Author's note : How do I get into my character's heads? Well...all I really do is imagine that I am the one there and think about how I would feel given certain circumstances. Its not easy for a lot of people to step into the shoes of someone else. I have been able to do that on several occasions in my mundane life. (As a scadian I refer to my own real life as my 'mundane' life). If I had the looks for it, I would probably end up being an actress. I'm doing especially good with this fanfic because I've been researching the subject of terror. I do plan eventually to write a book about it. I think that it will be about real life events that I'm familiar with. I've been told I do very well with Horror and am thinking about writing a Horror Novel that deals with the mind. Possibly about someone who is going insane based on their own real life events. I'm also a game master and tend to be able to play many roles at the same time, thats how I can develop instant nbcs and give them personalities. I find that a good fanfic will have realistic non book characters as well as the main characters. Merilas popped into my head one day as a character. I think about how someone could survive 15 years of captivity when I think about how to portray her. I've seen a lot of war films and read a lot about Nazis. I think that my inspiration comes from that actually. I do also feel like this is what Tolkien meant to portray Frodo like but he had so much to write he really couldn't spend too much time on nitpicking events. What I mean is the whole : "The grass is always greener" syndrome mentioned by Andarata. PS, sorry for spelling mistakes, but I am not that good with editing, sorry.
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Chapter 18 : Holding Ground
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The last few hours had been spent keeping Frodo as warm as I possibly could. The poor Hobbit was suffering a bit of delirium and he was not entirely altogether there. He was absolutely terrified of the Orcs finding us, and I couldn't blame him. He was starting to feel stronger little by little but the more he felt better the worse he felt.
"I can't take it again...Merilas." he whispered softly, "I really can't." he shook his head and his curls fell over his eyes. He gazed up at me desperately. "They are going to find us soon...I know they will..." he drew a ragged breath. "I just don't think I can handle being put on that...being put..." he tried to find the words to describe it. The herbs had managed to bring down the fever to a normal level again, and he was very surprised by that. Herbs in Mordor tended to act quickly, but that was because they were more often used to kill rather than cure.
"Frodo." I held him gently as I rocked him in my arms. "You have more strength in you than you think. Most people can't even handle that once." I stroked his hair gently. The fever was gone, and he was almost exhausted. He was afraid of falling asleep, I could tell. Afraid of where he would wake up. "You've been through it twice."
"I know Meri..." he whimpered, "And after the second time I wanted to just die..." he curled up next to me and stared fretfully at the door. "I don't...." he buried his head in my shoulder and I sighed.
"You can survive, Frodo. Just put your mind somewhere else when it happens." I advised him softly. "Think of something other than what is happening to you. Focus your mind elsewhere. It..." I frowned slightly, "It always works for me."
"You've been through it a lot haven't you Meri..." he looked up at me, and I found myself being lost in his eyes once again. He was so vulnerable right now, and I wished I could get him out of here. "Many times..."
"More times than I can count." I answered grimly.
"Do you really think if I tried to think of somewhere else..." he closed his eyes then and tried hard not to yawn. But he shook in my arms. He needed to sleep.
"Yes Frodo." I assured him gently.
"I'll try, Meri..." he promised me softly as he tried once more to keep his eyes open but failed. Soon...he was asleep in my arms, exhaustion having taken over finally. I watched him as he slept, taking care to make him as comfortable as possible. Once he had been asleep for about an hour I took the chance to bathe and care for his wounds while he would not be in pain.
As I was working, My ears pricked up...someone was coming up the stairwell...No...more than one...the Orcs. I looked down at the small hobbit. "Elbereth Protect you, Frodo." I did not understand why I was calling her to name after so long leaving her out of my mind. For some reason...she was there now and I could not figure out why. I had thought she had long since abandoned me.
And they crashed into the room, forcing open the door with a hefty push. This unfortunately awoke Frodo, who clung to me in fear. I wrapped my arms around him and stared at the group defiantly. Shagrat pushed his way forward.
"What's this...." he pulled back Frodo's head from my chest, using his hair. Frodo cringed in pain. He chortled at my expression. "You've taken to liking little rats, Rose? I thought that was beyond you by now. I'm disappointed in you."
Frodo was dragged away from me and flung to the side. He lay there for a moment, scrambling back. He pressed himself against the wall as Shagrat confronted me. "Leave her alone..." he warned the Orc. A rather impressive site, Frodo's eyes were flashing at the Orc with hatred.
"You." Shagrat spat at the Hobbit. "Aren't in any position to give orders." he leered at the Hobbit then backhanded me across the face. As Frodo swung a fist at Shagrat with all his might, the Orc's hand whipped out and grabbed the Hobbit's wrist, holding him fast. He cried out in pain.
I was taller than Shagrat, but somehow...the Orc looked down at -me-. "At least you've done your job." the Orc Captain chortled and looked back at the hobbit, flinging him into the arms of two of his guards. "Put him back in the room and we'll deal with him later."
Two large Orcs grabbed Frodo, who struggled as best he could. They finally held him fast as pain was clouding his vision. The struggle had not done anything to help his wounds. I glanced over at him and tried my best to smile. "Don't worry Frodo." I promised him.
"Merilas!" he cried out my name as the orcs dragged him out of the room. I tried to get to the Hobbit, but I was shoved back and Shagrat's guards threw me back. There was more than one of them, and they had weapons. I fell against the wall..and sank to the ground. Anger boiled inside of me, and I knew I was ready to kill him finally. Ready to avenge every year of my life with the Orcs. I was ready. I glared at him.
He stared back at me thoughtfully, as though trying to decide what to do with me. I suppose this was the first time I had stood up to him in the years that I had served him. Even when I came to him. They had already broken me. "You betrayed us." he told me flatly. "You will suffer the consequences."
I laughed, licking at some blood that was trickling from my lips. "I betrayed nobody. By Elbereth...I *will* kill you." My eyes flicked around. Had Shagrat not been there I was certain I would have gotten away with getting ahold of a weapon. But after I launched myself forward I realized that with Shagrat directing them...I had little chance of success. But I had to try...for Frodo's sake if not for my own. Elbereth had returned to me, and I was not going to let her down a second time.
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Chapter 18 : Holding Ground
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The last few hours had been spent keeping Frodo as warm as I possibly could. The poor Hobbit was suffering a bit of delirium and he was not entirely altogether there. He was absolutely terrified of the Orcs finding us, and I couldn't blame him. He was starting to feel stronger little by little but the more he felt better the worse he felt.
"I can't take it again...Merilas." he whispered softly, "I really can't." he shook his head and his curls fell over his eyes. He gazed up at me desperately. "They are going to find us soon...I know they will..." he drew a ragged breath. "I just don't think I can handle being put on that...being put..." he tried to find the words to describe it. The herbs had managed to bring down the fever to a normal level again, and he was very surprised by that. Herbs in Mordor tended to act quickly, but that was because they were more often used to kill rather than cure.
"Frodo." I held him gently as I rocked him in my arms. "You have more strength in you than you think. Most people can't even handle that once." I stroked his hair gently. The fever was gone, and he was almost exhausted. He was afraid of falling asleep, I could tell. Afraid of where he would wake up. "You've been through it twice."
"I know Meri..." he whimpered, "And after the second time I wanted to just die..." he curled up next to me and stared fretfully at the door. "I don't...." he buried his head in my shoulder and I sighed.
"You can survive, Frodo. Just put your mind somewhere else when it happens." I advised him softly. "Think of something other than what is happening to you. Focus your mind elsewhere. It..." I frowned slightly, "It always works for me."
"You've been through it a lot haven't you Meri..." he looked up at me, and I found myself being lost in his eyes once again. He was so vulnerable right now, and I wished I could get him out of here. "Many times..."
"More times than I can count." I answered grimly.
"Do you really think if I tried to think of somewhere else..." he closed his eyes then and tried hard not to yawn. But he shook in my arms. He needed to sleep.
"Yes Frodo." I assured him gently.
"I'll try, Meri..." he promised me softly as he tried once more to keep his eyes open but failed. Soon...he was asleep in my arms, exhaustion having taken over finally. I watched him as he slept, taking care to make him as comfortable as possible. Once he had been asleep for about an hour I took the chance to bathe and care for his wounds while he would not be in pain.
As I was working, My ears pricked up...someone was coming up the stairwell...No...more than one...the Orcs. I looked down at the small hobbit. "Elbereth Protect you, Frodo." I did not understand why I was calling her to name after so long leaving her out of my mind. For some reason...she was there now and I could not figure out why. I had thought she had long since abandoned me.
And they crashed into the room, forcing open the door with a hefty push. This unfortunately awoke Frodo, who clung to me in fear. I wrapped my arms around him and stared at the group defiantly. Shagrat pushed his way forward.
"What's this...." he pulled back Frodo's head from my chest, using his hair. Frodo cringed in pain. He chortled at my expression. "You've taken to liking little rats, Rose? I thought that was beyond you by now. I'm disappointed in you."
Frodo was dragged away from me and flung to the side. He lay there for a moment, scrambling back. He pressed himself against the wall as Shagrat confronted me. "Leave her alone..." he warned the Orc. A rather impressive site, Frodo's eyes were flashing at the Orc with hatred.
"You." Shagrat spat at the Hobbit. "Aren't in any position to give orders." he leered at the Hobbit then backhanded me across the face. As Frodo swung a fist at Shagrat with all his might, the Orc's hand whipped out and grabbed the Hobbit's wrist, holding him fast. He cried out in pain.
I was taller than Shagrat, but somehow...the Orc looked down at -me-. "At least you've done your job." the Orc Captain chortled and looked back at the hobbit, flinging him into the arms of two of his guards. "Put him back in the room and we'll deal with him later."
Two large Orcs grabbed Frodo, who struggled as best he could. They finally held him fast as pain was clouding his vision. The struggle had not done anything to help his wounds. I glanced over at him and tried my best to smile. "Don't worry Frodo." I promised him.
"Merilas!" he cried out my name as the orcs dragged him out of the room. I tried to get to the Hobbit, but I was shoved back and Shagrat's guards threw me back. There was more than one of them, and they had weapons. I fell against the wall..and sank to the ground. Anger boiled inside of me, and I knew I was ready to kill him finally. Ready to avenge every year of my life with the Orcs. I was ready. I glared at him.
He stared back at me thoughtfully, as though trying to decide what to do with me. I suppose this was the first time I had stood up to him in the years that I had served him. Even when I came to him. They had already broken me. "You betrayed us." he told me flatly. "You will suffer the consequences."
I laughed, licking at some blood that was trickling from my lips. "I betrayed nobody. By Elbereth...I *will* kill you." My eyes flicked around. Had Shagrat not been there I was certain I would have gotten away with getting ahold of a weapon. But after I launched myself forward I realized that with Shagrat directing them...I had little chance of success. But I had to try...for Frodo's sake if not for my own. Elbereth had returned to me, and I was not going to let her down a second time.
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