These are meant as humorous bloopers of specific scenes in the series and a behind-the-scenes look at the real personalities of these actors. I do not own eva, or any of the various types of Music, movies, etc. that I insulted in this first chapter.
And yes, I know that Kaworu is *NOT* gay.
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NEO GENETIC EBANGERION Exodus 0:1
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CHAPTER 1: EPISODE 9
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Scene 1: The fight with Israfel
Units 01 and 02 are launched up into the air, about to begin their dance-of-destruction against Israfel. The music begins to play, Asuka and Shinji seem to be concentrating, when th--
Director: CUT!
Misato: What? Why, the scene was just getting started.
*Ritsuko walks up to Misato's face, with a stern look on her face*
Ritsuko: We have to totally reanimate that scene so that the strides of the eva units match with the beats in the new piece that we are implementing into this scene.
Misato: And what Musical piece is that?
*Ritsuko tries to hold the serious look on her face, though Misato happens to notice this*
Ritsuko: "Memories" by... hah... Barbra Streisand... hahahahahahaha!
*Ritsuko collapses to the floor in fits of laughter, Misato feeling the urge to strangle someone... anyone*
Misato: Why the hell does it have to be Barbra Streisand?
Ritsuko: Careful, we were also thinking of using an N'Sync song for that scene--
*Misato quiets herself*
Ritsuko: And we also could have done a POD song.
Misato: P.O.D. WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR, PISSED-OFF DICKS?
Ritsuko: How the hell would I know, that's like trying to figure out why some people like Barry Manillow.
Misato: ...
Director: By the way, where is Gendo, I haven't seen him lately.
*Gendo comes rushing into the studio, clad only in boxers, with Kaworu chasing him*
Gendo: *Speaking to Kaworu* LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!!!
Kaworu: Sure you're not... come here, and I'll tickle your--
Gendo: GO AWAY!!!!! ANGELS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HOMOSEXUALS!!!!!
Kaworu: Do you want to see how heavenly I can be in bed?
Gendo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*They exit the studio door, leaving the director shaking his head*
Director: *sighing* Some things are best left unseen.
Ritsuko: Haha, next thing you know, Maya will tell me that she has a crush on me. Haha, that would be a nightmare.
*Ritsuko continues to laugh heartily*
*Maya, who was hiding behind one of the stage props, blushes and runs away*
Maya: Oh well... at least I was saved from the humiliation.
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Scene 2: Sleepwalking scene
Asuka flops down beside Shinji, her huge breasts sticking out in his face. They pull closer, ready to kiss, but Asuka mutters something on her lips as her eyes swell up with tears.
Asuka: Bi-- Big Mac. I want a Big Mac. With a coke and some fries, and a little Mickey Mouse toy that comes with the meals.
*She grins, still in her acted sleep*
Shinji: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!
Director: CUT!
*Shinji stands up, scowling down at Asuka, rage in his eyes*
Shinji: Asuka, why did you do that. Are you trying to deprieve me of my sleep and of my women? I've got 4 well-endowed girls back in my tralier waiting for me, and they aren't wearing anything. I don't care how whiny I am in this stupid role, it's not your place to take away my late-night joy.
*Asuka is still pretend-sleeping, a tiny sliver of drool working it's way down the side of her mouth*
Shinji: ASUKA, THE SCENE IS OVER!!!!! GET UP, NOW!!!!!
*Asuka doesn't move from her position*
Director: Um, I think that she really is sleeping.
Shinji: WHAT?!?!
*Shinji gently nudges Asuka with his shoe; she doesn't move*
Shinji: SHIT! Oh well, this is a valuable oppurtunity.
*Shinji, practically drooling in anticipation, and still a bit mad at her, positions himself in between her legs*
Director: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Shinji: She deprived me of my nookie, now she will be mine.
*Asuka's eyes burst open, she sits up and slaps Shinji hard in the face*
Asuka: IT FIGURES! THE MOMENT I'M LEFT UNGUARDED, YOU TRY TO RAPE ME!
Shinji: LISTEN, IF YOU HADN'T FALLEN ASLEEP, I COULD HAVE HAD A GIRL SUCKING ME OFF AT THIS VERY MOMENT! SO YOU SHOULD DONATE! NOW START BLOWING ME, RIGHT NOW!
Asuka: NO WAY!!!!!
*While the two quarrel in the background, Kensuke heads for Rei's trailer*
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Rei's Tralier:
* Rei, pacing around her Mansion sized trailer, wearing only a fully-buttoned shirt and animal panties, argues with someone on the phone*
Rei: *On the phone* Tell SEELE that I'm going to skip this meeting, if it's important, they'll send me a bulletin in the mail. I'm busy.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: What do you mean, suspend me from SEELE for 18 weeks?!?! My fans will raid their HQ and kill them all.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: I have more loyal fanboys following me than Misato does, don't tell me that I "exaggerate" on my expansive fan-base. They would jump in lava for me, so there.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: Was that a threat? Hey, isn't this harrasment of a celebrity?
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Who cares about Hollywood's opinion of me and my acting? Hollywood can go lick it's own ass, they have created very few good films anyway. Fucking hypocrites. "King of the world" my ass. Corny, stupid, dumb-ass romances are always springing from them.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Does it make a difference if I engage in lesbian activites with my clones? It isn't their business. I bet the actors on "Queer as folk" are gay in real-life to. But I don't go and investigate and intrude in their pivate lives.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Why would people say to put me on the Jerry Springer show? Just because my clones are too hot to resist? Screw that. I don't need any money THAT bad.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: So what if I live in a trailer? Is it any of YOUR concern?
*The person on the other end hangs up*
Rei: *furiously throwing the phone down* FUCK YOU TOO!
*There's a knock at the door, and in Enters Kaji, wearing a maid's outfit, with a duster in his hand, almost on the verge of crying*
Kaji: I've dusted the windows, I've washed down the Attic, now please... can I please get sme rest?
Rei: Mmmmmmmm, no. Stripdance in front of Hikari again though and I might consider it. Now, the Cellar is simply horrid. Go and sweep in there.
Kaji: *now crying* Yes maam.
Rei: What's my name bitch?
Kaji: Rei...
Rei: I SAID WHAT'S MY NAME, BITCH?
Kaji: REI, REI MY MASTER! REI AYANAMI THE BEAUTIFUL!
Rei: *smiling* Good.
*As Kaji walks down the stairs, he begins to mutter*
Kaji: First she makes me screw an apple pie, then she makes me stripdance in front of 14 year old girls... no sleep, no money, LIFE SUCKS!
*With this he grabs a stuffed toy and begins to hug it as his sobs become louder and louder*
TO BE CONTINUED (hopefully)
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PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER: Whatever happened to Kensuke on his way? Will Kaji ever be able to get some rest? Will Shinji and Asuka ever complete Episode 9? All these questions and more will be answered in Neo Genetic Ebangerion Exodus 0:2
And yes, I know that Kaworu is *NOT* gay.
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NEO GENETIC EBANGERION Exodus 0:1
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 1: EPISODE 9
-----------------------------------------------------------
Scene 1: The fight with Israfel
Units 01 and 02 are launched up into the air, about to begin their dance-of-destruction against Israfel. The music begins to play, Asuka and Shinji seem to be concentrating, when th--
Director: CUT!
Misato: What? Why, the scene was just getting started.
*Ritsuko walks up to Misato's face, with a stern look on her face*
Ritsuko: We have to totally reanimate that scene so that the strides of the eva units match with the beats in the new piece that we are implementing into this scene.
Misato: And what Musical piece is that?
*Ritsuko tries to hold the serious look on her face, though Misato happens to notice this*
Ritsuko: "Memories" by... hah... Barbra Streisand... hahahahahahaha!
*Ritsuko collapses to the floor in fits of laughter, Misato feeling the urge to strangle someone... anyone*
Misato: Why the hell does it have to be Barbra Streisand?
Ritsuko: Careful, we were also thinking of using an N'Sync song for that scene--
*Misato quiets herself*
Ritsuko: And we also could have done a POD song.
Misato: P.O.D. WHAT DOES THAT STAND FOR, PISSED-OFF DICKS?
Ritsuko: How the hell would I know, that's like trying to figure out why some people like Barry Manillow.
Misato: ...
Director: By the way, where is Gendo, I haven't seen him lately.
*Gendo comes rushing into the studio, clad only in boxers, with Kaworu chasing him*
Gendo: *Speaking to Kaworu* LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I AM NOT GAY!!!!!
Kaworu: Sure you're not... come here, and I'll tickle your--
Gendo: GO AWAY!!!!! ANGELS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HOMOSEXUALS!!!!!
Kaworu: Do you want to see how heavenly I can be in bed?
Gendo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*They exit the studio door, leaving the director shaking his head*
Director: *sighing* Some things are best left unseen.
Ritsuko: Haha, next thing you know, Maya will tell me that she has a crush on me. Haha, that would be a nightmare.
*Ritsuko continues to laugh heartily*
*Maya, who was hiding behind one of the stage props, blushes and runs away*
Maya: Oh well... at least I was saved from the humiliation.
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Scene 2: Sleepwalking scene
Asuka flops down beside Shinji, her huge breasts sticking out in his face. They pull closer, ready to kiss, but Asuka mutters something on her lips as her eyes swell up with tears.
Asuka: Bi-- Big Mac. I want a Big Mac. With a coke and some fries, and a little Mickey Mouse toy that comes with the meals.
*She grins, still in her acted sleep*
Shinji: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!
Director: CUT!
*Shinji stands up, scowling down at Asuka, rage in his eyes*
Shinji: Asuka, why did you do that. Are you trying to deprieve me of my sleep and of my women? I've got 4 well-endowed girls back in my tralier waiting for me, and they aren't wearing anything. I don't care how whiny I am in this stupid role, it's not your place to take away my late-night joy.
*Asuka is still pretend-sleeping, a tiny sliver of drool working it's way down the side of her mouth*
Shinji: ASUKA, THE SCENE IS OVER!!!!! GET UP, NOW!!!!!
*Asuka doesn't move from her position*
Director: Um, I think that she really is sleeping.
Shinji: WHAT?!?!
*Shinji gently nudges Asuka with his shoe; she doesn't move*
Shinji: SHIT! Oh well, this is a valuable oppurtunity.
*Shinji, practically drooling in anticipation, and still a bit mad at her, positions himself in between her legs*
Director: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Shinji: She deprived me of my nookie, now she will be mine.
*Asuka's eyes burst open, she sits up and slaps Shinji hard in the face*
Asuka: IT FIGURES! THE MOMENT I'M LEFT UNGUARDED, YOU TRY TO RAPE ME!
Shinji: LISTEN, IF YOU HADN'T FALLEN ASLEEP, I COULD HAVE HAD A GIRL SUCKING ME OFF AT THIS VERY MOMENT! SO YOU SHOULD DONATE! NOW START BLOWING ME, RIGHT NOW!
Asuka: NO WAY!!!!!
*While the two quarrel in the background, Kensuke heads for Rei's trailer*
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Rei's Tralier:
* Rei, pacing around her Mansion sized trailer, wearing only a fully-buttoned shirt and animal panties, argues with someone on the phone*
Rei: *On the phone* Tell SEELE that I'm going to skip this meeting, if it's important, they'll send me a bulletin in the mail. I'm busy.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: What do you mean, suspend me from SEELE for 18 weeks?!?! My fans will raid their HQ and kill them all.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: I have more loyal fanboys following me than Misato does, don't tell me that I "exaggerate" on my expansive fan-base. They would jump in lava for me, so there.
*The person on the other end chatters for five minutes*
Rei: Was that a threat? Hey, isn't this harrasment of a celebrity?
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Who cares about Hollywood's opinion of me and my acting? Hollywood can go lick it's own ass, they have created very few good films anyway. Fucking hypocrites. "King of the world" my ass. Corny, stupid, dumb-ass romances are always springing from them.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Does it make a difference if I engage in lesbian activites with my clones? It isn't their business. I bet the actors on "Queer as folk" are gay in real-life to. But I don't go and investigate and intrude in their pivate lives.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: Why would people say to put me on the Jerry Springer show? Just because my clones are too hot to resist? Screw that. I don't need any money THAT bad.
*The person on the other end chatters for ten minutes*
Rei: So what if I live in a trailer? Is it any of YOUR concern?
*The person on the other end hangs up*
Rei: *furiously throwing the phone down* FUCK YOU TOO!
*There's a knock at the door, and in Enters Kaji, wearing a maid's outfit, with a duster in his hand, almost on the verge of crying*
Kaji: I've dusted the windows, I've washed down the Attic, now please... can I please get sme rest?
Rei: Mmmmmmmm, no. Stripdance in front of Hikari again though and I might consider it. Now, the Cellar is simply horrid. Go and sweep in there.
Kaji: *now crying* Yes maam.
Rei: What's my name bitch?
Kaji: Rei...
Rei: I SAID WHAT'S MY NAME, BITCH?
Kaji: REI, REI MY MASTER! REI AYANAMI THE BEAUTIFUL!
Rei: *smiling* Good.
*As Kaji walks down the stairs, he begins to mutter*
Kaji: First she makes me screw an apple pie, then she makes me stripdance in front of 14 year old girls... no sleep, no money, LIFE SUCKS!
*With this he grabs a stuffed toy and begins to hug it as his sobs become louder and louder*
TO BE CONTINUED (hopefully)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER: Whatever happened to Kensuke on his way? Will Kaji ever be able to get some rest? Will Shinji and Asuka ever complete Episode 9? All these questions and more will be answered in Neo Genetic Ebangerion Exodus 0:2