. Fred knew Jim hurt and hurt terribly. He made sure that Jim's physical wounds were taken care of. Bandages covered every place Jim's skin broke. An ace bandage bound Jim's right ankle to keep the sprain from getting worse. Fred even persuaded Jim to take painkillers and medicine to that helped the healing of bruises. Thanks to Fred all Jim needed was some time to heal.
Unfortunately the deepest wounds were not physical. Fred wanted to help with those injuries also, but Jim clammed up. Fred knew there was more going on with Jim and Gene than Jim had told him. Despite his anger he could not see Gene beating Jim up.
Jim's fork clanged agents the plate. He had gotten board with playing with his food. He began to think. Jim wanted to open up to Fred, but it hurt so much. To make it harder part of him wanted to stay away completely. That side desired to cut himself, hurt himself, or even kill himself. It told him that he was worthless, and he did not deserve life. Why else would Gene beat him. That voice screamed above the other.
Whenever he looked at Fred though Jim could almost win. To see Fred's normally cheerful face so solemn made Jim almost think Fred really cared, but the voice came back. Then it would say it was an illusion, and that he was weak and stupid to still love Gene. Because of that Fred could never care for Jim.
A single tear ran down Jim's face. Fred could not stand it, and told, almost pleaded to Jim. "Come in the other room, so we can talk." Once again Freed would try to open Jim's shell. That shell was more like an iron maiden than the protective covering Jim thought it to be.
Both Fred and Jim stood, and Fred lead Jim to another room. Fred took Jim's hand in his own. The voice did not want this. It said that Jim could not be loved or liked, and if he were it would lead to pain. The other half was terrified, but wanted it. Fred knew Jim contained a conflict over this, so he lightly rubbed his thumb on Jim's palm. The true Jim won, and did not pull his hand away.
Fred pulled Jim to a couch, and instructed Jim to sit with a flick of a finger. Then he sat beside Jim, all the while their hands never broke contact. They sat there for awhile fingers entwined, Fred's thumb caressing Jim's palm. Fred waited for Jim to relax, because only then could Jim speak. Slowly tension evaporated off of Jim like a mist. With his free hand Fred cupped Jim's chin, and lifted it up so there eyes meet. "Jim, please tell me what lead up to the incident or what you feel." Fred begged.
Jim closed his eyes, and bit his bottom lip. A conflict stormed in his mind. The side that hated his self fought the side that wanted to heal, and as always he was losing. Until he felt a hand brush his face gently. Jim also felt his hand squeezed reassuringly by a strong hand. He opened his eyes to stair straight in to Fred's. Jim got lost in those warm loving orbs.
Jim hypnotized by Fred's caring eyes spoke. "Conflict. There is a conflict in my mind." Jim's throat felt suddenly dry. "Part of me wants help. Another part wants me to disappear. I'm useless, and deserve to die for being so stupid." Tears fell down Jim's face. "I don't want to live. I'm too tiered, and I hurt too much." Jim gave up holding back, and sobbed.
Fred pulled him in to his arms, and positioned Jim on his lap. Fred wrapped one arm around Jim's shoulders and, and held Jim's head to his chest. He then rocked Jim the best he could on the couch. Fred rested his cheek on the top of Jim's head, and hummed an ancient lullaby. Fred did not know the name or the words to the song, but the melody soothed Jim. That was all that mattered to Fred.
"Angel, you are not worthless. To me you are priceless. You don't deserve to die or hurt, but instead to live haply. If you let me I will make sure you are happy no matter what it takes." Fred told Jim sincerely.
Jim looked at Fred, while his lips trembled. His eyes begged for Fred to mean what he said, and Fred's eyes replied that it was true. With the joy that was strange to him, Jim discovered a long lost strength. With it he made a decision to open up, and pressed his lips to Fred's. Inexperienced with the art of kissing Jim naively moved his lips agents Fred's. After the initial shook Fred decided to teach the novice a lesson in kissing. So Fred took it a step up, and slipped his tongue in Jim's mouth. There his tongue explored. He tasted every nook in Jim's mouth, until Jim moaned. Fred pulled away despite Jim's protest. "I don't think you're ready for more." Fred answered the unasked question.
Jim laid his head on Fred's chest. Absently Fred combed Jim's hair with his fingers. They sat like that content. Then Jim asked, with a bewildered look on his face, "Why did you call me "angel"."
"Because to me you are." Fred responded. The merriment reappeared in Fred's eyes for the first time in days. To that Jim had to feel special. He snuggled up close to Fred, and a smile curled around Jim's face for the first time in years.
***
Gene smiled a little too widely, as he rocked back and forth. Gene's legs were drawn to his chest. His unhealthily pale body contrasted with the crimson blood dripping from old and new wounds. Gene laughed.