Invasion of the Hormones
Epic Four
Written by Cartman's Girl and Invader Poe

~*~

Chapter Three

Zib looked around at the surrounding trees, doing something rare and actually buttoning up his coat to prevent it from snagging on the bramble and low branches. It wasn't too threatening yet, rather sunshiney with birds singing and such, but he looked, well, scared. Poor guy. Enid on the other hand didn't look bothered at all by the surroundings as she stepped over fallen logs, rubbish that was now and again tossed into the woods so lazy folk wouldn't have to be tidy, and so forth. She grinned as some light shone through the trees,

"Gee this place is neat…"

"If you say so.." It's a good thing she was so enrapt by her surroundings, or otherwise En'd probably be haggling him for being a wussy. @_@ He followed her with some difficulty, having to clamber over some of the logs she was able to step over, "Hey, wait up!"

"Sorry, sorry." she stopped walking by a big oak, and leaned against it. "I think it's neat, Mom's shown me images from Irk 'n they have nothing like this!" Zib caught up with her and leaned his claws against the tree, slumped forward and huffing slightly, apparently about as much in shape as any geeky type. He pushed up his glasses,

"My Mom said that Irk was almost totally industrailized, and that Irkens have planets set aside for when they're in nature.. recreationey.. moods." He looked around, "I wonder if those are like this.."

"I'd think so." Enid looked up at a metallic squirrel which was staring down at the two, then it vanished up into the tree. "Wonder what kind of wild life they got though..." she muttered more to herself.

"I'm not sure.. Dad thinks these woods might have some kind of cryptozoological life forms in them, though," He straighened, brushing off his coat, "He says we're too far south for Big.. feet, and too far north for Chupacabra, so there'd have to be something in this ecological niche.." he started to ramble on, rattling off things Dib had probably told him. Enid continued glancing around, half listening to Zib's Dib-like ramblings about the paranormal. She knew paranormal stuff existed, heck, she was alive for one thing. She kept walking, stepping over a big fallen log,

"Maybe mutants caused by biochemical warfare or pollution...!" she said, stopping by a small puddle of muddy water.

"Hm.. maybe. I'm not sure if there are any swamps or ponds around here, though, I think you'd need still poluted water for little.. mutant ecosystems to form," He kneeled down by the puddle, getting a stick and poking it into the water. The puddle wobbled by the poking by the stick, then the mud formed a hand and yanked the stick into the puddle. Enid blinked, since she had been watching.

"...guess so." Zib yelped and dropped the stick, falling away from the puddle and scooting backwards quickly, probably back into Enid's legs,

"What the heck?!'  Enid leant over, her hair now hanging above Zib's antennae/hair thingies.

"Mutated mud puddles?"

"Apparently," He scowled at the puddle for making him jump, then squirmed, reaching up to swat at her dangling hair, "That tickles!"

"Heee.." she shook her head, making her hair brush over his antennae/hair more. "Good!" Zib covered his head feebly and tried to scrunch up his shoulders, but the tips of his hair-antennae kept sticking out, victim to her hair. He fought back the giggles with little success, and whined,

"Aw, stop!"

"Aw you baby." she smirked, then actually picked him up by placing her claws under his arms and hefted him up.

"H-hey!" He kicked his legs feebly and looked over his shoulder back at her, scowling slightly, "What're you gonna do with me?"

"...I dunno." she then slumped him over her shoulder, and continued walking on. Zib blinked dumbly as he was slung along like a sack of potatos, debating internally about whether or not to remind her he could walk on his own, or simply be content to be carried.

"So, uh," he addressed the woods he was facing, "..where are we going?"

"I dunno, see where the woods lead us?" she asked, hopping over a small stream which was more mud then water. She ducked down since one tree branch was a bit low, luckily avoiding hitting Zib's head too.

"Just as long as we can find our way out again.." he murmured, resting his cheek in his palm and drumming his other claws against her shoulder.

"Oh sure we can, we got searchy thingies in our Pods, remember?" Enid kept walking, then eventually stopped after a while since the woods were now rather thick, and no more light could get through the trees.

"If they haven't been scrambled by some mysterious paranormal force.." He gulped, having a healthy dose of paranoia in him, looking up at the dark canopy and actually clinging onto Enid like an overgrown baby. Enid glanced at his, erm, behind since that's all she could really see of him, minus his legs of course.

"Oh calm down, we'll be fine! We're advanced spcies of-" she was cut off by a sudden clap of thunder, and it began to rain. Enid groaned, kinda despite the fact smoke was beginning to rise from her skin. "...nevermind."

"Oh, great," he clutched his head to try and keep out the rain, the rain not having nearly so bad an effect on him, but he got itchy. "Maybe there's some place we could take shelter around here?"

"Maybe.." she then glanced at a patch where no rain was, since the tree was very big and bushy. She walked over and stood there, then plonked Zib down onto the ground before sitting down herself. Zib scooted up next to her tightly, since it wasn't a very big spot and all, of course, scratching at his scalp and muttering under his breath.  Enid just sat there, the smoke raising from her beginning to ease off as she began to somewhat dry.

"That's the one thing I hate about this planet..." she muttered.

"Yeah, it is," He looked down at his coat and frowned, unbuttoning it and taking it off since it was wet and just going to make him itchier, leaving him in a T-shirt version of Zim's Invader uniform, "Stupid rain, now I'm going to have to carry this!"

"Poor you." she muttered, sores beginning to pop up over her skin and hands now. "I just hope it doesn't last that long..." He looked over at her and frowned, noticing the sores.

"Hmm.." He sat up on his knees an rummaged around in his coat, "I think Mom gave me some water-burn healing lotion.. aha!" He pulled out a tube with Irken lettering on it, and slathered some goop onto one of his hands, "Here, lemme see your arms." Enid blinked, and rolled up the arm of her jacket, revealing the sores and such.

"...it isn't gonna hurt is it?"

"Well.. it doesn't really hurt that much when I use it, so maybe not, but you never know." He set the goo-ed up hand on her arm and started rubbing up and down gently, just in case it did. She bit her bottom lip, obviously did a tiny bit but she did her best not to show it. Zib finished with what he could reach of that arm, taking the other one and treating it simularly, then looking up at her face and scrutinizing it, reaching up and setting his claws against her cheek, lathering the lotion in with his thumb. Enid stared back at him as he did her cheek, tilting her head to the side. I might add she's looking more at his eyes then just his face.

"There, almost.." He blinked and glanced away from her cheek and into her eyes as well, trailing off, his hand stilling and just resting against her cheek. She smiled as their eyes met, and do I detect a hint of a blush forming? Yes, yes Enid is blushing! The corner of Zib's mouth curled up into a slight smile, his other hand, which had been holding her wrist, sliding downward to hold her hand, and he inched forward. Enid's hand held onto his, and she began to somewhat inch towards him as her eyes began to close somewhat. He stood up on his knees so he might be a bit more level with her, closing his eyes and even maybe pulling her forward slightly. Meanwhile, Zim had started to get worried after Zib's transmitter had fallen off, even if he hadn't been very happy with the spawn for inferring things, he was rather unhappy when he'd discovered the bug just outside the woods, and was running somewhat recklessly through the woods, with an umbrella, looking for him. And he pulled a bush out of the way, just as Zib and Enid were about to kiss properly for the first time. Enid squeaked and reeled back away from Zib, both neither spawns realising that the rain had stopped since they were obviously busy with other matters. Zib blinked out of his daze when she squeeked, then looked back at the bush that'd just been yanked away. The hand that'd been on her cheek was now floating in the air where her cheek had been, but he was still holding her hand.

"Uh.. hi.. Mom.." He grinned sheepishly at Zim, who looked like he might burst a blood vessel,

"What's going on here?!"

"Uuhh..." Enid was about to explain when Cten and Poe arrived? What the heck? Obviously, since it had began raining and both knew that Enid hadn't prepared herself, they'd dashed out to find her using the tracking device they had. And yeah, their clothes are pretty crease-like and such.

"Enid!" Cten threw her arms around her daughter, Enid looking quite confused letting go of Zib's hand in the process. Zib looked at the gathering dumbly, scrunching back into his t-shirt and probably blushing; he was just about to get his first kiss when both their families showed up, what a way to ruin a mood.

"..just what IS going on here?" Poe glanced at the spawns skeptically,

"That's what I'D like to know!" shrieked Zim, and Zib looked around,

"We were just.. uh.. Enid had some sores on her from the rain so I was giving her some of that burn lotion.. see?" he held up the tube as proof.

"My poor baby!" Cten, still switched on 'Mother mode' kept Enid in her arms.

"That's right, he was!" Enid said from the clutches of her Mother's arms, then looked confused. "Mum, why do you smell of chocolate syrup?"

"Uh.." Poe suddenly looked rather flush, "That's not important, En," he answered for Cten quickly, "We just have to get you home before it starts raining again!" Zim narrowed his eyes at Zib,

"I hope this mushy human holidayness hasn't been getting to your brain, Zib! Now put on your coat-"

"It's all wet-"

"Put it on!" Zib flinched and quickly complied, standing quickly and wondering how long he had to live, by the tone in Zim's voice. Zim marched over to him, grabbed him by one of his hair-antennae, and started to march him off painfully. Cten got up, helping Enid to her feet and Enid watched Zib being carted off. Oh boy, she looked at her parents then smiled somewhat.

"Come on hon..." she sighed and followed her parents off after Zim and Zib. She knew she'd get a good talking to, but what would Zib have to put up with? Shudder at the thought. He was already getting some of his punishment by being dragged along by his sensitive, modified antennae, while Zim was ranting at length about how he shouldn't wanter off on his own and ignoring any attempt Zib made at pointing out Enid was with him, and then Zim went into a speil about how proper Irkens shouldn't practice human holidays and how Zib was to stay away from that other spawn and whatnot. He sure was upset with Zib, probably something to do with that evesdropping he'd done. Poe, meanwhile, didn't look all that comfortable out in Nature, being far more use to cities and such,

"En, just why were you two out here in the first place?"

"We... we got fed up with everyone in the park with their mushy stuff..." she said while walking after her parents, luckily both knowing the way out of the woods. Now she could sell her Father reeked of caramel syrup, she didn't want to even think about why the two smelt of chocolate.

"Fed up with it, huh?" He said skeptically, "There looked like there was a little more than lotion application going on back there.." Cten gave Poe a slight glare for that remark, but kept quiet either way. Poe gave Cten a helpless 'Whaaat?' look over Enid's head, Enid blushed deeply and folded her arms.

"That wasn't any of your business.." she muttered more to herself then a responce to Poe, who then looked down at his spawn,

"Hey, last time I knew you didn't want anything to do with Zib like that."

"I still don't! I... wait..." Enid sighed and leaned against Cten as she wrapped her arm around her. "I'm confused, that's all." she muttered as her Mom stroked her face, which didn't nearly as hurt as much as it had.

"It comes with the age." Poe murmured in resignation and ran his claws though the top of Enid's wig affectionately. Soon enough, they were out of the woods, Zib leaning wearily against a tree while Zim continued his verbal assult. Enid just continued muttering to herself, keeping her eyes to the ground.

"Zim..." Cten finally spoke up, now calmed down somewhat more and noticing how distraught Zib looked through the verbal assults.

"And furthermore- what?!" Zim turned his glare over to Cten, just oozing foul-mood-ness. Zib looked greatful for the break, blowing at his bangs and sinking into a slumping position.

"I know you're angry at the two of them." Cten said simply, holding Enid close to her as she spoke. "But they're almost teenagers now, and soon you won't be able to control Zib like you do now." Enid kept looking at the ever interesting ground, then realised a worm had crawled up onto her boot.

"Ick." she thought.

"He is my spawn and I will control him however long I please!" Zim snapped, "Maybe it's you who should think about controlling your spawn, since from what I understand she carted Zib into the forest bodily!" Zib groaned and held his forehead,

"That's not what I said.."

"You, telling me how to raise my daughter? And you just threw back what I said in my face and what am I supposed to do?" Cten narrowed an eye, "Bow down before your all knowing ness? Sorry Zim, you won't get that from me and-"

"Yes, yes I did cart him into the woods okay?!" Enid snapped, gaining attention from the group. "You happy now?! Huh?! Zib's my friend and we mess around like that okay?! Or weren't you ever little huh?!" boy, Enid snapped.

"You should be glad to bow down before Zim!" He huffed and dropped his umbrella in front of him like a shield, pointing it at Enid and shaking it, "And no one asked for your opini-" He was cut off as Poe suddenly had enough, his claws digging into the top of Zim's umbrella and yanking it away from the Invader by force. Zim eeped as he was suddenly disarmed, and Poe glared at him and growled,

"My daughter has just as much right to speak as you do, don't you dare wave things at her threateningly.." By now, the group had gotten a small crowd of watchers, watching the group of green skinned 'children' - really unaware that two of them were over the 100 age mark. Yeek. Enid was now quiet again, not really sure what to say next. Cten sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Men." she muttered to herself. "Look, boys… could we try to avoid resulting to violence this time? Huh?" she asked aloud, judging by the looks on both Poe and Zim's faces something would bound to happen. Zib shrunk back from the two male Irkens and managed to sneak over to Enid, giving her a worried look. Enid just gave Zib a just as worried glance back at him. Poe let out a slow hiss as he looked down at Zim, who was glaring for all his worth, and threw the now torn umbrella aside.

"I am far above using violence to solve interpersonal conflict," Zim stated in his defense, putting his claws to his chest indignantly, "So tell that to your savage Reject mate," he spat the word.

"He can hear you, you know that." Cten replied, folding her arms, then casting a glare at an obese child that was staring at them.

"Well then, I suggest you get him a collar and leash, or maybe a muzzle!" Zim snorted, and Poe narrowed his eyes, stewing while his fists clenched and unclenched.

"I never knew my Mom was suicidal.." Zib murmured to himself and Enid and rolled his eyes, sitting in the grass.

"Oh Tallest..." Cten ran a hand her blonde bangs, "Why do you make things so... so... uncomfortable Zim? Could you tell me?" she held her hands out, shrugging somewhat. "No matter what we try to do it never makes you happy so what can we do, huh? Besides leave the planet and/or galaxy."

"I suggest you start by training your pet Reject!" He marched over to Zib and yanked him by the antennae again, to his feet, "And you, get away from her! We're going HOME."

"Yes Mom.." Zib moaned quietly, rubbing his sore scalp and trudging along behing Zim, slumped.

"And I suggest you get evaluated..." Cten grunted more to herself as she watched Zim yank Zib to his feet. Zim twitched as he picked up the drift of the comment and turned on his heels, always having to have the last word,

"Might I remind you which of us acts like a proper Irken and not some.. lovey dovey human?! I don't dally about with garbage eaters!" He turned back and continued dragging the bedraggled Zib away. A low growl started to rise in Poe's throat, but he swallowed it back, not wanting to just prove Zim's point about him being animal-like.

"Least I wasn't EXCILED!!" Enid's eyes widened at her Mom, Cten then realising what she'd snapped out. "..I mean.. Uhh...." she blinked, then ran off in the opposite direction, running over some little kid on a trike. Enid blinked a few times, raising an eyebrow at Poe, who blinked blankly back at Enid when Cten ran off, then looked in the Maid's direction,

"Cten? Wait!" He reached down and took Enid's hand, taking her along as he chased after her Mother. Zim froze when he heard those words, bristling, and started muttering up a storm about what a nice subordinate Cten use to be and how the Reject's filled her head with lies and what not as both groups went off in opposite directions. Then pan back, and we see.. Dib? Yes, Dib! He's been watching the entire thing, and he puts a hand to his chin after he jots down a few notes.

"Exciled... in denial..." he turned and walked off possibly back to his home.

"Cten, where are you going?" Poe ran after her, jumping over the toppled kid, his longer legs catching up to her fairly quickly, "What's wrong?" Enid was just being dragged along by her Father, just as confused as he was about the whole situation. Cten eventually stopped running, since she realised she had no idea where she was going.

"Um... nowhere... I.. guess." she muttered. Poe slowed, stopping beside her and putting his arm around her shoulders.

"I don't think I've seen you snap like that before," he looked down at her and let go of Enid, giving her a chance to get the circulation going back into her hand.

"Yeah well.... how much can an Irken take while listening him insult you and Enid..." she mumbled while looking at the ground, then groaned as Enid shook her hand to get the blood, or whatever she had, running in her hand. "I still can't believe I let that slip." Poe squeezed her to his side,

"It's alright. Haven't you hinted, or flat out told him his mission was a hoax before? He's too far into denial to believe it."

"No... not really..." she sighed, "The Tallest entrusted me to make him beleive he was a Mission... but now, heck... they'd call me back if they knew what was happening here." Cten knew very well she hadn't even contacted them in... well, long time before she even met Poe. Poe blinked, his face paling slightly,

"..do you think he's going to contact them and rant about it?"

"......oh slark." was all Cten could say at this point.

"Well, maybe they'll find an excuse," Poe tried to rationalize, "Or maybe they'll tell him the truth, leaving him devastated and getting him off our backs."

"Or maybe when they find out their top maid has reproduced with a Reject, they might go ballistic and order me to return or... or... I don't know." she groaned and slapped her forehead. "They're just like over grown children really..." Enid just listened intently to all of this, wondering which situation would happen.

"Well.." Poe lowered his head slightly, looking down at her intently, "If you're really that worried, I could probably head him off and.." He glanced at Enid, turned away from her, towards Cten and put his in front of his neck, pretending to hold it, and made a twisting motion. "That's what always happened to people that could disrupt someone's life with their big mouth where I come from.."

"What? No, no." Cten shook her head quickly, "I don't want… that." she sighed, glancing off where Zim and Zib had vanished. "If they find out, they find out.. my fault anyway."

"Well, they can't really make you go back, can they?" He shrugged, "Beyond sending a patroller vehical here.."

"You don't know them personally, Poe. You didn't spend your entire years of the beginning of your life being taught how to serve them properly or anything." she sighed and tugged at her wig. "They'd make me come back... and use any way they can." Enid looked worried now, I mean, if the Tallest would take her parents in for this 'evaluation' thing, what would happen to her?

Meanwhile…

Zim drummed his claws on the console and glared up at the transmission screen, which still had the 'Contacting Irk..' screen displayed. He hadn't called the Tallest in a while, and as the screen started to fuzz in, he started right off the bat,

"My Tallest, I have some DISTURBING news to report." Purple could be seen with a hand puppet on his right hand, making a little humming sound when Zim called. He eeped and threw it over his shoulder, while Red kept sipping from his Irken Juice box.

"Dah! Uh, Zim! What a... lovely surprise to hear from you! Yeeahh.."

"What is it now Zim?" Red narrowed an eye, pausing from his sipping.

"I believe I reported to you a while ago about an exhiled Reject landing on this planet. I regret to inform you that Solider Cten has not only fraternized with this subIrken filth.." He banged his claws on the control panel and leaned forward for effect, "..but has REPRODUCED with him!" The screen suddenly kinda went all wet-like, Red doing a spit-take, his juice splattering all over the screen. Purple's voice could be heard laughing as some poor Maid, dressed similar to how Cten is/was, cleaned the screen. Purple was still chuckling, but Red had a rather surprised/disgusted voice.

"She did..? Eeeuuuwww, yuck!"

"Yes, I'm afraid so." He looked downward, shadows casting on his face all spooky-like, "So needless to say she is FOND of this Reject, and has become unreasonable, insubordinate, and genereally disrespectful ever since!" He pointed to his cheek and whined, "She even slapped me once! But anyway, just moments ago I was embroiled in a conflict with her and the Reject and their spawn, and she screamed something about me being exhiled." Purple stopped laughing now, and glanced at Red, who glanced back. Red pulled at his 'collar',

"My... it... it seems she has gotten disruptive then..."

"Darn rejects, darn em!" Purple scowled, then folded his arms and leant back in his chair.

"Soo... she's gone from the model ser-I mean serving soilder to... doing icky stuff with a Reject and wait, I thought we made all Rejects sterile!" Red gave a glare to Purple, who shrugged.

"I'm not the doctor." he replied simply.

"This one was probably too dangerous!" Zim snorted, "He's all snappy and carnivorous and bears a disturbing resemblance to General Kantos.." He made 'carnivorous' fingers. Well, maybe Poe's high-ranking parents had been able to barter that the Goverernment at least leave their son, er, intact.

"That's because his Father was General Kantos, Zim. Least, that's what the files read at least... ahh anyway." Red stood up, standing up to his full height. Oo, tallness. "We cannot allow such a fine.. uh, Invader as Cten to lower herself to be in the company of the said Reject! Zim! We shall be sending, some time in the future, a Patroller around to your part of the galaxy to retreive and bring them for the..." lightning strikes in the background, no idea how since they're in space. "Evaluation."

"Yaaay! Evaluation!" Purple clapped his hands together happily.

"What?!" If Zim was drinking something he'd probably have done a spit-take too, but shook his head, "Thank you, my Tallest! Feel free to send a replacement assistant as well!"

"Ahh whatever... you seem to be doing such a.. um... fine job maybe you don't need an assistant!" Purple stood up saying this, not wanting to loose another maid or servant to Zim.

"Right, right... oops, we seem to be loosing you Zim!" Red then make bad 'static' sounds with his voice, and shook a hand at one of the controllers before him. The controller blinked, then hit the 'Disconnect button', and Zim's screen went blank.

"Really? Well, if you say so my - er, Tallest?" He frowned as the screen went black, "Stupid space junk!"

[To be continued]