July 27th,
Oh god…I should have been forewarned when he said he was going to teach me some humility.
Duke, you son of a bitch…I am going to get you back for this.
Duke…Sergeant Conrad Hauser…the Joe team's field commander and one of my closest friends. We have known each other for years, having met and served on numerous missions before joining the Joe team. In fact, it was on his recommendation that I was recruited to the top-secret anti-terrorist force. I owe him a lot…I owe him my life…he saved my ass during one of our first missions together.
That doesn't mean he doesn't get on my nerves.
Truth be told, I hated him at first. Mind you, I don't think he was all that fond of me either. We tend to push each other's buttons, competing with each other relentlessly over the most trivial of things. Yet there are very few who I would trust more guarding my back.
As I told Scarlett…it's a guy thing.
And anyhow, she should talk…Jaye and her are at each others throats as often as they are sharing confidences and doing whatever it is girls do.
Duke is everything I despised as a kid…yet everything I have spent my life trying to be. The Golden Boy…the varsity jock…the all-American. Popular, well-liked and easy going…he never seems to put a foot down wrong. He is an accomplished soldier and a born leader, a man that every Joe would follow to his death without question.
He is sure of himself in a way I will never be.
I have many, many acquaintances…people who I enjoy spending time with, going out for a drink and getting together to watch the big game. That said, I could count the number of truly close friends on one hand. Duke is one of them. Roadblock as well…Snake Eyes is someone I met more recently but took an immediate liking to…Paul, a chum back in Kansas who I grew up with…and of course Lady Jaye…the first female ever to grace the list.
I wonder why there are so few? Trust issues I suppose. People who don't know me well…which is includes pretty much everyone who is not on the above mentioned list…think I am some bigger than life party boy…a big mouth egoist with too much confidence for my own good and not a care in the world. They are right…but they are overlooking something fundamental to my nature that I have buried so deep that it rarely ever sees the light of day.
I doubt even Marvin or Conrad have even an inkling.
When I was a kid…when I was very young…I was painfully shy. No, not exactly true…I wasn't shy to begin with, but a couple of schoolyard incidents and playground fights left me fearful of other children. Admittedly, there is more to the story than that, but I will refrain from boring you.
In any case, I grew out of it…I grew up.
It helped that my older brothers were good role models. Well…good role models for popular, arrogant machismo masculinity.
Needless to say, I have always been a quick study.
When I was about six years old my parents got me a dog. I don't know what they were thinking, that maybe the animal would draw me out a bit, make me more rough and tumble and less…well…less bookish. At any rate, I loved that animal. It was a wolf marked husky, a big, beautiful dog with blue eyes and mischievous grin.
I named him Loki, after the Norse trickster god. Yeah…I know…not the name your average six year old would come up with, but then again I was far from average. In any case, it fit him well…he was intelligent and was bored easily, a combination that led to more trouble than you could possibly imagine.
I could relate.
He also had a sense of humor, if such can be said of a dog, and was a wonderful, loyal companion…the perfect playmate for a boy with an overactive imagination and a lust for adventure. He lived to the ripe old age of 14…died just before I left for Oxford. For all the friends I made later on…he was the one constant in my life throughout my entire childhood.
After he died I would sit in my dorm room and think guiltily about all those times when, as a teenager partying with the boys, I had left him behind. As we both matured, my life began to expand while his receded. He never complained…and was always there waiting up for me when I came home at night, wagging his tail and jumping like a puppy despite the arthritis and cataracts that plagued him in old age.
Even now there are times I still miss his quiet presence on the end of my bed.
Senator George Vest once said that the one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. 'He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. . . .When all other friends desert, he remains.'
I wonder if Loki set my expectations too high with regards to friendship. I demand such absolute loyalty from those close to me, set the bar soaring so that very few can hope to reach it. Am I afraid to get close? Maybe…but as Buddha once pointed out:
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."
That said, I give as good as I get. Once you are my friend I will stand by you through thick and thin. I might tease, I might argue…but I will never let you down.
It seems, given my current situation, that a little ribbing from said friends is also acceptable.
Eco-Warriors. Of all the crazy, tree hugging, publicity chasing, politically correct, numbskull ideas that the Pentagon has come up with, this has GOT to take the cake. Duke is smiling at me from the cockpit as I hold my new suit up to the light.
Damn it! I knew I should never have taunted him about my success with women!
We were at a nightclub having a drink and these women were flocking to our table. I needn't tell you they were hovering around me, a fact that, in my inebriated state, I was quick to point out to my blond friend. He just smiled calmly and said that I shouldn't be so cocky, because if it weren't for the uniform and the beret I would be relegated to begging for scraps like all the other 'dull-normals'.
Of course, I immediately came back with a typical Flint machismo remark. I think it went something like…
"That's just the icing on the cake, my friend…I could waltz around here in my boxers and still attract the girls. I am pretty sure they would be falling all over me with or without the uniform. In fact, I would probably have to beat them off with a stick if they saw some skin."
It went on from there.
Oh god…if Jaye sees me in this thing she is never going to let me live it down!
At least she is speaking to me again.
The mission I just left was anything but easy. In fact, it was one disaster after another.
Bloody Ninja Force…
Bloody Destro…
I can't help but shudder as I remember Allie nearly rolling off a cliff in the BADGER. The brakes had given way at a critical point in the operation and Jaye, being Jaye, stubbornly refused to bail despite my frantic shouts for her get out while she still could. The problem was the team just couldn't afford to have that vehicle roll within range of Strong Point's weapons and give use all away. It was either risk the cliff in an attempt to restart the engine or drop over.
It didn't work, but man…it took guts to do what she did…especially given her fear of heights. When the going get toughs she never backs down, she never balks. I admire that about her. I also know that after she comes down from the adrenaline high she is always a bit shaky, so in retrospect immediately after the battle was probably not the best time for me to comment.
She snapped back, quickly pointing out that she did EXACLTY the same thing I would have done if situations were reversed. That shut me up, although I physically had to bite back a remark about my driving skills being far superior.
Hey…I might be stupid when it comes to her…but I am not suicidal!
Nevertheless, for the rest of the slow drive to the border I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had come over me as I watched her roll into enemy fire.
She must have noticed my discomfort because she turned to me and smiled.
"I'm all right you know…you can stop worrying."
Of course, I harrumphed at her and said I was hardly worried…'Just thinking about the mission ahead is all'.
From the spark of humor in her eye I knew she didn't believe me. Probably the only good thing about this new assignment is that the C-130 which came to pick me up at the border saved me from her teasing.
As I was about to board, I paused…turning to Alison. I knew I would be leaving her in danger. I knew I had no choice. I had to go. I had orders…as much as I hate them (what did they make this suit out of, recycled action figures?). I could have just walked off without saying a word. Its not like I haven't done it before…
Except that it never felt right.
I didn't want to tell her anything too direct…anything that might reveal something I wasn't quite ready to deal with myself…and I certainly didn't want to say anything 'sappy' in front of the men.
As usual, though, I found the perfect quote sitting in that library of a brain I have…and shouted at her across the field as I climbed on to the plane.
"De corde totaliter Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota."
I didn't look back, but I could just imagine her standing there with a confused/annoyed look on her face. It made me grin…
Of all the languages she knows…Latin is definitely not one of them.
Authors Note: rough translation of what Flint said…'With all my heart, with all my soul, I am with you though I am far away' taken from Carmina Burana.
Oh god…I should have been forewarned when he said he was going to teach me some humility.
Duke, you son of a bitch…I am going to get you back for this.
Duke…Sergeant Conrad Hauser…the Joe team's field commander and one of my closest friends. We have known each other for years, having met and served on numerous missions before joining the Joe team. In fact, it was on his recommendation that I was recruited to the top-secret anti-terrorist force. I owe him a lot…I owe him my life…he saved my ass during one of our first missions together.
That doesn't mean he doesn't get on my nerves.
Truth be told, I hated him at first. Mind you, I don't think he was all that fond of me either. We tend to push each other's buttons, competing with each other relentlessly over the most trivial of things. Yet there are very few who I would trust more guarding my back.
As I told Scarlett…it's a guy thing.
And anyhow, she should talk…Jaye and her are at each others throats as often as they are sharing confidences and doing whatever it is girls do.
Duke is everything I despised as a kid…yet everything I have spent my life trying to be. The Golden Boy…the varsity jock…the all-American. Popular, well-liked and easy going…he never seems to put a foot down wrong. He is an accomplished soldier and a born leader, a man that every Joe would follow to his death without question.
He is sure of himself in a way I will never be.
I have many, many acquaintances…people who I enjoy spending time with, going out for a drink and getting together to watch the big game. That said, I could count the number of truly close friends on one hand. Duke is one of them. Roadblock as well…Snake Eyes is someone I met more recently but took an immediate liking to…Paul, a chum back in Kansas who I grew up with…and of course Lady Jaye…the first female ever to grace the list.
I wonder why there are so few? Trust issues I suppose. People who don't know me well…which is includes pretty much everyone who is not on the above mentioned list…think I am some bigger than life party boy…a big mouth egoist with too much confidence for my own good and not a care in the world. They are right…but they are overlooking something fundamental to my nature that I have buried so deep that it rarely ever sees the light of day.
I doubt even Marvin or Conrad have even an inkling.
When I was a kid…when I was very young…I was painfully shy. No, not exactly true…I wasn't shy to begin with, but a couple of schoolyard incidents and playground fights left me fearful of other children. Admittedly, there is more to the story than that, but I will refrain from boring you.
In any case, I grew out of it…I grew up.
It helped that my older brothers were good role models. Well…good role models for popular, arrogant machismo masculinity.
Needless to say, I have always been a quick study.
When I was about six years old my parents got me a dog. I don't know what they were thinking, that maybe the animal would draw me out a bit, make me more rough and tumble and less…well…less bookish. At any rate, I loved that animal. It was a wolf marked husky, a big, beautiful dog with blue eyes and mischievous grin.
I named him Loki, after the Norse trickster god. Yeah…I know…not the name your average six year old would come up with, but then again I was far from average. In any case, it fit him well…he was intelligent and was bored easily, a combination that led to more trouble than you could possibly imagine.
I could relate.
He also had a sense of humor, if such can be said of a dog, and was a wonderful, loyal companion…the perfect playmate for a boy with an overactive imagination and a lust for adventure. He lived to the ripe old age of 14…died just before I left for Oxford. For all the friends I made later on…he was the one constant in my life throughout my entire childhood.
After he died I would sit in my dorm room and think guiltily about all those times when, as a teenager partying with the boys, I had left him behind. As we both matured, my life began to expand while his receded. He never complained…and was always there waiting up for me when I came home at night, wagging his tail and jumping like a puppy despite the arthritis and cataracts that plagued him in old age.
Even now there are times I still miss his quiet presence on the end of my bed.
Senator George Vest once said that the one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. 'He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer; he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounter with the roughness of the world. . . .When all other friends desert, he remains.'
I wonder if Loki set my expectations too high with regards to friendship. I demand such absolute loyalty from those close to me, set the bar soaring so that very few can hope to reach it. Am I afraid to get close? Maybe…but as Buddha once pointed out:
"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."
That said, I give as good as I get. Once you are my friend I will stand by you through thick and thin. I might tease, I might argue…but I will never let you down.
It seems, given my current situation, that a little ribbing from said friends is also acceptable.
Eco-Warriors. Of all the crazy, tree hugging, publicity chasing, politically correct, numbskull ideas that the Pentagon has come up with, this has GOT to take the cake. Duke is smiling at me from the cockpit as I hold my new suit up to the light.
Damn it! I knew I should never have taunted him about my success with women!
We were at a nightclub having a drink and these women were flocking to our table. I needn't tell you they were hovering around me, a fact that, in my inebriated state, I was quick to point out to my blond friend. He just smiled calmly and said that I shouldn't be so cocky, because if it weren't for the uniform and the beret I would be relegated to begging for scraps like all the other 'dull-normals'.
Of course, I immediately came back with a typical Flint machismo remark. I think it went something like…
"That's just the icing on the cake, my friend…I could waltz around here in my boxers and still attract the girls. I am pretty sure they would be falling all over me with or without the uniform. In fact, I would probably have to beat them off with a stick if they saw some skin."
It went on from there.
Oh god…if Jaye sees me in this thing she is never going to let me live it down!
At least she is speaking to me again.
The mission I just left was anything but easy. In fact, it was one disaster after another.
Bloody Ninja Force…
Bloody Destro…
I can't help but shudder as I remember Allie nearly rolling off a cliff in the BADGER. The brakes had given way at a critical point in the operation and Jaye, being Jaye, stubbornly refused to bail despite my frantic shouts for her get out while she still could. The problem was the team just couldn't afford to have that vehicle roll within range of Strong Point's weapons and give use all away. It was either risk the cliff in an attempt to restart the engine or drop over.
It didn't work, but man…it took guts to do what she did…especially given her fear of heights. When the going get toughs she never backs down, she never balks. I admire that about her. I also know that after she comes down from the adrenaline high she is always a bit shaky, so in retrospect immediately after the battle was probably not the best time for me to comment.
She snapped back, quickly pointing out that she did EXACLTY the same thing I would have done if situations were reversed. That shut me up, although I physically had to bite back a remark about my driving skills being far superior.
Hey…I might be stupid when it comes to her…but I am not suicidal!
Nevertheless, for the rest of the slow drive to the border I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had come over me as I watched her roll into enemy fire.
She must have noticed my discomfort because she turned to me and smiled.
"I'm all right you know…you can stop worrying."
Of course, I harrumphed at her and said I was hardly worried…'Just thinking about the mission ahead is all'.
From the spark of humor in her eye I knew she didn't believe me. Probably the only good thing about this new assignment is that the C-130 which came to pick me up at the border saved me from her teasing.
As I was about to board, I paused…turning to Alison. I knew I would be leaving her in danger. I knew I had no choice. I had to go. I had orders…as much as I hate them (what did they make this suit out of, recycled action figures?). I could have just walked off without saying a word. Its not like I haven't done it before…
Except that it never felt right.
I didn't want to tell her anything too direct…anything that might reveal something I wasn't quite ready to deal with myself…and I certainly didn't want to say anything 'sappy' in front of the men.
As usual, though, I found the perfect quote sitting in that library of a brain I have…and shouted at her across the field as I climbed on to the plane.
"De corde totaliter Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota."
I didn't look back, but I could just imagine her standing there with a confused/annoyed look on her face. It made me grin…
Of all the languages she knows…Latin is definitely not one of them.
Authors Note: rough translation of what Flint said…'With all my heart, with all my soul, I am with you though I am far away' taken from Carmina Burana.