Author's Note : This is slightly AU. I'm sorry it took so long to get an update up. I watched Starwars II at 12am and it kind of messed up my schedule a bit and I slept a lot. At any rate, just so you know : The Stuff in caps is what Frodo is reading in Biblo's journel. He's also remembering the events as he reads about them.
Chapter Two
While I read on…Bilbo's words began to form a memory in my mind…a memory I would have rather left alone and kept from the surface. One of the memories that tied me to the Shire…I read only a few lines of Bilbo's journal when it came to me…rising like a phoenix through my soul. I shivered and could feel an anxious sweat building.
I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING TO BE TOLD THAT FRODO HAD COME IN LATE THAT NIGHT AND FALLEN. HE'D BEEN CAUGHT IN THE FIRST WINTER STORM OF THE YEAR…AND HAD COME HOME TO ANOTHER. I COULD NOT EVEN TELL HIM AT THE TIME…AND WHEN IT CAME TO A MOMENT THAT I COULD…SHE WAS ALREADY GONE. I FELT IT BEST TO END IT AS I DID. FRODO WOULD BE BETTER OFF THAT WAY.
I closed my eyes…and the memories flooded back in an angry torrent…refusing to relinquish their hold on me.
* * * Bag End -- Frodo age 32 : Winter -- * * *
I was falling…and darkness surrounded me. I could not breathe…I could not think…and I could barely remember who I was….or even where I was. All I knew was that I was in great pain. Life was drifting away from my fingers even as I struggled to grasp at it. Bag End was as quiet as a tomb…and I rested where I had collapsed, a dull ache pounding in my head.
Outside the wind was howling. Before I'd managed to get home, four feet of snow had already piled up….and me without my jacket. It had been fine earlier that day…even a bit warm…but as night fell the temperature had severely dropped….and then it began to snow. I had been caught several miles from Hobbiton on one of my walks…and had been forced to make my way back in the storm.
I'd stumbled into Bag End…and I didn't even have time to close the door before I'd fallen in an exhausted, shivering heap.
"Bilbo…" I had cried out.
It was very late at night…and my uncle was out with a search party…looking for me. The answer had not been Bilbo. The answer had been a soft feminine voice, gentle as a summer breeze and as bright as a blazing fire. It was the first time I ever heard her. She must have arrived before the Storm.
"Who are you?" the voice asked. I felt her hands warm against my frozen cheek and as I opened my eyes and glanced around…icicles clung to the windows of Bag-End signaling the beginning of the Ice Storm that would ravage the Shire that winter. The door was now closed…she had managed to shut it on her own. She lifted me up a little so my head rested against her arm and she brushed away at my curls. "You're Frodo!" she exclaimed. "You are…you're alright! Oh…Bilbo will be so happy to hear it…" her voice was like a harmony of musical bells…and I stared at her, transfixed.
I don't think I could do her justice in a simple description. She was and she wasn't. I don't quite know how to explain it. She had long curly dark brown hair…eyes a deep green, sparkling like a clear pond in the summer under a bright blue sky. Though she was like a hobbit…I could hardly believe she could be one. She did have extra weight, like a hobbit…and her hands were long and smooth with thin fingers. Her face however was angular…not round, and her feet were as a hobbit lass' should be. She reminded me of someone…but I couldn't think exactly who…
"W-who ….where…" I managed to gasp out. Had I come into the wrong hole?
"Relax, Frodo. You're home safe." she placed her hand against my forehead, "You're burning up…how long were you out in that?" She caught her breath…"And not even in a jacket. You're freezing too."
I nodded, huddling a little closer to her. She was nice and warm…whoever she was…and I was just…happy to have made it home.…maybe I was just dreaming…As she bent closer, I felt her hair against my face…apples…like mamma…I blinked at her in confusion. "Mamma?"
That was when Bilbo and the Gaffer had returned.
SHE HAD FOUND HIM ON THE FLOOR OF BAG END…WE HAD JUST COME IN FROM SEARCHING WHEN I SAW HIM STARING UP AT HER AND CALLING HER MAMMA. I HAD NOT WISHED FOR THAT TO BE THEIR FIRST MEETING. BUT FRODO HAD GONE OFF THE DAY SHE ARRIVED, AND THE STORM HIT. WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW LONG HE'D BEEN OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW, AND IT'S A WONDER HE SURVIVED. HE'S GOT A LOT OF STRENGTH IN HIM, MY BOY. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE LOOK IN HIS EYES AS HE TOUCHED HER HAIR AND GAZED UP AT HER. I WISHED THEN I'D SAID SOMETHING SOONER, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE MORE TIME…AND I HAD BEEN WAITING. WE ATTEMPTED TO LIFT HIM UP, BUT HE CLUNG TO HER LIKE A FRIGHTENED CHILD. THE HEALTHY MONTHS THAT HAD BEEN HIS BEST SUMMER…EVAPORATING IN ONE FELL SWOOP OF MOTHER NATURE'S TREACHEROUS HAND. MY HEART SANK…FOR I KNEW THAT HE WOULD NEVER REALLY BE A TRULY HEALTHY LAD.
I closed my eyes again.
"Come on Frodo...let your Uncle Bilbo help you up…We have to get you to your room." The beautiful voice had come to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
"Don't leave…" I begged her. "Stay…" I wouldn't let go of her hand. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She did…she reminded me of mamma. At the time…I had even…thought she was. "Don't leave me…"
I leaned over and took another sip of wine, playing with the bowl of applesauce absently. So she had been real. I looked over at the window for a minute or so not really sure if I wanted to read anymore. The memories were back…a time I'd tried very hard to forget for the pain of it was difficult to bear. I had been young still…and what I truly wanted was within my grasp…
They carried me to my bedroom, but I refused to let go of her, beginning to cry when Bilbo even suggested it. I must have frightened her a little, but she continued to watch me with kind and gentle eyes. Like a mother deer's.
"She's a lass Frodo, she can't be here in your room." Bilbo had tried to deter me while he was doing his best to help get off my wet clothes.
I had been nearly completely delirious at the time…and even now I blush to remember it. She had laid a hand bravely on Bilbo's shoulder and shook her head. "Its alright. I am not afraid to stay with him."
"Its not that I'm worried about." Bilbo shook his head, "Its not seemly for a young girl to be in a boy's room. Even like this."
"Please…don't send her away…" I had begged, tears fluttering in my eyes. She helped Bilbo to put me in a clean warm nightshirt after he had dried me with a towel. Despite his mutterings about propriety, she stayed and helped him every step of the way. The Gaffer had been in the kitchen all the while preparing hot water and probably something with which to feed me. I didn't want anything…I only wanted her presense.
It was barely twenty-minutes later that I was lying in bed…still shivering with cold…I could not seem to get warm.no matter how much Bilbo rubbed my arms or blew on my hands. My lips were trembling…but my eyes were clear and focused. I knew she was there. I didn't want to take them away from her in case she might…vanish or disappear…or if she wasn't real.
"Try and relax a little, Frodo." her soft voice was as smooth as the rays of the sun themselves. The Gaffer came in with warm water.
"Tis a snowin' mighty fierce out there, Mr. Bilbo, snow and rain. Its going to be ice in the morning thicker'n you can imagine. I need to be getting' to me family fore it gets much worse."
"You go on, I've got Chloe here…we'll handle Frodo…Its just a chill." Had I been a little more coherent…I may have noticed the worry in Bilbo's voice.
"Alright…I'll check around in the morning'." and he was gone. And I had heard her name for the first time. It had a strange flare to it, almost like a breathe of wind.
EARLIER THE FIRST DAY OF THE ICE STORM GANDALF HAD BROUGHT BY CHLOE. I HAD NOT EXPECTED HIM FOR ANOTHER WEEK, BUT HE HAD BEEN PRESSED FOR TIME. I HAD HOPED TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS QUICKLY, BUT WITH FRODO COMING HOME WITH PNEUMONIA IT COULDN'T BE HELPED. FRODO SEEMS TO THINK THAT SHE'S HIS MAMMA, PERHAPS ITS BEST THAT WE PLAY ALONG IN HIS CURRENT STATE. SHE'S WITH HIM NOW, HE WOULDN'T LET HER GO, AND I HAVE NO FEARS THAT ANYONE WILL WORRY ABOUT IT, NOT WITH THE STORM AS IT IS. THE FEVER IS STRONG AND NEITHER OF US HAVE HAD MUCH SLEEP. I'M WRITING NOW BECAUSE I NEED TO TAKE MY MIND OFF OF THE POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT LOSE HIM. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT CHLOE CAN GET HIM TO EAT AND TAKE HIS MEDICINE. HE IS NOT RESPONDING TO ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
Why…I thought back again…taking another spoonful of applesauce. I didn't know why…really. I think because I wanted -her- , I had wanted to be in her arms…because she was comfortable…and she smelt like my mother. He must have been writing this when he left us alone so she could feed me. I sighed softly. Why…her face was now very clear in my mind and even though I poured myself another glass of wine it wouldn't go away.
* * *
More to come…J
Chapter Two
While I read on…Bilbo's words began to form a memory in my mind…a memory I would have rather left alone and kept from the surface. One of the memories that tied me to the Shire…I read only a few lines of Bilbo's journal when it came to me…rising like a phoenix through my soul. I shivered and could feel an anxious sweat building.
I WOKE UP IN THE MORNING TO BE TOLD THAT FRODO HAD COME IN LATE THAT NIGHT AND FALLEN. HE'D BEEN CAUGHT IN THE FIRST WINTER STORM OF THE YEAR…AND HAD COME HOME TO ANOTHER. I COULD NOT EVEN TELL HIM AT THE TIME…AND WHEN IT CAME TO A MOMENT THAT I COULD…SHE WAS ALREADY GONE. I FELT IT BEST TO END IT AS I DID. FRODO WOULD BE BETTER OFF THAT WAY.
I closed my eyes…and the memories flooded back in an angry torrent…refusing to relinquish their hold on me.
* * * Bag End -- Frodo age 32 : Winter -- * * *
I was falling…and darkness surrounded me. I could not breathe…I could not think…and I could barely remember who I was….or even where I was. All I knew was that I was in great pain. Life was drifting away from my fingers even as I struggled to grasp at it. Bag End was as quiet as a tomb…and I rested where I had collapsed, a dull ache pounding in my head.
Outside the wind was howling. Before I'd managed to get home, four feet of snow had already piled up….and me without my jacket. It had been fine earlier that day…even a bit warm…but as night fell the temperature had severely dropped….and then it began to snow. I had been caught several miles from Hobbiton on one of my walks…and had been forced to make my way back in the storm.
I'd stumbled into Bag End…and I didn't even have time to close the door before I'd fallen in an exhausted, shivering heap.
"Bilbo…" I had cried out.
It was very late at night…and my uncle was out with a search party…looking for me. The answer had not been Bilbo. The answer had been a soft feminine voice, gentle as a summer breeze and as bright as a blazing fire. It was the first time I ever heard her. She must have arrived before the Storm.
"Who are you?" the voice asked. I felt her hands warm against my frozen cheek and as I opened my eyes and glanced around…icicles clung to the windows of Bag-End signaling the beginning of the Ice Storm that would ravage the Shire that winter. The door was now closed…she had managed to shut it on her own. She lifted me up a little so my head rested against her arm and she brushed away at my curls. "You're Frodo!" she exclaimed. "You are…you're alright! Oh…Bilbo will be so happy to hear it…" her voice was like a harmony of musical bells…and I stared at her, transfixed.
I don't think I could do her justice in a simple description. She was and she wasn't. I don't quite know how to explain it. She had long curly dark brown hair…eyes a deep green, sparkling like a clear pond in the summer under a bright blue sky. Though she was like a hobbit…I could hardly believe she could be one. She did have extra weight, like a hobbit…and her hands were long and smooth with thin fingers. Her face however was angular…not round, and her feet were as a hobbit lass' should be. She reminded me of someone…but I couldn't think exactly who…
"W-who ….where…" I managed to gasp out. Had I come into the wrong hole?
"Relax, Frodo. You're home safe." she placed her hand against my forehead, "You're burning up…how long were you out in that?" She caught her breath…"And not even in a jacket. You're freezing too."
I nodded, huddling a little closer to her. She was nice and warm…whoever she was…and I was just…happy to have made it home.…maybe I was just dreaming…As she bent closer, I felt her hair against my face…apples…like mamma…I blinked at her in confusion. "Mamma?"
That was when Bilbo and the Gaffer had returned.
SHE HAD FOUND HIM ON THE FLOOR OF BAG END…WE HAD JUST COME IN FROM SEARCHING WHEN I SAW HIM STARING UP AT HER AND CALLING HER MAMMA. I HAD NOT WISHED FOR THAT TO BE THEIR FIRST MEETING. BUT FRODO HAD GONE OFF THE DAY SHE ARRIVED, AND THE STORM HIT. WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW LONG HE'D BEEN OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW, AND IT'S A WONDER HE SURVIVED. HE'S GOT A LOT OF STRENGTH IN HIM, MY BOY. I'LL NEVER FORGET THE LOOK IN HIS EYES AS HE TOUCHED HER HAIR AND GAZED UP AT HER. I WISHED THEN I'D SAID SOMETHING SOONER, BUT I ALWAYS THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE MORE TIME…AND I HAD BEEN WAITING. WE ATTEMPTED TO LIFT HIM UP, BUT HE CLUNG TO HER LIKE A FRIGHTENED CHILD. THE HEALTHY MONTHS THAT HAD BEEN HIS BEST SUMMER…EVAPORATING IN ONE FELL SWOOP OF MOTHER NATURE'S TREACHEROUS HAND. MY HEART SANK…FOR I KNEW THAT HE WOULD NEVER REALLY BE A TRULY HEALTHY LAD.
I closed my eyes again.
"Come on Frodo...let your Uncle Bilbo help you up…We have to get you to your room." The beautiful voice had come to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her.
"Don't leave…" I begged her. "Stay…" I wouldn't let go of her hand. She was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. She did…she reminded me of mamma. At the time…I had even…thought she was. "Don't leave me…"
I leaned over and took another sip of wine, playing with the bowl of applesauce absently. So she had been real. I looked over at the window for a minute or so not really sure if I wanted to read anymore. The memories were back…a time I'd tried very hard to forget for the pain of it was difficult to bear. I had been young still…and what I truly wanted was within my grasp…
They carried me to my bedroom, but I refused to let go of her, beginning to cry when Bilbo even suggested it. I must have frightened her a little, but she continued to watch me with kind and gentle eyes. Like a mother deer's.
"She's a lass Frodo, she can't be here in your room." Bilbo had tried to deter me while he was doing his best to help get off my wet clothes.
I had been nearly completely delirious at the time…and even now I blush to remember it. She had laid a hand bravely on Bilbo's shoulder and shook her head. "Its alright. I am not afraid to stay with him."
"Its not that I'm worried about." Bilbo shook his head, "Its not seemly for a young girl to be in a boy's room. Even like this."
"Please…don't send her away…" I had begged, tears fluttering in my eyes. She helped Bilbo to put me in a clean warm nightshirt after he had dried me with a towel. Despite his mutterings about propriety, she stayed and helped him every step of the way. The Gaffer had been in the kitchen all the while preparing hot water and probably something with which to feed me. I didn't want anything…I only wanted her presense.
It was barely twenty-minutes later that I was lying in bed…still shivering with cold…I could not seem to get warm.no matter how much Bilbo rubbed my arms or blew on my hands. My lips were trembling…but my eyes were clear and focused. I knew she was there. I didn't want to take them away from her in case she might…vanish or disappear…or if she wasn't real.
"Try and relax a little, Frodo." her soft voice was as smooth as the rays of the sun themselves. The Gaffer came in with warm water.
"Tis a snowin' mighty fierce out there, Mr. Bilbo, snow and rain. Its going to be ice in the morning thicker'n you can imagine. I need to be getting' to me family fore it gets much worse."
"You go on, I've got Chloe here…we'll handle Frodo…Its just a chill." Had I been a little more coherent…I may have noticed the worry in Bilbo's voice.
"Alright…I'll check around in the morning'." and he was gone. And I had heard her name for the first time. It had a strange flare to it, almost like a breathe of wind.
EARLIER THE FIRST DAY OF THE ICE STORM GANDALF HAD BROUGHT BY CHLOE. I HAD NOT EXPECTED HIM FOR ANOTHER WEEK, BUT HE HAD BEEN PRESSED FOR TIME. I HAD HOPED TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS QUICKLY, BUT WITH FRODO COMING HOME WITH PNEUMONIA IT COULDN'T BE HELPED. FRODO SEEMS TO THINK THAT SHE'S HIS MAMMA, PERHAPS ITS BEST THAT WE PLAY ALONG IN HIS CURRENT STATE. SHE'S WITH HIM NOW, HE WOULDN'T LET HER GO, AND I HAVE NO FEARS THAT ANYONE WILL WORRY ABOUT IT, NOT WITH THE STORM AS IT IS. THE FEVER IS STRONG AND NEITHER OF US HAVE HAD MUCH SLEEP. I'M WRITING NOW BECAUSE I NEED TO TAKE MY MIND OFF OF THE POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT LOSE HIM. I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT CHLOE CAN GET HIM TO EAT AND TAKE HIS MEDICINE. HE IS NOT RESPONDING TO ME AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
Why…I thought back again…taking another spoonful of applesauce. I didn't know why…really. I think because I wanted -her- , I had wanted to be in her arms…because she was comfortable…and she smelt like my mother. He must have been writing this when he left us alone so she could feed me. I sighed softly. Why…her face was now very clear in my mind and even though I poured myself another glass of wine it wouldn't go away.
* * *
More to come…J