Father of Mine, Part VI
Special Thanks to: Kearie, kloudlynne, Holli, Katrianna, Ebony, draca wealsy, Hallia, Countess Gemina, Yanagi-sen, annakas, electricbluecat, mysticalcancer, Jenserai, Draco Malfoy n Harry Potter, chelsea make 7^ yurs, Gingercat The Gunslinger, and Jordan Domynikah: Ravenclaw Extraordinaire.
A/N: People, relax!! It was the official end to the chapter, not the story! Do you think I'd leave my readers hanging like that? On second thought, don't answer that...^__^ I haven't been able to put this up until now because of lovely-lovely Midterms at school which aren't so lovely-lovely after all. And guess what: I PASSED MY ALGEBRA EXAM!!!! *does stupid little dance like and idiot* I PASSED, I PASSED!!!! *ahem* Right then, I'll just let you read now...
A/N2: Oh yeah, this is in Draco's PoV.
A/N3: Has anyone seen DOGMA? I LOOOOOOOOOOVE that movie!! Especially when the Metatron bursts into flames in Bethany's bedroom and she puts him out with a fire extinguisher and he turns the bat into a '...fffffffffffffffish' and then he drops his pants... Hehehehehe-AH! Put down the pitchforks and I promise no more Author's Notes until AFTER the chapter!!!! I promise!!! *cowers*
A/N4: Ok, I lied...Last one, I swear! Linkin Park rules!
Yea, Though I Walk
Ok, the nightmares don't even scare me anymore. I've actually come to look forward to them, as they are practically the only thing that has become ritual. Every night, I go to sleep from sheer exhaustion from not wanting to go to sleep from not wanting the night horrors to come, come they do and scare the buhjeesus out of me, I wake up in a panic and cold sweat, go to Father's chambers shaking and paranoid, he lets me stay in his bed while he takes the couch, and I slink back to the dorms before anyone finds out that I have to go running to somebody when I have a bad dream. *pause* That doesn't make sense to anybody but me...oh well.
I mean, honestly! It's been a month and a half since I knocked myself out! You would think that I wouldn't be having these lingering problems...Fatigue...slight forgetfulness...lack of attention in anything I do...and nightmares. Nothing can comfort me, either. Wherever I go, the dreams haunt me. Wandering in the hallways before bedtime helps, I've found. The peacefulness, the quietness, the loneliness of a dark corridor with splashes of silver moonlight through the gloom leaves much room for thought. 'Analyze your brain' time, my grandmother used to call it. 'Melancholy nonsense' Lucius calls it. Bah. Bastard. I'll bet you that he meandered the halls just as much as I do, if he didn't do it more. Birds of a feather. *scoff* More like toads of a wart, actually, my whole family is rotten. Myself included.
Enough Malfoy-bashing for now, I'm doing my usual rounds through the darkened hallways, hoping that Filch doesn't catch me. I read somewhere that if you dream of hallways or long, covered paths, either spiritually or mentally you need to make a journey to overcome an obstacle. Just a little fun fact that popped in my head for some reason. The wind gusts eerily through the cracks in the windows and walls. Doesn't bother me, but it annoys the hell out of Pansy. I wonder what a person would make of me now: Not half the person I once was, at any rate. Insults ceased to fly from my once razor-sharp tongue. I fear it's grown quite rusty from disuse.
Pansy told me that I looked pale and light enough to be a ghost. How I wish I could be at times, you know? Just be able to melt into the shadows in the corridors, be unnoticed by people as they hurry about on their busy ways like sheep. Sheep, I tell you, brainless sheep! You have to wonder, though, are you one? Are you different? Are you a wolf in sheep's clothing? Or are you a sheep in sheep's clothing? Or why not be a sheep in wolf's clothing-Why the hell am I thinking this? One, I don't see the reasoning behind it. Two, it just keeps circling around to the same thing, and three, it's not helping in the least. Riiiiiight, Draco, you've gone as batty as Trelawney. Fuck, man, if I'm thinking like this I'm either completely tired or completely wasted. *sigh* I found myself in my favourite hall just now; I didn't even know that was where my feet were taking me.
You know, the stained glass windows in this long-forgotten passage up in the East wing of the Castle are quite charming in the moonlight. A riot of colour in surrounded by the dirty grey drabness of the rest of the world. A little bit of insanity in a uniform domain. Chaos, if you will. Reminds me of a Muggle Cathedral my Great Aunt Audrey took me to. I think I was about eight or nine at the time. I stop to remember that happy memory. The organ playing soothing music in the back-round as we gazed at the windows in the glimmering candlelight on Christmas Eve. Lucius and my mother were away at some party or other, getting drunk off their asses, what else was new. Audrey held my tiny hand in her warm gloved one, smiling as gentle as the music when we entered the church. The choir sang as sweet as an angel might, I remember. All we did was walk around the outside aisles, viewing the magnificent windows in all their brilliance. Simple but majestic, moving yet happy over-all.
We stopped at the Nativity scene set up at the altar in a warm conclusion to the journey. The baby Jesus waving his arms happily in his bed of straw while the Star shined above, bathing him in a blanket of the purity he stood for. And I remember recoiling slightly from it, knowing that I would never have that purity. I would probably never have his forgiveness, either. But I could pretend then that I could. And I did so, shamelessly. I pretended that I was a good little boy, whose greatest crime was stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar, not being forced to kill small animals for '...future training and building strength of character...'. One dark blue piece in the Slytherin window reflects me like a mirror, showing my face in the darkness that I am. It shows my true self to me: No matter how light I try to make myself, I'll never be anything but dark; it's what I was bred to do, to be.
A tear shimmies out of my eye as I remember what happened to Great Aunt Audrey after she brought me home to my parents later that night. Lucius was very inebriated and struck out at her, angry for taking me to a place that might undo all the work he put into me, to make me as cold and ruthless as he, as unforgiving. In the end, she ran out in front of a passing bus and died in the hospital. The last thing I recall was her cheerful red beret that she always wore laying on the snowy sidewalk, cottony flakes settling down gently around it and the quote to a Muggle prayer I once heard recited.
I turn abruptly and think of it again as I wander the dark corridors: 'And yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death, I shall fear no Evil....'
A/N: How was it? He begged me not to tell you guys that the tear fell, but hey: If you keep things out, people can't truly understand how you feel. Right, Draco? *muttered response* Ok, you can sleep with Mr. Teddy and your blankie tonight-OOPS! I wasn't supposed to put THAT in, I'm sorry, Draco!! ^__~ Ma bad...