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AUTHOR'S NOTE : Switched to third person….it made the story easier to write.
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After Gailethil left, Frodo glanced over at Merilas who was smiling at him in amusement, "What?" He half-grinned a little. He took a piece of the bread and buttered it fervently while she dipped a spoon into the soup.
"Its perfectly obvious to me, little hobbit. But that's not what we were talking about." Merilas leaned back in her chair staring at the fire. She sighed, "I've been thinking seriously about going to Valinor, Frodo…about leaving these shores. I don't think that there is any way Legolas can help me…after what happened."
Frodo sighed a little, disappointment showing in his small face. "He does love you, Merilas…"
"I know…but …I can't simply change. What he doesn't understand is that even though I'm an elf...even though that was 15 years in a thousand…I will remember those years for the rest of my life. I won't be able to forget them. And still…images rise in my mind…and…I can't shake them out sometimes."
"Fear and paranoia…" Frodo nodded, and took a bite of the bread, "I know what you mean…I keep doubting myself too. Every day of my life." He drew his legs up and tucked them under the chair as he ate. Merilas was always somewhat marveled by the flexible nature of the small creature. "And I was only there a couple of days…"
"Yet still you'll remember it…as I will. How do deal with it Frodo? I thought that you would accept Arwen's offer to take her place…"
"I was going to…" Frodo looked away and sighed a bit, "I really was. Then….then I remembered her, and I know that she does not want to leave Middle Earth…and I could not bear to part with her."
"Yet you obviously don't share a bed…or do more than simply comfort her…Why Frodo?" Merilas asked softly. "I have had more with Legolas…but…"
Frodo reddened…"I don't know how to…h-how to talk about things like this…" he shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Hobbits of the Shire are not as…free…as elves…with…with…" he stammered, not able to explain.
Merilas laughed a little and took another spoonful of soup. "But you want to be. I see how you look at her Frodo."
If he wasn't red before, Frodo was now. "H-how did you know…? I've been trying…trying to control myself. Its not right…" he shook his head quickly. "I'll have to be more careful…"
"Why, Frodo? She obviously wants you…"
"She does?" Frodo's eyes opened wide. "But…I'm so…so…"
"So what Frodo?"
"Different…small…" he sighed. "She needs someone other than me. I can't ask something like that of her."
Merilas suddenly laughed, but not at Frodo, "You know, Frodo…I was just thinking the same thing myself about Legolas. Aren't we a pair…you and I?"
The two of them smiled at each other and continued with the meal, though Frodo was not quite sure exactly what Merilas had been talking about. He was beginning to wonder if Merilas was right…if despite everything she would want him. He was hardly whole…he bit his lip glancing down at his hand and practically an emotional basket case at times. With her though…he felt comforted, he felt…like he was special. Maybe she really did want more…he blushed again at the idea.
"Legolas followed me here, you know. He's probably somewhere outside as we speak." Merilas sighed, "He wanted me to marry him, Frodo…I just don't think…don't think that its possible. Because I can't…I can't be the wife he wants. I can't be the Queen of Mirkwood someday…I don't want that. I just want to…"
"Run away and hide…" Frodo supplied softly… "I understand. I don't want to be a hero either…but everyone keeps telling me I am…and no one will leave me alone…" He took a sip of milk. "All I want is a quiet life now…where I can finish my own tale in peace and comfort…with…"
"With Gailethil…why don't you ask her Frodo? I think in your case…it's a bit different than mine…"
"No it isn't…I can't ask her to give up immortality for me, Merilas…I just can't do it." he shook his head, "No…no I'm happy with what we have…"
"Don't you understand Frodo? She already has…"
"What?…what do you mean?"
"She gave it up a long time ago when she gave you her heart…" Merilas leaned over and took Frodo's hand. "She won't live after you've gone…can you not see that?"
"She won't…but…" Frodo's eyes opened wide with surprise…he'd not even considered that. "But I thought that…that…"
"She made her choice…and you accepting it one way or the other isn't going to change her fate, Frodo." Merilas smiled a little at the stunned expression in the little one's eyes. "So why don't you ask her? Tell her how you feel….everything that you feel…and what you want…"
"I'll…I'll…but what about you, Merilas? You can't just leave Middle Earth…What about your love?…" Frodo tried desperately to change the subject.
"I don't know, Frodo, I haven't made the decision. I wanted to come and talk to you first…because you were the only one I could think of who would understand. I suppose in the morning we can find Legolas, I'm sure he's around here somewhere…but you…you should go to her…don't wait for her to come to you. Don't wait Frodo…"
Frodo stood up suddenly then, "You're right…your right Merilas…and I've been a fool…" he smiled a little. "We'll talk again in the moring?"
"Yes, Mellon…and I expect to hear good tidings…" her eyes twinkled as Frodo rushed forward to give her a hug.
"I'm glad you're here…even under the circumstances." he said earnestly as he made his way off.
A little while later Gailethil heard a knock on her door and she looked up from her desk. Frodo stood there, uncertain…a little smile on his face.
"What is it Frodo? Did you need something?" She sat as she usually did, quiet and fair…so beautiful in the candle light…and so precious. He swallowed, and entered the room…he'd never been in -her- room before. He shut the door and turned around again, a bead of sweat building on his forehead.
"I…I…." he stammered, almost losing his nerve. She rose and made her way over to him, he watched her, his mouth running dry and his heart pounding.
"Are you feeling unwell?" she laid a hand against his forehead and was surprised to find it slightly wet from perspiration. Not do to the fever of course. He took her hand and pulled it down.
"No…" he shook his head, holding her hand. "No…Gail…" he took a deep breathe. "I want to…." he searched her eyes…unreadable…yet so soft and kind…he was losing his courage. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. "I want to…finish…but…but…"
"Finish what, Frodo?" She raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding. She'd never seen him in such a nervous state.
"First…tell me…" he trembled…."Tell me something….I…I'm sorry I'm not doing this right at all…I've never been good … at understanding. But…but…you know…You know that I love you, right?"
"Of course I know Frodo…" she smiled warmly, "And I love you."
Frodo's heart leapt, but he knew that…he just didn't know why she loved him. She'd told him that before, and she'd meant it. "Gailethil…Will you…." he stammered…"I know I don't have anything to offer…I know that…I'm just a hobbit…I'm not immortal…or beautiful and tall….or even…quite whole…but….but…I love you…."
"Frodo…"
"No…no let me get this out…" he shook his head and held both her hands, gazing up at her earnestly, "I do love you…and I…I will accept whatever you can give me…anything…just promise not to leave me…don't go away….even if you don't want to…"
"Don't want to what, Frodo?" she smiled gently, leaning down a little.
"Don't…" he closed his eyes and prayed to Elbereth… "Don't want to marry me…"
* * *
TBC. (HEHEHE)
AUTHOR'S NOTE : Switched to third person….it made the story easier to write.
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After Gailethil left, Frodo glanced over at Merilas who was smiling at him in amusement, "What?" He half-grinned a little. He took a piece of the bread and buttered it fervently while she dipped a spoon into the soup.
"Its perfectly obvious to me, little hobbit. But that's not what we were talking about." Merilas leaned back in her chair staring at the fire. She sighed, "I've been thinking seriously about going to Valinor, Frodo…about leaving these shores. I don't think that there is any way Legolas can help me…after what happened."
Frodo sighed a little, disappointment showing in his small face. "He does love you, Merilas…"
"I know…but …I can't simply change. What he doesn't understand is that even though I'm an elf...even though that was 15 years in a thousand…I will remember those years for the rest of my life. I won't be able to forget them. And still…images rise in my mind…and…I can't shake them out sometimes."
"Fear and paranoia…" Frodo nodded, and took a bite of the bread, "I know what you mean…I keep doubting myself too. Every day of my life." He drew his legs up and tucked them under the chair as he ate. Merilas was always somewhat marveled by the flexible nature of the small creature. "And I was only there a couple of days…"
"Yet still you'll remember it…as I will. How do deal with it Frodo? I thought that you would accept Arwen's offer to take her place…"
"I was going to…" Frodo looked away and sighed a bit, "I really was. Then….then I remembered her, and I know that she does not want to leave Middle Earth…and I could not bear to part with her."
"Yet you obviously don't share a bed…or do more than simply comfort her…Why Frodo?" Merilas asked softly. "I have had more with Legolas…but…"
Frodo reddened…"I don't know how to…h-how to talk about things like this…" he shifted a bit uncomfortably. "Hobbits of the Shire are not as…free…as elves…with…with…" he stammered, not able to explain.
Merilas laughed a little and took another spoonful of soup. "But you want to be. I see how you look at her Frodo."
If he wasn't red before, Frodo was now. "H-how did you know…? I've been trying…trying to control myself. Its not right…" he shook his head quickly. "I'll have to be more careful…"
"Why, Frodo? She obviously wants you…"
"She does?" Frodo's eyes opened wide. "But…I'm so…so…"
"So what Frodo?"
"Different…small…" he sighed. "She needs someone other than me. I can't ask something like that of her."
Merilas suddenly laughed, but not at Frodo, "You know, Frodo…I was just thinking the same thing myself about Legolas. Aren't we a pair…you and I?"
The two of them smiled at each other and continued with the meal, though Frodo was not quite sure exactly what Merilas had been talking about. He was beginning to wonder if Merilas was right…if despite everything she would want him. He was hardly whole…he bit his lip glancing down at his hand and practically an emotional basket case at times. With her though…he felt comforted, he felt…like he was special. Maybe she really did want more…he blushed again at the idea.
"Legolas followed me here, you know. He's probably somewhere outside as we speak." Merilas sighed, "He wanted me to marry him, Frodo…I just don't think…don't think that its possible. Because I can't…I can't be the wife he wants. I can't be the Queen of Mirkwood someday…I don't want that. I just want to…"
"Run away and hide…" Frodo supplied softly… "I understand. I don't want to be a hero either…but everyone keeps telling me I am…and no one will leave me alone…" He took a sip of milk. "All I want is a quiet life now…where I can finish my own tale in peace and comfort…with…"
"With Gailethil…why don't you ask her Frodo? I think in your case…it's a bit different than mine…"
"No it isn't…I can't ask her to give up immortality for me, Merilas…I just can't do it." he shook his head, "No…no I'm happy with what we have…"
"Don't you understand Frodo? She already has…"
"What?…what do you mean?"
"She gave it up a long time ago when she gave you her heart…" Merilas leaned over and took Frodo's hand. "She won't live after you've gone…can you not see that?"
"She won't…but…" Frodo's eyes opened wide with surprise…he'd not even considered that. "But I thought that…that…"
"She made her choice…and you accepting it one way or the other isn't going to change her fate, Frodo." Merilas smiled a little at the stunned expression in the little one's eyes. "So why don't you ask her? Tell her how you feel….everything that you feel…and what you want…"
"I'll…I'll…but what about you, Merilas? You can't just leave Middle Earth…What about your love?…" Frodo tried desperately to change the subject.
"I don't know, Frodo, I haven't made the decision. I wanted to come and talk to you first…because you were the only one I could think of who would understand. I suppose in the morning we can find Legolas, I'm sure he's around here somewhere…but you…you should go to her…don't wait for her to come to you. Don't wait Frodo…"
Frodo stood up suddenly then, "You're right…your right Merilas…and I've been a fool…" he smiled a little. "We'll talk again in the moring?"
"Yes, Mellon…and I expect to hear good tidings…" her eyes twinkled as Frodo rushed forward to give her a hug.
"I'm glad you're here…even under the circumstances." he said earnestly as he made his way off.
A little while later Gailethil heard a knock on her door and she looked up from her desk. Frodo stood there, uncertain…a little smile on his face.
"What is it Frodo? Did you need something?" She sat as she usually did, quiet and fair…so beautiful in the candle light…and so precious. He swallowed, and entered the room…he'd never been in -her- room before. He shut the door and turned around again, a bead of sweat building on his forehead.
"I…I…." he stammered, almost losing his nerve. She rose and made her way over to him, he watched her, his mouth running dry and his heart pounding.
"Are you feeling unwell?" she laid a hand against his forehead and was surprised to find it slightly wet from perspiration. Not do to the fever of course. He took her hand and pulled it down.
"No…" he shook his head, holding her hand. "No…Gail…" he took a deep breathe. "I want to…." he searched her eyes…unreadable…yet so soft and kind…he was losing his courage. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. "I want to…finish…but…but…"
"Finish what, Frodo?" She raised an eyebrow, not quite understanding. She'd never seen him in such a nervous state.
"First…tell me…" he trembled…."Tell me something….I…I'm sorry I'm not doing this right at all…I've never been good … at understanding. But…but…you know…You know that I love you, right?"
"Of course I know Frodo…" she smiled warmly, "And I love you."
Frodo's heart leapt, but he knew that…he just didn't know why she loved him. She'd told him that before, and she'd meant it. "Gailethil…Will you…." he stammered…"I know I don't have anything to offer…I know that…I'm just a hobbit…I'm not immortal…or beautiful and tall….or even…quite whole…but….but…I love you…."
"Frodo…"
"No…no let me get this out…" he shook his head and held both her hands, gazing up at her earnestly, "I do love you…and I…I will accept whatever you can give me…anything…just promise not to leave me…don't go away….even if you don't want to…"
"Don't want to what, Frodo?" she smiled gently, leaning down a little.
"Don't…" he closed his eyes and prayed to Elbereth… "Don't want to marry me…"
* * *
TBC. (HEHEHE)