Frodo's POV
"Hello, Frodo…I'm sorry to bother you so late." Merilas stood in the doorway with Sam. "I quite forgot what time it was.."
I looked at her with wide blue eyes, frowning faintly. Why had she come to the Shire? She was supposed to be with Legolas. "Its alright." I smiled ruefully, "In truth, I was up anyway. Sam…can you show her to my study? I'll be along shortly."
Sam nodded grogily and led Merilas away. I quickly pulled on some clothes, but my mind was not on my late night visitor. My mind was fixed on Gailethil. Why had I pushed her away? I ran a comb through my hair, settling my nerves a little. I was still wishing that she'd come back…that she hadn't taken my words seriously.
Finally, I was ready and I ventured out into the hall. Sam had already retired to his and Rosie's room for the night, and I looked at Gail's door, it was open slightly. I knew she was in there. I knocked on it softly and she looked up from her desk, "Come in Frodo."
Her hair was spilled out around her, and she was framed by flickering candlelight in a soft glow. I did not go in, but held the door open slightly. "I'm sorry…about…before…" I began, clearing my throat. "We…have a visitor."
"I know." she smiled kindly. I was not sure which statement she meant that in response to, so I decided it was in response to both. I could never tell what was on her mind when she looked at me the way she was doing now. I didn't know what to say. It seemed to me that whatever I did say would be the wrong thing. I hadn't done anything right since we came back to the shire.
"Are you well enough to be out of bed, Frodo?" She asked me softly, changing the subject.
"I'm feeling better, thank-you…I was wondering…I'm going to go talk to Merilas, but I'm a little hungry…and…" I stumbled over the request, my eyes fixed on hers hopefully. She wasn't my wife…I had no right to ask her to do anything.
She rose from her desk and made her way to the door. "I'll be glad to." A simple statement, and she slipped past me, heading to the kitchen. I watched her go, a lump forming in my throat. Why was it so hard for me to admit what I wanted? I should know by now how she feels. I knew what she was willing to give up for me. I just…I didn't think I could ask it of her. So much had happened…and though I had recovered, I would never be strong and healthy. The Night on Weathertop had settled my future.
I headed into my study, shoving my hands in my pockets, Merilas was already seated and appeared to be drinking from a glass of Brandy. I smiled at her and she gave me a hug. It was good to see her. We both sat down by the fire and I leaned into one of my chairs while she sat on the rug by the fire. "Its good to see you, Merilas…"
"And you," she smiled. "I expected you…" she began. "I'm surprised…Frodo…I thought I'd find you with her. I was a little shocked when Sam said he'd take me to you, and that you were awake."
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I could say the same thing. Where's Legolas?"
"I left him…in Mirkwood." Merilas sighed, causing my eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. I was certain that things would work out between them.
"What happened?"
"I..It wasn't his fault really…" she shook her head, "I …" she drank more of the Brandy and smiled wanly. "I couldn't stay there…Frodo. May I stay a while here with you? I need to collect my thoughts…and…"
"Of -course-…though you might find it a bit small in here…" I nodded vigorously, "I think I know what you mean…sometimes I feel like that to." I loved the shire…but I was so different from everyone else now. So far apart from Hobbit Life. "Because…because of what happened."
"I know, Frodo." she nodded slowly, "That's why I came to you…I thought maybe…we could talk. I didn't -want- to leave…I wanted to stay….but…everything is so different now. I felt so out of place. Everything that I used to take joy in is changed." she sighed and leaned on the pillow she was lying against. "I keep thinking about….that…even when I know I am safe…and loved…I…"
I caught my breath…I knew what she was talking about, because I hadn't escaped it either, the nightmares….the pain…the images that flashed in my head were enough to keep me up long hours. "Gandalf told me that my wounds will take time to heal, but that I might bear some of them for as long as I live. I think with you…it's the same way. Its why you found me alone tonight…I…she's here…and …and…I love her…but…"
"I know…" Merilas looked at me, understanding. For once…someone understood. Merilas had gone through what I had. She had gone through it for 15 years. I could only imagine what was going through -her- mind and the nightmares that she had. "I don't know what to do Frodo…I needed to talk to someone who understood."
"I'm not the best person to give advice." I smiled a little, "I have not quite made the wisest of choices in my life. But…you can stay here as long as you like, Merilas…I don't mind, and I'm sure no one else will. Bag End is a large Smial."
At that moment, Gailethil came in bearing a tray of cinnamon tea, a loaf of raisin and apple bread with honey-butter, a pitcher of milk, a plate of blueberry muffins, and two bowls of hot tomato soup smothered with melted cheese and fresh bits of bread. She set the tray down, smiling as she did. She was kind and gentle in the few moments she was in the room, and before she left she gave me a kiss on the forehead, and squeezed Merilas' hand, "I'm glad you're here, Mellon." she said softly, and slipped out as unobtrusively as she had come in. I gazed at her in wonder, long enough that Merilas chuckled a little.
"What you want is written all over your face, Frodo." my visitor laughed softly to my disgruntled expression. The arrival of food, of course…had shifted my attention to the platter. Though I had been feeling ill over the last few weeks, I was actually better now…and my stomach seemed to be enjoying the feel of solid food for once. It seemed Merilas was quite hungry herself and we soon began to eat the pleasant small meal leaving the conversation to pleasantries for the time being.
* * *
"Hello, Frodo…I'm sorry to bother you so late." Merilas stood in the doorway with Sam. "I quite forgot what time it was.."
I looked at her with wide blue eyes, frowning faintly. Why had she come to the Shire? She was supposed to be with Legolas. "Its alright." I smiled ruefully, "In truth, I was up anyway. Sam…can you show her to my study? I'll be along shortly."
Sam nodded grogily and led Merilas away. I quickly pulled on some clothes, but my mind was not on my late night visitor. My mind was fixed on Gailethil. Why had I pushed her away? I ran a comb through my hair, settling my nerves a little. I was still wishing that she'd come back…that she hadn't taken my words seriously.
Finally, I was ready and I ventured out into the hall. Sam had already retired to his and Rosie's room for the night, and I looked at Gail's door, it was open slightly. I knew she was in there. I knocked on it softly and she looked up from her desk, "Come in Frodo."
Her hair was spilled out around her, and she was framed by flickering candlelight in a soft glow. I did not go in, but held the door open slightly. "I'm sorry…about…before…" I began, clearing my throat. "We…have a visitor."
"I know." she smiled kindly. I was not sure which statement she meant that in response to, so I decided it was in response to both. I could never tell what was on her mind when she looked at me the way she was doing now. I didn't know what to say. It seemed to me that whatever I did say would be the wrong thing. I hadn't done anything right since we came back to the shire.
"Are you well enough to be out of bed, Frodo?" She asked me softly, changing the subject.
"I'm feeling better, thank-you…I was wondering…I'm going to go talk to Merilas, but I'm a little hungry…and…" I stumbled over the request, my eyes fixed on hers hopefully. She wasn't my wife…I had no right to ask her to do anything.
She rose from her desk and made her way to the door. "I'll be glad to." A simple statement, and she slipped past me, heading to the kitchen. I watched her go, a lump forming in my throat. Why was it so hard for me to admit what I wanted? I should know by now how she feels. I knew what she was willing to give up for me. I just…I didn't think I could ask it of her. So much had happened…and though I had recovered, I would never be strong and healthy. The Night on Weathertop had settled my future.
I headed into my study, shoving my hands in my pockets, Merilas was already seated and appeared to be drinking from a glass of Brandy. I smiled at her and she gave me a hug. It was good to see her. We both sat down by the fire and I leaned into one of my chairs while she sat on the rug by the fire. "Its good to see you, Merilas…"
"And you," she smiled. "I expected you…" she began. "I'm surprised…Frodo…I thought I'd find you with her. I was a little shocked when Sam said he'd take me to you, and that you were awake."
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I could say the same thing. Where's Legolas?"
"I left him…in Mirkwood." Merilas sighed, causing my eyebrows to shoot up in surprise. I was certain that things would work out between them.
"What happened?"
"I..It wasn't his fault really…" she shook her head, "I …" she drank more of the Brandy and smiled wanly. "I couldn't stay there…Frodo. May I stay a while here with you? I need to collect my thoughts…and…"
"Of -course-…though you might find it a bit small in here…" I nodded vigorously, "I think I know what you mean…sometimes I feel like that to." I loved the shire…but I was so different from everyone else now. So far apart from Hobbit Life. "Because…because of what happened."
"I know, Frodo." she nodded slowly, "That's why I came to you…I thought maybe…we could talk. I didn't -want- to leave…I wanted to stay….but…everything is so different now. I felt so out of place. Everything that I used to take joy in is changed." she sighed and leaned on the pillow she was lying against. "I keep thinking about….that…even when I know I am safe…and loved…I…"
I caught my breath…I knew what she was talking about, because I hadn't escaped it either, the nightmares….the pain…the images that flashed in my head were enough to keep me up long hours. "Gandalf told me that my wounds will take time to heal, but that I might bear some of them for as long as I live. I think with you…it's the same way. Its why you found me alone tonight…I…she's here…and …and…I love her…but…"
"I know…" Merilas looked at me, understanding. For once…someone understood. Merilas had gone through what I had. She had gone through it for 15 years. I could only imagine what was going through -her- mind and the nightmares that she had. "I don't know what to do Frodo…I needed to talk to someone who understood."
"I'm not the best person to give advice." I smiled a little, "I have not quite made the wisest of choices in my life. But…you can stay here as long as you like, Merilas…I don't mind, and I'm sure no one else will. Bag End is a large Smial."
At that moment, Gailethil came in bearing a tray of cinnamon tea, a loaf of raisin and apple bread with honey-butter, a pitcher of milk, a plate of blueberry muffins, and two bowls of hot tomato soup smothered with melted cheese and fresh bits of bread. She set the tray down, smiling as she did. She was kind and gentle in the few moments she was in the room, and before she left she gave me a kiss on the forehead, and squeezed Merilas' hand, "I'm glad you're here, Mellon." she said softly, and slipped out as unobtrusively as she had come in. I gazed at her in wonder, long enough that Merilas chuckled a little.
"What you want is written all over your face, Frodo." my visitor laughed softly to my disgruntled expression. The arrival of food, of course…had shifted my attention to the platter. Though I had been feeling ill over the last few weeks, I was actually better now…and my stomach seemed to be enjoying the feel of solid food for once. It seemed Merilas was quite hungry herself and we soon began to eat the pleasant small meal leaving the conversation to pleasantries for the time being.
* * *