METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SCREWUPS
Chapter 2
Note: All Metal Gear related material (characters, settings, plot) is the sole property of Konami Computer Entertainment Japan TM
In the last chapter, we saw the cast and crew get through the filming of the bridge scene. Snake, unfortunately, bore the brunt of the major physical mistakes and has just recovered from it as we get to the next scene in this chapter.
Scene #2- Ship surface scene
Take #1Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship. We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground. The bungee cord is cut loose. He's supposed to land on his knees, but Snake lands right on his stomach instead with a major THUD!
Snake (grunting painfully, moaning): OW! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEO!
Hideo (off camera): OHHHHHH! That's got to hurt! CUT!
Take #2
Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship. We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground. The bungee cord is cut loose. He's supposed to land on his knees. There is another major THUD as Snake lands right on top of his head. He stays upside down for a minute.
Snake (groaning): There goes another part of my brain.
He falls on his stomach again.
Hideo (off camera, to Snake): What happened to the FIRST part?
Snake (moaning): Cigarettes.
Hideo (off camera): I had to ask. CUT!
Take #3
Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship. We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground. The bungee cord is cut loose. He's supposed to land on his knees. Yet another major THUD is heard as Snake lands on his groin. He doubles over to the side, clutching it.
Snake (moaning severely): OWWWWWWWWWWWW! OHHHHHHHH! My manhood!
Hideo (off camera): That REALLY had to hurt!
Snake (to hideo, moaning): This is—OWWWW-getting-OHHHHHH-ridicu-ACK-lous!
Cameraman (to Hideo): I agree. Mr. Kojima, why didn't you hire a stuntman?
Hideo (to cameraman): Didn't have enough budget left over. Had to use it to juice up my plot twists and double crosses in the story.
Otacon (somewhere off camera, sarcastic): That figures.
Hideo (to Otacon): I heard that! CUT!
Take #4
Snake is ready to do a final landing on the surface of the ship. We cut to the final shot of Snake getting close to the ground. The bungee cord is cut loose. Snake lands firmly on his knees. The stealth camouflage now has to short out. But it doesn't.
Snake holds still, waiting. Nothing yet. Snake begins grumbling, losing patience.
Snake (growling): Anytime now. While I am still YOUNG!
The camouflage doesn't do anything. Snake still can't be seen. He gets to his feet.
Snake: Oh well.
Snake begins waving his arms around, making a faux moaning sound.
Snake (moaning playfully): IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII aaaaaaaaaam the ghost of Christmas paaaaaaaaaaaaaassst! Whooo!
Cameraman (laughing): That's funny. You're too much, Snake.
Hideo (off camera, laughing): Cut. Snake, you're such a clown.
Take #5
Snake lands firmly on his knees. The camouflage is supposed to short out. But it still doesn't. Snake growls, barely containing his temper.
Snake (growling): If I want something done right, I'll have to do it myself.
Snake throws himself on his back, hard. The camouflage now begins shorting out. There is a loud pop, and sparks begin flying out. But they fly out to violently. He goes into convulsions as the sparks envelope his entire body.
Afterwards, his whole body is fried to a crisp.
Snake (moaning): Baaaaaaaaad idea!
Hideo (off camera): Cut! MEDICS! Snake, next time leave this to the professionals. FROM THE TOP, EVERYONE!
Take #6
Snake lands firmly on his knees. There is a loud pop and a shower of sparks fly off of Snake's body as the camouflage begins shorting out. Snake begins materializing, but then all the lights go out. The camera shuts off. The ship stops moving. We hear panicking voices from the crew.
Technician #1 (voice): Oh no! It was a little TOO MUCH juice!
Cameraman (voice, frustrated): I can't see jack shit here, PEOPLE!
Random crewmember: We ALL can't see jack shit! Quit thinking about yourself, you selfish son-of-a
Hideo (voice): CALM DOWN! I'll fix this situation. Darn, my cell phone is in my trailer! Snake, do you have your cell phone?
Snake (voice): Over here, Hideo. I have it ready for you.
Hideo (voice): Thank you. Excuse me.
Hideo dials a phone number.
Hideo (voice): This is Hideo Kojima on the set of "Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons Of Liberty". Hello? HELLO? Anyone there? We need some back-up generators here! HELLLLLLLLLLLLLO!
Snake (silently): uh…Hideo…that's not my cell phone.
Hideo (sheepish): Oh…uh…he! Uh…CUT!
Take #7
Snake lands firmly on his knees. There's a loud pop and a shower of lightning bolts fly all over off of Snake's body as the camouflage begins shorting out. Snake materializes as the last of the bolts fizzle out. He gets to one knee as we pull back. We see the entire front end of the boat along with the insignia, which reads…"SS Dizkovarie".
Hideo (beside himself, off camera): WHAT! CUT! SET DECORATOR!
Set Decorator (off camera): How can I help it if I flunked out of kindergarten!
Hideo (really grumbling and growling): ………
Take #8
He gets to one knee as we pull back. We see the entire front end of the boat along with the insignia, which reads "SS Discovery".
We then cut to another shot of a helicopter coming into view. Inside the helicopter, Revolver Ocelot looks on with his binoculars. He appears impressed with what went on.
Ocelot: My boy. Right on schedule.
He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand. He gasps as the colt goes flying out of his hand. It hits the front window and shoots. The bullet pierces the controls. There is a loud whine from the engine as the helicopter goes out of control. Ocelot tries desperately to steer it, but it doesn't work.
Ocelot: This does not look good!
We see the helicopter heading for the water.
Ocelot (screaming): HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOO!
A really deafening CRASH as the helicopter hits the water hard. It throws waves of it everywhere.
Hideo (shouting, off camera): OH NOOOO! CUT! CUUUUUUUUUUUT!
Snake: If this happened in the real game, the player would win already.
Hideo (off camera, to Snake): And the fans would be even angrier if they could only play you for 5 minutes instead of your ACTUAL short time! MEDICS, HELP OCELOT OUT!
Take #9
Ocelot: My boy. Right on schedule.
He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand. Putting it back into his holster, he steers the helicopter to a sharp left.
Ocelot: He'll kn---
The copter crashes into a set crane, manned on one of the crew boats. It doesn't explode, but it collapses into the water with the crane.
Hideo (off camera): Oh, God! Not again! CUT!
Take #10
Ocelot: My boy. Right on schedule.
He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand. Putting it back in his holster, he steers the helicopter to a sharp right.
Ocelot: He'll kn—
The copter crashes into another helicopter. The wrecks tumble into the water with a loud SPLASH!
Snake: It's good to know that I'm not the ONLY one that takes the major bumps!
Hideo (off camera): Why me? CUT!
Take #11
Ocelot: My boy. Right on schedule.
He twirls one of his old fashioned colts in his hand. Putting it back in his holster, he steers the helicopter GENTLY to the left.
Ocelot: He'll know
As the helicopter turns out of view, we cut back to Snake. He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in the surroundings. The title then dissolves on to the screen:
THAT THINGAMAWHATZIT SOLID 2: SONS OF LITHISERTHATTY
Hideo (furious, off camera): CUUUUUUUUUT! LOGO DESIGNER!
Logo Designer (off camera, to Hideo): Yeah, I meant to ask you. What do you call that machine that Snake always fights, again? And what comes after "Sons Of…?"
Hideo (grumbling, off camera): Lousy no-good! Son-of-a…
Logo Designer (off camera): You sure that title you said a moment ago will fit on screen?
Hideo (off camera): You're fired!
Take #12
He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in the surroundings. The title then dissolves on to the screen, just above Snake:
METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY
The title fades out. Snake looks to his left, and then to his right.
Snake: Finally!
Snake runs right up to the very edge of the ship. He raises his arms high up in the sky.
Snake (calling out): I'M KING OF THE WORLD! WHOOOOOOOO! WHOO, WHOO! WHOOO—
He slips over the edge and falls into the water with a tiny splash.
Hideo (off camera): See what happens when you show off? CUT!
Take #13
He slowly gets up from his kneeling position and stands there, taking in his surroundings. The title then dissolves on to the screen, just above Snake.
METAL GEAR SOLID 2: SONS OF LIBERTY
The title fades out. Snake looks to the left, and then to his right. Seeing that the coast is clear for now, he takes his position behind some boxes. He raises his hand to his neck, accessing his internal nanomachines.
Hideo (off camera): Cut. Excellent, people. We've managed to slog through another scene without any more problems.
Crew member (off camera, to Hideo): Uh, Mr. Kojima. Ocelot just crashed the helicopter again.
Hideo (off camera): WHAT? AGAIN?
Crew member (off camera, to Hideo): Last we heard from him, he was screaming "I WILL FOLLOW WHAT MY GENES TELL ME. VIVA LES ENFANT TERRIBLES!"
Hideo (off camera): LIQUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!
End Of Scene #2
Note: What follows next is a little advertisement for my next fanfic that I'm working on in conjunction with this.
COMING SOON
"Terror ('tere) n. 1. great fear, panic, or dread. 2. A person or thing that inspires great dread. 3. Informal. A troublesome person or thing, esp. a child. 4. terrorism"
"Terrorism ('tere, rizem) n. 1. a systematic use of violence and intimidation to achieve some goal. 2. the act of terrorizing. 3. the state of being terrorized."
-From "The Collins English Dictionary"
S3 Plan
Theoretical Activation: Big Shell Incident
Actual Activation: 09-11-01
Shortly following the Big Shell mission, Snake and Otacon attempt to unmask The Patriots with the only evidence they have. Finding no trace, they go underground while Raiden and Rose raise their baby daughter. It isn't long before a new threat connected to the Patriots and a rogue team of assassins called "The Three Kings" surfaces, forcing Raiden and Snake to team up again. But to destroy the Patriots means fighting the most PERSONAL battle they had ever had to face in their lives, with a force they have no choice but to label as their "enemy": The USA itself!
And having to do battle with a Metal Gear model much more dangerous than the ones before it. Especially since it represents the cumulation of human-cybernetic research.
METAL GEAR FUSION