Title: Some Things Never Get Done
Author: The lyrical Eli
Rating: PG13
Summery: A supposed tale about two very sadistic clones.
Feedback: Reviews are a dainty dish to set before the queen.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this.... Yet!
Note: This is a comedy, so take nothing seriously. I'll be using certain authors' names, but I assure you I'm joking!
(The lyrical Eli (me!) takes a bow and begins to explain herself.)
Eli: Hello ladies, gentlemen, SPINners, G/S ers, and fellow witchblade fanatics. This fanfic is different from my others for a number of reasons. One, I'm in here! (Applaud.) Number two, this is not, I repeat, is not a Sara/Ian shipper, which is unlike all I've written. Number thr....
(Ian enters room and interrupts. Eli glares at him.)
Ian: What?! You're not writing a SPIN?!
Eli: Yes, Ian. This is not a shipper. So calm down and go back to playing Dance Dance Revolution.
Ian: Why? Why? I'm your favorite character?
Eli: You and Sara are both my favorite. Don't act like it's just you!
Ian: But Eli, you can't betray SPIN like that! You're my favorite writer! Well, besides Yarvarni....
(Puts maniacal grin on his face.)
Ian: She let's me have sex with Sara. And SPIN, because she lets me have freedom. And Angharad, she....
Eli: Angharad!? Don't get me wrong, she's a damn good writer. But you got raped in her story!
(Grin gets wider.)
Ian: By Sara!
Eli: She also made Sara your daughter.
Ian: Oh yeah. (Both shudder at the thought.) And Gracie, except she made me share Sara with Jake. And Midknight, I got to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show and I got drunk! And, Moondreamer, because I was two people. And Divamercury, lots of action. And vbkm, because the focus is on me! And... (He goes on naming authors while Eli stands there tapping her foot and hands on her hips.) And Cyn Tolram, because I had telepath, and Owlyn, because I....
Eli: Enough. Ian! I get the point!
Ian: You have to make this a SPIN!
Eli: I already said no!
Ian: You'll separate Sara and me? For shame!
Eli: You and Sara aren't even in this story!
(Sara enters very pissed off.)
Sara: What?! I'm not in this?!
Eli: No, you are not. Sorry, Sara.
Sara: This is wrong! I'm the main character for Christ's sake!
Eli: So? There's lots of stuff without you! And if you're going to bitch about it, might as well yell at Ian!
Ian: Hell No! I take enough of that as it is!
Sara: I don't yell that often!
(Eli and Ian give Sara two give-me-a-break looks.)
Ian: Please! You always yell at me!
Sara: Well, if I treat you so badly, then why are you in love with me?!
Ian: Hell if I know, I just am!
(The two of them continue to argue. Eli closes her eyes and counts to ten. It doesn't work. She covers her ears and screams.)
Eli: ENOUGH! WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?!
Ian/Sara: Why?
Eli: I have had enough of this! Ian, if you do not give me peace, I will write a fic where you fall in love with Jake!
(Ian's jaw drops and Sara snickers. Eli turns to Sara.)
Eli: And Sara, if you don't stop I'll write one where you sleep with Dante! (Sara shudders.) Now, if you both don't mind! (Makes motion for them to leave.)
Ian/Sara: Alright, alright. (Both leave.)
Eli: Sorry for Ian and Sara's rude interruptions. As I was saying, this story is about Ian 2.0 and Aras. And.... (Ian runs back in with Sara trying to drag him the other way.)
Ian: My clone! This is about my clone! He doesn't even exist!
Eli: This is also an AU where he does exist.
Ian: Eli, this sucks! You are a terrible writer!
(Eli is very angry and her face shows it.)
Eli: Alright, Ian! That's it! You're in trouble, and its worst than falling in love with Jake!
Ian: You love me, and you wouldn't do anything that bad!
Eli: MOBY!!!!
(He jumps down from the ceiling.)
Moby: Yes?
Eli: Kick Ian's ass for me. He's pissing me off!
Moby: As you wish!
(Moby and Ian start to fight. Sara pulls at Eli's sleeve.)
Sara: Call him off! He'll kill him! Call Moby off!
Eli: Why? You hate Ian!
Sara: I do not. I...
Eli: What?
Sara: I...
Eli: If you want him alive, you better say it.
Sara: I LOVE HIM!
(Everyone turns and stares at Sara.)
Eli: I knew it! Moby put him down.
(Moby gives her a sad puppy face.)
Eli: No, you can't kill him.
Moby: Please?
Eli: No, but if you like, you can go kill Jake.
(Throws Ian down and smiles.)
Moby: Oh yeah! Baywatch boy is mine! (Leaves. Sara helps Ian up.)
Ian: So, did you mean that?
Sara: Yeah.
Ian: Since when?
Sara: (Thinks for a moment.) Thanatopsis.
Ian: You remember that?
Sara: No, but Eli is always watching it. So one day, I sat down and watched it with her. That and Maelstrom,
Ian: You *saw* that?
Sara: You would really give up 2 million for my lover?
Ian: As long as you're happy.
(Sara lets out a happy sigh and rushes into his arms. Despite herself, Eli goes Ah)
Sara: What? You've done this to us three times already!
Eli: I know, but it's still cute no matter how many times! And I didn't even have to match make you in this one!
Ian: Well, actually if....
Eli: Ian, love; don't ruin you and Sara's romantic moment.
Ian: Oh Right! (He sweeps her off her feet and takes her to the next room. Eli waits for a moment and then looks around to make sure no one will interrupt.)
Eli: Finally! Now, as I was saying...
(Moans start coming in from the next room. Eli covers her ears.)
Eli: Hey you two! I can hear you in here!
(Moaning continues. Eli goes to the boom box and starts to blasts Unwritten Law's Seein' Red.)
Eli: That's better! Now, for our tale..
Voice: Eli! It's time for dinner!
Eli: I'll eat later!
Voice: Oh No, you don't! Young lady, get your ass down here!
Eli: Just a second. Anyway.... Oh Screw This! (She turns off the computer and goes down stairs.)
The End
Author: The lyrical Eli
Rating: PG13
Summery: A supposed tale about two very sadistic clones.
Feedback: Reviews are a dainty dish to set before the queen.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of this.... Yet!
Note: This is a comedy, so take nothing seriously. I'll be using certain authors' names, but I assure you I'm joking!
(The lyrical Eli (me!) takes a bow and begins to explain herself.)
Eli: Hello ladies, gentlemen, SPINners, G/S ers, and fellow witchblade fanatics. This fanfic is different from my others for a number of reasons. One, I'm in here! (Applaud.) Number two, this is not, I repeat, is not a Sara/Ian shipper, which is unlike all I've written. Number thr....
(Ian enters room and interrupts. Eli glares at him.)
Ian: What?! You're not writing a SPIN?!
Eli: Yes, Ian. This is not a shipper. So calm down and go back to playing Dance Dance Revolution.
Ian: Why? Why? I'm your favorite character?
Eli: You and Sara are both my favorite. Don't act like it's just you!
Ian: But Eli, you can't betray SPIN like that! You're my favorite writer! Well, besides Yarvarni....
(Puts maniacal grin on his face.)
Ian: She let's me have sex with Sara. And SPIN, because she lets me have freedom. And Angharad, she....
Eli: Angharad!? Don't get me wrong, she's a damn good writer. But you got raped in her story!
(Grin gets wider.)
Ian: By Sara!
Eli: She also made Sara your daughter.
Ian: Oh yeah. (Both shudder at the thought.) And Gracie, except she made me share Sara with Jake. And Midknight, I got to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show and I got drunk! And, Moondreamer, because I was two people. And Divamercury, lots of action. And vbkm, because the focus is on me! And... (He goes on naming authors while Eli stands there tapping her foot and hands on her hips.) And Cyn Tolram, because I had telepath, and Owlyn, because I....
Eli: Enough. Ian! I get the point!
Ian: You have to make this a SPIN!
Eli: I already said no!
Ian: You'll separate Sara and me? For shame!
Eli: You and Sara aren't even in this story!
(Sara enters very pissed off.)
Sara: What?! I'm not in this?!
Eli: No, you are not. Sorry, Sara.
Sara: This is wrong! I'm the main character for Christ's sake!
Eli: So? There's lots of stuff without you! And if you're going to bitch about it, might as well yell at Ian!
Ian: Hell No! I take enough of that as it is!
Sara: I don't yell that often!
(Eli and Ian give Sara two give-me-a-break looks.)
Ian: Please! You always yell at me!
Sara: Well, if I treat you so badly, then why are you in love with me?!
Ian: Hell if I know, I just am!
(The two of them continue to argue. Eli closes her eyes and counts to ten. It doesn't work. She covers her ears and screams.)
Eli: ENOUGH! WILL THE TWO OF YOU JUST SHUT UP?!
Ian/Sara: Why?
Eli: I have had enough of this! Ian, if you do not give me peace, I will write a fic where you fall in love with Jake!
(Ian's jaw drops and Sara snickers. Eli turns to Sara.)
Eli: And Sara, if you don't stop I'll write one where you sleep with Dante! (Sara shudders.) Now, if you both don't mind! (Makes motion for them to leave.)
Ian/Sara: Alright, alright. (Both leave.)
Eli: Sorry for Ian and Sara's rude interruptions. As I was saying, this story is about Ian 2.0 and Aras. And.... (Ian runs back in with Sara trying to drag him the other way.)
Ian: My clone! This is about my clone! He doesn't even exist!
Eli: This is also an AU where he does exist.
Ian: Eli, this sucks! You are a terrible writer!
(Eli is very angry and her face shows it.)
Eli: Alright, Ian! That's it! You're in trouble, and its worst than falling in love with Jake!
Ian: You love me, and you wouldn't do anything that bad!
Eli: MOBY!!!!
(He jumps down from the ceiling.)
Moby: Yes?
Eli: Kick Ian's ass for me. He's pissing me off!
Moby: As you wish!
(Moby and Ian start to fight. Sara pulls at Eli's sleeve.)
Sara: Call him off! He'll kill him! Call Moby off!
Eli: Why? You hate Ian!
Sara: I do not. I...
Eli: What?
Sara: I...
Eli: If you want him alive, you better say it.
Sara: I LOVE HIM!
(Everyone turns and stares at Sara.)
Eli: I knew it! Moby put him down.
(Moby gives her a sad puppy face.)
Eli: No, you can't kill him.
Moby: Please?
Eli: No, but if you like, you can go kill Jake.
(Throws Ian down and smiles.)
Moby: Oh yeah! Baywatch boy is mine! (Leaves. Sara helps Ian up.)
Ian: So, did you mean that?
Sara: Yeah.
Ian: Since when?
Sara: (Thinks for a moment.) Thanatopsis.
Ian: You remember that?
Sara: No, but Eli is always watching it. So one day, I sat down and watched it with her. That and Maelstrom,
Ian: You *saw* that?
Sara: You would really give up 2 million for my lover?
Ian: As long as you're happy.
(Sara lets out a happy sigh and rushes into his arms. Despite herself, Eli goes Ah)
Sara: What? You've done this to us three times already!
Eli: I know, but it's still cute no matter how many times! And I didn't even have to match make you in this one!
Ian: Well, actually if....
Eli: Ian, love; don't ruin you and Sara's romantic moment.
Ian: Oh Right! (He sweeps her off her feet and takes her to the next room. Eli waits for a moment and then looks around to make sure no one will interrupt.)
Eli: Finally! Now, as I was saying...
(Moans start coming in from the next room. Eli covers her ears.)
Eli: Hey you two! I can hear you in here!
(Moaning continues. Eli goes to the boom box and starts to blasts Unwritten Law's Seein' Red.)
Eli: That's better! Now, for our tale..
Voice: Eli! It's time for dinner!
Eli: I'll eat later!
Voice: Oh No, you don't! Young lady, get your ass down here!
Eli: Just a second. Anyway.... Oh Screw This! (She turns off the computer and goes down stairs.)
The End