A/N: You need to read the original Cough Syrup to understand what's funny
about the Blue cat Club, by the way. (heehee!)
Chapter 3
"And thus I arrived," The girl said grimly, sipping her tea.
The circle of interestingly-clad young women around her exhaled as though they had been holding their breath. There was the sound of whalebone under extreme pressure. "How HORRID!" one of them squealed.
"Oh, I wouldn't say horrid, exactly," she said, making a face and pulling the pink satin blanket (freshly laundered, she noticed) tighter around her. "Just really, really surprising."
"So you're like a goddess, aren't you?" one of them sighed. "Going back and forth between worlds and all that."
"Oh goodness, no," the girl said hurriedly, flushing red. "I'm just Grey. Weird things happen to me. This is a fact I have to live with."
"It must be so exciting!"
Grey thought for a moment. "I suppose," she said. "It's pretty frightening at the time, though. I'll probably look back on this and laugh. Or cringe. One of the two."
The one who could be identified as Louisa stood and clapped her hands. "Come along, girls," she squeaked. "I'm sure Grey is very tired. Shall we leave her alone for now?" They all yawned, nodded, and stood on cue, then shuffled out, tripping on their high heels.
"Hyou must hexcuse the girls," Louisa said, smiling in a fluttery way. "They're very hexcitable."
"That's perfectly all right," said Grey, grinning nervously. "It's funny, though..."
"Hwhat is?"
"I look more masculine than all of you, and I'm probably the only girl in the entire building."
Foul Ole' Ron twisted his coat in his hands.
"What are you saying?" Havelock Vetinari asked him.
"Buggrit, buggrit, I told 'em, can't have no mud monsters walkin' 'round these parts, I told 'em, I told-" Vetinari was staring at him. "Er... a mud thing done come out o' the river. I told 'em," he added rebelliously.
"Really," Vetinari said, jotting something down. "Before or after the water exploded?"
"Buggrit, after, I told 'em."
"I see. Did it... DO anything?"
"Pointed at the Duck Man, buggrem, buggrit, I told 'em, were rude to us, buggrit."
"Rude?"
"Yarss, buggrit."
"Hmm." The Patrician leaned back in his chair. He had heard of monsters (normally from the UU staff) but never a RUDE monster. They tended to just roar and flail and eat people, not insult them. "You're sure it was a monster? Not someone who fell in?"
"It were scorched, I told 'em."
Vetinari paused. It didn't compute. "A scorched mud monster?"
"Yarss, buggrit."
"Hmmm."
Grey awoke into a smooth pink world.
She drearily stared up at the ceiling. How long have I had pink satin sheets? she wondered idly to herself. Oh yes, now I remember.
But why isn't the room blue?
The girl floundered helplessly in the tangled sheets, somehow contriving to tie herself to the bedstead. She paused in her struggling, and listened carefully for footsteps in the hall.
Someone knocked softly on the door.
"Grey?"
"Yes?"
"You're awake?"
"Yes?"
"By the revolving turnips of the hubwards Dunmanifestin valleys of platitude!"
Ponder Stibbons ran into the HEM building, his eyes wild. Adrian "Big Mad Drongo" Turnipseed, Skazz, and Lump looked up at him expectantly.
"Check Hex's Thaumometers! Now! Quick!"
There was a brief scurry in which many things happened at once, such as Ponder stepping and Lump, causing him to yell and wave his arms, causing Skazz to be hit in the face, causing Big Mad Drongo to be knocked into Hex, knocking the FTB out of place.
+++ Mine! Waaaaaah! +++
Finally they managed to sort themselves out and check the thaumometers, by which time there was nothing there. The three students glared at Ponder.
"Bloody hell!" roared Ridcully, stomping into the large room. "Did you fellows feel that??!"
"The massive magical surge, sir?" Ponder gabbled excitedly. "A surge of that magnitude. who KNOWS what might have happened! I didn't know magic existed like that anymore! I haven't felt anything like that since we climbed through that bathroom window! It was huge! Amazing!"
"Dangerous," Ridcully glowered. "It felt as though the world changed places!"
"It did, didn't it?" Ponder squeaked, bouncing from foot to foot. "Quick! To the astronomy room! Check to see if the stars are different!"
"It's the middle of the afternoon, sir, the stars won't be out," Skazz said patiently.
"Quick! Let's wait until nightfall!"
"This SUCKS!"
It was much, much later. The girls had decided that Grey needed to fit into Ankh-Morpork society a bit better. So they. modified. some things.
Grey pulled at the corset that was crushing her ribs. "You mean you actually WEAR these bloody things??!" she gasped, attempting to adjust it.
Louise giggled. "How do hyou THINK we got so skinny?" she answered in her special female voice.
"Dieting?" said the girl faintly. "Regular exercise?"
A third young lady (who went by the name of Theodora, harhar) ignored this comment. "Now it's time for your DRESS!" she giggled.
"I'm not wearing pink," Grey said adamantly. "I'll wear a corset and button up high-heeled boots and gloves and even garters, but I'm NOT going to wear pink. Or anything that shows cleavage."
"It's pink," Grey moaned.
"At least it shows off your cleavage well."
"I don't have any cleavage."
"At least it makes you LOOK like you do."
"Joy and rapture."
Chapter 3
"And thus I arrived," The girl said grimly, sipping her tea.
The circle of interestingly-clad young women around her exhaled as though they had been holding their breath. There was the sound of whalebone under extreme pressure. "How HORRID!" one of them squealed.
"Oh, I wouldn't say horrid, exactly," she said, making a face and pulling the pink satin blanket (freshly laundered, she noticed) tighter around her. "Just really, really surprising."
"So you're like a goddess, aren't you?" one of them sighed. "Going back and forth between worlds and all that."
"Oh goodness, no," the girl said hurriedly, flushing red. "I'm just Grey. Weird things happen to me. This is a fact I have to live with."
"It must be so exciting!"
Grey thought for a moment. "I suppose," she said. "It's pretty frightening at the time, though. I'll probably look back on this and laugh. Or cringe. One of the two."
The one who could be identified as Louisa stood and clapped her hands. "Come along, girls," she squeaked. "I'm sure Grey is very tired. Shall we leave her alone for now?" They all yawned, nodded, and stood on cue, then shuffled out, tripping on their high heels.
"Hyou must hexcuse the girls," Louisa said, smiling in a fluttery way. "They're very hexcitable."
"That's perfectly all right," said Grey, grinning nervously. "It's funny, though..."
"Hwhat is?"
"I look more masculine than all of you, and I'm probably the only girl in the entire building."
Foul Ole' Ron twisted his coat in his hands.
"What are you saying?" Havelock Vetinari asked him.
"Buggrit, buggrit, I told 'em, can't have no mud monsters walkin' 'round these parts, I told 'em, I told-" Vetinari was staring at him. "Er... a mud thing done come out o' the river. I told 'em," he added rebelliously.
"Really," Vetinari said, jotting something down. "Before or after the water exploded?"
"Buggrit, after, I told 'em."
"I see. Did it... DO anything?"
"Pointed at the Duck Man, buggrem, buggrit, I told 'em, were rude to us, buggrit."
"Rude?"
"Yarss, buggrit."
"Hmm." The Patrician leaned back in his chair. He had heard of monsters (normally from the UU staff) but never a RUDE monster. They tended to just roar and flail and eat people, not insult them. "You're sure it was a monster? Not someone who fell in?"
"It were scorched, I told 'em."
Vetinari paused. It didn't compute. "A scorched mud monster?"
"Yarss, buggrit."
"Hmmm."
Grey awoke into a smooth pink world.
She drearily stared up at the ceiling. How long have I had pink satin sheets? she wondered idly to herself. Oh yes, now I remember.
But why isn't the room blue?
The girl floundered helplessly in the tangled sheets, somehow contriving to tie herself to the bedstead. She paused in her struggling, and listened carefully for footsteps in the hall.
Someone knocked softly on the door.
"Grey?"
"Yes?"
"You're awake?"
"Yes?"
"By the revolving turnips of the hubwards Dunmanifestin valleys of platitude!"
Ponder Stibbons ran into the HEM building, his eyes wild. Adrian "Big Mad Drongo" Turnipseed, Skazz, and Lump looked up at him expectantly.
"Check Hex's Thaumometers! Now! Quick!"
There was a brief scurry in which many things happened at once, such as Ponder stepping and Lump, causing him to yell and wave his arms, causing Skazz to be hit in the face, causing Big Mad Drongo to be knocked into Hex, knocking the FTB out of place.
+++ Mine! Waaaaaah! +++
Finally they managed to sort themselves out and check the thaumometers, by which time there was nothing there. The three students glared at Ponder.
"Bloody hell!" roared Ridcully, stomping into the large room. "Did you fellows feel that??!"
"The massive magical surge, sir?" Ponder gabbled excitedly. "A surge of that magnitude. who KNOWS what might have happened! I didn't know magic existed like that anymore! I haven't felt anything like that since we climbed through that bathroom window! It was huge! Amazing!"
"Dangerous," Ridcully glowered. "It felt as though the world changed places!"
"It did, didn't it?" Ponder squeaked, bouncing from foot to foot. "Quick! To the astronomy room! Check to see if the stars are different!"
"It's the middle of the afternoon, sir, the stars won't be out," Skazz said patiently.
"Quick! Let's wait until nightfall!"
"This SUCKS!"
It was much, much later. The girls had decided that Grey needed to fit into Ankh-Morpork society a bit better. So they. modified. some things.
Grey pulled at the corset that was crushing her ribs. "You mean you actually WEAR these bloody things??!" she gasped, attempting to adjust it.
Louise giggled. "How do hyou THINK we got so skinny?" she answered in her special female voice.
"Dieting?" said the girl faintly. "Regular exercise?"
A third young lady (who went by the name of Theodora, harhar) ignored this comment. "Now it's time for your DRESS!" she giggled.
"I'm not wearing pink," Grey said adamantly. "I'll wear a corset and button up high-heeled boots and gloves and even garters, but I'm NOT going to wear pink. Or anything that shows cleavage."
"It's pink," Grey moaned.
"At least it shows off your cleavage well."
"I don't have any cleavage."
"At least it makes you LOOK like you do."
"Joy and rapture."