A/N: On advice from Galahan, I redid the second chapter, and I hope it's a
little better than my first version.
The first thing that Glorfindel noticed about the Halls of Mandos was the absolute lack of color. No colors of any kind seemed to be present, nothing defining, no visible boundaries. The Halls simply were. The next thing Glorfindel noticed was the all-encompassing presence of Mandos himself. He felt suddenly powerless and afraid, naked without the protective shell of his body, his f?a laid bare. The Elf lord tried futilely to move away, but a gentle tug by Mandos stopped him.
"Why do you flee?" his voice questioned, powerful yet soothing.
"I am fearful," Glorfindel replied, knowing it was useless to lie, for the f?a in its naked form cannot tell a falsehood.
"Of what?"
"Of your judgement."
"And what wrongdoings do you think I will judge you for?" Mandos asked gently.
"I allied myself with those who slew their own kin, and although I did not directly harm another Elf, I associated with and gave aid to those who did," Glorfindel said without hesitation. "I forswore the House of Finarfin to ally myself with one of the House of Fingolfin and in doing so did not remain loyal to my Vanyar kin. And last of all, I followed F?anor the Dispossessed in his rebellion against the Valar and forsook the lands of my birth forever."
"And what punishment do you expect for this?"
"I expect a long tenure in these Halls," Glorfindel said ruefully.
"You tenure is only as long as you make it," Mandos said cryptically. "I will return to speak with you again later. In the meantime, you may wish to speak with those you knew in life."
"I prefer to remain alone for now," Glorfindel said, subdued.
True to his word, Mandos returned later to speak again with Glorfindel.
"So you believe that you were dishonorable in allying yourself to the House of Fingolfin?"
"Yes," Glorfindel said miserably. "I had pledged myself to the House of Finarfin, and I should have stayed loyal."
"Then why did you join Turgon?"
"Because he was one of my dearest friends!" Glorfindel cried out. "I couldn't abandon him!"
"So the ties of friendship were stronger than the ties of loyalty," Mandos stated.
"Yes," Glorfindel said, sighing.
"And why do you think that the ties of loyalty necessarily preclude the ties of friendship? Just because you gave a solemn pledge in one and not the other?"
"Well, yes," Glorfindel said uncertainly.
"No." Mandos shook his head. "Friendship includes loyalty and you kept your loyalty to Turgon, selflessly following him to Middle Earth. Do you think that deserves punishment?"
"But I was disloyal to the House of Finarfin," Glorfindel protested.
"And if you had been loyal to the House of Finarfin, you would have been disloyal to Turgon," Mandos countered. "Either decision you made would have meant you were unfaithful to someone, and you made the choice your heart told you. There is no fault in that."
"I suppose not," Glorfindel said thoughtfully.
"That is good," Mandos nodded his head approvingly. "You are coming to understand and accept, and that is the first step to healing."
Mandos came to Glorfindel many other times and they talked of many things: the rebellion, the Kinslayings, and any other doubts that came to Glorfindel's mind. Slowly Glorfindel came to accept it all, facing his mistakes and shortcomings and coming to terms with them. He took it all inside and made it a part of himself so that he felt whole once more, healed of his pain. He even sought out those he had known in life, speaking to Turgon, Ecthelion, and others.
Turgon he usually found in a dark mood, struggling with his past, his role in the Kinslaying. Most of the time Glorfindel would just sit and listen to Turgon as the erstwhile Lord of Gondolin recalled the horrors, offering advice and comfort when he could. As he had been healed, so Glorfindel helped his friend to heal, though for Turgon it took much longer.
But before the Lord of Gondolin was completely free of his pain, Glorfindel was called before Mandos.
"Your healing is done, Glorfindel of the Golden Flower," Mandos intoned. "If you wish it, you are ready to be re-embodied and take your place among your people again. Your progress has been remarkable. I do not believe anyone other than Finrod has ever left these Halls so rapidly."
"Thank you, Lord Mandos," Glorfindel said respectfully. "I am ready to go back, for there is an oath I took long ago that I must fulfill."
"So be it."
Glorfindel felt something tickling his cheek, and he batted it irritably away before intending to go back to sleep. But then he realized what had just happened. He had touched his cheek. With his hand. Sitting up suddenly, he looked wonderingly down at his hand and then down at his body, skin perfect and unmarred by the fire of the Balrog. He brought his hand up to his head, and ran it through his hair, reveling in the sensation. Even though he had known he was to be re-embodied, it was still something of a shock to suddenly find himself in his old body. Looking around, he realized he was lying in the gardens of Lorien, the mallyrn trees swaying softly overhead, their fallen leaves forming a golden carpet on the ground. Standing up slowly, he stretched, feeling the flex and pull of muscles. Realizing he was naked, he found a pile of clothes nearby, most likely left by the maiden attendants of Lorien. Glorfindel pulled them on and then began to walk through the forest, getting used to his body. He wandered aimlessly for a bit, contemplating, but then he decided to head for Tirion, where Mandos had told him he should seek out Finrod. Glorfindel's memories were still sketchy. Sometimes flashes of certain events would surface in his mind, but when he tried to firmly anchor them, they would slip out of his grasp like wisps of cloud. Finrod was to be the one who would help him adjust to life again and regain all his old memories.
Glorfindel stopped for a moment and leaned against the trunk of one of the trees to simply enjoy the sensations around him: the soft whisper of leaves in the wind, the smell of flowers, the gentle caress of a breeze against his cheek. He felt like a child when it first opens its eyes to the world, delighted with everything, experiencing everything as if for the first time.
Giving a reluctant sigh, the Vanya caressed the smooth bark of the tree one last time, deciding to move on. Stepping out from behind the tree he had been leaning against, Glorfindel was almost bowled over by a young golden- haired Elf who had come careening through the forest. The Elf lord blinked down at the young Elf, sprawled on the ground, while the young Elf gaped at Glorfindel.
"Who are you?" Glorfindel asked him curiously.
The young Elf was obviously Vanyar, and he looked strangely familiar to Glorfindel.
"I am Gildor," the Elf replied, "son of Inglor Finrod Felagund."
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Gildor ran fleet as a deer through the trees, his feet barely touching the ground, braided hair flying out behind him. Looking behind him, he realized his friend had stopped chasing him and was standing some distance away, waving for Gildor to come back.
"I don't think we should go into Lorien without permission!" he yelled.
"Nonsense!" Gildor called back. "I'll be right back. I'm not going to go deep into the forest."
With that, he took off again, exhilarated by the crisp, cool air and the exercise. Suddenly, another golden-haired Elf stepped out from behind a tree and before Gildor could react, he had crashed into the other Elf's chest and fallen to the ground with a grunt. Looking up at the handsome Elf, Gildor felt his cheeks tinge with embarrassment. He didn't think there would be other Elves at the edge of the forest here.
"Who are you?" the golden Elf asked.
"I am Gildor, son of Inglor Finrod Felagund," the Elf replied, frowning slightly.
It was strange that this Elf did not know who he was. Almost everyone knew Gildor simply because of who his father was.
"Ah, Finrod finally got married did he?" the Elf said, smiling. "I'm assuming Amarie is your mother?"
"Of course," Gildor replied.
"Where have you been, stranger?" he added jokingly. "The Halls of Mandos?"
"As a matter of fact I have," the Elf said in amusement.
Gildor realized his mouth had fallen open, and he shut it with a snap.
"Who are you?" he asked in amazement.
"Glorfindel of the Golden Flower."
Gildor's eyes widened in awe. Here was the legendary Glorfindel of Gondolin, the Balrog slayer who by his valor had saved the descendents of Turgon, Lord of Gondolin and High King of the Noldor. And he had just crashed into him.
Feeling his entire face turn red, Gildor gave a bow and stammered out, "I apologize for running into you, my lord, and I hope I was not rude to you."
"Do not bow to me," Glorfindel admonished, "and no, you were not rude."
"If you don't mind my asking," Gildor said respectfully. "Where are you going?"
"To see Finrod, actually." Glorfindel smiled at Gildor.
"Really?" Gildor said excitedly.
He already liked the Elf lord and was eager to have Glorfindel coming to his father's house where he might get to spend some time with the older Elf.
"Would you take me there?" Glorfindel asked politely.
"Of course," came the prompt reply.
Forgetting his earlier awe in his eagerness, Gildor grabbed Glorfindel's hand and tugged him along. "Follow me."
"Atar!" Gildor called, bursting through the door. "I've brought someone you will be most pleased to see!"
"Bring him in the study," came Finrod's voice from down the hall.
Gildor led Glorfindel into Finrod's study, waiting smugly for his father to raise his head and see who it was.
When Finrod did, he gave a cry of delight and hurried around his desk to embrace Glorfindel.
"It's good to see you Glorfindel! I wasn't expecting you for another couple of centuries."
"I apparently progressed more quickly than expected," Glorfindel said with a smile, taking the seat Finrod offered him. "Mandos told me you were to be the one to help me readjust to life and regain all my memories."
"Yes," Finrod said, nodding. "I volunteered when Mandos told me there would be other lords re-embodied soon, although I was the first one."
"I am grateful that you would do this for me, even though I forsook the House of Finarfin."
"I hold no grudges about that," Finrod said, waving it off. "In a way, I too forsook my House, and I cannot be angry with you over something that I did as well."
Glorfindel nodded his thanks and added, "By the way, I see you married your Amari?. I literally ran into your son in Lorien."
"Yes." Finrod laughed. "I am quite proud of my son, although he can be quite spirited and reckless at times. A product of his Noldor blood, though I hope the Noldor wisdom manifests itself soon."
"If he's anything like his father I'm sure it will," Glorfindel promised.
"Thank you," Finrod said graciously. "So tell me, how much do you remember?"
"Bits and pieces." Glorfindel shrugged. "The main events I remember are the rebellion, the journey across the Helcarax?, and the building of Gondolin. My death is still blurred as are the battles. I remember more of the small things, such as singing at feasts and swimming in the sea. I remember the people the most, but the events seem to be eluding my grasp."
"That was the way it was for me too," Finrod replied. "Do not worry. We will talk of it all and you will regain your memories. In the meantime, it is getting on towards evening, and I'm sure you are hungry as you have not eaten in a few centuries. We will get you some food and I will have a room prepared for you. You can stay with us for as long as you wish."
"I thank you for your kindness and hospitality," Glorfindel said gratefully, bowing.
"Come my friend." Finrod smiled, linking his arm through Glorfindel's. "Let us go. Your new life is waiting."
Note: (I made this up) *The fea of Glorfindel was re-embodied in the year 120 of the Second Age. Finrod was also re-embodied some time in the Second Age before Glorfindel, and when he returned from the Halls of Mandos, he married Amarie of the Vanyar and they had a child, Gildor. I've decided to have Gildor be born in the year 65, making him 55 years old when he first met Glorfindel
The first thing that Glorfindel noticed about the Halls of Mandos was the absolute lack of color. No colors of any kind seemed to be present, nothing defining, no visible boundaries. The Halls simply were. The next thing Glorfindel noticed was the all-encompassing presence of Mandos himself. He felt suddenly powerless and afraid, naked without the protective shell of his body, his f?a laid bare. The Elf lord tried futilely to move away, but a gentle tug by Mandos stopped him.
"Why do you flee?" his voice questioned, powerful yet soothing.
"I am fearful," Glorfindel replied, knowing it was useless to lie, for the f?a in its naked form cannot tell a falsehood.
"Of what?"
"Of your judgement."
"And what wrongdoings do you think I will judge you for?" Mandos asked gently.
"I allied myself with those who slew their own kin, and although I did not directly harm another Elf, I associated with and gave aid to those who did," Glorfindel said without hesitation. "I forswore the House of Finarfin to ally myself with one of the House of Fingolfin and in doing so did not remain loyal to my Vanyar kin. And last of all, I followed F?anor the Dispossessed in his rebellion against the Valar and forsook the lands of my birth forever."
"And what punishment do you expect for this?"
"I expect a long tenure in these Halls," Glorfindel said ruefully.
"You tenure is only as long as you make it," Mandos said cryptically. "I will return to speak with you again later. In the meantime, you may wish to speak with those you knew in life."
"I prefer to remain alone for now," Glorfindel said, subdued.
True to his word, Mandos returned later to speak again with Glorfindel.
"So you believe that you were dishonorable in allying yourself to the House of Fingolfin?"
"Yes," Glorfindel said miserably. "I had pledged myself to the House of Finarfin, and I should have stayed loyal."
"Then why did you join Turgon?"
"Because he was one of my dearest friends!" Glorfindel cried out. "I couldn't abandon him!"
"So the ties of friendship were stronger than the ties of loyalty," Mandos stated.
"Yes," Glorfindel said, sighing.
"And why do you think that the ties of loyalty necessarily preclude the ties of friendship? Just because you gave a solemn pledge in one and not the other?"
"Well, yes," Glorfindel said uncertainly.
"No." Mandos shook his head. "Friendship includes loyalty and you kept your loyalty to Turgon, selflessly following him to Middle Earth. Do you think that deserves punishment?"
"But I was disloyal to the House of Finarfin," Glorfindel protested.
"And if you had been loyal to the House of Finarfin, you would have been disloyal to Turgon," Mandos countered. "Either decision you made would have meant you were unfaithful to someone, and you made the choice your heart told you. There is no fault in that."
"I suppose not," Glorfindel said thoughtfully.
"That is good," Mandos nodded his head approvingly. "You are coming to understand and accept, and that is the first step to healing."
Mandos came to Glorfindel many other times and they talked of many things: the rebellion, the Kinslayings, and any other doubts that came to Glorfindel's mind. Slowly Glorfindel came to accept it all, facing his mistakes and shortcomings and coming to terms with them. He took it all inside and made it a part of himself so that he felt whole once more, healed of his pain. He even sought out those he had known in life, speaking to Turgon, Ecthelion, and others.
Turgon he usually found in a dark mood, struggling with his past, his role in the Kinslaying. Most of the time Glorfindel would just sit and listen to Turgon as the erstwhile Lord of Gondolin recalled the horrors, offering advice and comfort when he could. As he had been healed, so Glorfindel helped his friend to heal, though for Turgon it took much longer.
But before the Lord of Gondolin was completely free of his pain, Glorfindel was called before Mandos.
"Your healing is done, Glorfindel of the Golden Flower," Mandos intoned. "If you wish it, you are ready to be re-embodied and take your place among your people again. Your progress has been remarkable. I do not believe anyone other than Finrod has ever left these Halls so rapidly."
"Thank you, Lord Mandos," Glorfindel said respectfully. "I am ready to go back, for there is an oath I took long ago that I must fulfill."
"So be it."
Glorfindel felt something tickling his cheek, and he batted it irritably away before intending to go back to sleep. But then he realized what had just happened. He had touched his cheek. With his hand. Sitting up suddenly, he looked wonderingly down at his hand and then down at his body, skin perfect and unmarred by the fire of the Balrog. He brought his hand up to his head, and ran it through his hair, reveling in the sensation. Even though he had known he was to be re-embodied, it was still something of a shock to suddenly find himself in his old body. Looking around, he realized he was lying in the gardens of Lorien, the mallyrn trees swaying softly overhead, their fallen leaves forming a golden carpet on the ground. Standing up slowly, he stretched, feeling the flex and pull of muscles. Realizing he was naked, he found a pile of clothes nearby, most likely left by the maiden attendants of Lorien. Glorfindel pulled them on and then began to walk through the forest, getting used to his body. He wandered aimlessly for a bit, contemplating, but then he decided to head for Tirion, where Mandos had told him he should seek out Finrod. Glorfindel's memories were still sketchy. Sometimes flashes of certain events would surface in his mind, but when he tried to firmly anchor them, they would slip out of his grasp like wisps of cloud. Finrod was to be the one who would help him adjust to life again and regain all his old memories.
Glorfindel stopped for a moment and leaned against the trunk of one of the trees to simply enjoy the sensations around him: the soft whisper of leaves in the wind, the smell of flowers, the gentle caress of a breeze against his cheek. He felt like a child when it first opens its eyes to the world, delighted with everything, experiencing everything as if for the first time.
Giving a reluctant sigh, the Vanya caressed the smooth bark of the tree one last time, deciding to move on. Stepping out from behind the tree he had been leaning against, Glorfindel was almost bowled over by a young golden- haired Elf who had come careening through the forest. The Elf lord blinked down at the young Elf, sprawled on the ground, while the young Elf gaped at Glorfindel.
"Who are you?" Glorfindel asked him curiously.
The young Elf was obviously Vanyar, and he looked strangely familiar to Glorfindel.
"I am Gildor," the Elf replied, "son of Inglor Finrod Felagund."
***************************************************************************
Gildor ran fleet as a deer through the trees, his feet barely touching the ground, braided hair flying out behind him. Looking behind him, he realized his friend had stopped chasing him and was standing some distance away, waving for Gildor to come back.
"I don't think we should go into Lorien without permission!" he yelled.
"Nonsense!" Gildor called back. "I'll be right back. I'm not going to go deep into the forest."
With that, he took off again, exhilarated by the crisp, cool air and the exercise. Suddenly, another golden-haired Elf stepped out from behind a tree and before Gildor could react, he had crashed into the other Elf's chest and fallen to the ground with a grunt. Looking up at the handsome Elf, Gildor felt his cheeks tinge with embarrassment. He didn't think there would be other Elves at the edge of the forest here.
"Who are you?" the golden Elf asked.
"I am Gildor, son of Inglor Finrod Felagund," the Elf replied, frowning slightly.
It was strange that this Elf did not know who he was. Almost everyone knew Gildor simply because of who his father was.
"Ah, Finrod finally got married did he?" the Elf said, smiling. "I'm assuming Amarie is your mother?"
"Of course," Gildor replied.
"Where have you been, stranger?" he added jokingly. "The Halls of Mandos?"
"As a matter of fact I have," the Elf said in amusement.
Gildor realized his mouth had fallen open, and he shut it with a snap.
"Who are you?" he asked in amazement.
"Glorfindel of the Golden Flower."
Gildor's eyes widened in awe. Here was the legendary Glorfindel of Gondolin, the Balrog slayer who by his valor had saved the descendents of Turgon, Lord of Gondolin and High King of the Noldor. And he had just crashed into him.
Feeling his entire face turn red, Gildor gave a bow and stammered out, "I apologize for running into you, my lord, and I hope I was not rude to you."
"Do not bow to me," Glorfindel admonished, "and no, you were not rude."
"If you don't mind my asking," Gildor said respectfully. "Where are you going?"
"To see Finrod, actually." Glorfindel smiled at Gildor.
"Really?" Gildor said excitedly.
He already liked the Elf lord and was eager to have Glorfindel coming to his father's house where he might get to spend some time with the older Elf.
"Would you take me there?" Glorfindel asked politely.
"Of course," came the prompt reply.
Forgetting his earlier awe in his eagerness, Gildor grabbed Glorfindel's hand and tugged him along. "Follow me."
"Atar!" Gildor called, bursting through the door. "I've brought someone you will be most pleased to see!"
"Bring him in the study," came Finrod's voice from down the hall.
Gildor led Glorfindel into Finrod's study, waiting smugly for his father to raise his head and see who it was.
When Finrod did, he gave a cry of delight and hurried around his desk to embrace Glorfindel.
"It's good to see you Glorfindel! I wasn't expecting you for another couple of centuries."
"I apparently progressed more quickly than expected," Glorfindel said with a smile, taking the seat Finrod offered him. "Mandos told me you were to be the one to help me readjust to life and regain all my memories."
"Yes," Finrod said, nodding. "I volunteered when Mandos told me there would be other lords re-embodied soon, although I was the first one."
"I am grateful that you would do this for me, even though I forsook the House of Finarfin."
"I hold no grudges about that," Finrod said, waving it off. "In a way, I too forsook my House, and I cannot be angry with you over something that I did as well."
Glorfindel nodded his thanks and added, "By the way, I see you married your Amari?. I literally ran into your son in Lorien."
"Yes." Finrod laughed. "I am quite proud of my son, although he can be quite spirited and reckless at times. A product of his Noldor blood, though I hope the Noldor wisdom manifests itself soon."
"If he's anything like his father I'm sure it will," Glorfindel promised.
"Thank you," Finrod said graciously. "So tell me, how much do you remember?"
"Bits and pieces." Glorfindel shrugged. "The main events I remember are the rebellion, the journey across the Helcarax?, and the building of Gondolin. My death is still blurred as are the battles. I remember more of the small things, such as singing at feasts and swimming in the sea. I remember the people the most, but the events seem to be eluding my grasp."
"That was the way it was for me too," Finrod replied. "Do not worry. We will talk of it all and you will regain your memories. In the meantime, it is getting on towards evening, and I'm sure you are hungry as you have not eaten in a few centuries. We will get you some food and I will have a room prepared for you. You can stay with us for as long as you wish."
"I thank you for your kindness and hospitality," Glorfindel said gratefully, bowing.
"Come my friend." Finrod smiled, linking his arm through Glorfindel's. "Let us go. Your new life is waiting."
Note: (I made this up) *The fea of Glorfindel was re-embodied in the year 120 of the Second Age. Finrod was also re-embodied some time in the Second Age before Glorfindel, and when he returned from the Halls of Mandos, he married Amarie of the Vanyar and they had a child, Gildor. I've decided to have Gildor be born in the year 65, making him 55 years old when he first met Glorfindel