Invasion of the Hormones
Epic Four
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe

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Chapter Two

Time passes, and soon enough it's Valentines Day! Woo, yes? We open on Enid who is sat on the fence of her house, the two main pieces that make the gate made of brick. She looks in deep thought, and it's probably over Valentines day and Zib. Seems ever since the mistletoe incident he's been getting weird around her, so she's been avoiding him now and again, but still he was her best friend and only person she spoke to in Skool, so you can imagine how hard it was for her to avoid him. She gave out a long sigh and flicked at her wig. ..when who should come walking down the street but Mr. Lovesick himself, one of his coat pockets looking unusually heavy. His face lit up when he saw her, and he quickened his pace,

"Hey, Enid, how are you? I haven't seen much of you lately.." Poor guy, so enthralled the thought she might be avoiding him hadn't crossed his mind.

"Oh, hi Zib.." she said, now crossing her legs where she sat, "Yeah sorry I've.. just been really busy with assignments and base chores 'n stuff." man, no matter how many times she done it, she hated lying to him and the cramps she'd been getting lately wasn't helping at all. Zib nodded and climbed up onto the fence, sitting beside her at an awfully close range,

"I understand." His antennae perked, and seemed to somehow sense her demeanour, "Are you sure something isn't the matter?"

"Yes, I'm sure." she said, not feeling particularly safe what with having him this close. "...what's that?" she pointed to his pocket, which she had noticed from when he had arrived but was grasping at subjects of conversation that didn't involve herself.

"Oh yeah! This is why I'm glad I found you.." He smiled slightly nervously and reached into his pocket, producing a baggy.. with some meat in it. Dun dun dun! He offered it over to her, "I know Irken skin gets all acidey and sticky when it comes into contact with meat, so I put it in this plastic container and - er, happy Valentines day, Enid," he stopped himself short of ranting, grinning at her nervously. Enid blinked, then stared at him.

"....uh... thank you, Zib..." she took the bag from him and dared to open it and looked in. Yup, big hunk of meat in the bag which caused it to drip onto the ground. "Huh boy." she thought to herself, but then smiled at him. "Now you wait here I.. I gotta go get something." she slid off the fence and hurried into the base, and soon enough returned with a bag of her own and held it out to him.

"Happy Valentines, Zib." Who knows why they had meat in their base, probably an assignment Cten had in biology or something, either way, it was a cows heart. And by that days standards, giving someone a cows heart as a Valentines was... well very big...course she didn't know this. Zib blinked repeatedly, taking the bag and looking at it,

"..wow, Enid.." He looked over the bag at her and looked genuinely flattered, "I don't really get the tradtion of giving people meat, but I had no idea you'd go out of your way to give me something so.. special." He gave her happy, puppy dog eyes, and if she didn't know better she might swear it looked like he might be watery-eyed.

"Aw, it's nothing." she shrugged, sitting back down besides him. "You didn't really have to get me anything but... it's fair to give you something in return 'n all that." He hugged the bag, making a face at the squelchy sound that ensued, but held onto it anyway.

"Hey, I had to, afterall.. you are my best friend," he grinned at her again, maybe daring to scoot towards her an inch or so.

"Yeah and... you're my best friend too, Zib." she grinned through her teeth, another cramp and another scooting from Zib both combining to give her a slight brainache. His antennae tilted slightly, and he looked confused when she scooted away,

"What's wrong, En? You seem kinda sick.. or hurt.. or something." He looked honestly worried.

"Oh.. lately I'm just... hurting a lot." she put a hand to her head, "Just y'know, squeedly spooch aches 'n sometimes my fingers bleed for no reason."

"Your fingers?" He looked rather confused at that, "..have you told your parents, or something?" He hopped off the fence and moved to stand in front of her, frowning and looking for some sign of injury, or illness, or anything his very limited medical experience could spot.

"No, I don't want Daddy to get all worried and Mom's been really busy with her assignments lately." she replied, looking at her fingers that at the moment, luckily weren't bleeding the purple-reddy kinda ooze. "Besides, it doesn't last that long."

"Something could be seriously wrong! I can't say I know a whole lot about Irken biology, but organ pains can't be good for any species!" He took her wrist when she held it up to look at it, looking at her firmly, "I'll tell them for you if I have to, En, there might be something really.. bad going on!" He made 'bad' fingers with his free hand. She sighed, what made her tell him about this anyway?

"Oh, fine..." she said, then smiled somewhat. Hey, not many other folks cared about her as much as Zib did, "Thanks." Zib shook his head slightly,

"I.. care about you, Enid, I don't like seeing you hurt." He reached over to hold her wrist with both hands, but his hand ended up wrapping around her own hand instead - dun dun! Enid looked at his hands, then blinked. Seems something finally is being triggered in that brain of hers, doesn't it? You may all celebrate happily now! She looked up at him and smiled, somewhat warmly at him.

"'N I care about you Zib, and you know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. Heck, we both know from previous experiences..."

"I might not be very big or strong or able to defend you from most outside dangers," He looked down slightly, as he admitted the obvious, then let go of her wrist, clenching the fingers into a fist, "But I might be able to defend you against horrible.. germ thingees with my incredible knowledge of science!" ..as incredible as a 6th grade level of science knowledge could be considered, at least.

"Heh… that's what matters to me Zib, those bullies are no trouble." She grinned at him, then got off the fence slowly. "Now come on, we gotta alert Daddy to my.. bleeding stuff." Zib helped her down as best he could and, still holding her hand, lead her into the base. Poe was in the living room, and was.. vaccuuming? Well, maybe staying at home all the time was getting to him..  He looked up when the door opened,

"Oh, hi En, and.. Zib?" He raised an antennae suspiciously when he noticed the location Zib was tugging Enid along by.

"Uh yeah, hi Daddy." Enid gave a small wave to her Father with her free hand, smiling as innocently as she could.

"Poe, I'm afraid your hatchling could have something seriously wrong with her!" Zib announced gravely in a formal tone, looking up at the Reject, and Poe looked somewhat bemused, shutting off the vaccuum and leaning his elbow against the handle.

"Oh really?" His daughter nodded firmly in responce,

"And I didn't tell you cause I didn't want you to worry, but Zib says you should know so.. that's why we're here." she explained.

"She's reported bleeding from her fingertips and.. and.. sickiness!" Zib made sicky-noise fingers with his free hand, still holding onto Enid's hand with the other one, aww. He looked over at En, "..er, anything else?" Poe raised both antennae at this,

"It might be better to tell your Mom about this, En.."

"Don't you know?" Enid looked somewhat surprised at this, since Poe had always been so... learn-ed to her and knowing all kinds of stuff.

"Well, uh.." Poe drummed his chin, "This sounds like it may be.. shall we say.. a female issue?" Zib looked slightly confused at this,

"..an affliction that affects only females?"

"Really?" Enid looked at her finger tips, examining them closely. "But... guys have fingers too though...." she mumbled more to herself, then looked at Poe. "So where is Mom?"

"I think she was in the lab doing one of her assignments." Well, having a super alien computer made research much easier, afterall.

"Oh okay." she nodded, dropping her hand back down.

"C'mon!" Zib tugged Enid over to one of the Top Secret entrances to the lower labs, blinking and making Poe wonder briefly how he knew them, before the Reject went back to his vacuuming. Zib hit the buttons for the lab level, having memorized them since they were basically the same at Zim's base. Down below the earth's surface, Cten's base stretched out and there, was the main lab. Cten was in her normal Irken attire, checking over the large monitor which now held the picture of a chicken, but had the insides of the chicken visible. She had a hand to her chin, making 'hmmm' sounds now and again, before jotting down somethings on a note pad to her right.

"Ms. Cten?" Zib called out tentatively when the door opened, stepping out into the lab and looking around, "Uh, Poe said you might need to know about a problem Enid's having..." Cten didn't look up from her pad, but talked either way.

"What is it loves?" she then pressed another button on the screen, the chicken being replaced with that of a cow.

"She said she's been having.. bleedy.. sicky problems.." Zib simplified, though even from that vauge description it'd be pretty obvious. That got Cten's attention. She whipped around in her seat, antennae straighter.

"Already!?" she semi-squeaked.

"...um... is it bad?" Enid asked, not liking the look on her Mother's face. Cten got down from her seat, approached the two.

"Oh Enid I just... now al... wah!" with that she threw her arms around Enid's shoulders and hugged her. "My baby's growing up!" she wailed, muffled somewhat by Enid's shoulder. Enid, say the least looks confused and just stares at Zib blankly. Zib looked back and shrugged helplessly, coughing quietly and looking over,

"Is.. um.. she going to be alright, Ms. Cten?"

"Oh she's going to be fine!" Cten then cupped Enid's face in her hands, "Honey, you're just... becoming a grown up! Well, body wise anyway!" Enid blinked a few times.

"That's good, right?"

"Oh yes!"

"So bleeding and cramping is a normal part of the Irken life cycle?" Zib wondered, tapping his chin with his free hand and looking upwards thoughtfully, "Yet it affects only females?"

"Well yes, it's the bodies way of telling her that it's preparing for when.. uh, she'll have to lay eggs and reproduce. But that won't be for a long time, right?" Cten gave Enid a look, startling her with the look Enid just nodded in responce. "But Males have their own way but it's totally different." she said back to Zib. Zib blinked a few times, a blush creeping into his cheeks,

"Oh.. oh." He then blinked again at the latter statement, "..we do?" He suddenly paled, not looking forward to bleeding or cramping..

"Yes Zib, you do." she let go of Enid, smirking somewhat. "But you don't bleed or cramp, so don't worry about that."

"Lucky." Enid grumbled.

"Oh.." he relaxed slightly, then tensed up again, "So you mean.. it could be even worse?!"

"Well I think your Mother should be the one to explain it to you, not me." Cten replied simply.

"Oh yeah.. Dad told me to ask him about Irken puberty a while ago.. I kinda forgot." He reached back with his free hand, scratching his hair and twiddling his fingers that were interlaced with Enid's, inadvertantly drawing attention to them.

"So is that all you wanted to ask me about?" Cten asked, trying to ignore the fact they'd been holding hands all throught this conversation.

"I think so yeah." Enid replied. Zib nodded,

"Thanks Ms. Cten, I- er, we were worried, I thought she might have some kind of horrible organ-eating disease!"

"...oh I see." she said.

"But, we know it's not now so thanks Mom!" Enid smiled at Cten, before turning and leading Zib out the lab.

"Oh. Bye..!" Cten gave a small wave to the vanishing youngsters. Zib waved back before stumbling to catch up with Enid,

"Okay, so maybe I overreacted a little.." he mumbled under his breath as they went back up to the upper stories.

"Aw it was still sweet of you." Enid said, looking back at him as they entered the elevator again. Zib grinned widely at this, the hint of blush returning to his features,

"Can't help it if I'm paranoid, I mean, look at my Dad and all.." he said, somewhat sheepishly. The elevator opened, and Poe had apparently procured a duster, and, much to Beka's probable distress, was still cleaning. He glanced over at the two kids,

"So I take it it's not life threatening?"

"Nope, all a part of growing up Mom says." Enid replied, stepping out of the elevator. Beka was seen in the corner, looking a at loss of what to do, so was just polishing her own hands. Well, Poe had to do something to keep himself entertained, and he was starting to get a tiny gut from all his loitering around.

"I thought so," He tossed the duster from one hand to the other and swabbing the tops of the cabinents anew, something his height was useful for. Zib blinked at the Reject turned househusband, then shook his head,

"So whaddya wanna do now, Enid? Go to the park?"

"Eh sure, why not?" Enid shrugged, then looked down at Beka. "Beka, my room's a mess. If you want to go clean it you-" she didn't even get a chance to complete the sentace, the little robot had rushed out the room already. "Heh, win win situation..."

"Alright!" Zib's face lit up, and he soon dragged En out the door, to the park, which was rife with Valentines cheer.. whoo boy. Poe watched them leave out of the corner of his eye, before placing the duster down and taking the elevator down to the lower story, wandering up to Cten's back,

"I guess our little hatchling's becoming an adult, huh?" He said, possibly surprising her since he never had gotten out of the habit of skulking around in the shadows silently. Cten glanced back at him from her large monitor, then swiveled around in her seat so she was now facing him.

"It would seem that way, yes... and it seems like only yesterday she hatched, doesn't it?" you could so see the nostalgic look on her face, her antennae drooping somewhat. Poe nodded,

"I guess it has to happen to them all someday.." He put his hand on her shoulder and looked up slightly, "I can't say I'm really looking forward to seeing it though.." His antennae twitched slightly, "I think I was more fond of Zib when he was an.. er.. spawnling too.." Someone's going to be a protective daddy, obviously. =P She glanced at him, smirking somewhat and put her hand over his.

"Now now Poe, if something happens something happens..." she grinned slightly then sighed. "They grow up way too fast for my liking either way."

"Well, we could always have more," he teased, grinning down at her, "I'm not sure I want to go through the diaper changing phase again though.."

"And I'm not sure I want to go through the laying phase again." she smirked at him, poking his semi-gut. "Though it looks like you're the one expecting."

"Hey!" He squirmed, ticklish, "It was just a suggestion, you don't have to make fun of me for it," He huffed in mock indignance, sticking out the tip of his tongue down at her.

"So, whens it due?" she grinned up at him.

"Oh feh." He swatted at her antennae playfully, then recalled aloud with a hint of mischeviousness, "Hey, it's that human lovey dovey holiday, isn't it?"

"Valentines Day?" she glanced at the human calander hanging near by. "Yes... what about it?" she asked innocently.

"I know it's pointless to Irkens, but I figure, so long as we're on the planet, I got somethin' for you." He grinned broadly and produced meat-inna-baggie much like Zib had earlier, handing it to her and leaning down, kissing her forehead, aww!

"Aw Poe!" Cten hugged the bag, despite the squishy sound very much similar to how Zib had reacted to his Valentines.

"I'm glad you appreciate it, I had to resist the urge to eat it along the way." He grinned,

"Ookay I admit, I got you something as well." she grinned slightly, leaning back in her chair and pulled out a bag too, seems she was doing biology to much! Poe then tilted his head,

"Aw, you shouldn't have.." she handed him the bag,

"Happy Valentines Day Mr. Poe." Poe looked at the contents, licking his lips - the Valentines meat doubled as both a card and chocolate for him. Cten then leaned up and kissed him on the lips, he laughed and hugged her tightly, kissing back,

"Maybe these humans are onto something, huh?"

"It would seem like it, yes..." she replied, getting up. "And seeing as how Enid has gone out, why don't you and I just.. you know." she grinned at him, sounding somewhat mischevious now.

"Ooh? Taking me up on my previous suggestion?" He waggled his eye-ridges, squeezing her and dipping her onto her back slightly, "If you think you can tear yourself away from chicken anatomy.."

"Oh dookie to chicken anatomy, I'm about to take a class on Irken anatomy first hand." she giggled up at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held onto her with one arm, removing it from his coat sleeve, before alternating and doing the same with the other, shrugging it off,

"Well, I'll be happy to be your specimen any day," he grinned toothily, before suddenly leaning back and hefting her off her feet, "Maybe we could find a more comfortable place than the metal lab floor, though?" Cten giggled, kicking one leg up.

"To the bedroom!" she declared, boy when was the last time these two had been allowed to be alone long enough to do anything of this area? A while, let me tell ya.

"You're the boss," he snickered, carting them to the elevator, to the home level and into the bedroom, setting her down onto her back on the bed and snuggling on top of her, proceeding with much nuzzling and kissing and winding of antennae and even a nibble or two, like a pair of overgrown teenagers in the back seat of a car.

And now we leave these two to uh... get reaquainted in the Irken love making thingiee and we pan across town to the park where Zib and Enid now are. The swings are empty, luckily enough, and they're both sat on the swings watching the lovey dovey couples all around. You can imagine the make out sessions going on, can you not? Zib kicked his feet, hanging onto the chains holding up the seat and swaying back and forth. In his state of pre-teen confusion, he was torn between being grossed out by the making out going on around, or, er, inspired. Either way, he was kind of nervously silent.

"So, um.."

"Yeah so... uh... does your Mom like Valentines Day at.. uh, all?" Enid, being Enid was throughly kinda grossed out by it all happening around her, so that's why she was suddenly so interested in her boots, yup, blue boots. Don't see them everyday!

"Nah, he doesn't like any human holidays.. Though, I guess you can't really blame him, it's not like he's got anyone else." He blew his bangs out of his face and glanced skywards, "I guess I could feel sorta sorry for him.."

"Yeah sorta." she shrugged. It was hard for her to be even sorta sorry for Mr. Zim, what with all throughout her life he was either screeching about something, planning some doom and what-not. Plus what her Dad said about him didn't help much either. "Didn't he have anyone at sometime...?" she glanced over at Zib. Zib shook his head and scratched at the dirt with the tip of his pointy black boots.

"Nah, weirdly enough, the person he cares the most about, in a weird, hateful way, is Dad. They're always trying to doom each other."

"Oh. Now that's sad." unbeknownst to Zib and Enid, but beknownst to us, the mighty Zim has been awfully sneaky and whatnot, and placed a chip thingie on the back of Zib's boot! The reason being? So he can hear all what they're speaking of, ain't he uh, Zimmish? Yes. Anyway, back to the two. "So what about your Dad? Anyone for him on Valentines Day or what?"

"Heck naw, he's told me that Girls would just get in the way of his research. He probably doesn't even know what today is." He looked over at her, raising an eyebrow, "What about your parents?"

"My parents? Um, well..." she trailed off, kicking at the ground. "Well... ever since I was no longer a smeet they always told me to go out for a while on Valentines day, so... I think they like it." Zim, wherever he was, made an icky-yucky face. Zib made a slight face as well,

"I guess so.. what do you think they do?" Maybe he was just morbidly curious, or his Dib side was wondering about alien reproduction habits.

"...I dunno... that?" she pointed to one couple who were busy with their make out and what not.

"Yeah.. I guess.. uh.. people.. get interested.. in that stuff as they get older." He looked in the direction of her pointing finger, coughing slightly.

"I'll say... Mom 'n Daddy do that the more gentle way though when I'm around." Enid, like other kids didn't like seeing her parents kiss or show any kind of affection for the other, so she looked somewhat disturbed.

"Guess I'm lucky I don't have to see my parents do that stuff," He wrinkled the area his nose would be, "Though hearing them fight'n scream and blow stuff up isn't much fun either.."

"Hehe, it'd be funny if they did what my parents did and my parents did what yours did." she smirked slightly at the idea of her Mom soaking her Dad with a bucket of water or something.

"Funny? I dunno, I'd call it disturbing if my parents were like yours.." He made another face and shuddered, "..I do NOT want to imagine that." Too late, Enid was already laughing at the idea of Zim and Dib being all mushy like. Zim though, did not look like the laughing type at the present moment in time, he looks like the 'I'm about to hurl' type. Zib stuck out the tip of his flat tongue, squeezing his eyes shut,

"That's nasty, En!" He stopped, pondered, "It WOULD be ironic though.." and started to giggle a bit.

"I know!" Enid burst out with a hysterical laugh, no idea where she got that from since neither Poe or Cten had the 'insane laugh' theing happening. "Oh Zim my darling!" Zib's laughter got a bit louder, and he leaned back in the seat, doing a fairly good impression of his Mom,

"You know I only doom you because I love you, Dib!"

"All the times I wanted to slice you open, cause you're my love pig!" Enid cackled loudly, by now the two were getting rather odd looks from the couples around them in the park. Zib sniggered and snort-giggled, still going his Zim impersination between snickers,

"I bet you just wanted to see me strapped to a table, naked!"

"You know it alien beast of love!" she had tears running down her face now, role playing Zib's parents was more fun then she thought it was!

"Now we know what Dad really means when he says he wants to study alien anatomy.." Zib cackled along with her, man, was Zim ever gonna be happy with him when he got home. Enid sighed, chuckling now and again. "Oh boy..." Zib slid a claw beneath his glasses and wiped away a tear, and a spontaneous look of horror crossed his features,

"..now I wonder if they really ARE like that and just use the whole hate-doom thingee to throw everyone off track.."

"...you really think so?" Enid raised an eyebrow, thinking that possibly that was right. "Hey yeah! How many times has your Mom had the chance to destroy your Dad and just passed it up? I mean, he can't be stupid can he?" Zib scrunched back in his seat, looking a bit scared now,

"Yeah.. or how Dad's always chasing him around instead of going ga-ga over human Girls like most normal human males that age.."

"Eeeuuuwwwwwww!" Enid scrunched her face up, looking disgusted now. "Your parents might really BE in love!" Zib pulled his double hair-scythe-dash-antennae over his eyes.

"Aw man, they can't be! They always talk about how much they hate each other, even when they think there's no one else around!" He blinked, lifting his scythes slightly, "Unless they're in denial.. Argh, brain, stop that!" He clawed at his head.

"Yuck, parents are icky even if they don't show they love each other!" Enid claimed, shaking her head to clear her mind of the image.

"Yeah.. hope I never become one," he said firmly. Just remind your teenage self of that in a few years, Zib..

"Yeah I mean... ick!" the imagery of her parents, now even Zib's parents being lovey had possibly destroyed any love ideas in her mind for say, a couple of years too.

"Stupid.. grown up.. hormoney things," He glared at the ground, shuddering again at the evil possibilities his brain had concocted. Or maybe at the fact such imagry eventually lead his brain back to Enid, who knew.

"Yeah, really..." she muttered. "Let's have a change of subject, what do you say?" she looked over at him.

"..huh? Oh, good idea." He slapped his cheek to snap himself out of the self-induced trance, "So, uh, how much, er, time do you think we should give your parents?" He looked around at the playground, which was getting kind of uncomfortable, to say the least, with all the hormoney humans, "Or maybe both sets of parents.." he muttered disgustedly.

"Uhmm... I'm not too sure... hey! I learnt how to tell your fotrune you know?" she perked up as she thought of something besides hormones, love and parents combined togther to form one icky mass of.. stuff.

"My fortune?" He looked over at her with slight confusion, "You mean like a future thingee? How?"

"Like this." she stood up and took his claw into her hand, and looked down at it. "Oh man... Zib you're gonna be rich!" she grinned as she traced her fingers over the lines in his claw. Zib blinked down at his claw,

"How.. can you.. tell that? And why are you looking at my hand?" He looked really confused, now.

"Well they say that you can tell a person's future by reading the lines in their hands... and you have a really long money line in your claw see?" she ran the tip of her claw down the middle of his claw, "And a long life see?" she drawn on the one that went around his 'thumb'. "Man you really are gonna be rich..."

"O-oh." Zib blinked, watching her move her claw about on his palm, shivering slightly, "I.. I see.." He seemed kind of distracted, for some reason.

"There's the mansion.. there's the lab... and there.." He perked his antennae forward, starting to gain interest in something other than the fact she was touching his hand, she then grinned somewhat evilly, then spat onto his hand. Aw, gotta love her tom boy-ness don't ya?

"And there is the swimming pool." Zib reeled back when she spit on his hand,

"HEY! Yuck!" He tried to yank his hand back.

"Sorry Zib, I couldn't resist." she grinned at him, leant forward and gave him a smooch on the forehead in another attempt to apologise. He managed to wipe his hand off on his coat, then blinked in surprise when she kissed his forehead. He grinned suddenly, in that stupid, silly way,

"That's alright.." She smirked at his goofy face, then took his hand.

"C'mon, let's get away from all the smoochyness."

"Aw.." You could swear he looked disappointed for a moment, then quickly slid off of the swing and followed after her, "I dunno, on a day like this I think the smoochiness will be everywhere humans are.."

"Well... let's go where there aren't any humans then." she replied, walking over a couple that were making out on the ground.

"You mean, like the woods?" He looked slightly doubtful, not that the woods bordering the suburban area was terribly threatening, but still.

"Eh, it'd be a change I'll tell you that." she mumbled.

"Yeah, but.. the only time I've been out there is with Dad.." He followed behind her closely as they left the park, the tree tops looming in the distance.

"So you know your way around then?" she glanced back at him.

"Well.. not.. REALLY.. It's been a while since I've done anything with Dad, much less been out on a trip.." He looked up at the trees, "It doesn't help that we went in there looking for monsters.."

"Oh... well let's see what we find then." the two soon enough entered the woods, the bug thingie on Zib's heel being knocked off by a rock he stood on.

[To be continued!]