A Perfect Soldiers Attachment
By Padfootsgal
Takes place after EW
Warnings- slight angst, sappy ending, Heeros language, Shonen-ai, which is boy x boy love, so do not read if you do not like that stuff. No Relena at all, which is a good thing. There's prolly spelling and grammar errors that word cant catch, but I'm too lazy to proofread it.
Note- This was written as kind of a tribute to my friends, who deal with me, and are kind and so NICE yet I am horribly cruel to them. They could have much better friends, yet they are friends with me. This really makes me happy. So, I wrote a short story when I was at the peak of my depression about that. And here it is.
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If I died, who would mourn? It used to be no one, not a person cared about me. But now, there are 4 who would mourn for me. Damn them. It used to be so easy, follow orders, push the button, and wait for death to come. But now...my feelings for them hold me back, a second too slow. My missions aren't as suicidaly dangerous anymore. I am more cautious, careful to live. Damn J. He tried to program all emotions out of me. But he failed to completely annihilate one of those emotions. Love. And damn it all, because of that, I love a certain person, one of my 4 mourners, and I opened up more. And you know what else? I don't want to fight it. I would damn the braided baka, the one who these emotions are for, but I just cant. I think he loves, or at least likes me too, but it is probably wistful thinking on my part. I don't deserve them, loyal and kind friends, I must seem so cold and uncaring to them. A cold, uncaring bastard. IF Duo loves me, well, how could he? How can I love him? Wasn't all emotion supposed to be programmed out of me?
I then decided what to do. 'Do it, before they get too attached to you' but I know, its me who I'm afraid will get too attached to THEM. Well, it's too late, I already am too attached. I sit down and write a short note, simple and quick to the point.
Everyone,
I hope you didn't get too attached to me. I'm leaving now.
-01
There. It seems perfectly informal and I had signed it 01, making it even more emotionless, like the perfect solider I supposedly am. Right now, the others are at some school party, which I refused to go to. Good thing, it gives me more time to finish my job. I take my gun and leave the bedroom I share with Duo. I don't want too much of a mess for them to clean up. I leave the note on the dresser, and head towards the bathroom. I sit in the bathtub, the easiest place to clean, and place my gun to my head, preparing to pull the trigger. I concentrate so much, I zone out all outside sounds and images, concentrating on what I must do. I grip the gun securely, and pull the trigger...
...Or rather that's what I was about to do, if I hadn't heard what sounded like a faint shout of 'NO HEERO!" I looked up, surprised. The others shouldn't have been back yet. I must have imagined it; it probably was just something I thought up to keep myself from doing it, killing myself. "Baka." I murmured to myself. I then hold the gun firmly up to my head, preparing again. But just then, Duo rushed into the bathroom.
"Heero..." Duo panted, "don't, onegai."
"Why shouldn't I?" Damn. I wince inwardly at the cold tone of voice. But I'm ALWAYS perfectly composed and calm on the outside, the perfect solider.
"Heero...eh..." Duo stammered, "I, I"
"Nani?" Shit. Cold and cruel sounding AGAIN.
"I...Love you" Duo then turns and walks out, saying over his shoulder, "Its too late to hope I didn't get attached. Go ahead and kill yourself. But, so you know, ill be doing the same, after you" His voice is full of sadness and tears, knowledge he cannot have what he wants.
I drop my gun, stunned at Duos revelation. Duo turns; surprised he does not hear a gunshot, but yet, a clank. I walk over to him. Well, too late for me not to get attached.
"Duo," I murmur. Looking into his eyes I see a passion, a passion that is love, but yet greater than love, for a weak word like love could never fill the desperate want, care, for lack of a better word- love in Duos eyes. Knowing that the passion was for me threw all ideas of wanting to kill myself out the window.
"I...aishiteru" without waiting for a reaction, I brush my lips against his, capturing him in a light kiss. He then moved to make the kiss deeper, and I find myself opening up to him. What bliss.
As I find true passion and love for him, I realize how quickly I have changed my life and emotions, and how, even though deadly, trying to commit suicide does have the advantage of getting Duo, finally.
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Owari
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