Authors Note: At the moment this is only two chapters long. More will be
added, and they will fit before, after, and mostly between the current
chapters. For those who have never heard the song, it is by Darryl Worley,
a * gasp * country singer.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, their situations, or anything related to them other than the merchandise I spend my hard-earned money on. I am not making money off of them, and will give them back if asked nicely. Thank you, and have a nice day.
**The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend. **
Dearest Treize,
It has been a week since that terrible, stupid battle. It took me three days to realize that you were gone, to fully understand that you are never coming back. I guess that means that this letter really will never reach you, but I am writing it anyway. When I write to you, it seems like I can put all my feelings down on paper in a way that I never could with anyone else. You were, and still are my best and closest friend. You always understood me, and even when I was young, you treated me with respect, and allowed me to pursue my own goals. You made me test my limits, and taught me that most limits are in the mind. I think that much of who I am is because of you, and I wouldn't change that for the world. When we became more than friends, none of that was lost, and for that I am eternally grateful, because through it all, it was that friendship that I relied on. I don't know what to rely on anymore, everyone keeps telling me that the pain will fade in time, but they don't understand what it feels like to have your heart and soul ripped in two. I know that I have to go on, even if only to protect this fragile peace that you fought so hard, and paid so dearly for. I just can't see how I can do it without you. There is a hole in my heart, and sometimes it seems that it will swallow me whole. I thought it was hard before, being without you, knowing that at any moment you might be killed, and dreading that I might somehow be responsible. But then, at least I knew that you were out there somewhere, and that someday we might meet again under better circumstances. Now I have not even that small comfort. I don't know that I will ever heal again.
You know that I learned of death at a young age, but somehow the deaths of my parents, and even the destruction of my country did not seem so pointless, I did not feel so terribly helpless. Back then, I was young, and had my anger and vengeance to sustain me, followed by guilt at what I had become, until all that was left of my grief was a dull ache, and a vague sensation of something I had missed, but no longer needed. Now though, there is no anger, no one to blame, not really. However much I may hate it, I understand why you had to do what you did. I wish that it had not been necessary, but the man I know and love could not have done any different, just as I could not have stayed with OZ and kept my conscience clear.
It pains me that our last meeting was one of such hard words. I had always hoped that we might be able to make amends, but my fool mission would not allow it. I was so bent on ending the war by fighting the good fight, that I could not see how I was only making things worse. If only. I say that a lot these days, if only, but none of it will help, all the ifs in the world cannot bring you back to me. I will remain alone, empty and cold.
I spoke of how I feel no anger, but when I first learned of your death, rage burned in me such as I have never felt. I was angry at the world, for starting wars, and at the soldiers for fighting in them. I was angry at you for allowing yourself to be killed, and at 05 for killing you. I even tried to destroy the earth, believing that it was the source of all war, but luckily I was stopped. A few days ago, when I was more rational, I arranged a meeting with 05, no, Chang Wufei, we must keep our names if we are to survive the coming turmoil. I am not sure what I intended, perhaps to talk, or rage, or maybe even to kill him, God knows I felt like it. When he arrived though, I could see his pain. He barely knew you, except as an enemy, but somehow your death touched him in a way that I cannot explain. I think that perhaps he finally came to understand what it was to be a soldier, or it may have been that he knew he had ended the life of a man greater than himself. I cannot say. Either way, I could not berate, nor blame the boy for doing as he did. I told him that we, the soldiers, must end all wars, and I think he understood. I will try to keep an eye on him, and the other pilots for you. I know that you would if you were here. I think, that in time, we might even become friends.
There is so much more I want to say, but I cannot form the words. Each day I think of new things that we will never do together, moments we will never again share. I see things, and think of how you will laugh when I tell you, but then I realize that you are not there to laugh anymore. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy, and that you will wait for the day when I can guiltlessly leave my burdens in the hands of others, and join you for all eternity.
Mirialdo
**I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
And I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright
I miss my friend.**
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, their situations, or anything related to them other than the merchandise I spend my hard-earned money on. I am not making money off of them, and will give them back if asked nicely. Thank you, and have a nice day.
**The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say
To make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend. **
Dearest Treize,
It has been a week since that terrible, stupid battle. It took me three days to realize that you were gone, to fully understand that you are never coming back. I guess that means that this letter really will never reach you, but I am writing it anyway. When I write to you, it seems like I can put all my feelings down on paper in a way that I never could with anyone else. You were, and still are my best and closest friend. You always understood me, and even when I was young, you treated me with respect, and allowed me to pursue my own goals. You made me test my limits, and taught me that most limits are in the mind. I think that much of who I am is because of you, and I wouldn't change that for the world. When we became more than friends, none of that was lost, and for that I am eternally grateful, because through it all, it was that friendship that I relied on. I don't know what to rely on anymore, everyone keeps telling me that the pain will fade in time, but they don't understand what it feels like to have your heart and soul ripped in two. I know that I have to go on, even if only to protect this fragile peace that you fought so hard, and paid so dearly for. I just can't see how I can do it without you. There is a hole in my heart, and sometimes it seems that it will swallow me whole. I thought it was hard before, being without you, knowing that at any moment you might be killed, and dreading that I might somehow be responsible. But then, at least I knew that you were out there somewhere, and that someday we might meet again under better circumstances. Now I have not even that small comfort. I don't know that I will ever heal again.
You know that I learned of death at a young age, but somehow the deaths of my parents, and even the destruction of my country did not seem so pointless, I did not feel so terribly helpless. Back then, I was young, and had my anger and vengeance to sustain me, followed by guilt at what I had become, until all that was left of my grief was a dull ache, and a vague sensation of something I had missed, but no longer needed. Now though, there is no anger, no one to blame, not really. However much I may hate it, I understand why you had to do what you did. I wish that it had not been necessary, but the man I know and love could not have done any different, just as I could not have stayed with OZ and kept my conscience clear.
It pains me that our last meeting was one of such hard words. I had always hoped that we might be able to make amends, but my fool mission would not allow it. I was so bent on ending the war by fighting the good fight, that I could not see how I was only making things worse. If only. I say that a lot these days, if only, but none of it will help, all the ifs in the world cannot bring you back to me. I will remain alone, empty and cold.
I spoke of how I feel no anger, but when I first learned of your death, rage burned in me such as I have never felt. I was angry at the world, for starting wars, and at the soldiers for fighting in them. I was angry at you for allowing yourself to be killed, and at 05 for killing you. I even tried to destroy the earth, believing that it was the source of all war, but luckily I was stopped. A few days ago, when I was more rational, I arranged a meeting with 05, no, Chang Wufei, we must keep our names if we are to survive the coming turmoil. I am not sure what I intended, perhaps to talk, or rage, or maybe even to kill him, God knows I felt like it. When he arrived though, I could see his pain. He barely knew you, except as an enemy, but somehow your death touched him in a way that I cannot explain. I think that perhaps he finally came to understand what it was to be a soldier, or it may have been that he knew he had ended the life of a man greater than himself. I cannot say. Either way, I could not berate, nor blame the boy for doing as he did. I told him that we, the soldiers, must end all wars, and I think he understood. I will try to keep an eye on him, and the other pilots for you. I know that you would if you were here. I think, that in time, we might even become friends.
There is so much more I want to say, but I cannot form the words. Each day I think of new things that we will never do together, moments we will never again share. I see things, and think of how you will laugh when I tell you, but then I realize that you are not there to laugh anymore. I hope that wherever you are, you are happy, and that you will wait for the day when I can guiltlessly leave my burdens in the hands of others, and join you for all eternity.
Mirialdo
**I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
And I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright
I miss my friend.**