August 26th,
She hung up on me…
Ok…she insulted me and then hung up on me. At least I think she insulted me. She is so riled up she is speaking Gaelic…not a good sign.
The conversation, if you could call it a conversation, went something like this:
"Hey Allie, it's me…"
Silence.
"Ummm…just calling to see how you are doing…"
Silence.
"Look…babe…about the barbeque…"
"Go dtachta an diabhal do chroí…thú crð stalcaire!!!! Agus mbrise cúnna tógálach do buill-ghineamhain!!!!"
Then the line went dead.
Oh boy…
To make things worse, this whole tirade happened over an open radio frequency, as I had brilliantly asked Dial Tone to patch me through to her room after calling in my status to Hawk. Not two minutes after she hung up did I hear Wild Bill and Lift Ticket snickering as they brought their choppers up to either side of mine to give me a mocking 'thumbs up'.
I don't know whether to be furious or terrified...indignant or repentant. I'm a little of both at the moment. Why is it that I have such a difficult time admitting I was wrong? Because I am a stubborn bastard, that's why.
I just don't understand it! Everything had been going so well since I returned from my last mission. We hung out, played a little squash…she even beat me fair and square for the first time and I didn't even flinch. Ok…I was a little peeved, but proud as well, as I was the one who taught her how to play. I never made it easy for her…but she kept trying and trying until she finally had me on the run.
She's tenacious, that woman. She just never quits. When the going gets tough she hangs in there no matter what. It's a great quality, I think…and I especially love it when I see her succeed.
That little victory dance she does is very cute…
…and very sexy.
It took me a while to convince her to play with me. I think the reluctance arose mostly from her mistrust of my motives, although at that point we at least were getting along better. I honestly thought she might like the game. I wasn't using it as a way to get into her pants! Well…not completely…hey, I am what I am!
Alison is not really the 'sporty' type. Well, no. That isn't exactly true…a more accurate description would be that she is not the team sports type. She does the individual thing…tennis, running, golf (yes golf…I saw the clubs myself although she denied they were hers when I teased her about hoity-toity country clubs).
She does sail, which I would say is a team sport given the fact that there is a crew involved, and from the trophies displayed in her room I would say she does it well. Still, if you put her on a baseball diamond and shove a bat in her hand she wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do…nor would she care. Basketball? She is fast as lightening but has yet to grasp the concept of 'passing' and 'dribbling'.
And then there is soccer…one of the few games she will sit down and watch. She even managed to get Cover Girl and Scarlett hooked, although Courtney is a certified sports fanatic and would probably have watched the matches regardless, all the while complaining that it was cutting into baseball season. How surprised I was to find Lady Jaye glued to the set for the World Cup three years ago, her Scotland shirt worn proudly and her eyes burning with the fever that strikes almost everyone during this international match.
I was even more surprised to find out she has absolutely no clue as to the rules or dynamics of the game. How so, you might ask? Well, take this little conversation I overheard between her and Scarlett.
"Did you watch the game yesterday?"
"Oh yeah…number 08…the guy in on the red team…"
"oh yeah…"
"mmmmm….he had the nicest legs…"
"…and those eyes…"
As I was saying…not the 'sporty' type.
Its funny…now that I look at the list, those are all 'moneyed' sports…so very 'high-society'. She even rides horses! Me, I am your average American sports fan…football, baseball, basketball, hockey…you name it, I play it. I like the social nature of team sports, the camaraderie…the 'testosterone bonding' as Cover Girl put it so bluntly during a game of 'pick up' one day.
I like to win, of course…it's an ego thing, as is everything with me. Jaye…well, she likes to win because she is trying to prove something to herself…constantly pushing…challenging her body…stretching herself to the limits. When she does something, it is never half way…and she always, ALWAYS has to come out on top.
One time, after a particularly rough squash match, I asked her if she could just try to chill out and enjoy herself. She turned to me with a look of surprise on her face and replied…
"If you don't play to win why play at all?"
Needless to say she is very competitive, a trait that makes her come off as a bit aloof and harsh when you first meet her.
Speaking of aloof and harsh…back to the matter at hand…the reason I am in the doghouse.
We were at Stalker's annual BBQ…and Marvin, Lonzo, Hector and I had finished our meal and were sitting back on the porch, sipping our beers and enjoying the late afternoon sun. Allie was next to me and was busy chatting with Cooper when Stalker's youngest…a little guy barely able to walk yet, started moving towards her.
Before I go any further I should explain that Alison is, for all intents and purposes, terrified of children. She is more relaxed handling live explosives than she is among the diaper-clad denizens of nursery school. You should have seen her tense when we got out of my car and she saw the half dozen kids running around on the front lawn.
"Oooo look Jaye," I said in an amused tone, "anti-personnel toddlers…don't get too close now, they might take you out!"
The look she gave me certainly wiped the grin off my face quickly enough.
I guess I just have a hard time understanding her apparent aversion to children. All right, aversion is a very strong word…her uneasiness around them is a better way of putting it. Woman and kids…kids and women…two halves of the same whole, right? Allie is the first woman I have ever known who 'lacks' the desire to become a mother someday.
Or is it that she doubts her ability to be a good mom? God knows her own mother did quite a number on her, and from what she has told me her grandmother is just as bad. She is convinced it's genetic.
Whatever the case I have a hard time accepting this particular neurosis, having grown up in a huge family where kids were a constant feature on the landscape. I am an uncle many times over and most of my cousins are now proud parents. I love children and really have no problems taking care of them. I can change a diaper (had a crash course in it when one of my sisters in law saddled me with the twins) almost as well as I can handle my shotgun.
That isn't to say I am going to be a shoe-in for father of the year when the time comes to have kids of my own…and I do want kids some day…I am just as nervous as the next guy. As Ray once told me after another sleepless night tending to a sick child, every weakness, every shtick, every little imperfection in your character is magnified one hundred fold when you have a kid…and I needn't tell you I am chock full of those.
But where I am nervous, Jaye is petrified.
I should have known better than to say what I did, especially after the warning glare…but seeing her freeze as the little guy crawled towards her and motion to be picked up, well, I guess I just couldn't help myself. I blame the alcohol…damn stuff always manages to speed up my mouth while at the same time shut down my brain.
After she politely refused Stalker's offer to let her hold the kid, I grabbed him, swung him on to my lap…and joked that her biological clock was defective among other choice comments.
Remember the levels of hell I described early? Well, with that little comment I immediately shot her right down to the fifth…'do not pass go do not collect two hundred dollars'. As the guys and I laughed at my ill- conceived witticism, from the corner of my eye I watched as she struggled in vain to maintain control over her temper. It was a lost cause.
She snapped something about me being lucky that she was malfunctioning in that area or she would have forced me to get over my fear of commitment long ago among other choice words before walking off in a snit.
Ouch!
So what did I do? Well, being a guy…and a pretty stupid one at that…I laughed it off and let her go. I certainly wasn't going to beg for forgiveness in front of the others, although I really, really felt terrible the second the words were out of my mouth. I had hurt her…I had betrayed her trust and made light of one of her deepest insecurities in front of her colleagues.
If she had done that to me I would have been furious…but no matter how much I push her she has never betrayed my secrets to the others. Privately she never holds her punches…but when we are among friends, as much as I might deserve it, she never uses what I tell her in confidence against me.
The more I think about it the more dreadful I feel.
I honestly didn't mean to be so malicious…I guess I just wanted to tell her to chill…to calm her fears by pointing out how ridiculous she was being about the whole thing. I was out of line and I knew it, but I was too damn proud to admit it.
"You are going to do it aren't you? You are bound and determined to screw this up."
That is was Roadblock said to me as she stomped off. He looked pretty pissed, and as usual wasn't about to let it pass. He has always had his nose in my personal life in one way or another since I met him, but lately he is taking a more active role.
"Even after everything that has gone down, you are still going to do your best to see that she walks right out of your life? Of all the stupid, stubborn ass things I have ever seen you do, Dash…this has got to take the cake."
"God Marvin, would you lighten up. Who died and made you Dear Abby?"
At that he threw up his hands.
"I give up…"
I did try to apologize…twice in fact… The problem was by the time I got up off my ass she had already caught a ride home with Clutch and Crankcase. Which left me stuck driving Jack and Blaine back to base. Thank god my car is fast, for I think I would have lost it had I heard one more millisecond of the Picard versus Kirk debate going on in the back seat.
Before I even made it down to the residence level I was pulled aside by Wild Bill and told of my new orders. I had exactly one hour to pack and leave for Canada. To add insult to injury, as I mentioned before Scarlett decided that this was the perfect time to confront me on my 'destructive' relationship with Allie, which only served to make me furious. She wouldn't even let me into the room, preferring to attack me in the hall so that Jaye could sleep off the 'trauma'.
And here I thought Alison was melodramatic!
By the time I lifted off on the chopper, I was so worked up I nearly flew right into some power lines.
Enough of this, I am making myself crazy. Shakespeare once said, "Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms."
Hopefully she will give me a chance to do so.
She will make a great mother someday…I know she will. Hey…after putting up with my juvenile behavior, a kid will be a synch!
Authors Note: Loose translation of what Lady Jaye said to Flint over the phone…
"May the Devil choke on your heart, you bloody fool…and the hounds of hell gnaw on your genitals!" …Don't ask
She hung up on me…
Ok…she insulted me and then hung up on me. At least I think she insulted me. She is so riled up she is speaking Gaelic…not a good sign.
The conversation, if you could call it a conversation, went something like this:
"Hey Allie, it's me…"
Silence.
"Ummm…just calling to see how you are doing…"
Silence.
"Look…babe…about the barbeque…"
"Go dtachta an diabhal do chroí…thú crð stalcaire!!!! Agus mbrise cúnna tógálach do buill-ghineamhain!!!!"
Then the line went dead.
Oh boy…
To make things worse, this whole tirade happened over an open radio frequency, as I had brilliantly asked Dial Tone to patch me through to her room after calling in my status to Hawk. Not two minutes after she hung up did I hear Wild Bill and Lift Ticket snickering as they brought their choppers up to either side of mine to give me a mocking 'thumbs up'.
I don't know whether to be furious or terrified...indignant or repentant. I'm a little of both at the moment. Why is it that I have such a difficult time admitting I was wrong? Because I am a stubborn bastard, that's why.
I just don't understand it! Everything had been going so well since I returned from my last mission. We hung out, played a little squash…she even beat me fair and square for the first time and I didn't even flinch. Ok…I was a little peeved, but proud as well, as I was the one who taught her how to play. I never made it easy for her…but she kept trying and trying until she finally had me on the run.
She's tenacious, that woman. She just never quits. When the going gets tough she hangs in there no matter what. It's a great quality, I think…and I especially love it when I see her succeed.
That little victory dance she does is very cute…
…and very sexy.
It took me a while to convince her to play with me. I think the reluctance arose mostly from her mistrust of my motives, although at that point we at least were getting along better. I honestly thought she might like the game. I wasn't using it as a way to get into her pants! Well…not completely…hey, I am what I am!
Alison is not really the 'sporty' type. Well, no. That isn't exactly true…a more accurate description would be that she is not the team sports type. She does the individual thing…tennis, running, golf (yes golf…I saw the clubs myself although she denied they were hers when I teased her about hoity-toity country clubs).
She does sail, which I would say is a team sport given the fact that there is a crew involved, and from the trophies displayed in her room I would say she does it well. Still, if you put her on a baseball diamond and shove a bat in her hand she wouldn't have the slightest idea what to do…nor would she care. Basketball? She is fast as lightening but has yet to grasp the concept of 'passing' and 'dribbling'.
And then there is soccer…one of the few games she will sit down and watch. She even managed to get Cover Girl and Scarlett hooked, although Courtney is a certified sports fanatic and would probably have watched the matches regardless, all the while complaining that it was cutting into baseball season. How surprised I was to find Lady Jaye glued to the set for the World Cup three years ago, her Scotland shirt worn proudly and her eyes burning with the fever that strikes almost everyone during this international match.
I was even more surprised to find out she has absolutely no clue as to the rules or dynamics of the game. How so, you might ask? Well, take this little conversation I overheard between her and Scarlett.
"Did you watch the game yesterday?"
"Oh yeah…number 08…the guy in on the red team…"
"oh yeah…"
"mmmmm….he had the nicest legs…"
"…and those eyes…"
As I was saying…not the 'sporty' type.
Its funny…now that I look at the list, those are all 'moneyed' sports…so very 'high-society'. She even rides horses! Me, I am your average American sports fan…football, baseball, basketball, hockey…you name it, I play it. I like the social nature of team sports, the camaraderie…the 'testosterone bonding' as Cover Girl put it so bluntly during a game of 'pick up' one day.
I like to win, of course…it's an ego thing, as is everything with me. Jaye…well, she likes to win because she is trying to prove something to herself…constantly pushing…challenging her body…stretching herself to the limits. When she does something, it is never half way…and she always, ALWAYS has to come out on top.
One time, after a particularly rough squash match, I asked her if she could just try to chill out and enjoy herself. She turned to me with a look of surprise on her face and replied…
"If you don't play to win why play at all?"
Needless to say she is very competitive, a trait that makes her come off as a bit aloof and harsh when you first meet her.
Speaking of aloof and harsh…back to the matter at hand…the reason I am in the doghouse.
We were at Stalker's annual BBQ…and Marvin, Lonzo, Hector and I had finished our meal and were sitting back on the porch, sipping our beers and enjoying the late afternoon sun. Allie was next to me and was busy chatting with Cooper when Stalker's youngest…a little guy barely able to walk yet, started moving towards her.
Before I go any further I should explain that Alison is, for all intents and purposes, terrified of children. She is more relaxed handling live explosives than she is among the diaper-clad denizens of nursery school. You should have seen her tense when we got out of my car and she saw the half dozen kids running around on the front lawn.
"Oooo look Jaye," I said in an amused tone, "anti-personnel toddlers…don't get too close now, they might take you out!"
The look she gave me certainly wiped the grin off my face quickly enough.
I guess I just have a hard time understanding her apparent aversion to children. All right, aversion is a very strong word…her uneasiness around them is a better way of putting it. Woman and kids…kids and women…two halves of the same whole, right? Allie is the first woman I have ever known who 'lacks' the desire to become a mother someday.
Or is it that she doubts her ability to be a good mom? God knows her own mother did quite a number on her, and from what she has told me her grandmother is just as bad. She is convinced it's genetic.
Whatever the case I have a hard time accepting this particular neurosis, having grown up in a huge family where kids were a constant feature on the landscape. I am an uncle many times over and most of my cousins are now proud parents. I love children and really have no problems taking care of them. I can change a diaper (had a crash course in it when one of my sisters in law saddled me with the twins) almost as well as I can handle my shotgun.
That isn't to say I am going to be a shoe-in for father of the year when the time comes to have kids of my own…and I do want kids some day…I am just as nervous as the next guy. As Ray once told me after another sleepless night tending to a sick child, every weakness, every shtick, every little imperfection in your character is magnified one hundred fold when you have a kid…and I needn't tell you I am chock full of those.
But where I am nervous, Jaye is petrified.
I should have known better than to say what I did, especially after the warning glare…but seeing her freeze as the little guy crawled towards her and motion to be picked up, well, I guess I just couldn't help myself. I blame the alcohol…damn stuff always manages to speed up my mouth while at the same time shut down my brain.
After she politely refused Stalker's offer to let her hold the kid, I grabbed him, swung him on to my lap…and joked that her biological clock was defective among other choice comments.
Remember the levels of hell I described early? Well, with that little comment I immediately shot her right down to the fifth…'do not pass go do not collect two hundred dollars'. As the guys and I laughed at my ill- conceived witticism, from the corner of my eye I watched as she struggled in vain to maintain control over her temper. It was a lost cause.
She snapped something about me being lucky that she was malfunctioning in that area or she would have forced me to get over my fear of commitment long ago among other choice words before walking off in a snit.
Ouch!
So what did I do? Well, being a guy…and a pretty stupid one at that…I laughed it off and let her go. I certainly wasn't going to beg for forgiveness in front of the others, although I really, really felt terrible the second the words were out of my mouth. I had hurt her…I had betrayed her trust and made light of one of her deepest insecurities in front of her colleagues.
If she had done that to me I would have been furious…but no matter how much I push her she has never betrayed my secrets to the others. Privately she never holds her punches…but when we are among friends, as much as I might deserve it, she never uses what I tell her in confidence against me.
The more I think about it the more dreadful I feel.
I honestly didn't mean to be so malicious…I guess I just wanted to tell her to chill…to calm her fears by pointing out how ridiculous she was being about the whole thing. I was out of line and I knew it, but I was too damn proud to admit it.
"You are going to do it aren't you? You are bound and determined to screw this up."
That is was Roadblock said to me as she stomped off. He looked pretty pissed, and as usual wasn't about to let it pass. He has always had his nose in my personal life in one way or another since I met him, but lately he is taking a more active role.
"Even after everything that has gone down, you are still going to do your best to see that she walks right out of your life? Of all the stupid, stubborn ass things I have ever seen you do, Dash…this has got to take the cake."
"God Marvin, would you lighten up. Who died and made you Dear Abby?"
At that he threw up his hands.
"I give up…"
I did try to apologize…twice in fact… The problem was by the time I got up off my ass she had already caught a ride home with Clutch and Crankcase. Which left me stuck driving Jack and Blaine back to base. Thank god my car is fast, for I think I would have lost it had I heard one more millisecond of the Picard versus Kirk debate going on in the back seat.
Before I even made it down to the residence level I was pulled aside by Wild Bill and told of my new orders. I had exactly one hour to pack and leave for Canada. To add insult to injury, as I mentioned before Scarlett decided that this was the perfect time to confront me on my 'destructive' relationship with Allie, which only served to make me furious. She wouldn't even let me into the room, preferring to attack me in the hall so that Jaye could sleep off the 'trauma'.
And here I thought Alison was melodramatic!
By the time I lifted off on the chopper, I was so worked up I nearly flew right into some power lines.
Enough of this, I am making myself crazy. Shakespeare once said, "Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, but cheerily seek how to redress their harms."
Hopefully she will give me a chance to do so.
She will make a great mother someday…I know she will. Hey…after putting up with my juvenile behavior, a kid will be a synch!
Authors Note: Loose translation of what Lady Jaye said to Flint over the phone…
"May the Devil choke on your heart, you bloody fool…and the hounds of hell gnaw on your genitals!" …Don't ask