Father of Mine, Part XII
author: potionsmaster
rating: PG-13/ moving up to R; I haven't decided yet...innuendo can be a pain, ya know? LoL
SPECIAL THANKS: annakas, Draco Malfoy N Harry Potter, orien, Mandie, Kay, Omniscient, Auroress 13, hippogriff-tamer
A/N: Cheers to those of you who have been following from the beginning! You have my thanks and a biiiiiiig *BEAR HUG*! I hope you guys like this chapter as much as the others; things keep getting darker and darker for poor "...Drakie...", as Pansy likes to call him...*ducks at pillow thrown at her from Draco for use of the hated pet name* hehehe...AAAAAAH!!! *muffled bangs, scrapes, and shuffling are heard as Draco does a flying tackle on authoress*
*Ahem* This is Draco speaking; you'll have to pardon that little scrap you just heard. The author sends her regrets that she can be in control of the keyboard any longer. *smothered shriek of rage* So, yes, anyway...on with the fic! *turns back to authoress* Hush up, you, or I'll tell them about your fascination with the Elves in Lord of the Rings in those what-d'ya-call-'ems...ah, yes, *CENSORED* ficcies....*devil grin*
*squeal!!*
What?? I censored it!
*growls at Draco*
Oh, yeh, it's in my point of view for this one...
//...// denotes journal excerpts.
"I Am..."
If I had thought Keira had been clingy before, it was nothing compared to now. I guess I could see where she was coming from, though...being forced to marry and then informed that she was to join the Circle...I would want something to hold, too. Now, however, she's taken to sleeping in Erik's bed at night. After Hannah and Todd check up on them, that is; any odd behaviour on their part is to be reported. It's funny, really. Ezra wanted them to get married at first and now he wants them to not even acknowledge each other half the time. Who knows? Maybe something will come out of their sleeping in the same bed...After all, the whole reason Ezra wanted them to was so that a child of pure Dannen blood would emerge. Perhaps he'll get his wish. *smirk*
I really must stop thinking like that.
Early in the morning, I pushed open Erik's door and slid in, still in my pajamas. Keira's curled up on his right arm, looking for all the world like she's a three year old who's scared of the monsters under the bed. Erik himself was actually sitting up in bed, scribbling in his black journal. (He's left handed, so it works. He's one of the few who is at Hogwarts.) I enter further into the chamber, careful not to make too much noise.
"Well, what do you two want to do today?" I asked, lounging across Erik's bed. The first time I had ever even asked to sit on his bed, he sad I had might as well sleep there; everyone else seemed to want to. He was joking about the sleeping part...I think...but I got the message: I was welcome to do practically whatever I wanted.
"I dunno," he sighed, shoving the journal over and placing his quill on the nightstand. //...dark room, grey flame. Black robes, green embroidery. Hot and cold by turns; Keira's body lifeless on floor. Step forward, two red beams of light from a figure's hood in the centre of the circle. Black out and hear "...I Am..." whispered over and over// "What did you smoke last night?" I scowled, "This is almost like an Initiation or an Induction."
"Is it really? I wouldn't know."
"Do you know when it took place? Or how about numbers...colours...anything that stood out in particular?"
"Grey and Red. I don't know the time setting, or I would have written it down."
"This is all you remember? Wow..."
"I'm actually a bit worried that I can't remember more of it. But enough of that...What will come will come and that can be said about dreams as well."
I smiled and perused his notes more carefully; usually there was more to it than a paragraph. Grey meant confusion, red meant anger and passion...black was a void and green was a new beginning, leading me to think he was seeing the rebirth of a person. Maybe he was redefining himself. Who knew? Hooray for them teaching me something about deciphering dreams. Erik was currently trying to rouse his sister.
Once she was up, she too looked at the ledger and didn't think much of it. "I want to see the stables," she declared. Erik shrugged, getting out of bed. "Naughty boy!" I quipped, eyeing his choice of sleepwear. Boxers and nothing else. Looks familiar... "Bite me," he growled, pulling on a pair of pajama pants. "With relish," I retorted. Keira just looked between us, back and forth, and decided she really didn't want to know. I flipped over onto my back and hung my head off the edge of the bed. "Ok, what time do you want to meet in the foyer, then?"
"Half hour's good."
"Alright then." Keira scampered down to her room to change. I flipped back onto my stomach and watched Erik pull on a tee-shirt. "Your attire, sir...so rich in quality! It must have cost an absolute fortune..." I jabbed at him once again. "Alright, I've had e-bloody-nough of this! Shut your trap or face the consequences!" he said, quite exasperated.
"I'll face the consequences."
"Fine." With that, he launched himself onto the bed and an all-out pillow fight began. We furiously pummeled each other until-
"HEY!!!" He stole my pillow! That rat fink stole my pillow!! I was defenseless! "Surrender?" he smirked, holding the pillows high above my head. Sheer luck made it so that he was taller than me.
"Never!" I tackled him flat and we ended up sliding down to the floor with a cascade of pillows, blankets, comforters, and laughter. I tried to grab mine, but he was relentless in not giving it back. So I did what anybody would have done: I tickled the bastard! What I didn't count on was him tickling me back. I thought the pillow fight was bad enough, but this was something else. And then he reached inside my shirt in order to tickle me better...I couldn't help it; I gave up, I was laughing too hard to care.
"AAAAAAAAAAH!!! MERCY!! Oh, LAWS!!"
...oops....We froze and looked up sheepishly at the source. Lillian, one of the house-keepers, had apparently heard the commotion and had come to investigate. I'll be willing to bet her salary six times over that she wasn't expecting to see two teenaged boys lying on top on one another. In their pajamas, no less. Keira's face popped around the doorframe to see what was worth all the screaming and ended up falling over in laughter. Ears flaming, Erik got up and set about gathering all the bedclothes strewn around the room. I'm pretty sure I was blushing just as much as I stood in front of Lillian imposingly.
"Breathe one word of this to anyone and I'll personally cut out your filthy, gossiping tongue..." I threatened icily, every bit as Lucius as I could manage. She managed to bob a courtesy and ran back down the hall. Probably down to the kitchens to have a nip or three with the cook, no doubt....
"Should I even bother to ask...?" Keira smirked from the doorway. "No," I told her sullenly, taking off my shirt and assessing the damage done to it. Erik had managed to rip it almost completely in his attempts to get me to give up my ploy. "Right. I'm booting both of you out so I can get dressed in peace, for once..." he grumbled, crossing his arms. "Alright, alright, we can take a hint..." Keira snorted, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to my room.
"I generally prefer not to have an audience when I change, as well, Keira, so if you don't mind..." I said, rather pointedly. She caught my eyes with hers and locked in.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you two were flirting." And then she was gone, leaving me with my mouth hanging open in surprise.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Out in the stables, the air was little warmer inside the edifice than out. Keira took great delight in feeding Wat and Laddie carrots that we nabbed from the crisper while Erik stood face to muzzle with Tómas. Demeter was off gallivanting in the snow that had fallen a few nights ago. Silly Horse of Mine...she deserves what little joy she has, though. "What does 'Wat' stand for?" Keira asked, patting the plucky little thing on his nose.
"Watch Tower. Laddie is short for Vladmir. They're my mother's driving ponies, but she hardly ever uses them."
"Is that why they're so short?"
"No! Why?"
"They just seem shorter than that other one over there..." and she gestured over to the arrogant black horse that was currently in a staring match with Erik. I shook my head, smirking. All Erik does is stare at things half the time... "Naw, it's just that Tómas is exceptionally tall...he's Lucius's, of course." Keira turned to look at me, hand still on the soft liver brown nose. "Where's yours, then?" she asked quietly. "She's out in the field, more than likely, trying to warm up or something."
"What's she look like?" Tómas ended up losing patience with Erik and his queer staring habit and promptly snorted in his face, turning tail and ambling out his back hatch to join Demeter. Erik wiped his face, looking less than amused, and turned to the two plucky little horses vying for attention. "Well, she's dark grey; kind of like the colour of steel, I guess you could say."
"You made a rhyme! You're a poet and you didn't know it..." Erik broke in sardonically. Keira rolled her eyes and started patting Laddie. "Anyway...Tell me more about each of them."
"Well, Tómas was given to Lucius by my grandfather when Lucius graduated from University. So that would make him about 26 years old this October...or something...He's a Spanish Barb, and he's probably one of the taller ones you'll meet; 68 inches at the shoulders to be exact. The only spot of white you'll find on him is a dot on his left shoulder; it's funny. It looks something like a snowflake."
Keira nodded and Erik moved into the tack room, exploring. "Wat and Laddie are full brothers, so that's why they look so similar. Hackneys. They're 14 and 15 years of age; Laddie's a year older and Wat is an inch higher. As I said before, they're trained to be driving ponies for my Mother, but she hardly uses them, so I used to ride them occasionally. I got Demeter for Christmas in fourth year. She was about 4 at the time, so it's really a silly coincidence that her age is the year of school we're in. She's dark grey now, but her colour will lighten as she gets older; that's usually how it is with dapple grey horses, I'm told...She's got trim little white socks on each of her feet."
Erik came back with a dusty picture frame in his hands and a quizzical look on his face. "Then who's this?" he asked, handing me the photo. Peering through the dirty haze, I saw myself on a perky little white mare, jumping over a natural fence of brush and logs and cantering off the edge, galloping through the background, and coming to do it all over again. I felt my chest tighten and my jaw clench as I remembered exactly why I was given Demeter.
"That's Sabine," I said, perhaps a little more coldly than I should have, thrusting it back my friend. "And?" Keira pushed, wiping away the grime with her glove, peering intently at my beautiful Arabian who was senselessly and brutally picked on, which ultimately led to her death. "And what?" I snap, "She was mine and we had to put her down! Enough said!" I felt the thickness of sorrow catch in my throat and I turned forcefully back to the two dark brown horses with white stripes painted their noses...So cute they were; it was impossible for anyone to hate them.
Blinking furiously, I held back my sorrow and my pain, trying to bury it like I had been able to do for the last few years. Erik, sensing discomfort, glanced at his watch, then said, "Well, kiddies, it's time to go back inside and warm up. We wouldn't want to smell like the animals for the 'festivities' tonight, now would we?" Without another word, he turned and made his way back to the manor; Keira hurrying to catch up and cling to his arm. I stay for a minute, gathering myself, then followed my friends back out into the cold, hard world.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Once again, we were to be dressed in our finest for the New Year's Party being held. (If possible, we were to be even more dressed up.) This time, no children were allowed; excepting myself and the Dannens, of course. On further reflections, I don't think any of us were innocent enough to be called 'children' any longer. The Ball Room once again was swarming with Ministry officials; this time Fudge himself was a guest at our table. That should win brownie points, I thought nastily, poking my veal unenthusiastically, It's the same every year.
Keira looked particularly stunning in another form-fitting dress with spaghetti straps. This one didn't hug her figure all the way to the ground like the last one, though, the skirt flowed off her tiny waist like red-tinted water. It was almost indescribable, it was...ethereal of sorts...it had an undertone of deep red, but the highlights were a fascinating shade of blue. I asked her about it and she showed me two layers of fabric; the bottom one was the red satin and the top was the blue sheer to make it look like it was one and the same. Earlier tonight, though, Erik and I heard a particularly nasty encounter between Ezra and his daughter.
"What do you think you're doing? Flaunting yourself in public like that!" he had said, gripping the top of her pale upper-arm in a vice-like grip and shaking her.
"I'm not flaunting! Mother said I should wear it!" she had protested, trying not to give away how much pain she was in. Ezra shook her again, growling. We couldn't hear what he had said, but it made Keira scoff and snap, "Well, why not? It's the only time I'm going to be able to wear short sleeves in public again, unless the Dark Lord falls once more!" Erik winced, but didn't dare move from our hiding place behind the tapestry. Ezra roared with rage and flung her into the wall. He stalked off, muttering about incorrigible brats. Keira breathed shakily and checked herself over in the mirror that just happened to be on the opposite wall. Her arm had angry red finger marks on it, but other than that, she seemed fine.
After she had left, Erik and I came out into the hall and looked at each other, wide-eyed. Saying not a word, we went back to the party. Ministry officials had begun to leave and it was going to be hell on earth soon; I could feel it. To my surprise, Chris announced stuffily, "Mr. Severus Snape," and bowed low, allowing a tall dark figure to enter the room. I almost laughed in relief to see my mentor. He was still wearing his traveling cloak with the hood still up and covering his face in shadows. Lucius jumped up, jovial.
"Severus, old man! How good of you to come!"
"Oh, I wouldn't miss this gala occasion for more than eight years in a row, never fear, Lucius..." and handed his cloak carelessly to Chris.
"Yes...well, then...Do have some refreshment, Severus...You're too late for dinner, but there are platters of hor d'ourves, enough to feed an Army," Mother said graciously.
"One is nothing, if not fashionably late, Narcissa, as I'm sure you'd know," Professor Snape said with a particularly sly grin. His sarcastic comment was met by chuckles and my mother blushing, "Of course!" Erik elbowed me sharply in the ribs and nodded towards Fudge. The Minister of Magic was looking far less excited at Snape's company than anybody else was. In fact, his face was nothing less than disdain, which we found to be absolutely hysterical. "Yes, well...jolly good fun and all, Lucius, but I really must be getting back to London...loads of work to do, you know, life isn't all fun and games..." he said, disgruntled.
"Surely you don't mean to work tomorrow!" Lucius cried in pretend horror, an excellent actor if ever there was one, "It's the holiday!" Fudge firmly shook his head and Chris appeared with his cloak and hat. "I'd best be off, Lucius, I've a meeting tomorrow of great importance," he grunted, trying, and failing, to sound important. Lucius let his face fall into a slight frown. "If you're certain, then, I wish you the best of luck...with your business meeting..." he said, undertone implying. Fudge simply glanced at him, then hurried out of the room. As soon as he was gone, gales of laughter followed him.
"Business meeting, HA! I'll bet it's some pretty lass he hired!"
"Wouldn't you say?!?!" More shouts and jokes like that were the only thing that was said for the next few minutes.
"Oy! I know!! He's to meet with Dumbledore, the old fool! Then the two o' them will-"
"-That's enough..." Lucius said, holding up his hand, looking at Snape's face. It had been amused during the bantering back and forth until Dumbledore had been mentioned; then it had become rather fixed. Apparently, Lucius had some understanding of his feelings. "D'you think that Snape's arrival had something to do with Fudge leaving so fast...?" Erik whispered in my ear. "More than likely," I murmured back to him. "What're we whispering about?" Keira breathed, breaking into our cozy little conversation. "Nothing that concerns you," Erik hissed. "Fine, be secretive, then," she huffed.
Lucius stood up, glanced around the table, and then said, "Well, everyone who should have left by now has. Now if the ladies don't mind, we men must take pains and leave for the Drawing Room..."
Erik shot Keira a hasty look, but she was pointedly ignoring him, eyes fixed on the glacial figure at the head of the table. Mother nodded once, then motioned for the rest of the women not involved directly in the Circle to follow her. Lucius's eyes fell at once to the three of us at the other end of the table. The other Death Eaters looked at him expectantly; anticipating what was going to happen next. Raising one elegant hand, he motioned for me to lead my friends to the front. I had no choice but to obey.
Lucius put a cold hand on each of their shoulders, holding them in front of him, on display for the rest of the table to behold. "I give you the two newest recruits," he said, voice oddly flat. I looked desperately at Professor Snape. His face showed no emotion, but his eyes were glittering. I knew he was hurting deep down; that he had failed to prevent two more from falling into dark dealings. Erik's shoulders hunched slightly, both had their eyes downcast. The others thought it was modesty, but I knew them better. It was fear and shame. "Come," Lucius stated and dragged them off, Ezra close behind. The others followed in a somewhat noisy procession to the Drawing Room.
The walk must have felt like the march to your own execution.
The huge, heavy oak doors were propped open, letting the entire procession into the darkened room. A leather armchair sat in front of the fire with a cringing figure beside it. I only knew the balding man by the name of Wormtail. I really didn't think much of him. The fire in itself was a bit worry-some; it wasn't giving off heat. Only light. But it was a cold, shivering light...it was grey. The doors closed with a resonating, thick clash and Keira's face flickered. Their fate was sealed now; it was accept it or face death. We arranged ourselves in a circle around Lucius, Erik, Keira, and Ezra; looking behind us on the floor and finding our black hooded robes ready and waiting. Silently, we put them on and waited...
Lucius and Ezra put on their robes, as well, then draped two more around Erik and Keira's shoulders. They were embroidered richly with forest green threads and gave a sense of power to everyone.
//...dark room, grey flame...black robes, green embroidery...centre of the circle....//
Wormtail was wringing his hands nervously, watching the proceedings and the armchair in turns. Lucius turned to face Keira and Ezra to his son; both clapping their hands on their opposite's shoulders.
"Are you ready to proceed?"
Keira and Erik stared straight into the adults' eyes. Each was scared stiff; I could feel it. I almost could hear their thoughts, it seemed. Keira's eyes were so wide, I thought they would fall our of their sockets. Erik's lips had the bluish tint to them again.
"....yes..." they said in hushed tones. There was no turning back now. Ezra and Lucius forcibly turned them around to face the back of the armchair. Wormtail winced, and turned the chair around, clearly not wanting to do so, the chicken. The Dark Lord peered out at us with his fiery eyes from deep within his hood; silent. Cold. Uncaring.
Slowly, he stood up, folds of dark cloth rippling from him like the stink of evil did. He glared at us individually, one by one, then focused entirely on the two frightened figures in front of him. They regarded the floor as if their life depended on it.
"So..." He began icily, "You are about to join in the Service of the Dark Lord. Have you any objections?" Each was wise enough to shake their heads no; it would have been suicide to state the obvious. You-Know-Who flipped back His hood and His ashen, reptilian face was seen by all. Keira shook slightly and Lucius squeezed her shoulder reassuringly; one of the only times I've seen him be human.
"To be Inducted into the Dark Circle has a price. You forfeit your life to me and only to me. You do my bidding and my will. Your services shall be rewarded when they are appreciated and well done, or they will be punished if they do not satisfy me.
"You will do as I say and you will not question it. I am the provider. I give you the joy of cleaning the filth from this world! I am the Light in which all people of wizarding blood shall see by. By entering my service, you are the ones who shall carry out my promise. It is you, dear children, who shall free your own people. I am simply the one to whom all will turn to. I am the only option.
"I am your guide. Your leader... Your protector.
"I am the way. The truth...The life...
"I am Lord Voldemort."
The words rolled around the room like thunder, but they were barely more than harsh whispering. They seemed to burn themselves on our brains. //..."I Am..."//
"Now then..." He continued, "You each will be required to take the oath and swear yourself eternally. You are to answer, 'I do' in response. Take a knee..."
Erik and Keira sank onto one knee in front of Him.
"Do you swear your undying allegiance to me, and to those of the Circle? To hold in the highest regards above all else, including your own death if that be the case?"
"I do..."
"Do you swear to hold in your heart the will to dominate the scum of the Earth?"
"I do..."
"Do you swear, by your life or death, to protect your brethren from harm?"
"I do..."
"Do you willingly bind yourself to me; without regrets?"
"I do."
"Then rise and look me in the face, my Death Eaters." They shared a half-glance and rose as one, lifting their chins to view His terrible visage. The Dark Lord turned to Ezra just then. "I'm sure that they will be a boon to the Circle, my faithful friend..." He turned back to face His new soldiers. "Hold out your left arm, my dear..." He said, almost kindly, to Keira, forked tongue flickering out of His mouth. Her large eyes were glassy as she regarded Him.
The Dark Lord pressed his wand gently to her arm and a hiss surrounded everyone.
"...morsmordre..."
I squeezed my eyes shut at the anguished cry of pain, trying to block the memories of my induction to the circle...
He looked at me, almost hungrily, as He pressed His wand to my arm, scarlet eyes boring into mine, burned in my retinas. They would haunt me for weeks later. It was almost as if He was daring me to turn away. I couldn't. He had me hypnotised. Then the aching pain began. It started with the skin burning, burning so hot...I thought I would faint right there from the intensity of it. Then it began to bleed through to the muscles, veins, and sinews of my wrist. I felt the blood turn black as it flowed past, turning my heart to the same darkened state.
Red exploded into black starbursts and I could concentrate on nothing but those eyes peering straight into my soul and the pain searing my arm. Agonising seconds later, the brand reached the bones. I thought right then and there if I ever had the crazy urge to cut myself open just to see what the inside of me looked like, I would find the Dark Mark branded on the bone itself. The blood inside me would run as black as the night I seek refuge in and my heart would be rotten.
Then, as suddenly as the agony had started, it ebbed away, leaving me with amazing clarity of though and an almost thoroughly new perspective on life. Blinking rapidly, I saw the Dark Lord smirking at my reaction. He was pleased; I had been strong. And I knew right then that I would never be able to entirely refuse him.
A piercing shriek shook me out of my reverie, drawing my attention to the centre of the Circle. Keira's face was so white...I felt so bad that she had to go through this. The Dark Lord had removed his wand and Keira had grasped her arm to her chest, breathing raggedly; trembling for the energy gone. With a final gasp, she slumped to the floor, completely spent. Erik's face was equally as pale, but he had a distinct look of hatred and determination as he stepped forward, brought forth his arm, sleeve rolled up.
//...Keira's body lifeless on floor...step forward, two red beams of light...the centre of the circle...//
Once again, the quiet incantation was said. Erik grabbed his arm and staggered, veins sticking out of his neck in an unnaturally eerie manner. He uttered no cry of pain, yet I could hear him scream in his mind. He bit his lip to suppress any noise at all. Long seconds ticked by as the Mark worked its way into his system. Finally, the Dark Lord removed his wand and tucked it back up his sleeve. Erik reeled, but regained his bearings. There was blood on his lip.
The silence in the room was oppressing.
Ezra bent down and gathered Keira up in his arms. Her limp body was silvery in the grey flames. Erik stood solidly, glaring stonily at Him. You-Know-Who laughed quietly, its hissing reaching clammy fingers in the backs of our minds as he pulled up his hood and faced the fire again, hands clasped behind his back.
"...Welcome to reality, Young Death Eater...You are ordered to disperse."
The Circle broke up as silently as it had formed. Ezra carried Keira as far as the main stairwell, then turned and dumped her into her brother's arms.
"Do as you will with her," he said curtly, before going off to find Lucius, Narcissa, and Vanessa. Erik and I hurried up the stairs as fast as we could and laid her on my bed. "Erm...now what?" I asked uncertainly. Erik's eyes darkened and he sighed, resigned. "We have to get her dressed for bed. I doubt if she's in a state to do it herself..."
All I did was just look at him. Excuse me??? I must have heard wrong. "Can't we call Hannah or someone?" I asked, disbelief etched all over my face. Both of us jumped at the knock on my door. Immediately, I made myself icy and detached.
"Enter."
The door creaked open and Professor Snape's head came into view. "Am I disturbing anything...?" he asked warily, "Because I can leave if I am..." I flew to him. "I should say not! Keira's still out cold!" I exclaimed. Erik just watched, politely nonplussed. I grabbed my father's hand and dragged him over to the bed.
"Look!" I yelled, "Just look at what they did to her!!" Erik glanced at me and stepped back, allowing Professor Snape to examine her. He gently poked and prodded, checking her pulse and looked at her eyes, all with an expressionless quiet. Like a great shadow, he stood up, throwing us all into relative darkness. "She should come out of it within a few days. She's in shock. If she doesn't come 'round in two days time, send word to me and I'll come with a revival potion and maybe some supplements," he said with a closed look about his face. Erik nodded once to show he'd heard and turned his attentions back to unfastening her new robe.
"Is there anything either of you want to say?" Erik snapped his head around, regarding my mentor with cool disinterest. "About what?" he said sharply.
"Anything at all."
Erik looked him up and down, judging if he should say anything.
"Why did you join?" he asked, still with the razor edge to his voice.
"In short, I was searching for something..." came the soft, almost shameful reply.
"And did you find it?" Erik demanded savagely, "Did you?"
"No...I didn't."
The quiet hatred and shame in the tone seemed to take Erik by surprise and shut him up a good while. "I think you'll have to excuse the tempers and words tonight, Professor...it's a highly stressful time for each of us and we are all deprived of peace in some way or form," he said softly, averting his eyes back to his sister's prone figure. Professor Snape nodded and turned to go, but I stopped him.
"What were you looking for?"
"Something worth nothing to you and everything to me."
With that, he slipped his hood up and disappeared with a swish of the black cloak.
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
Hades, why couldn't Keira handle it? Erik did fine; better than me, almost! I'm so confused...I thought Father would help me feel less horrible about everything. His words at the beginning of the year rang back to me, clear as if they had been spoken moments before. "The worst has happened...now things can only get better..." I knew in my heart that the worst had not happened. It was still to come. I could tell Erik thought the same. Perhaps I was coming closer to reaching the level he and Keira were on. I hoped so...
After the whole escapade of undressing her and setting her in my bed, Erik and I retreated to his room. I wanted to tell him I knew how he felt. I wanted to tell him that he wasn't alone. But I didn't know how. Word evaded me that night. There was no moon, reflecting the darkness that had decidedly settled over Malfoy Manor. The mirror could offer no condolence to me. I have a reflection of myself sitting by my side now; at least for the moment. So different is the general mood we're in since the last happy encounter in this room. I wish I could forget the numb feeling and just lose myself in the background. Somehow, that possibility seems highly unattainable.
Thoughts are as troubled as the water in the fountains my mother loves to watch. I can feel it. Snatches of what he's thinking come to me in a mix of words; nothing in particular is distinguishable. I honestly think that I could fall into the upper level the Dynamic Duo is on. On second thought, it's not so much words that get sent to me, or to them from me, but pictures, memories, sounds, smells even, that make up what they're feeling or thinking or wishing. I think if anything should happen to either of them, I'd be very put out...I consider them as my own brother and sister and Professor Snape as the father to us all. He didn't say it in words, but I knew that he'd take them under his wing like he did me.
"My head hurts almost as much as my arm does.." I heard Erik interject sullenly, breaking all thought processes.
"Why?" I looked over at him and his eyes were a dark shade of azure, murky and strangely beautiful. He shrugged and started rubbing his temples.
"Can I ask you a question?" I asked him. I took silence for consent.
"Does your mother ever hold you?" I was rewarded with a veeeeeeery strange look.
"Does yours?" came the curt response. I shook my head, then, "Did you ever want for her to hold you?"
"Not really...." I could tell by his voice that he wasn't being entirely truthful to himself about something. Then he surprised me with a question of his own.
"Did you ever want somebody to hold you? In general, I mean, not necessarily your mother, but just someone you could confide in and they would tell you everything would come out alright in the end?"
"Yes..." What was he getting at now? I wondered where my random questioning was going to land me.
"And did you ever find that person?"
"No." Ok, now I had a slight idea...
"Just so you know, I'd be there for you if...if you'd be there for me..." Erik's voice was getting quieter and quieter; almost shy. I stared at him; shocked. He kept his face turned to the great black sky and was carefully not making eye contact. I was honoured that he would choose me to carry that kind of weight and he truly became my best friend in that moment. I knew he would hold true to his word and I was practically speechless. After some time of watching him struggle with himself, I broke the heavy silence.
"...do you want someone to be there for you now...?"
He didn't reply. Erik looked down at his hands, unhappiness on his pale visage. I regarded him in a new light; even the people who never frown eventually break down. My invincible friend had showed me his weakness: his helpless feeling. And in doing so, he put his absolute trust in me. What a head rush.
Seconds ticked by and still nothing. "Erik..." I leaned over and shook his shoulder gently. Almost imperceptibly, he nodded and turned towards me. I couldn't help but pull him to me as he cried into my shoulder with all the hurt, the angst, the uncertainty, the unshed tears of living in this life we were given. His tears soaked my shirt, but I didn't give a fuck. After a good while, I heard him mutter, "...how unmanly...." and start to sit up. I pulled one of the seat cushions onto my lap and made him put his head on it. I don't know why I did; it just seemed right. The silence was broken by an occasional sniffle and I passed my boredom by playing with his hair.
Hades, I've gone soft...Here I am, comforting somebody by having their head in my lap and I'm running my fingers through his hair nonetheless...if they could only see me now...
~~~~~~*~~~~~~
"Hey Erik..."
"Yeah?"
"Do you believe in fate?"
"...."
"Seriously. Do you?"
"I guess so....it just works in really fucked up ways sometimes."
"Well put."
I let him be after that and eventually he dropped off into a dreamless sleep, his even breathing peaceful and calm. I put my head against the cold glass and go over the night's events.
Oh Lord, what have we done...?
A/N: YAY! I'm FREEEEEEE!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA! *ahem* Anyway. Yes, it is I! Your fearless author! Back from the crusades of...of...of being bound up in a closet by a book character!! Stats as of right now: School has started and with it starts my year from hell. Senior Year Ho!! With that comes the duty of being a Drum Major in band (yes, I admit it, I'm a band nerd...heeee), Editor of the yearbook, FIRST Robotics team, Drama club, and TRACK. ON TOP OF that, I'm also trying to arrange a year of foreign exchange to my beloved England. So, chapters might be few and far between, but I will be trying as hard as I humanly can to post. Cheers to y'all who understand that...*points to neat saying below*
Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul...