---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9 -- Arrival at Bag End
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FRODO'S POV
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I lay in bed, gazing at the ceiling. I was finally beginning to feel better for once, and my thoughts were drifting towards my caregiver in ways that I hadn't expected. For so long, she had been at my side, patient and unyielding in her care. She was everything I could have wanted in my life and more…but…I didn't know if it was enough. I lit a candle and ran my hands along the edge of a book, I knew I wasn't going to get any more sleep that night.
"Frodo?" her voice came from the hallway door and she smiled at me. My heart lifted. Throughout the entire ordeal with the Ring I always knew that I at least had her to come back to. I had her to hold me when I needed to be held…I had her to tell me that everything was going to be alright.
"I'm alright." I assured her gently.
"There was a light on in here…" She drew her robe about her a little tighter as she came over to my bed, her feet soft against the floor, making not a sound. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay." She was carrying a glass of apple-juice…chilled.
"I was just going to read…I couldn't really sleep anymore." I sighed a bit, and put the book down again. "I didn't want to worry you."
"I brought you something to drink." She put the glass down on the table, "I thought you might like some." as she studied me a little I think she could tell I had changed.
I swallowed nervously. Lately…it had been difficult to concentrate with her in the room. There were things…things I wanted to do. "Thank-you." I smiled, brushing at my curls that refused to stay where I wanted them to.
She sat on the edge of the bed and I gazed at her in the candlelight. She smiled as I reached for the glass of juice and sipped. She tucked the covers about me gently and our hands touched. I felt a jolt through my system and coughed slightly, putting the glass down. My body began to stiffin in places I was unsure of. I blushed, cursing myself for not keeping control. I quickly looked away and took a few deep breaths.
She didn't seem to notice, "You're looking much better these days, Frodo. I'll warrant you'll want to go for a walk tomorrow?" She felt my neck and my forehead, "Certainly no fevers now and you feel quite normal. I'm very glad to see it."
Why was my heart suddenly feeling heavy…if…if I got to the point where Sam could easily take care of me on his own…she might go back to Rivendell. She might leave me…Why couldn't I just -tell- her….and ask her what I wanted to. "Gail?" my heart thumping, I looked back at her.
I could not tell what was in her eyes, they were so strong and as blue and clear as a bright summer sky. I swallowed, my gaze falling to her lips, parted and full. I couldn't deny it any longer. I knew what I wanted.
"Yes Frodo?" she asked me in that serene way she had when she knew I wanted something that I was afraid to ask for. When her lips moved, I saw her tongue, soft and pink. I wished…I started at where my thoughts were taking me. --Frodo Baggins…pull yourself together.--
"I…" It wasn't right to want something like this, not when she wasn't my wife. I couldn't…after everything she'd done for me. I had to…I had to do this right. If I was going to do it at all. My instincts however, overruled my head at that particular moment and I reached out to caress her cheek and then closed my eyes wistfully.
Then something happened that I didn't expect. She…kissed me. I felt her lips on mine…tentative and unsure at first…but as mine began to accept what was happening they opened up for me…I slid my hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her closer. I felt sensations shooting through me that I could barely control….and a strength that I didn't know I had.
She gave a small cry of surprise at the force that I had used as my senses raged against my mind. Stop it Frodo…I felt the voice of reason tingling against my brain. Stop it now…its not fair to her…I opened my eyes and gasped, letting go of her, sweat building on my brow. "I'm…I'm so sorry…I don't know what…came over me…"
She sat there, trembling slightly. I had repulsed her…that must be why she looked so startled. How could I have been so stupid?? I looked away, cursing my lack of control. I was confused, my whole mind was jumbled with unexpected feelings I wasn't familiar with.
"Frodo." she said at last, calm and serene as usual. So beautiful…as delicate as a Rose…she was so far above me. So much more than I…could deal with. "Frodo its alright. What's the matter?" she reached over and laid her hand over mine.
"No…" I shook my head, "No its not alright…I … shouldn't have done that.. Please…forgive me?…I'm…very tired" I lied…trying hard not to let her see how confused I was…"I need to be alone…" I didn't want to -be- alone…but I had to sort out my feelings. I wanted her -there-. I wanted her arms around me.
"Frodo…" she laughed a little, a sparkling sound that made me feel as small as a mouse for sending her away. "As you wish, Frodo." she leaned over and kissed my forehead tenderly. She walked towards the door of my bedroom, and glanced behind her, "But if you recall….Tinw Melleth…*I* kissed *You*."
Someday I was going to have to confess what I wanted…or it would drive me crazy. I couldn't deal with it though…I didn't think that I was -capable- of loving someone else. So much had happened…I felt…cheated of life…and I wondered…I wondered if I was ever going to get over what had happened.
There was a knock on my door shortly after…was she back? I glanced hopefully, "Come in…"
No…it was Sam. I tried not to look as disappointed as I felt. "Beggin' your pardon, Mr. Frodo…but it seems we've a visitor." Sam yawned, scratching the back of his neck. He'd probably just come from his wife…Rosie. I tried not to look jealous.
"A visitor? At this time of night?" I opened my mouth in surprise.
Behind him, I saw a figure, stooping just slightly in the corridor outside. The figure pulled back the hood of her cloak and smiled at me. As the light shone on her face, I forgot entirely about the situation that had presented itself only a scant 30 minutes ago. ."Merilas!"
* * *
Chapter 9 -- Arrival at Bag End
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FRODO'S POV
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I lay in bed, gazing at the ceiling. I was finally beginning to feel better for once, and my thoughts were drifting towards my caregiver in ways that I hadn't expected. For so long, she had been at my side, patient and unyielding in her care. She was everything I could have wanted in my life and more…but…I didn't know if it was enough. I lit a candle and ran my hands along the edge of a book, I knew I wasn't going to get any more sleep that night.
"Frodo?" her voice came from the hallway door and she smiled at me. My heart lifted. Throughout the entire ordeal with the Ring I always knew that I at least had her to come back to. I had her to hold me when I needed to be held…I had her to tell me that everything was going to be alright.
"I'm alright." I assured her gently.
"There was a light on in here…" She drew her robe about her a little tighter as she came over to my bed, her feet soft against the floor, making not a sound. "I wanted to make sure that you were okay." She was carrying a glass of apple-juice…chilled.
"I was just going to read…I couldn't really sleep anymore." I sighed a bit, and put the book down again. "I didn't want to worry you."
"I brought you something to drink." She put the glass down on the table, "I thought you might like some." as she studied me a little I think she could tell I had changed.
I swallowed nervously. Lately…it had been difficult to concentrate with her in the room. There were things…things I wanted to do. "Thank-you." I smiled, brushing at my curls that refused to stay where I wanted them to.
She sat on the edge of the bed and I gazed at her in the candlelight. She smiled as I reached for the glass of juice and sipped. She tucked the covers about me gently and our hands touched. I felt a jolt through my system and coughed slightly, putting the glass down. My body began to stiffin in places I was unsure of. I blushed, cursing myself for not keeping control. I quickly looked away and took a few deep breaths.
She didn't seem to notice, "You're looking much better these days, Frodo. I'll warrant you'll want to go for a walk tomorrow?" She felt my neck and my forehead, "Certainly no fevers now and you feel quite normal. I'm very glad to see it."
Why was my heart suddenly feeling heavy…if…if I got to the point where Sam could easily take care of me on his own…she might go back to Rivendell. She might leave me…Why couldn't I just -tell- her….and ask her what I wanted to. "Gail?" my heart thumping, I looked back at her.
I could not tell what was in her eyes, they were so strong and as blue and clear as a bright summer sky. I swallowed, my gaze falling to her lips, parted and full. I couldn't deny it any longer. I knew what I wanted.
"Yes Frodo?" she asked me in that serene way she had when she knew I wanted something that I was afraid to ask for. When her lips moved, I saw her tongue, soft and pink. I wished…I started at where my thoughts were taking me. --Frodo Baggins…pull yourself together.--
"I…" It wasn't right to want something like this, not when she wasn't my wife. I couldn't…after everything she'd done for me. I had to…I had to do this right. If I was going to do it at all. My instincts however, overruled my head at that particular moment and I reached out to caress her cheek and then closed my eyes wistfully.
Then something happened that I didn't expect. She…kissed me. I felt her lips on mine…tentative and unsure at first…but as mine began to accept what was happening they opened up for me…I slid my hand around to the back of her neck and pulled her closer. I felt sensations shooting through me that I could barely control….and a strength that I didn't know I had.
She gave a small cry of surprise at the force that I had used as my senses raged against my mind. Stop it Frodo…I felt the voice of reason tingling against my brain. Stop it now…its not fair to her…I opened my eyes and gasped, letting go of her, sweat building on my brow. "I'm…I'm so sorry…I don't know what…came over me…"
She sat there, trembling slightly. I had repulsed her…that must be why she looked so startled. How could I have been so stupid?? I looked away, cursing my lack of control. I was confused, my whole mind was jumbled with unexpected feelings I wasn't familiar with.
"Frodo." she said at last, calm and serene as usual. So beautiful…as delicate as a Rose…she was so far above me. So much more than I…could deal with. "Frodo its alright. What's the matter?" she reached over and laid her hand over mine.
"No…" I shook my head, "No its not alright…I … shouldn't have done that.. Please…forgive me?…I'm…very tired" I lied…trying hard not to let her see how confused I was…"I need to be alone…" I didn't want to -be- alone…but I had to sort out my feelings. I wanted her -there-. I wanted her arms around me.
"Frodo…" she laughed a little, a sparkling sound that made me feel as small as a mouse for sending her away. "As you wish, Frodo." she leaned over and kissed my forehead tenderly. She walked towards the door of my bedroom, and glanced behind her, "But if you recall….Tinw Melleth…*I* kissed *You*."
Someday I was going to have to confess what I wanted…or it would drive me crazy. I couldn't deal with it though…I didn't think that I was -capable- of loving someone else. So much had happened…I felt…cheated of life…and I wondered…I wondered if I was ever going to get over what had happened.
There was a knock on my door shortly after…was she back? I glanced hopefully, "Come in…"
No…it was Sam. I tried not to look as disappointed as I felt. "Beggin' your pardon, Mr. Frodo…but it seems we've a visitor." Sam yawned, scratching the back of his neck. He'd probably just come from his wife…Rosie. I tried not to look jealous.
"A visitor? At this time of night?" I opened my mouth in surprise.
Behind him, I saw a figure, stooping just slightly in the corridor outside. The figure pulled back the hood of her cloak and smiled at me. As the light shone on her face, I forgot entirely about the situation that had presented itself only a scant 30 minutes ago. ."Merilas!"
* * *