Identity Crisis
Chapter 3: More Than Words
By Minako-chan
----------------------------
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.
----------------------------
Usagi looked at the water below her, her tears causing tiny
ripples as they landed. Her bangs flew in her eyes, blocking
her vision with her tears. She wiped them away with the back
of her hand ungracefully.
That man, she thought sadly, hates me! Why else will he tease
me so much? And why does it hurt so badly?
Mamoru saw her petite figure from far away. The small, fragile
form trembling with each sob. His heart sank. Questions arose
in his mind. Did he really hurt her that much? Did he really
have that big of an effect on her?
"Odan---Usagi..." he cleared his throat nervously, his palms
already getting sweaty as he waited for her response. Wailing,
stomping of feet, spitting of angry words, screaming, anything
of the sort.
Usagi turned to look at him with glassy eyes and a red nose.
She turned back to look down at the water.
Nothing. Mamoru felt beyond surprised as he swallowed a lump
in his throat. He felt a little more guilty too.
"Usagi?" He whispered and placed a warm hand on her shoulder.
She shuddered and he stepped back instinctively, jerking his
hand away.
"Don't. Touch. Me. Mamoru." She commanded calmly through grinding
teeth, spitting out his name a way she had never done before.
Mamoru gulped. Was this the same girl who beamed a radiant smile
to everyone? At this moment, he preferred to be called 'baka',
her usual nickname for him.
"I...just want to apologize for what I said, Usagi. I know I was
really rude and ---"
"Tell Motoki-san I really appreciate his efforts for trying to
get us to be civil. But really, Mamoru," she said his name the
way that made him shiver again, "just...just save it."
"What? No, Motoki didn't tell me to apologize. I did it on my
own. Really, Usagi. I am sorry for what happened. I didn't mean
what I said."
"Really, so everything is a joke to you, is that it?" Disappointment
was in her voice.
"They were only words, Usagi."
"In other words, jokes." She laughed sadly. "I'll tell you right now,
people's feelings aren't jokes. To think a smart college guy like you
would have figured that out by now."
"I realized that. That's why I want to apologize."
"You think everything is so simple, Mamoru, that I pity you."
"What?" Mamoru's patience was wearing thinner by the minute.
"You think that your charms or wits will win you over. You think
just by saying you're sorry you will be forgiven. But you know what?
The wound is still there. It's like you stab someone with a knife.
Sure, the pain will go after a while, but there will be a scar. You
can't just waltz in and make people care about you, then turn your
back on them."
"You...you care about me?" He whispered.
"That's not important." She retorted, trying Luna's tactics. She did
not need to reveal her feelings for him. It was not the right moment.
"It is."
Usagi looked up into his eyes filled with sincerity. "Why?"
"Because I care about you."
Usagi's mind suddenly screamed. She didn't need to feel more confused
than she already did. A moment ago, she had been certain that she had
crossed Mamoru off her mind and that for certain she had her whole
heart set on Tuxedo Kamen. In reality, she was so hurt, not because
of Mamoru's words, but because she had decided to give up on Mamoru.
She was disappointed with herself, for giving up on people was not
something that she had ever done before, and she hated the fact that
the first person she would be giving up on was Mamoru. But now, Usagi
did not want to be confused again. She had made a decision, hadn't
she?
"You don't know the slightest thing about caring for other people,
Mamoru. You say it because it only sounds nice. I'd like to be
friends with you, but you need to learn to open up to people first."
Mamoru remained silent, his jaw agape. How could Tsukino Usagi, a
simple klutzy teenager who seemed to only care about movies, candies
and boys, possibly know his greatest weakness?
"That's it, isn't it?" Usagi humphed. "You can't, and you won't, open up
to people." She said more to herself than to him, her heart wrenching,
disappointed that he would never open up to her.
Mamoru stepped forward once more, cornering the petite blonde between
the railing of the bridge and himself, his eyes boring into hers. He
realized at that moment, he needed her. He needed someone who cared
and understood him completely. And he had found her, much to his luck.
Usagi looked up into his intense eyes, frightened, not because she
thought he would hurt her, somehow she knew he never would, but because
of her overwhelming emotions and her confusion that she thought she had
cleared only moments ago. He grabbed her shoulders, tightened his hold
on her, and shook her lightly.
"Usagi, stop...stop trying to read my mind. I can't deny that I'm not
great at opening up to people, but when I said I care about you, I
meant it. Damnit, Usagi, listen to me!" He shook her as he trembled
himself from his emotions surfacing.
Usagi had the temptation of throwing her weak arms around him and kiss
away his fears. She could feel them. She understood. Despite the fact
that she had a happy family and many friends surrounding her, sometimes
she just felt so...alone. The fear of having to save everyone in Tokyo
and possibly the world and living up to everyone's expectations was
not the easiest to live with. She saw the same loneliness reflected in
his eyes.
As he slowly bent down, brushing his lips lightly against hers,
Usagi pushed him away as he was about to deepen the kiss. She
tried to convince herself that he was only vulnerable at the moment,
and he would treat her the same way he always had before after the
moment ended. She didn't need to have her heart broken again.
Hurt was evident in his eyes. She looked away, feeling more and
more guilty, wondering if she had done the most stupid thing in her
life.
"I'm sorry, Mamoru. It takes more than words, more than a kiss, to
make someone care. You have to learn to let people in your life
first." She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly missing his
warmth.
"That was what I'm trying to do, Usagi...I want you in my life, I
want to open up to you." He whispered and reached out a hand.
Usagi stared at the strong hand, his fingers trembling slightly.
She swallowed.
"Gomen, Mamoru, but...I'm already in love with someone else." She
choked on her words and sprinted away, knowing that she could never
take those words back. She ran, never once looking back to see his
collapsing form in a heap on the bridge, with the cool breeze stirr-
ing up dry dead autumn leaves, surrounding him in a colourless mass.
-------------------------
A.N.: Thank you for reading this part! I hope you've enjoyed it! Stay
tuned for the next chapter: Chapter 4 -- Heroes Need Heroes Too
Send all comments to me at cupid_teacup@hotmail.com
Thank you^_^
Chapter 3: More Than Words
By Minako-chan
----------------------------
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon.
----------------------------
Usagi looked at the water below her, her tears causing tiny
ripples as they landed. Her bangs flew in her eyes, blocking
her vision with her tears. She wiped them away with the back
of her hand ungracefully.
That man, she thought sadly, hates me! Why else will he tease
me so much? And why does it hurt so badly?
Mamoru saw her petite figure from far away. The small, fragile
form trembling with each sob. His heart sank. Questions arose
in his mind. Did he really hurt her that much? Did he really
have that big of an effect on her?
"Odan---Usagi..." he cleared his throat nervously, his palms
already getting sweaty as he waited for her response. Wailing,
stomping of feet, spitting of angry words, screaming, anything
of the sort.
Usagi turned to look at him with glassy eyes and a red nose.
She turned back to look down at the water.
Nothing. Mamoru felt beyond surprised as he swallowed a lump
in his throat. He felt a little more guilty too.
"Usagi?" He whispered and placed a warm hand on her shoulder.
She shuddered and he stepped back instinctively, jerking his
hand away.
"Don't. Touch. Me. Mamoru." She commanded calmly through grinding
teeth, spitting out his name a way she had never done before.
Mamoru gulped. Was this the same girl who beamed a radiant smile
to everyone? At this moment, he preferred to be called 'baka',
her usual nickname for him.
"I...just want to apologize for what I said, Usagi. I know I was
really rude and ---"
"Tell Motoki-san I really appreciate his efforts for trying to
get us to be civil. But really, Mamoru," she said his name the
way that made him shiver again, "just...just save it."
"What? No, Motoki didn't tell me to apologize. I did it on my
own. Really, Usagi. I am sorry for what happened. I didn't mean
what I said."
"Really, so everything is a joke to you, is that it?" Disappointment
was in her voice.
"They were only words, Usagi."
"In other words, jokes." She laughed sadly. "I'll tell you right now,
people's feelings aren't jokes. To think a smart college guy like you
would have figured that out by now."
"I realized that. That's why I want to apologize."
"You think everything is so simple, Mamoru, that I pity you."
"What?" Mamoru's patience was wearing thinner by the minute.
"You think that your charms or wits will win you over. You think
just by saying you're sorry you will be forgiven. But you know what?
The wound is still there. It's like you stab someone with a knife.
Sure, the pain will go after a while, but there will be a scar. You
can't just waltz in and make people care about you, then turn your
back on them."
"You...you care about me?" He whispered.
"That's not important." She retorted, trying Luna's tactics. She did
not need to reveal her feelings for him. It was not the right moment.
"It is."
Usagi looked up into his eyes filled with sincerity. "Why?"
"Because I care about you."
Usagi's mind suddenly screamed. She didn't need to feel more confused
than she already did. A moment ago, she had been certain that she had
crossed Mamoru off her mind and that for certain she had her whole
heart set on Tuxedo Kamen. In reality, she was so hurt, not because
of Mamoru's words, but because she had decided to give up on Mamoru.
She was disappointed with herself, for giving up on people was not
something that she had ever done before, and she hated the fact that
the first person she would be giving up on was Mamoru. But now, Usagi
did not want to be confused again. She had made a decision, hadn't
she?
"You don't know the slightest thing about caring for other people,
Mamoru. You say it because it only sounds nice. I'd like to be
friends with you, but you need to learn to open up to people first."
Mamoru remained silent, his jaw agape. How could Tsukino Usagi, a
simple klutzy teenager who seemed to only care about movies, candies
and boys, possibly know his greatest weakness?
"That's it, isn't it?" Usagi humphed. "You can't, and you won't, open up
to people." She said more to herself than to him, her heart wrenching,
disappointed that he would never open up to her.
Mamoru stepped forward once more, cornering the petite blonde between
the railing of the bridge and himself, his eyes boring into hers. He
realized at that moment, he needed her. He needed someone who cared
and understood him completely. And he had found her, much to his luck.
Usagi looked up into his intense eyes, frightened, not because she
thought he would hurt her, somehow she knew he never would, but because
of her overwhelming emotions and her confusion that she thought she had
cleared only moments ago. He grabbed her shoulders, tightened his hold
on her, and shook her lightly.
"Usagi, stop...stop trying to read my mind. I can't deny that I'm not
great at opening up to people, but when I said I care about you, I
meant it. Damnit, Usagi, listen to me!" He shook her as he trembled
himself from his emotions surfacing.
Usagi had the temptation of throwing her weak arms around him and kiss
away his fears. She could feel them. She understood. Despite the fact
that she had a happy family and many friends surrounding her, sometimes
she just felt so...alone. The fear of having to save everyone in Tokyo
and possibly the world and living up to everyone's expectations was
not the easiest to live with. She saw the same loneliness reflected in
his eyes.
As he slowly bent down, brushing his lips lightly against hers,
Usagi pushed him away as he was about to deepen the kiss. She
tried to convince herself that he was only vulnerable at the moment,
and he would treat her the same way he always had before after the
moment ended. She didn't need to have her heart broken again.
Hurt was evident in his eyes. She looked away, feeling more and
more guilty, wondering if she had done the most stupid thing in her
life.
"I'm sorry, Mamoru. It takes more than words, more than a kiss, to
make someone care. You have to learn to let people in your life
first." She wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly missing his
warmth.
"That was what I'm trying to do, Usagi...I want you in my life, I
want to open up to you." He whispered and reached out a hand.
Usagi stared at the strong hand, his fingers trembling slightly.
She swallowed.
"Gomen, Mamoru, but...I'm already in love with someone else." She
choked on her words and sprinted away, knowing that she could never
take those words back. She ran, never once looking back to see his
collapsing form in a heap on the bridge, with the cool breeze stirr-
ing up dry dead autumn leaves, surrounding him in a colourless mass.
-------------------------
A.N.: Thank you for reading this part! I hope you've enjoyed it! Stay
tuned for the next chapter: Chapter 4 -- Heroes Need Heroes Too
Send all comments to me at cupid_teacup@hotmail.com
Thank you^_^