Addiction
Dedicated to Eike for beta reading this for me and for giving the title. ^_^
Standard disclaimers apply.
Green tea.
I have always loved how it tastes in my mouth - savoring its invigorating scent and drowning in its luxury. People may laugh at me for thinking of it as something extravagant, but the comfort I get just from drinking it is undeniable. They wouldn't understand, as their minds and lungs are clouded with nicotine from their cancer sticks, and their poor kidneys defiled from too much alcohol. Not that I don't poison myself with smoke from my death pipes. But those things are expendable, compared to that rich, thick liquid I would happily die for any time.
Funny, I've always criticized him about his stupid fixations. But no, Muraki was never the one to be dictated. He knew the dangers, but deliberately ignored them anyway.
At least, green tea is something fathomable. I can even acknowledge his earthly, material fancies. But getting all worked up for someone who's older than him for more than a decade is preposterous. He couldn't fool me with that body-shit. I've known him for a very long time to be able to see through his disguises.
Tsuzuki Asato. Why he chose a shinigami for a cigarette substitute is beyond me. But I'd rather have him see Tsuzuki-san that way. A mere alternative.
The actuality of that, I cannot even justify now. Not when I could clearly see how his eyes sparks at the mere mention of that shinigami. And believe me, interest is an understatement.
He would never admit that of course, not even to himself. And I never dared question his motives either. I know Muraki knows what he's doing, and I respect him for that.
Tsuzuki-san, Bon.. all of them, they would never understand why I've stayed with him up until now - what with their hearts blinded by their hate for him. Muraki himself would never understand me. He drowned himself in loathing and vengeance a long time ago. And I have Saki-san to thank for that.
They don't, but I do.
I understand.
Because, I'm addicted to him, like I'm addicted to the bitter, yet delightful taste of green tea. It's one of the reasons why I give in to his whims, demented as they may be. Nobody could ever keep me from him, not even myself.
Like an immortal bond between the fixation and the fixated.