Chapter Four
I shivered. It was cold outside this evening, and the window pane was fogging up with winters breath. I leant back in my chair remembering that particular moment. I had felt desperate…certainly. At first…I had thought she was my mother, but then…it gradually began to dawn on me that it wasn't. Sometimes when I was really sick…I tended to hallucinate when I was younger….especially when it hurt so much all I wanted to do was die. I usually thought a lot about my parents then. Lately, I didn't think so much about them anymore. I had grown up. After Bilbo left, it was really the only thing I -could- do.
--flashback--
I lay in her arms, curled up in a little ball. I didn't want to eat anything, I just wanted to be comfortable…and not to be cold anymore. I shook my head when she tried to coax some soup into me. "N-no thank-you." I whispered hoarsely….at that moment I blinked and saw her finally. "W-who are you?" I managed.
"My name is Chloe. I'm your uncle's guest. " she said softly, her voice was like a breeze…swift but gentle. I gazed at her through watery eyes.
"I'm sorry…I…" I blushed a little…realizing how close I was snuggling against her. "I…thought…" I was never that good with lasses, and now that some coherency was drifting back…I began to realize just what position I'd placed her in. "Please…forgive me…"
"Frodo, My lad." Bilbo touched my shoulder. I thankfully turned around and let him hold me. I was embarrassed…it was not because of her, but because…well…she was so kind and gentle. I wanted to be in her arms…but …it was not right for me to want that. She was not a relation.
I snuck a look back at her and she was smiling at me. I felt my heart thump a few times, and I looked back up at Bilbo, "I'm not hungry...Uncle..." I pleaded. "Don't make me eat...I'll throw it up or something...my tummy hurts...and my throat..." I felt so helpless...and I was also uncomfortable with her in the room. I didn't want her to see me this way...but I didn't want her to leave.
She took it all in stride...without once changing expression or looking at me any differently. "Some baked apples on soft toast, Frodo? They're very easy to get down..."
"Bilbo..." I glanced back at her, and fretted wretchedly, "I can't..." I looked away again, confused. I didn't understand what I was thinking. She should not be in my room. I should ask her to go. My coherancy was failing at the time and my mind was in a jumble. Bilbo held me as he always did when I was ill, rocking me gently in his arms.
"Frodo, lad. You need to eat." he prompted me. "You can't go through the night without any food. Perhaps just the soup...it would be just like drinking..."
Tears began to build in my eyes and I didn't want to…but the way they were both looking at me finally registered. I sighed…"I'll…" I swallowed nervously, my throat dry, and my stomach in knots. "I'll try…" I lifted my head up to her and parted my lips. "But…only just a little." Though Bilbo held me…it offered only small comfort. I wanted her.
She nodded, and helped me to take the spoonful. I chewed a little and could not drag my eyes away from her this time. Perhaps my desire was more obvious than I thought, because she had exchanged glances with Bilbo, and he settled me against her. "I must go and get the tea."
Too exhausted to argue this time…and not entirely coherent in any fashion I let this happen. She held me easily and my head rested against her shoulder. I closed my eyes. "No more…" After the first bite, my stomach was beginning to feel queezy. I grimaced and moaned slightly. Then I felt a hand against my tummy…rubbing it gently as though I was a little babe. I didn't dare look, and it felt so good…that I didn't want to know. I sighed in relief.
--- end flashback ---
I flushed, thinking about that once again. I remembered just how good she had felt…and just how easily she had drawn me to her. I wondered a little…if it had been because I was ill. I certainly would have never let a lady into my room otherwise. Even the thought made my heart pound and my legs go weak. I took another long sip of the wine. Finished another glass already. …perhaps I should get back to the journal.
CHLOE HAD SUGGESTED A TYPE BREW THAT I'D NEVER HEARD OF, A COMBINATION OF REGULAR SPICES THAT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN MIXED BEFORE BUT SEEMED TO MAKE SENSE. GROUND ORANGE RINDS AND CINNAMON POWDER. SHE SAID THAT IF I ADDED A TOUCH OF CREAM AND NUTMEG, IT WOULD MAKE A TYPE OF BREW THAT WOULD GO EASY DOWN HIS THROAT AND COAT HIS STOMACH. I DIDN'T FAIL TO CATCH THE LOOK HE GAVE HER. I'D NEVER SEEN FRODO LOOK AT A LASS THAT WAY BEFORE, AND I FEAR THAT IF HE CONTINUES IN THIS MANNER…IT WILL NOT END WELL. ARRANGEMENTS FOR CHLOE HAD ALREADY BEEN MADE, SHE WOULDN'T BE STAYING IN THE SHIRE, AND IT WOULD ONLY LEAD TO HEARTACHE.
If only I had hadn't been sick. I may not have so easily let my guard down. I eyed the still mostly full bowls on my tray. I wondered why I wasn't hungry because I'd skipped Dinner. Sometimes that happened to me lately though. I took the ring from my pocket. The one that Bilbo had left for me and I turned it over between my fingers. It always seemed to…soothe me when I was feeling agitated. I at lest knew that it was still there. It was always within reach…it wouldn't leave me.
* * *
I shivered. It was cold outside this evening, and the window pane was fogging up with winters breath. I leant back in my chair remembering that particular moment. I had felt desperate…certainly. At first…I had thought she was my mother, but then…it gradually began to dawn on me that it wasn't. Sometimes when I was really sick…I tended to hallucinate when I was younger….especially when it hurt so much all I wanted to do was die. I usually thought a lot about my parents then. Lately, I didn't think so much about them anymore. I had grown up. After Bilbo left, it was really the only thing I -could- do.
--flashback--
I lay in her arms, curled up in a little ball. I didn't want to eat anything, I just wanted to be comfortable…and not to be cold anymore. I shook my head when she tried to coax some soup into me. "N-no thank-you." I whispered hoarsely….at that moment I blinked and saw her finally. "W-who are you?" I managed.
"My name is Chloe. I'm your uncle's guest. " she said softly, her voice was like a breeze…swift but gentle. I gazed at her through watery eyes.
"I'm sorry…I…" I blushed a little…realizing how close I was snuggling against her. "I…thought…" I was never that good with lasses, and now that some coherency was drifting back…I began to realize just what position I'd placed her in. "Please…forgive me…"
"Frodo, My lad." Bilbo touched my shoulder. I thankfully turned around and let him hold me. I was embarrassed…it was not because of her, but because…well…she was so kind and gentle. I wanted to be in her arms…but …it was not right for me to want that. She was not a relation.
I snuck a look back at her and she was smiling at me. I felt my heart thump a few times, and I looked back up at Bilbo, "I'm not hungry...Uncle..." I pleaded. "Don't make me eat...I'll throw it up or something...my tummy hurts...and my throat..." I felt so helpless...and I was also uncomfortable with her in the room. I didn't want her to see me this way...but I didn't want her to leave.
She took it all in stride...without once changing expression or looking at me any differently. "Some baked apples on soft toast, Frodo? They're very easy to get down..."
"Bilbo..." I glanced back at her, and fretted wretchedly, "I can't..." I looked away again, confused. I didn't understand what I was thinking. She should not be in my room. I should ask her to go. My coherancy was failing at the time and my mind was in a jumble. Bilbo held me as he always did when I was ill, rocking me gently in his arms.
"Frodo, lad. You need to eat." he prompted me. "You can't go through the night without any food. Perhaps just the soup...it would be just like drinking..."
Tears began to build in my eyes and I didn't want to…but the way they were both looking at me finally registered. I sighed…"I'll…" I swallowed nervously, my throat dry, and my stomach in knots. "I'll try…" I lifted my head up to her and parted my lips. "But…only just a little." Though Bilbo held me…it offered only small comfort. I wanted her.
She nodded, and helped me to take the spoonful. I chewed a little and could not drag my eyes away from her this time. Perhaps my desire was more obvious than I thought, because she had exchanged glances with Bilbo, and he settled me against her. "I must go and get the tea."
Too exhausted to argue this time…and not entirely coherent in any fashion I let this happen. She held me easily and my head rested against her shoulder. I closed my eyes. "No more…" After the first bite, my stomach was beginning to feel queezy. I grimaced and moaned slightly. Then I felt a hand against my tummy…rubbing it gently as though I was a little babe. I didn't dare look, and it felt so good…that I didn't want to know. I sighed in relief.
--- end flashback ---
I flushed, thinking about that once again. I remembered just how good she had felt…and just how easily she had drawn me to her. I wondered a little…if it had been because I was ill. I certainly would have never let a lady into my room otherwise. Even the thought made my heart pound and my legs go weak. I took another long sip of the wine. Finished another glass already. …perhaps I should get back to the journal.
CHLOE HAD SUGGESTED A TYPE BREW THAT I'D NEVER HEARD OF, A COMBINATION OF REGULAR SPICES THAT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN MIXED BEFORE BUT SEEMED TO MAKE SENSE. GROUND ORANGE RINDS AND CINNAMON POWDER. SHE SAID THAT IF I ADDED A TOUCH OF CREAM AND NUTMEG, IT WOULD MAKE A TYPE OF BREW THAT WOULD GO EASY DOWN HIS THROAT AND COAT HIS STOMACH. I DIDN'T FAIL TO CATCH THE LOOK HE GAVE HER. I'D NEVER SEEN FRODO LOOK AT A LASS THAT WAY BEFORE, AND I FEAR THAT IF HE CONTINUES IN THIS MANNER…IT WILL NOT END WELL. ARRANGEMENTS FOR CHLOE HAD ALREADY BEEN MADE, SHE WOULDN'T BE STAYING IN THE SHIRE, AND IT WOULD ONLY LEAD TO HEARTACHE.
If only I had hadn't been sick. I may not have so easily let my guard down. I eyed the still mostly full bowls on my tray. I wondered why I wasn't hungry because I'd skipped Dinner. Sometimes that happened to me lately though. I took the ring from my pocket. The one that Bilbo had left for me and I turned it over between my fingers. It always seemed to…soothe me when I was feeling agitated. I at lest knew that it was still there. It was always within reach…it wouldn't leave me.
* * *