Note: All Metal Gear related material (characters, settings, plot) is the sole ownership of Konami Of Japan TM.
Solid Snake (To camera): Hello, fellow viewers. This is Snake. SOLID Snake. No doubt that you know me as the main character from the Metal Gear series. Metal Gear, Metal Gear 2, Metal Gear Solid and Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty. Which is actually Metal Gear Solid 4 since Metal Gear Solid is Metal Gear 3 which is the sequel to Metal Gear 2, and there was Metal Gear Solid for the Gameboy Color. It was a prequel to Metal Gear Solid aka Metal Gear 3 which would make it Metal Gear 2.5. So Metal Gear Solid 2 is Metal Gear Solid 4, the sequel to Metal Gear 3, which is Metal Gear Solid 1…ACK!!! BRAIN EPHEURISM!!!
Otacon (off camera): Looks like Hideo Kojima's plotlines aren't the only things that can produce brain euphuisms!
Hideo (off camera, to Otacon): I heard that!
Solid Snake (to camera, sweating): Okay (panting), where was I? Yes. Well, no doubt you heard about me through the Metal Gear series.
Otacon (off camera): You forgot "Snakes Revenge".
Snake: Of course I did! (Shouting) Never, EVER mention it!
Otacon (off camera): Sorry! I forgot.
Snake (grimacing): "Snakes Revenge", PFFFFFFT! Yeah right. I'll have my "revenge" all right; on every one of those bozos that made it happen! (Clears Throat) Anyway, we all worked extremely hard to give you the mind-blowing experience that Metal Gear Solid 2 is right now.
Otacon (off camera): Yeah, especially after doing take after take of those Codec scenes. Man, my butt is still sore from all that sitting around!
Snake (to camera): However, even the best of us have moments where we either mess-up a scene or screw-up a line or two. To prove to you that making a videogame is not all fun and games even for the characters themselves, we have compiled these moments together for you to enjoy a good laugh. While you take it all in, Otacon and I need to take care of some business.
Otacon (off camera): Finding the location of The Patriots?
Snake: No, destroying every single copy of "Snakes Revenge" out there. Starting with the one you have in your pocket.
Otacon (screaming): SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!
Scene #1-George Washington Bridge Take #1The camera pans along, looking up at the top of the bridge. It's raining heavily, and thundering. View then tilts to the surface of one of the bridge walkways while traffic whirs by. Snake is supposed to be walking down the path. But we see no one.
Cameraman: Huh? Snake? Where is he?
There is a loud whistle from off camera. The view then faces the other walkway on the other side. Snake is standing there, waving.
Cameraman: Oh. Sorry! My Fault!
Hideo: CUT!
Take #2
We watch Snake as he is walking down the bridge walkway, wearing what looks like a heavy raincoat with hood over him. He is smoking a cigarette. But the rain puts it out in mere seconds.
Snake (shocked): What? DAMN!
He fishes around his pockets for another one. He finds it and lights it up. But before he could take some puffs, the rain puts IT out as well.
Snake: DAMN IT!
Snake fishes for yet another one.
Hideo (off camera): CUT! Sorry, Snake.
Snake (still searching): I wish I had one that was waterproof.
Hideo (off camera): COULD WE EASE UP ON THE RAIN A LITTLE, PLEASE?
Take #3
We watch Snake as he walks along the bridge. He's wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him. He is smoking a cigarette. As he is walking, a car pulls up right near him from the highway.
Snake (Flailing): GASP!
The driver comes rushing out of the car to Snake, barely able to contain his excitement.
Driver: You ARE Solid Snake! Cool! Oh, I am a BIIIIIIIIG fan of yours! May I trouble you for an autograph?
Snake gives him a befuddled look. Then he turns to the camera.
Cameraman: Don't look at me, Snake.
Driver: Oh. You're in the middle of a scene?
Snake (growling): Yes.
Driver (to camera): And the camera is rolling?
Cameraman (growling): Yes.
Driver: So, I take it this is a bad time?
Hideo (off camera, growling): Yes.
Driver: I guess I should leave then, right?
All three (shouting): YES!
Driver (squeaking): Okay.
Driver flees back into his car. Car drives off into the highway.
Snake: Hideo, where do you GET these extras?
Hideo (off camera): I'm desperate, that's all. CUT!
Take #4
We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge. He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with hood over him. He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and flicks it away.
A scream is heard, along with a car screeching and crashing into another car.
Snake (looking at highway, surprised): Oh! SORRY!
Hideo (off camera): CUT! MEDICS, DOWN HERE ON THE DOUBLE! Snake, could you please watch where you are flicking that cigarette.
Snake (puzzled): How am I supposed to "watch where I am flicking that cigarette" when I shouldn't even be staring at the highway?
Hideo (off camera): Just go with your instinct! ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, FROM THE TOP!
Take #5
We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge. He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him. He slowly changes his speed and begins to run. He goes faster and faster, until we no longer see him except in stealth camouflage.
We cut to a shot where his coat should fly off. But it doesn't. We see instead that Snake is struggling to get the coat off while running at top speed. He trips and falls, rolling around on the ground.
Snake (furious): Stupid thing! SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT!
Hideo (off camera): CUT! WARDROBE, GET DOWN HERE!
Take #6
We watch Snake as he is walking along the bridge. He is wearing what looks like a raincoat with a hood over him. He slowly changes his speed and begins to run. He goes faster and faster, until we no longer see him except in stealth camouflage. His coat flies off his shoulders into the night. Now, we can barely make him out as he runs.
The theme song to "Chariots Of Fire" suddenly blares out. Snake slows down, running in faux slow motion and parodying the famous running scene in the movie.
Hideo (off camera): CUT! Sound people, quit fooling around!
Take #7Snake is running at top speed in stealth camouflage. His coat flies off his shoulders into the night. He turns a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off of the bridge with a heave. We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position. But the bungee cord he's supposed to use isn't attached to his leg.
Snake (screaming): SHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTT!
There is a splash as Snake hits the ocean, hard!
Hideo (off camera, frantic): Oh no! CUT! CUT! CUUUUUUUUT!
Take #8
Snake turns a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave. We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position. A bungee cord is tied to his leg. He keeps falling and falling…and falling. Finally, he reaches the end of his dive but the bungee cord doesn't pull him back up. He dangles upside down.
Snake: Huh? Where the hell is the boat?
A loud, bellowing boat whistle answers his question. The boat is coming right at him, the front of it nearly ready to ram him.
Snake: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!
Hideo (off camera, frantic): CUT! CUT! SOMEBODY HELP HIM! HE JUMPED TOO EARLY!
Take #9
Snake takes a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave. We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position. A bungee cord is tied to his leg. Meanwhile, a boat is passing underneath him. Snake keeps falling, aiming for the surface of the boat…but ends up going through one of the huge smokestacks. We hear a muffled scream of pain coming from within.
Hideo (off camera, frantic): CUT! MEDICS, HELP HIM OUT OF THERE! HURRY!
Take #10Snake takes a sharp turn to the right and leaps right off the bridge with a heave. We now see Snake at a different angle, falling from the bridge in a professional dive position. A bungee cord is tied to his leg. Meanwhile, a boat is passing underneath him. Snake keeps falling, aiming for the surface of the boat. A leap from a wall and a back flip later, Snake makes it. We go to a shot of the boat passing under the bridge, its whistle letting out a huge sound.
Hideo (off camera, sigh of relief): Cut. Oh, phew! Thank goodness. We actually made it through this take unharmed for once! Great job everyone. Snake? Snake? Where is he?
What Hideo doesn't know is that Snake went down a little too hard and there is now a big hole on the surface of the ship where Snake was. We hear a low groan coming from the hole.
Snake (groaning heavily): ohhhhhhhhhhh! Hiiiiiiiideeeeeeeo.
END OF SCENE #1