(WEP characters aren't mine, tho I wish Lotor was! Yaoi reference between VF characters so if you don't like don't read. Same goes for the Lotor/Allura pairing. Flames will be put on the rack and tortured. enjoy!)

Lotor had been angry when he had heard - angry enough to want to kill everyone around him.

His beloved had married another - a man that he despised for more reasons than the fact that he was a Voltron pilot, that he had been a constant thorn in his side. He had wanted to attack Arus at the time of the wedding, snatch his beloved away from the mistake she was surely making.

And he would have to but for the fact that he had been thrown in chains by his father, to languish in the dungeons for his latest 'failure'.

As Lotor languished in the dungeons, he knew his father had done this deliberately - let them marry unmolested so that he could be in sheer agony, knowing that his beloved had been lost to him.

When he was released, he got to see the wedding videos - Allura was radiant, clearly happy in her choice, while Captain Keith was stoic as he always seemed to be, giving Allura a slight smile. His father had made sure to give him all the details about how the Princess and the Voltron captain had agreed to marriage at last since it was supposedly a rumor that the ghost of King Alfor himself that had blessed the future union. Many on Arus had cheered the union, for Keith was considered a great hero and seeing their princess marry at last was both romantic and a relief. Soon they were sure there would be an heir.

Time passed, with Lotor throwing himself in to drink and self indulgence, alternating between rage and depression. Allura, his darling had what she wanted now, what she had needed, perhaps what she deserved. He could take her by force but then what good would it do? She loved Keith, she would never love him and he knew it.

He didn't know how long it had been, but one day Lotor decided that he needed to see her again - just once, if only to torture himself once more. He imagined her happy expression as she sat in her garden, perhaps pregnant with her new husband's child, and the horror of her expression if he ever appeared in her sight, afraid of him as she always had been, will be.

But he had to see her and so he would, without any fanfare or fuss.

Lotor cleaned himself up, ate a decent meal and left before his father could rail at him again or taunt him about Allura. His golden eyes were filled with a purpose and he knew that he was only punishing himself. Perhaps he deserved it after all. Maybe, just maybe he would see her once more and kill her and himself, or perhaps he would see her and then later try to forget her, marry another who would love him and yet who he could not love.

If only, if only he had not been so arrogant. If only he had let himself love her properly and not allowed his own pride to take hold of him. If only, if only.. dammit!

He wasn't going to think about that. He just wanted to see her - his beloved, even if she was that bastard Captain Keith's now...

***

Dawn broke but Allura was awake. She hadn't gotten much sleep last night, oh no, not after what she had saw.

Maybe she shouldn't have been there, but she had been looking for Keith - looking for him to give him a gift for their six month anniversary. It had been just a little nonsensical gift, but something she was sure would make him smile a little or maybe even laugh. In the six-months since their marriage, Keith had been an attentive husband, but strangely enough he was lacking - something. A something that she couldn't put her finger on at all.

On their honeymoon, he had awakened her to what went on between men and women, and although she had thrilled to his touch, again there was something lacking. Allura in her naive way, thought that it was her, that maybe this was how it should be between married couples.

She became Queen and he became her consort, since he wasn't royal. They went to royal functions and she stopped flying the Blue Lion to ready herself to have a child. Coran and Nanny were deliriously happy at that news and although she missed flying Blue Lion and being with the guys, it was somehow all right. She had someone to love and to love her back.

And yet, there were times when she looped her arms around him at night that he would tense up. Other times he would turn to her and kiss her gently. He'd make love to her but it was always in the dark and it always seemed to be the same. Again she felt that perhaps it was her fault, and so she tried to compensate by wearing daring lingerie to bed.

She tried it one time and Keith had blushed red as a beet, his eyes slightly angry as he said that he didn't like her in something like that. And she remembered how angry she felt at him, how he made her feel ugly and wrong for even trying.

"Why don't you like this? What's your problem? I did it to please YOU!" She accused.

"And if you knew me, Allura, you'd know I don't like stuff like that. It's trashy and beneath you. Maybe Lotor would have liked you in that get up but I don't." And with that he turned on his heel and left their bedroom.

"AT LEAST he'd APPRECIATE it!" Allura had yelled as she flung a pillow at his retreating back. Her rage spent, she sat on the bed and put her hand over her hot eyes, the tears threatening to spill. What had she done to make him so angry?

He had come back much later, and had apologized, his hair damp from a shower. Allura had accepted it and said she was sorry too. Keith made love to her and afterwards Allura laid there as Keith rolled away from her, his back to her. Something was wrong but she just couldn't put her finger on it.

Until yesterday. Oh how she wished she could erase it from her mind!

She had been in a good mood. The sun was shining and she felt good. Today was their six-month anniversary and as an added bonus - her period was late. It had been too soon to tell really since she had always had irregular periods but she hoped that perhaps she was pregnant. A baby would be such a wonderful gift to tell her people about and perhaps it would ease her mind about their marriage. All that morning she had daydreamed about what their child would look like and Nanny had smiled at her as if she knew what she was thinking.

Later she went into town and bought Keith a present. She was sure that he forgot but that was okay. She knew how busy he was since he still was a Voltron pilot and had to practice with the others. A niggling part of her mind chided her, telling her that she had become just what Nanny and Coran had wanted her to be - what she had resisted tooth and nail just a scant year ago. But it was okay, she would make it okay.

She returned to the castle and went to hunt for Keith. She looked in the rooms and then thought that perhaps he was in his old room since he still kept a lot of his gear there. Going inside she saw that it was empty. Disappointed, she was about to leave, when she heard voices.

"Good practice today wasn't it?" Lance's voice filtered into the room.

"Yeah, everyone did great." Keith said. "Time for a shower. I need to meet with Allura for lunch in a bit."

Allura giggled and suddenly got the idea to hide in the closet. She'd wait until they were in the room and then she'd pop out and surprise Keith. Lance would get a kick out of it too, ragging Keith about forgetting anniversaries already. She slipped into the closet and closed the slated door behind her. From her vantage point she had an excellent view.

~Any minute now..~ She giggled, feeling like a young girl again.

They came into the room, still talking and she heard the door click as it locked. Straining her eyes she finally saw the two come into her line of sight, Keith throwing his helmet carelessly on the floor.

"Hey you got some time?" Lance asked, loosening the collar of his uniform.

~Time?~ Allura furrowed her brow. ~Time for what? Keith just said he needed a shower..~

And then she saw a grin light up Keith's face - something that she had never seen him do with her. His brown eyes darkened with an odd light as he looked over at Lance.

"What did you think I suggested a shower for, Lance?" He said this archly as he started to remove his uniform. Allura's eyes widened. What was he doing?

"Hey, well since you are a married man and all that. Figured you'd pass.." Allura watched in disbelief as she saw Lance pull off his uniform top with a practiced ease.

"Lance, you know I wouldn't. Hell, you always ask me that! You know things haven't changed between us."

~Between - us?~ A cold nameless fear crept over Allura, but her mind refused to register what she was thinking.

"Guess it's insecurity, Keithy.." Lance grinned, removing the rest of his uniform, leaving him quite naked.

"I'm married to her but only in name." Keith said patiently. "I didn't want to hurt her and it was a way that I could protect her from Lotor. Everyone expected it anyway."

~WHAT?~ Allura looked shocked and her face paled. ~But - but he promised to love me! To cherish me, to - ~

Her thoughts flew away as she suddenly saw a naked Keith draw Lance into his arms and kiss him fully and passionately. She couldn't look away even though she wanted to so desperately. She didn't want to believe what she was seeing as a numb cold shock washed over her. Keith's eyes were passionate and filled with fire and Lance's reflected the very same. Never had Keith been that way with her. Always he had been exceedingly gentle even when she wanted him to be just a little more passionate.

Allura barely felt the small box - Keith's gift - slip from her hand. ~ It - was me..he didn't love me. He did it to protect me but he didn't love me. He loves Lance and I will never have his love..~

She couldn't look anymore as tears blurred her vision, but she could hear - oh yes she could hear as Lance and Keith became more intimate. She heard growls and grunts as the two lovers went deeper into their passions. Moans of pleasure and entreaties told her that they were close to whatever peak awaited them. When Keith groaned Lance's name, it was with a fevor that had never happened when he was with her. In fact he had never really called her name come to think of it.

It went on and on and finally when the noise of the shower reached her ears, she forced herself to look and they were gone. When she heard the bathroom door close, she slipped out of the closet, her face deathly pale. She said not a word, her shock too deep. Later at lunch, it was all she could do not to hurl the accusation at his face as he sat across from her. But she remembered her training and she simply let herself wear a mask of civility. If he noticed her rigid pose he didn't say so, but then he wouldn't would he?

And so here she was, her eyes open, staring at the ceiling, while Keith slept a million miles away from her on the other side of the bed.

Did she love him? Had she loved him or had she wanted so desperately to love someone who would be favored by her people that she chose Keith? Had she let her girlish crush take over her senses to where she had read something into every thing he did? He had been her knight in shining armor, the type that princess did marry and live happily ever after with.

That was a lie. This was a lie.

Biting her lip, she got up quietly, careful not to stir Keith. She didn't want to face him now. She had to think or maybe not think, she didn't know. As Queen she had a decision to make, and it wasn't a pleasant one. Live her life with Keith, pretending that all was normal, that she didn't know he was screwing with his teamate, or tell him to go to hell and send him away. She could do that as Queen - it would cause a horrible scandal, but she knew that she could do that if she wished to. Coran and Nanny had no say over her decisions now.

~I will go to the garden..my garden..I haven't been there in so long..~ Allura thought.

Yes, it had been her refuge, a place where she could think and tend to her flowers, make them grow. Once upon a time Lotor had found her there and Keith had defended her just in time to prevent Lotor from kidnapping her, and she had never been back since. But now she would go there, if only to let her unshed tears fall in peace.