The Rocker Chair
Chapter 5
Anakin summoned an air taxi and headed out towards the outskirts of the main city. Thankfully, the driver could see that his passenger was not in a sociable state of mind, and after a very brief attempt at conversation allowed Anakin to be alone with his thoughts. Part of him was furious, not only with Padmé and Obi-wan, but with himself as well. What in the name of the Force had come over him? He had never walked out on her before, at least, never any farther than the next room any way. He was angry, and hurt, and above all exhausted. The strain of trying to keep up with his training and the war was on top of trying to complete the chair was just too much. He needed to just get away for a little while and think. It would be a long journey to the flat, and he wanted to rest. Anakin leaned back, closed his eyes and tried to relax but to no avail. His mind would not stop turning things over and over; fear and self doubt rang through his mind like a toll bell. "Not good enough" sang one side, "Can't do this" sang the other. "What do you know about being a father" a new voice chimed in. Anakin suddenly threw his hands over his head, trying to shut out the sounds but they only increased in their ear spitting din.
"Enough!" he shrieked, startling the driver who had already stopped the air cab.
"Sir?" he said warily. "Are you alright? We're at your destination..."
Anakin slowly uncovered his ears and raised his head. He blinked in momentary confusion until he realized that he must have fallen asleep after all.
"Sir?" the drive inquired again warily, but this time, Anakin forced a smile.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "Tired I guess..."
"Are you sure this is where you want to be let off sir?" the driver began but Anakin silenced him with a glance. He paid the fare and tipped a little more generously than he usually did, anxious to get inside. The little smuggler's flat had become a queer sort of sanctuary in recent months, first for himself and Padmé, and now just for himself. It was a place that was away from everyone and everything, a place where he could almost always silence the voices of self doubt that plagued him more and more frequently as both the wars and now, his wife's pregnancy, progressed.
He used his access key and listened for the beep that signified that the door had locked behind him. Anakin took a deep breath and sighed, throwing his cloths rather half hazzardly around the room. Obi-wan had hated it when he did that, as did Padmé, but now that he was alone he felt and almost childish sense of rebellion in the actions. He savored the feeling momentarily, then picked up the cloths and tossed them over to the chair.
The chair! The damned rocker chair! Part of him wanted to take it and throw it across the room in a fit of destructive rage, but in his heart he knew better. It seemed to some up everything in its completion. The reality of WHY he'd made it! The sight of the completed piece seemed to cement the fact in his mind that this was a gift for his wife, his firstborn. HIS OWN! The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
"Father…" he whispered aloud, both relishing and fearing the word. "Mom…"
He flinched a little at that thought. Shmi would never know her grandchildren and the idea pained him a little. "Stop clinging to the past Skywalker," he admonished himself. "She's gone, no amount of guilt or self berating will bring her back. She's one with the Force now… and part of her will always be with you. With us…" He allowed himself a small smile as it finally really sank in. Padmé. The baby. Their family… HIS Family. It would take some getting used to, but he could do it. Just one little step at a time starting with the tradition of the family rocker chair.
He would rest for a little while and then arrange to have the chair transported to Padmé's flat while he would take her to a quiet restaurant and make things up to her. The rocker would be waiting for her when they returned and hopefully she would be in a more forgiving frame of mind. Hopefully. Only dressed in a light shirt and trousers, he threw himself on to the bed and closed his eyes again. He didn't hear the click of the door being opened or the beep that followed. Unaware that he had company, Anakin had fallen back into an exhausted sleep
.