IV
"Yeah, but.... It's not.... c'mon, doc. Just once gimme a straight answer."
"Sorry. Not how it works. I'm not here to just hand out easy solutions, Bobby. I'm supposed to be helping you find them on your own."
"I know, but.... ah, crap." Hobbes moaned, dropping his head into his hands. "What do you want me to do? This is.... I mean.... you're gonna triple my meds when you hear...."
"Bobby. You know me better than that."
"I guess I do. You've never judged me or put me down for how I am...."
"You said you've been holding back, struggling with whether or not to tell me a big secret." Bobby's psychiatrist reminded him gently, guiding him back to the reason he was there.
"Yeah..... Okay. You want the whole story? Here it is. I.... I'm in love. For the first time.... I found real, actual love."
"You've always claimed Vivian was your first love."
"Yeah, well.... It's like.... you got no clue you've been drinkin' swamp water laced with rat poison.... 'till somebody hands you a glass of Dom Perignon. Then you realize how you were cheatin' yourself all that time.... cramped up in coach when you deserve to stretch out an' relax in first class. That's what I got now. First class, all the way."
"I can see how happy you are. Quite a change. Do I get to know her name?"
"Uh... right. This is the scary part. {Deep breath, Hobbes..... if you really love him, you shouldn't be ashamed to just say it....} It's not a her. It's a him. My partner, Darien Fawkes."
"Okay. Tell me about him. Tell me why he's so wonderful."
"Wonderful? Nah. Way beyond.... There ain't enough synonyms in the world. He knows everything about me an' he still stays.... says he loves me more for bein' strong enough to survive. He supports me, he makes me laugh, he never throws my mistakes back in my face.... even the gigundo ones. He needs me as much as I need him... which, I'll admit, it took me a long time to confess to."
"Everything? Up to and including the deep traumas we're still working through?"
Abruptly, Bobby's serene, joyful expression collapsed and he turned his eyes down.
"No. Not yet. But.... I'm ready to tell him. That's why.... that's why I called an' asked to see you for an extra session.... outside our regular schedule, ya know? Me bein' the patient, I'm allowed copies of the tapes you make of our... talks, right?"
"If I decide it's warranted. I assume you're thinking about last April and last July?"
"Yeah. I... I think I can get through tellin' him the worst of it by myself. I just... wanted the tapes as a back-up, in case I.... fall apart. So if it gets too hard to push the words out..... he'll still know."
"I'm really surprised, Bobby. Asking me for copies of the session tapes took a lot of guts. You're really committed to this man."
"Was that a question or are you sayin' you know for sure?"
"Half and half, I think. Give me a few days to consider it. For now, we still have thirty minutes left. Tell me more about Darien."
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"Yeah, but.... It's not.... c'mon, doc. Just once gimme a straight answer."
"Sorry. Not how it works. I'm not here to just hand out easy solutions, Bobby. I'm supposed to be helping you find them on your own."
"I know, but.... ah, crap." Hobbes moaned, dropping his head into his hands. "What do you want me to do? This is.... I mean.... you're gonna triple my meds when you hear...."
"Bobby. You know me better than that."
"I guess I do. You've never judged me or put me down for how I am...."
"You said you've been holding back, struggling with whether or not to tell me a big secret." Bobby's psychiatrist reminded him gently, guiding him back to the reason he was there.
"Yeah..... Okay. You want the whole story? Here it is. I.... I'm in love. For the first time.... I found real, actual love."
"You've always claimed Vivian was your first love."
"Yeah, well.... It's like.... you got no clue you've been drinkin' swamp water laced with rat poison.... 'till somebody hands you a glass of Dom Perignon. Then you realize how you were cheatin' yourself all that time.... cramped up in coach when you deserve to stretch out an' relax in first class. That's what I got now. First class, all the way."
"I can see how happy you are. Quite a change. Do I get to know her name?"
"Uh... right. This is the scary part. {Deep breath, Hobbes..... if you really love him, you shouldn't be ashamed to just say it....} It's not a her. It's a him. My partner, Darien Fawkes."
"Okay. Tell me about him. Tell me why he's so wonderful."
"Wonderful? Nah. Way beyond.... There ain't enough synonyms in the world. He knows everything about me an' he still stays.... says he loves me more for bein' strong enough to survive. He supports me, he makes me laugh, he never throws my mistakes back in my face.... even the gigundo ones. He needs me as much as I need him... which, I'll admit, it took me a long time to confess to."
"Everything? Up to and including the deep traumas we're still working through?"
Abruptly, Bobby's serene, joyful expression collapsed and he turned his eyes down.
"No. Not yet. But.... I'm ready to tell him. That's why.... that's why I called an' asked to see you for an extra session.... outside our regular schedule, ya know? Me bein' the patient, I'm allowed copies of the tapes you make of our... talks, right?"
"If I decide it's warranted. I assume you're thinking about last April and last July?"
"Yeah. I... I think I can get through tellin' him the worst of it by myself. I just... wanted the tapes as a back-up, in case I.... fall apart. So if it gets too hard to push the words out..... he'll still know."
"I'm really surprised, Bobby. Asking me for copies of the session tapes took a lot of guts. You're really committed to this man."
"Was that a question or are you sayin' you know for sure?"
"Half and half, I think. Give me a few days to consider it. For now, we still have thirty minutes left. Tell me more about Darien."
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