The Long Summer 32
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
- Alexis Carrel
"So, how was it?" Xander asked congenially as he hoisted the suitcase in the door and held it open for her.
"It was - lonely." Willow proffered a small, shy smile as she stepped into the room. Her shoulders hunched up in a small shrug. Her hands were hidden in the pockets of her khaki pants. "Painful - I didn't like it."
Xander closed the door behind her and reached an arm out to hug her from behind. "I'm sorry Will. I wish they hadn't dragged you eight thousand miles away." He felt her tense at the first touch of his hand on her shoulder, but gradually she relaxed.
"It's okay. I needed to do it on my own. Self-reliance and all that." She laid her cheek against his arm and rubbed it a little. He considered letting her go, but tightened the hug instead, wrapping his free arm around her as well.
"You're home now."
"Yeah." Willow's voice quavered briefly. "It feels strange. I thought that - I thought that Buffy would -"
Xander turned her around and tipped his head to the side. "What Will?" He touched a finger to her chin when she wouldn't meet his eyes. He nudged her face up and saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
"I thought they'd meet me at the airport. Or - maybe be here - you know - kinda like a surprise. Or something. Maybe."
"Look, Will." Xander sighed and pulled her close, hugging her. "Buffy and Dawn - they're pretty tied up at the moment with that whole sister bonding thing. I'm sure Buffy meant to come see you, but might be a good idea to give her some time."
"She's still mad at me, isn't she?" Willow pulled away from him and looked at him directly. "Tell me the truth."
"I don't know. I haven't seen much of her this summer. Like I said - she's been busy." Xander shrugged it off and then brushed his knuckles lightly against her cheek. "I don't' know what kind of food they serve in the Jolly Old Mother Country, but you feeling up for a little pizza?" "Pizza is of the good." She admitted with a small smile. "Pepperoni?"
"And sausage and mushrooms and pineapple and extra cheese."
"Definitely extra cheese." Willow's small smile grew and she turned around to glance at Xander's apartment. "You redecorated."
"Eh - just a few things. Had to make some changes after Anya left. She took most of her furniture." Xander's grin twisted with a hint of self-mockery as he wandered over to the phone. His eyes trailed Willow's progress as she explored. She moved like a cat introduced into a new home. Her steps were tentative and she seemed to be testing each part of the room as she moved around it.
He waited until the guy taking his order promised him thirty minutes or less before hanging it up. "Want something to drink Will?"
"Water is good."
"I have bottled water."
"Really?"
"Yes, because all the cool kids have bottled water."
She laughed at that. A faint laugh, but real nonetheless. Xander grinned at the sound and slipped into the kitchen. He snagged a beer for himself and chilled Evian for Willow. He bumped into her as he came back out and they both laughed.
"Does this feel weird to you?" Willow asked him as she took the bottle of water.
"No, it feels good." He smiled. "Real good. I missed you."
"I missed you, too. I was really screwed up when I got over there. I barely even remember the trip." She ran fingers through her hair self-consciously and resumed her pacing. Xander followed at a lazier pace and settled himself into a chair so he could watch her.
"I don't think I even realized that Giles took me to England at first, but the Coven - they were really nice. They spent a lot of time just making me relax, meditate - ground and center. When the dreams started - that's when I started realizing some things."
"What things?" Xander asked quietly.
"Things like - I beat the crap out of Buffy. I terrorized Dawn. I killed Rack. I -"Her eyes took on a distant quality. Whatever she saw, it wasn't in this room. "I murdered Warren."
"He deserved that." Xander interjected.
"Nobody deserved that." Willow shook her head. "I was so angry. So hurt. I couldn't believe life could be so unfair. I just got her back. I could bring back my best friend, but not my lover." She sniffled and took a long drink of the water. She seemed to be wrestling with something and the tears glittered in her eyes once more. "I had all this power and I couldn't do the one thing I so desperately wanted to do."
"So killing her murderer, saving Buffy and ending the world - that was a plan." It sounded weak, but Xander's faint smile managed to earn another watery chuckle from Willow.
"Well - I think the ending the world was a bit over the top."
"Only a little."
They both grinned, but they dimmed equally.
"I'm really sorry for what I did to you, Xander."
"Nah!" Xander waved a hand brushing aside the concern. "You weren't yourself."
"No - I mean, when you came to stop me.I poured all that power through you like that. I couldn't hurt you - but Donna explained to me about the kind of damage I could have done."
"Damage?" He blinked with a modicum of surprise. "Will, I wasn't hurt."
"Not the outside, on the inside. I poured all that power through your heart chakra - that's a powerful chakra - I could have destroyed your soul."
"Hey," Xander held up a hand and waved it at her. "Soul still here, all intact. No worries."
Willow sighed and ducked her head a little. Her words drifted off as the doorbell rang. Xander winked at her as he rose to answer it. He threw it open and grinned broadly at the dark haired angel holding a pizza boy in one hand and a pizza in the other.
"You ordered a pizza?" Drusilla purred.
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.
- Alexis Carrel
"So, how was it?" Xander asked congenially as he hoisted the suitcase in the door and held it open for her.
"It was - lonely." Willow proffered a small, shy smile as she stepped into the room. Her shoulders hunched up in a small shrug. Her hands were hidden in the pockets of her khaki pants. "Painful - I didn't like it."
Xander closed the door behind her and reached an arm out to hug her from behind. "I'm sorry Will. I wish they hadn't dragged you eight thousand miles away." He felt her tense at the first touch of his hand on her shoulder, but gradually she relaxed.
"It's okay. I needed to do it on my own. Self-reliance and all that." She laid her cheek against his arm and rubbed it a little. He considered letting her go, but tightened the hug instead, wrapping his free arm around her as well.
"You're home now."
"Yeah." Willow's voice quavered briefly. "It feels strange. I thought that - I thought that Buffy would -"
Xander turned her around and tipped his head to the side. "What Will?" He touched a finger to her chin when she wouldn't meet his eyes. He nudged her face up and saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes.
"I thought they'd meet me at the airport. Or - maybe be here - you know - kinda like a surprise. Or something. Maybe."
"Look, Will." Xander sighed and pulled her close, hugging her. "Buffy and Dawn - they're pretty tied up at the moment with that whole sister bonding thing. I'm sure Buffy meant to come see you, but might be a good idea to give her some time."
"She's still mad at me, isn't she?" Willow pulled away from him and looked at him directly. "Tell me the truth."
"I don't know. I haven't seen much of her this summer. Like I said - she's been busy." Xander shrugged it off and then brushed his knuckles lightly against her cheek. "I don't' know what kind of food they serve in the Jolly Old Mother Country, but you feeling up for a little pizza?" "Pizza is of the good." She admitted with a small smile. "Pepperoni?"
"And sausage and mushrooms and pineapple and extra cheese."
"Definitely extra cheese." Willow's small smile grew and she turned around to glance at Xander's apartment. "You redecorated."
"Eh - just a few things. Had to make some changes after Anya left. She took most of her furniture." Xander's grin twisted with a hint of self-mockery as he wandered over to the phone. His eyes trailed Willow's progress as she explored. She moved like a cat introduced into a new home. Her steps were tentative and she seemed to be testing each part of the room as she moved around it.
He waited until the guy taking his order promised him thirty minutes or less before hanging it up. "Want something to drink Will?"
"Water is good."
"I have bottled water."
"Really?"
"Yes, because all the cool kids have bottled water."
She laughed at that. A faint laugh, but real nonetheless. Xander grinned at the sound and slipped into the kitchen. He snagged a beer for himself and chilled Evian for Willow. He bumped into her as he came back out and they both laughed.
"Does this feel weird to you?" Willow asked him as she took the bottle of water.
"No, it feels good." He smiled. "Real good. I missed you."
"I missed you, too. I was really screwed up when I got over there. I barely even remember the trip." She ran fingers through her hair self-consciously and resumed her pacing. Xander followed at a lazier pace and settled himself into a chair so he could watch her.
"I don't think I even realized that Giles took me to England at first, but the Coven - they were really nice. They spent a lot of time just making me relax, meditate - ground and center. When the dreams started - that's when I started realizing some things."
"What things?" Xander asked quietly.
"Things like - I beat the crap out of Buffy. I terrorized Dawn. I killed Rack. I -"Her eyes took on a distant quality. Whatever she saw, it wasn't in this room. "I murdered Warren."
"He deserved that." Xander interjected.
"Nobody deserved that." Willow shook her head. "I was so angry. So hurt. I couldn't believe life could be so unfair. I just got her back. I could bring back my best friend, but not my lover." She sniffled and took a long drink of the water. She seemed to be wrestling with something and the tears glittered in her eyes once more. "I had all this power and I couldn't do the one thing I so desperately wanted to do."
"So killing her murderer, saving Buffy and ending the world - that was a plan." It sounded weak, but Xander's faint smile managed to earn another watery chuckle from Willow.
"Well - I think the ending the world was a bit over the top."
"Only a little."
They both grinned, but they dimmed equally.
"I'm really sorry for what I did to you, Xander."
"Nah!" Xander waved a hand brushing aside the concern. "You weren't yourself."
"No - I mean, when you came to stop me.I poured all that power through you like that. I couldn't hurt you - but Donna explained to me about the kind of damage I could have done."
"Damage?" He blinked with a modicum of surprise. "Will, I wasn't hurt."
"Not the outside, on the inside. I poured all that power through your heart chakra - that's a powerful chakra - I could have destroyed your soul."
"Hey," Xander held up a hand and waved it at her. "Soul still here, all intact. No worries."
Willow sighed and ducked her head a little. Her words drifted off as the doorbell rang. Xander winked at her as he rose to answer it. He threw it open and grinned broadly at the dark haired angel holding a pizza boy in one hand and a pizza in the other.
"You ordered a pizza?" Drusilla purred.