Authors note: I do not own Sandman, it belongs to Neil Gaiman. (And I'm
sure some others, but at heart it belongs him.)
I watched her leave, as she turned and walked out the door. I felt powerless to do anything, even if I wanted to. I could not say anything, though my heart screamed inside of me. I wanted to say and do so many things, but all I did was stand there silence as she walked away. I felt her in The Dreaming, and I went to my balcony and from there I saw her walk out the front gate. She did not turn around, she did not look back. She knew I wouldn't be there. That's one of the reasons she left.
I think was a lot of things that made her leave. Our son being the last straw. I rejected him, left him stranded and walked away uncaring. But that wasn't true...I knew in my heart that it was what I had to do. And I wanted to turn back, but I couldn't. I lost my son, and then my wife. I'm surprised Despair did not come and visit me, for she must have know the pain I was in. I'm surprised the whole world did not feel it. I created countless nightmares to express my anguish. And all the while I thought of her.
She always wanted me to dance with her. But I do not dance. Not since I began and not until the time has come for the Endless to end. She loved to dance...and since I would not dance with her, she always danced by herself. The hollow halls would be filled with dancing, and even now I can almost sense her there. I loved to watch her dance, for she was truly beautiful when she did. Her dancing inspired me. It made me happy, though I hardly let it show.
There were other things that made her leave. I was always distant, and she needed someone to always be there. She made the dark passages of my kingdom fill with light, yet she could never make me light. I am as dark as my castle in the middle of The Dreaming. And she hated how she could not bring light to my eyes. But she never knew that she brought a light to my heart, and I regret not being able to tell her.
After she left I thought of Nada. She was the first one, really. I loved her and time after time she rejected me. I acted irrationally, and I knew it. That's one of the reasons I felt so angry at her...I hate being irrational, and she brought me to it. I know now that she was right, and that it would have ended badly no matter what happened. She loved me, and for some reason that knowledge hurt more than if she hadn't. In the end, things turned out all right, I suppose. And though sometimes I wonder, hope perhaps, that she will come back, I know that it will never happen. I am satisfied with that, I know deep down it is right.
But Calliope, she was different. She returned the love that I had. And for a time, we were both happy. But I closed that happiness in, and she let hers shine. And I should have seen it coming, I no longer had a place in her heart. The pain of our child, and my supposed indifference to it, brought her to a realization. She could not love me anymore, even if she wished it.
So she left, taking my happiness with her. She will never know that, though. Nor would I wish her too, it would make things harder than they have to be. But sometimes I wish I could have told her that I loved her. That I could have told her that I cared, and she made me truly happy.
I wish I could have told her that I loved to watch her dance.
I watched her leave, as she turned and walked out the door. I felt powerless to do anything, even if I wanted to. I could not say anything, though my heart screamed inside of me. I wanted to say and do so many things, but all I did was stand there silence as she walked away. I felt her in The Dreaming, and I went to my balcony and from there I saw her walk out the front gate. She did not turn around, she did not look back. She knew I wouldn't be there. That's one of the reasons she left.
I think was a lot of things that made her leave. Our son being the last straw. I rejected him, left him stranded and walked away uncaring. But that wasn't true...I knew in my heart that it was what I had to do. And I wanted to turn back, but I couldn't. I lost my son, and then my wife. I'm surprised Despair did not come and visit me, for she must have know the pain I was in. I'm surprised the whole world did not feel it. I created countless nightmares to express my anguish. And all the while I thought of her.
She always wanted me to dance with her. But I do not dance. Not since I began and not until the time has come for the Endless to end. She loved to dance...and since I would not dance with her, she always danced by herself. The hollow halls would be filled with dancing, and even now I can almost sense her there. I loved to watch her dance, for she was truly beautiful when she did. Her dancing inspired me. It made me happy, though I hardly let it show.
There were other things that made her leave. I was always distant, and she needed someone to always be there. She made the dark passages of my kingdom fill with light, yet she could never make me light. I am as dark as my castle in the middle of The Dreaming. And she hated how she could not bring light to my eyes. But she never knew that she brought a light to my heart, and I regret not being able to tell her.
After she left I thought of Nada. She was the first one, really. I loved her and time after time she rejected me. I acted irrationally, and I knew it. That's one of the reasons I felt so angry at her...I hate being irrational, and she brought me to it. I know now that she was right, and that it would have ended badly no matter what happened. She loved me, and for some reason that knowledge hurt more than if she hadn't. In the end, things turned out all right, I suppose. And though sometimes I wonder, hope perhaps, that she will come back, I know that it will never happen. I am satisfied with that, I know deep down it is right.
But Calliope, she was different. She returned the love that I had. And for a time, we were both happy. But I closed that happiness in, and she let hers shine. And I should have seen it coming, I no longer had a place in her heart. The pain of our child, and my supposed indifference to it, brought her to a realization. She could not love me anymore, even if she wished it.
So she left, taking my happiness with her. She will never know that, though. Nor would I wish her too, it would make things harder than they have to be. But sometimes I wish I could have told her that I loved her. That I could have told her that I cared, and she made me truly happy.
I wish I could have told her that I loved to watch her dance.