A/N: Again, West Wing & AIM don't belong to me... I own only whatever passes for a plot.
The background you need for this part: In between parts 2 and 3, CJ's stalker is caught. If Aaron Sorkin can do this without any background, then so can I. If you'd like background, let me know and I could possibly put it in when I get characterization down and start a real story.
This part was cowritten with LisaMarie, another West Wing fan. I did the CJ lines, she did the Simon lines, I put it together and boom! It was a fanfic!
Please please please READ AND REVIEW!
Instant Message from AgentSparkPlug to CynicalOne916
AgentSparkPlug: I put your car back together.
CynicalOne916: Thank you.
AgentSparkPlug: I took it apart; I thought I should probably put it together.
CynicalOne916: You can fire a gun and fix a car. What more could a girl want?
AgentSparkPlug: I could show you a few things. This evening, if you like.
CynicalOne916: I'm sure you could, but that would be inappropriate.
AgentSparkPlug: Yesterday it would have been. Today it isn't.
CynicalOne916: Right.
AgentSparkPlug: I'd even bring you a present.
CynicalOne916: The last present I got from a man was a goldfish.
AgentSparkPlug: I'd bring flowers.
CynicalOne916: For the goldfish?
AgentSparkPlug: Her too.
CynicalOne916: There's just one problem.
AgentSparkPlug: Gail doesn't like flowers?
CynicalOne916: You leave Gail alone. In order to date you need, you know, time off.
AgentSparkPlug: Right.
CynicalOne916: Well... you could come over and I could cook.
AgentSparkPlug: You cook?
CynicalOne916: I do, actually.
AgentSparkPlug: Like what? Macaroni and Cheese?
CynicalOne916: Believe it or not, Simon, there is food that doesn't come out of boxes!!
AgentSparkPlug: Really? Since when?
CynicalOne916: You are such a stereotypical guy.
AgentSparkPlug: Is that an insult or a compliment? I can't really tell.
CynicalOne916: I'm not sure myself.
AgentSparkPlug: Then I'll take it as a compliment. Hey! That's the first time you've ever said anything nice to me!
CynicalOne916: No; I told you I like that you're tall.
AgentSparkPlug: Yeah but that's not based on something I did on purpose. I'm tall by nature, a man through work.
CynicalOne916: Now would that be surgical work, or should I just not ask?
AgentSparkPlug: I set myself up for that.
CynicalOne916: Yes, you did. Thanks for the help.
AgentSparkPlug: Like you needed more reasons to pick on me.
CynicalOne916: I mock because I care. In a strange sort of way.
AgentSparkPlug: You care do you? :-* Hey! Would you look at that? I never noticed that one before.
CynicalOne916: I care in a very strange sort of You-Caught-The-Person-Trying-To-Kill-Me way.
AgentSparkPlug: So does that mean You-Caught-The-Person-Trying-To-Kill-Me-so-I want-to-repay-you-by-letting-you-take-me-out-and-buy-flowers-for-my-goldfish sort of way?
CynicalOne916: I suppose. But if you ever call me ma'am again you will meet the fate of Josh.
AgentSparkPlug: What should I call you then?
CynicalOne916: Well, let's see... I believe it's the custom when two people go out that they call each other by first name. You know, I call you Simon and you call me CJ.
AgentSparkPlug: I just realized you said I could take you out.
CynicalOne916: And they trust you with a gun?
AgentSparkPlug: I'm good with my equipment.
CynicalOne916: Yes, I know. They gave you lessons.
AgentSparkPlug: So am I taking you out or are you cooking for me?
CynicalOne916: You're taking me out. After that comment up there, you are not coming to my house.
AgentSparkPlug: Then how can I give Gail her pretty flowers?
CynicalOne916: Gail lives in my office. Which, by the way, is a good place for you to meet me.
AgentSparkPlug: I've been in your office a hundred times. But I can show you my equipment there as well as I could at your house. I can even come show you now if you want.
CynicalOne916: And I could beat you with my filing cabinet.
AgentSparkPlug: Normally I'd say you can't lift a filing cabinet so it doesn't matter... but I don't know about you.
CynicalOne916: And you don't want to find out the hard way. O:-)
AgentSparkPlug: I like this screen name. I think it's appropriate.
CynicalOne916: Act your age, not your shoe size.
AgentSparkPlug: Look at how many connotations it has, though.
CynicalOne916: Amazing. And I still think you need to act your age and not your shoe size.
AgentSparkPlug: I do act my age. I'm just also in touch with my inner child.
CynicalOne916: No, see, that's not your inner child. That's your inner pervert.
AgentSparkPlug: You said earlier I was a stereotypical male. That inner pervert and I get along well.
CynicalOne916: Alright, you have got a point. You don't have any numbers after either of your screen names.
AgentSparkPlug: Yeah what's with that 916? I know you're not *that* old.
CynicalOne916: Keep it up and there's not going to be a second date. That's my birthday. Make note, and don't forget it.
AgentSparkPlug: So that would be...September sixteenth then. Right?
CynicalOne916: Astounded. The Secret Service really hires the cream of the crop.
AgentSparkPlug: Yes ma'am. I certainly am top notch.
CynicalOne916: And there's that ma'am again.
AgentSparkPlug: Sorry. I'm just kind of scared to call you C.J.
CynicalOne916: See? Look, you did it. And it's shorter to type, too.
AgentSparkPlug: That it is. C.J. C.J. C.J. Well what do you know.
CynicalOne916: I'm impressed.
AgentSparkPlug: Now will you let me come to your home and impress you more?
CynicalOne916: I haven't decided yet.
AgentSparkPlug: But you didn't say it was a definite no. See I've already improved in your eyes.
CynicalOne916: Well the fact that you aren't required to follow me around anymore helps.
AgentSparkPlug: It gave me a good excuse though.
CynicalOne916: I think Spark Plug should be your new codename.
AgentSparkPlug: I've got a spark plug I could show you.
CynicalOne916: See, just when I start to think maybe you're a gentleman, you say something like that and I start to worry again.
AgentSparkPlug: Gentleman think those things, they just aren't honest about them like I am.
CynicalOne916: Well be honest in a more tactful manner.
AgentSparkPlug: Fine, CJ, I would love to show you how well I utilize my "equipment."
CynicalOne916: How about you show Gail and I take the flowers?
AgentSparkPlug: I think you'd appreciate what I can give more than Gail could.
CynicalOne916: Gail is an appreciative fish.
AgentSparkPlug: Do I have to ask how you know that?
CynicalOne916: I wouldn't.
AgentSparkPlug: So now I have to. How do you know that your fish is appreciative of equipment?
CynicalOne916: She's my fish. I know these things.
AgentSparkPlug: You've let your fish play with equipment before? I know you can't mean a plastic substitute; that could electrocute her.
CynicalOne916: I simply have intuition.
CynicalOne916: I just know.
AgentSparkPlug: You have intution? You just look at your goldfish and think...yes she would appreciate some good..."equipment"?
CynicalOne916: Age, not shoe size.
AgentSparkPlug: Speaking of shoe size...
CynicalOne916: Go Away. Now.
AgentSparkPlug: Don't say that.
CynicalOne916: Why not?
AgentSparkPlug: It's mean.
CynicalOne916: Look at my screen name. I am not a nice woman, Simon.
AgentSparkPlug: Yes you are. You just don't know it yet, ma'am. Er...C.J.
CynicalOne916: But you somehow picked it up?
AgentSparkPlug: Of course.
CynicalOne916: Because you're so intuitive that before you didn't realize that I agreed to let you take me out.
AgentSparkPlug: I can read people. Not... statements.
CynicalOne916: I'm impressed simply by the fact that you can read.
AgentSparkPlug: Hey now. You hurt me.
CynicalOne916: And a few days ago you made fun of me because I borrowed my boss's computer so as to elude stalkers.
AgentSparkPlug: I just like to make fun of you.
CynicalOne916: And I mock because I care.
AgentSparkPlug: So you do care. Well now that's sweet.
CynicalOne916: You saved my life. I'm required to care.
AgentSparkPlug: You care more about me than just that. So are you going to tell me where to take you or do I have to guess?
CynicalOne916: Surprise me.
AgentSparkPlug: Is there a certain type of food you absolutely despise?
CynicalOne916: Not that I can think of.
AgentSparkPlug: What's your favorite?
CynicalOne916: I don't have a favorite... do *you* have a favorite?
AgentSparkPlug: I thought all good food came in boxes remember?
CynicalOne916: Well then I'm guessing you like Chinese.
AgentSparkPlug: Hey! That was really funny. Actually I don't really like Chinese that much.
CynicalOne916: You worry me.
AgentSparkPlug: Why?
CynicalOne916: ... Nevermind. I'm sure you'll get it.
AgentSparkPlug: You have faith in me. How sweet.
CynicalOne916: I have to have faith in you. You saved my life.
AgentSparkPlug: I'd do it again to, even if you weren't as grateful.
CynicalOne916: See, that was sweet. You should say things like that more often.
AgentSparkPlug: Right, so I have to work on being sweet and being more...tactful when discussing my sexual urges.
CynicalOne916: Yes. At least for a while. Like, you know, until we've had a few official dates.
AgentSparkPlug: So how many dates 'til I can come home with you at the end of the night? Just so I have an estimate? Two? Three? One?
CynicalOne916: You'll know.
AgentSparkPlug: So when do I get to start..."courting" you ma'am...um...C.J.?
CynicalOne916: Well, when are you free?
AgentSparkPlug: If I say then you'll use it to make fun of me.
CynicalOne916: Me too.
AgentSparkPlug: So tonight's good for you too then? How about seven?
CynicalOne916: Sounds good.
AgentSparkPlug: Alright great. You know what's great about this whole talking on a computer thing? You can't laugh at me for my expression right now.
CynicalOne916: I know, it really helps.
CynicalOne916: Leo's coming; I have to look busy; see you at seven!
AgentSparkPlug: Right, seven.
Auto Response from CynicalOne916: Leo's coming; have to look busy. Toby and Sam, you'd better do the same before he drops in on you.