*Chapter 7*
With a little help from a busboy, they found a room that was occupied by neither agents nor hired help.
"Why Scully, if I had known that you wanted to find a private room to 'make- out', I would have suggested my place," Mulder said, to trying to alleviate the tension that he felt in the air.
"I'm afraid that your humor will not get you out of this situation." Scully squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes, an act not easily achieved, especially without shoes. She was prepared for a fight. She wanted answers and knew that getting them from Mulder could sometimes be like pulling teeth. "What the hell happened out there! You scared me half to death leaping over the table like that, and I nearly passed out because of that bear hug you had me in."
He turned away from his partner's angry blue eyes. It physically hurt to see her so angry with him. He found a chair, flopped down onto it, and cradled his head in his hands. He sat like that for a few moments, then he swallowed and lifted his head. He allowed what she had said to sink in, and his eyes widened in shock and horror.
"Oh, God, did I hurt you?!? Are you OK? If someone had done that to you, I probably would have shot him on the spot. But I did it. I hurt you." At this point, he was feeling very disgusted with himself.
If there was one thing that she hated to witness, it was Mulder guilt. Trying to ease his self-hatred, she said, "Mulder, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I was just a little afraid. Right now, I am more concerned about you. I want to know what caused you to do that seemingly heroic action."
How was he supposed to explain what happened? With the truth, definitely, but how would she respond? Would she think that he had finally gone off the deep end? Aw, hell. If she didn't believe that already, what he was about to confess wasn't going to become "the straw that broke the camel's back."
Well, here it goes. He took a deep breath and started.
"It was the lights. First they went out and then I saw what I now know were numerous flashlights. I panicked. I thought that it was them, Scully. I thought they had found another reason to take you away from me again. I wasn't going to allow that to happen, especially not right in front of my eyes. Not like Samantha." By now he was up out of his seat, pacing frantically around the room and making wild gestures with his hands. He was trying desperately to make her understand. "When I found that I wasn't paralyzed like before, I grabbed you up in my arms and tried to protect you. They weren't taking you, dammit! Not this time." Mulder was getting angry. He paused a moment to collect himself and continued. "So much had happened tonight, and I just wasn't thinking clearly," he said calmly. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"For what?" Scully asked seriously.
"For what?! For hurting you. For laying out this completely paranoid story onto you. For dancing with you. For kissing you. For the whole damn night!" He said throwing up his hands. He stalked back to his chair, sat down, and focused his eyes on some point on the wall to the left of Scully.
"There is no reason for you to be sorry. Nothing you did is worth an apology. OK, there is one thing. I could have definitely lived without that McGadden misunderstanding."
Mulder finally looked at her and wondered how she could be joking with him at a time like this.
"No, Scully. What I did is unforgivable."
"Now I wouldn't go that far. In fact, after this, I'd have to say that we are pretty even. You have to remember, I did shoot you once."
"But you did that for my own protection," Mulder protested.
"And so did you. You thought that I was in danger. You did it to protect me," Scully retaliated.
"No. I did it because I jumped to conclusions. I didn't think it through. I didn't gather enough information. I acted on an impulse. God, it's exactly like our cases. Directly or indirectly, I'm the reason that you get hurt like that. Me."
"Will you stop that, Mulder! Just stop it. You are not the reason why bad things happen to me, yourself, or anybody else. I know that's how you think, and I wish that you didn't. I know that you blame yourself for everyone's lot in life, but by doing this, you are also torturing yourself. Mulder, you are the reason why innocent people are free and guilty people are locked away. You are the reason that I'm still alive. Stop twisting those achievements around. There is nothing but good in you. You have to believe that."
"I want to believe," he said distantly. He really wanted to believe, for her. He would do anything for the woman that was standing in front of him. And he had fulfilled that promise numerous times over the years. He wanted to wipe away the demons of his past and the darkness of his soul so that he could reach the goodness that Scully so adamantly proclaimed was inside him.
"I really want to believe," he said, this time directly to Scully.
Jamie Sculder: Thank you. Who knew that cliffhangers could be so fun. And I figure if you guys can take the time to give me feedback, I can take the time to respond and give thanks.
Juliet: Oh, I have some interesting things in store for these two, believe me. Trust me, there is no way I am abandoning them now.
NeverAgainSmallPotatoes: What can I say? They work with a bunch of egotistical people who are only interested in themselves. No one was watching so they decided to be bold. Who knows. I am so glad that you are not only interested in my story, but also my thoughts and responses at the end.
With a little help from a busboy, they found a room that was occupied by neither agents nor hired help.
"Why Scully, if I had known that you wanted to find a private room to 'make- out', I would have suggested my place," Mulder said, to trying to alleviate the tension that he felt in the air.
"I'm afraid that your humor will not get you out of this situation." Scully squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes, an act not easily achieved, especially without shoes. She was prepared for a fight. She wanted answers and knew that getting them from Mulder could sometimes be like pulling teeth. "What the hell happened out there! You scared me half to death leaping over the table like that, and I nearly passed out because of that bear hug you had me in."
He turned away from his partner's angry blue eyes. It physically hurt to see her so angry with him. He found a chair, flopped down onto it, and cradled his head in his hands. He sat like that for a few moments, then he swallowed and lifted his head. He allowed what she had said to sink in, and his eyes widened in shock and horror.
"Oh, God, did I hurt you?!? Are you OK? If someone had done that to you, I probably would have shot him on the spot. But I did it. I hurt you." At this point, he was feeling very disgusted with himself.
If there was one thing that she hated to witness, it was Mulder guilt. Trying to ease his self-hatred, she said, "Mulder, I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I was just a little afraid. Right now, I am more concerned about you. I want to know what caused you to do that seemingly heroic action."
How was he supposed to explain what happened? With the truth, definitely, but how would she respond? Would she think that he had finally gone off the deep end? Aw, hell. If she didn't believe that already, what he was about to confess wasn't going to become "the straw that broke the camel's back."
Well, here it goes. He took a deep breath and started.
"It was the lights. First they went out and then I saw what I now know were numerous flashlights. I panicked. I thought that it was them, Scully. I thought they had found another reason to take you away from me again. I wasn't going to allow that to happen, especially not right in front of my eyes. Not like Samantha." By now he was up out of his seat, pacing frantically around the room and making wild gestures with his hands. He was trying desperately to make her understand. "When I found that I wasn't paralyzed like before, I grabbed you up in my arms and tried to protect you. They weren't taking you, dammit! Not this time." Mulder was getting angry. He paused a moment to collect himself and continued. "So much had happened tonight, and I just wasn't thinking clearly," he said calmly. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
"For what?" Scully asked seriously.
"For what?! For hurting you. For laying out this completely paranoid story onto you. For dancing with you. For kissing you. For the whole damn night!" He said throwing up his hands. He stalked back to his chair, sat down, and focused his eyes on some point on the wall to the left of Scully.
"There is no reason for you to be sorry. Nothing you did is worth an apology. OK, there is one thing. I could have definitely lived without that McGadden misunderstanding."
Mulder finally looked at her and wondered how she could be joking with him at a time like this.
"No, Scully. What I did is unforgivable."
"Now I wouldn't go that far. In fact, after this, I'd have to say that we are pretty even. You have to remember, I did shoot you once."
"But you did that for my own protection," Mulder protested.
"And so did you. You thought that I was in danger. You did it to protect me," Scully retaliated.
"No. I did it because I jumped to conclusions. I didn't think it through. I didn't gather enough information. I acted on an impulse. God, it's exactly like our cases. Directly or indirectly, I'm the reason that you get hurt like that. Me."
"Will you stop that, Mulder! Just stop it. You are not the reason why bad things happen to me, yourself, or anybody else. I know that's how you think, and I wish that you didn't. I know that you blame yourself for everyone's lot in life, but by doing this, you are also torturing yourself. Mulder, you are the reason why innocent people are free and guilty people are locked away. You are the reason that I'm still alive. Stop twisting those achievements around. There is nothing but good in you. You have to believe that."
"I want to believe," he said distantly. He really wanted to believe, for her. He would do anything for the woman that was standing in front of him. And he had fulfilled that promise numerous times over the years. He wanted to wipe away the demons of his past and the darkness of his soul so that he could reach the goodness that Scully so adamantly proclaimed was inside him.
"I really want to believe," he said, this time directly to Scully.
Jamie Sculder: Thank you. Who knew that cliffhangers could be so fun. And I figure if you guys can take the time to give me feedback, I can take the time to respond and give thanks.
Juliet: Oh, I have some interesting things in store for these two, believe me. Trust me, there is no way I am abandoning them now.
NeverAgainSmallPotatoes: What can I say? They work with a bunch of egotistical people who are only interested in themselves. No one was watching so they decided to be bold. Who knows. I am so glad that you are not only interested in my story, but also my thoughts and responses at the end.