Author's Note : Um...not much to say but I wish I was Merilas.J
MERILAS POV
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CHAPTER 29 : The Heart of an Elf
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We were alone, the candlelight flickering about us. He did nothing with my veil just yet and moved to sit next to me. With a small sound from deep within him he slid one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I lay my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. We sat there for a long time, his fingers caressing the edge of my shoulder. Finally he spoke.
"Merilas…I…" He took a deep breath and was trying to find the words to talk to me. To tell me what was in his heart. I looked away from him still, and I did not want him to see the rest of me. He was still so beautiful…still clean. He was still an elf. He had not done the things I had done. "I have been looking for you…I never stopped…"
"Don't talk." I shook my head, I didn't want to know what he had been doing…or thinking. I just wanted to rest in his arms. Even if it was only for a few moments in time.
I don't know what was going through his head, but he wouldn't let me just rest. He lifted up my head and I could tell he wanted to see my face…so I pulled away from him, turning slightly to the side.
"Whatever they did to you…" Legolas took a deep breath. I knew he was stealing himself, trying to prepare a reaction. His next words surprised me somewhat. "I'll blame myself for it throughout all the ages." he reached out his hand and touched my hair. It had been long since I had bathed well, and I winced. "Don't turn away from me…"
I looked back at him, "You have no idea what I have been through, Legolas." I pulled away again, and his hand fell to his side. "You cannot expect me to fall into your arms and let everything be right with the world again. I'm not some fairy princess, and you are not a knight in shining armor. Its too late for that. I'm no longer an elf…that part of me…is dead forever. You must go back to Mirkwood…and never think of me again. I did not wish to be seen when I came here today."
I saw his jaw twitch, and I knew what I said hurt him. He took a breath. "I do not think that is true…or you would not have helped Frodo…he was happy to see you…when I think..When I think of what they must have…" he shuddered, and I smiled just a little, though he could not see it.
"It wasn't my choice to help him, Legolas. Not at first. He was just another prisoner…and I had tended many." I shook my head. "I'm not an angel, and I'm not going home. My hands…and my heart have seen too much death. Go now…I….don't want to be with you." my heart thumped in my chest as I controlled every emotion. He deserved better than me, and I was not going to keep him here. I didn't want his pity. I don't know what he expected I'd do when he found me, but I did know that I couldn't…
He looked away, hiding the pain in his eyes, then his chin set and he looked back. He reached out, quick as a snake and grabbed me, dragging me to him. I was a little too surprised to struggle at first, and he took advantage of that. He held me fast, his free hand coming up to remove my veil.
"Please, don't…" I begged, but he ignored me, and it fell away. A long moment passed as his eyes widened He brought his hand up to touch the rough skin of my cheek, running over the scars, and then up…to my ears…mutilated by orcish jewels…and then my nose and forehead. It felt hot…and I was near tears…but then his eyes focused on my lips where a jagged scar still remained from when I had bit Shagrat. Color drained from his face and he held me, shaking.
He was shaking with anger, I suddenly realized, gazing up at him. His gaze was terrible as he looked away from me trying to control himself. A ragged howl escaped his lips as he cried out an elven curse on orcs, and then he began to cry as he looked back at me. "I'm sorry…" he breathed between sobs, "I did this to you…What you must have gone through…" he reached back up again to cup my cheek. "Oh…Elbereth…Merilas what have I done?"
"You did nothing." I looked at him…my expression was softening. I felt no pain anymore…but he was feeling everything for me. A wash of emotions he'd never experienced before. "Listen to me…" I said seriously, "Legolas…It was not your fault. If anyone's it was mine for insisting that I came with you that day."
"I should have protected you, but I failed." he shook his head, "I broke a vow to my father…letting you be captured. I will never forgive myself….never."
He gazed at me like a dying man in a desert would look at his last bottle of water, and I looked back at him, searching his eyes. He saw me…yes…but I also saw something else in his eyes. He still wanted me. And that was when he lowered his head and his lips met mine. "Legolas…no…" I murmured against him. But the comment was lost in the night. He held me there, and continued to kiss me….seeking…absolution…anything I supposed. I responded in kind. I wanted him, but in the back of my mind a warning bell rang its sad toll. I could not have him.
"I love you." he said softly in elvish, once it was done, and I had no response. I did not know if I loved him. I did not know if I could love at all. I had kept a hold on my emotions so long.
"Legolas.." I said softly, my hand stoking his cheek. I had no answer for him. I had no answer for myself…or anyone.
Just then…Arwen and Aragorn came back into the room with Frodo, saving me from responding. Legolas and I stood up from the bed, and neither the King nor the Queen paid any attention to our position. The Elven Prince regained his composure while Arwen tucked Frodo back into the covers. He was couging again and he smiled at me weakly.
"Everything will be alright." his eyes fluttered, smiling…but I saw the redness in his face, heat from what had begun to ail him. His little hand reached out to me and I clasped it, moving away from Legolas. Frodo needed me now…The Prince would have to wait. I think he knew…he knew what had passed between us somehow.
"What is wrong with him?" I asked the King and Queen.
"If we do not manage to bring this fever down." Aragorn said softly in elvish. "He will die."
Frodo stirred, wincing. I looked down at him…the small hobbit had faced worse things in the Tower…why now was this suddenly bringing him to such a pass. "Frodo." I sat down on the bed. "I'm here now. "
"I know, Meri…" his voice was a hoarse whisper. "I need…I need to get well…I must get to Rivendell…Help me…Please…"
And what else could I do? It seemed I would not be leaving so soon as I thought. Legolas put his hand on my shoulder. A hand I had longed to have for so many years…a comfort that I had thought lost to me forever. I looked back at him…and tried to smile…but returned my attention to the Hobbit as the King and Queen began to explain what needed to be done.
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MERILAS POV
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------CHAPTER 29 : The Heart of an Elf
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We were alone, the candlelight flickering about us. He did nothing with my veil just yet and moved to sit next to me. With a small sound from deep within him he slid one arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. I lay my head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. We sat there for a long time, his fingers caressing the edge of my shoulder. Finally he spoke.
"Merilas…I…" He took a deep breath and was trying to find the words to talk to me. To tell me what was in his heart. I looked away from him still, and I did not want him to see the rest of me. He was still so beautiful…still clean. He was still an elf. He had not done the things I had done. "I have been looking for you…I never stopped…"
"Don't talk." I shook my head, I didn't want to know what he had been doing…or thinking. I just wanted to rest in his arms. Even if it was only for a few moments in time.
I don't know what was going through his head, but he wouldn't let me just rest. He lifted up my head and I could tell he wanted to see my face…so I pulled away from him, turning slightly to the side.
"Whatever they did to you…" Legolas took a deep breath. I knew he was stealing himself, trying to prepare a reaction. His next words surprised me somewhat. "I'll blame myself for it throughout all the ages." he reached out his hand and touched my hair. It had been long since I had bathed well, and I winced. "Don't turn away from me…"
I looked back at him, "You have no idea what I have been through, Legolas." I pulled away again, and his hand fell to his side. "You cannot expect me to fall into your arms and let everything be right with the world again. I'm not some fairy princess, and you are not a knight in shining armor. Its too late for that. I'm no longer an elf…that part of me…is dead forever. You must go back to Mirkwood…and never think of me again. I did not wish to be seen when I came here today."
I saw his jaw twitch, and I knew what I said hurt him. He took a breath. "I do not think that is true…or you would not have helped Frodo…he was happy to see you…when I think..When I think of what they must have…" he shuddered, and I smiled just a little, though he could not see it.
"It wasn't my choice to help him, Legolas. Not at first. He was just another prisoner…and I had tended many." I shook my head. "I'm not an angel, and I'm not going home. My hands…and my heart have seen too much death. Go now…I….don't want to be with you." my heart thumped in my chest as I controlled every emotion. He deserved better than me, and I was not going to keep him here. I didn't want his pity. I don't know what he expected I'd do when he found me, but I did know that I couldn't…
He looked away, hiding the pain in his eyes, then his chin set and he looked back. He reached out, quick as a snake and grabbed me, dragging me to him. I was a little too surprised to struggle at first, and he took advantage of that. He held me fast, his free hand coming up to remove my veil.
"Please, don't…" I begged, but he ignored me, and it fell away. A long moment passed as his eyes widened He brought his hand up to touch the rough skin of my cheek, running over the scars, and then up…to my ears…mutilated by orcish jewels…and then my nose and forehead. It felt hot…and I was near tears…but then his eyes focused on my lips where a jagged scar still remained from when I had bit Shagrat. Color drained from his face and he held me, shaking.
He was shaking with anger, I suddenly realized, gazing up at him. His gaze was terrible as he looked away from me trying to control himself. A ragged howl escaped his lips as he cried out an elven curse on orcs, and then he began to cry as he looked back at me. "I'm sorry…" he breathed between sobs, "I did this to you…What you must have gone through…" he reached back up again to cup my cheek. "Oh…Elbereth…Merilas what have I done?"
"You did nothing." I looked at him…my expression was softening. I felt no pain anymore…but he was feeling everything for me. A wash of emotions he'd never experienced before. "Listen to me…" I said seriously, "Legolas…It was not your fault. If anyone's it was mine for insisting that I came with you that day."
"I should have protected you, but I failed." he shook his head, "I broke a vow to my father…letting you be captured. I will never forgive myself….never."
He gazed at me like a dying man in a desert would look at his last bottle of water, and I looked back at him, searching his eyes. He saw me…yes…but I also saw something else in his eyes. He still wanted me. And that was when he lowered his head and his lips met mine. "Legolas…no…" I murmured against him. But the comment was lost in the night. He held me there, and continued to kiss me….seeking…absolution…anything I supposed. I responded in kind. I wanted him, but in the back of my mind a warning bell rang its sad toll. I could not have him.
"I love you." he said softly in elvish, once it was done, and I had no response. I did not know if I loved him. I did not know if I could love at all. I had kept a hold on my emotions so long.
"Legolas.." I said softly, my hand stoking his cheek. I had no answer for him. I had no answer for myself…or anyone.
Just then…Arwen and Aragorn came back into the room with Frodo, saving me from responding. Legolas and I stood up from the bed, and neither the King nor the Queen paid any attention to our position. The Elven Prince regained his composure while Arwen tucked Frodo back into the covers. He was couging again and he smiled at me weakly.
"Everything will be alright." his eyes fluttered, smiling…but I saw the redness in his face, heat from what had begun to ail him. His little hand reached out to me and I clasped it, moving away from Legolas. Frodo needed me now…The Prince would have to wait. I think he knew…he knew what had passed between us somehow.
"What is wrong with him?" I asked the King and Queen.
"If we do not manage to bring this fever down." Aragorn said softly in elvish. "He will die."
Frodo stirred, wincing. I looked down at him…the small hobbit had faced worse things in the Tower…why now was this suddenly bringing him to such a pass. "Frodo." I sat down on the bed. "I'm here now. "
"I know, Meri…" his voice was a hoarse whisper. "I need…I need to get well…I must get to Rivendell…Help me…Please…"
And what else could I do? It seemed I would not be leaving so soon as I thought. Legolas put his hand on my shoulder. A hand I had longed to have for so many years…a comfort that I had thought lost to me forever. I looked back at him…and tried to smile…but returned my attention to the Hobbit as the King and Queen began to explain what needed to be done.
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