Title: forgiven
Author: Keridwen
Disclaimer: Cheese is good.
Chapter 20: Decisions
Jocelyn managed to get Leonard into the woods before he passed out again. The man was in rough shape, his breathing was shallow, and he had a slow pulse. She laid him down next to a large tree that resembled a terran weeping willow, and tried to raise the Enterprise again.
No good.
Jocelyn looked up at the stars, calm now that she was in charge of her situation for the first time in days.
/I am in charge/ she thought
/ It is something I am quite new to. /
The last time she had taken charge of her life, and had taken responsibility for her actions was when she had stood up to her parents and had married Leonard. She had reason to be proud of herself then, and it was a feeling that she hadn't felt in years.
/All the hurt I've caused. All the guilt I've felt. I have no one to blame but myself. /
/I am the reason I am all alone. I ruined our marriage./
She looked down at her ex husband and gently moves the hair out of his eyes. His face was contorted in pain, even in sleep.
/Why, why did I have to do this to him./
She couldn't really find a good answer.
She got up again and tried the communicator. Nothing.
It was then, standing there in the Nilian woods, that Jocelyn Darnell-McCoy found herself sick of guilt. Sick of pain, and of fights. Sick of playing Joanna between them. Sick of everything.
"I have had it up to here! I have had it with this life."
She sank back down next to Leonard peered into his face, and made a vow.
"I never deserved you. I was less than I should have become. Now I am going to turn it all around, Len. I am going to stop hurting and become the woman you always wanted. Not for you, but for Joanna, and all the others I have hurt in my life. I am going to be proud of myself once again."
He didn't answer, but Jocelyn was satisfied. She may have screwed up in the past, but with a little humility, and forgiveness, she could turn it around.
She leaned down, and kissed him one last time. It was good-bye for she was determined that Leonard would never see her again until she had changed.
"I love you, Leonard McCoy."
The whisper was drowned out by the beep of the communicator.
They were going home.
Chapter 20: Decisions
Jocelyn managed to get Leonard into the woods before he passed out again. The man was in rough shape, his breathing was shallow, and he had a slow pulse. She laid him down next to a large tree that resembled a terran weeping willow, and tried to raise the Enterprise again.
No good.
Jocelyn looked up at the stars, calm now that she was in charge of her situation for the first time in days.
/I am in charge/ she thought
/ It is something I am quite new to. /
The last time she had taken charge of her life, and had taken responsibility for her actions was when she had stood up to her parents and had married Leonard. She had reason to be proud of herself then, and it was a feeling that she hadn't felt in years.
/All the hurt I've caused. All the guilt I've felt. I have no one to blame but myself. /
/I am the reason I am all alone. I ruined our marriage./
She looked down at her ex husband and gently moves the hair out of his eyes. His face was contorted in pain, even in sleep.
/Why, why did I have to do this to him./
She couldn't really find a good answer.
She got up again and tried the communicator. Nothing.
It was then, standing there in the Nilian woods, that Jocelyn Darnell-McCoy found herself sick of guilt. Sick of pain, and of fights. Sick of playing Joanna between them. Sick of everything.
"I have had it up to here! I have had it with this life."
She sank back down next to Leonard peered into his face, and made a vow.
"I never deserved you. I was less than I should have become. Now I am going to turn it all around, Len. I am going to stop hurting and become the woman you always wanted. Not for you, but for Joanna, and all the others I have hurt in my life. I am going to be proud of myself once again."
He didn't answer, but Jocelyn was satisfied. She may have screwed up in the past, but with a little humility, and forgiveness, she could turn it around.
She leaned down, and kissed him one last time. It was good-bye for she was determined that Leonard would never see her again until she had changed.
"I love you, Leonard McCoy."
The whisper was drowned out by the beep of the communicator.
They were going home.