Warning: This chapter of NGE contains excessive sexual
content, graphic violent content, yaoi, yuri, a MPE (Mass-produced Eva)
with a wigger personality, and of course, massive amounts of stupid things
not to be tried at home. Though if you're reading this fic mini-series,
those are most likely the type of things that you sick, twisted people are
hoping to read. This is for all of you big kids who are 17 and up, but if
you are a teen/pre-teen/alien, then heed this warning: Don't get caught,
but have fun reading this perverted fic!!
NEO GENETIC EBANGERION: EXODUS 0:3 *Maniacal laughing erupts from a viewer, who is yanked aside with a cane*
THE GRANDPA-SPANKING CONCLUSION!!!!
*Huge words begin to scroll down the moniter "Star Wars" style*
* On cue, cheesy sci-fi music sounds from the background*
EPISODE 3: AN ANNOYING SPACE PORTAL
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, (well, not really) a huge space portal opened up from god-who-knows-where after the completion of episode 9 and sucked two human beings, Asuka and Shinji into a strange world where men wearing bras is considered normal and a gibberish speaking god in the form of an 80 year old grasshopper is the ruler of the planet.
Back on Earth, Ritsuko is busy at work creating a new device to locate and find Shinji an' Asuka so that they can finish the remaining episodes of the dramatic anime series "Shinseiki Evangelion."
Maya is at home fantasizing that her and Ritsuko are doing it, and finds out that her cum can be used as a weapon because of the ultra- high acid concentration within it.
Misato enlists the help of the gradnolbots, tiny afro- wearing alien insects, who get squashed by a car tire before they can be of any use.
SEELE has launched a suprise assault on NERV, but Rei showed up in Unit-00 to stall them for a bit. Then the Mass-produced Eva series was used to attack Unit-00, and the battle is still raging.
________________ and now our story continues... ______________________________________
Stage 1: Ritsuko's desperate search for the children
Maya: Installation of the final drive is complete!
Aoba: Primary sensory unit is up and ready.
Hyuga: The electromagnetic waves are stable.
Ritsuko: Good! Now, launch the barrier sattelite!
All of the bridge bunnies: ROGER!
*Misato walks in*
Misato: What is this barrier sattelite thing again?
Ritsuko: There is a metaphysical barrier between each and every dimension, each which house their own set of dimensions. Technically, if we could launch a canister of negative-electromagnetic energy into the epicenter of all the barriers, then we could penetrate the core and be able to peer into these alternate dimensions. Thus, we could locate Shi--
Misato: You lost me.
*Ritsuko grunts in annoyance*
Ritsuko: Don't worry about it.
Misato: Alright. So when will we be able to start?
Ritsuko: In a minute--
*A red light starts to flash on and off(
Ritsuko: --Now in fact.
*Maya flips her chair around*
Maya: There's a problem.We don't have enough negative-electromagnetic energy to be able to engage a visual unit.
Ritsuko: Dammit. Is there an audio unit?
Maya: Yes Maam.
Ritsuko: Then we will have to proceed with just that. Engage the audio unit now!
Maya: Yes Maam.
Misato: What's the matter?
Ritsuko: We didn't put in enough of the negative-electromagnetic energy to be able to let us get a visual unit, only an audio unit. In other words, we will be able to hear what's going on, but not able to see it. Understand?
Misato: I think so.
Ritsuko: Okay.
Hyuga: Ready to engage the audio unit in first dimension!
Ritsuko: Proceed.
Hyuga: Yes Maam.
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING:
Sanosuke: Oh Kenshin, you make me so horny.
Kenshin: *giggling like a little girl* Mmmm, Sano, there is more than one use for a reverse-blade sword, you know.
Sanosuke: *slurping* Show me, you hot fucking imperialist slut.
*Sweatdrops show up on everyone's head, except for Aoba, who is listening with disturbing glee*
Ritsuko: GO THROUGH THE NEXT BARRIER NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!! QUICKLY!!!!!
Aoba: *who was just broken from his fantasy* Y-yes Maam.
Aoba: It'll take two minutes for the unit to arrive to the next dimension
Ritsuko: Alright.
*everyone momentarily relaxes*
____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 2: The annoying mass-produced evas
*Rei has downed Units 07, 09, and 06 for the 3'rd time*
Rei: WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU STUPID LOOKING BASTARDS STAY DEAD?!?!
Unit 08: *Starts to slober* Unit 00... perty... heh heh heh... BURP!!
Unit 12: We don't want to stay dead, yo! What the fuck you want, you mother, motherfucker?
Unit 10: I think that Unit 00 classifies as an enemy of ours.
Rei: SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING 3 STOOGES!!!
*Rei slams a rock into Unit 08's head, which causes it to have an orgasm before it dies*
*Unit 12 swings at Rei, misses, then gets it's arm crushed as Rei slams her fist into it*
Unit 12: HEY!!! That hurt, yo!
*Unit 10 jumps onto Rei's back, but Rei retaliates by shoving her spear into it's core*
Unit 10: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
*Unit 10 drops down lifeless, and it's power goes out for good*
*Units 08, 07, 09, and 06 are back on there feet again and circle Rei in the sky like vultures*
Rei: Why didn't Unit 10 get back... I get it. I have to attack their cores!!
Unit 13: Does Unit 00 like pussy? Hehehe.
*Rei breaks Unit 13's neck, breaks open it's chest, and begins to crush the core with her hands*
Unit 13: Eeekkkkk!!
*the core gets crushed by Rei*
*Unit 12 grabs onto Rei's leg and bites into it*
*Rei screams in agony, then stomps Unit 12's core with her foot*
Unit 05: You will die!!
*Unit 05 hurls it's shield at Rei, which bloodies her right shoulder blade*
Rei: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 3: Back at NERV HQ
Maya: We are ready to engage the audio unit in second dimension!
Ritsuko: Proceed!
Maya: Yes Maam.
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING:
Momiji: Wow, I hate myjapanesevoicebecauseshetalkssofastthatyoucan'tunderstandwhatsheissaying!!
Heero: You will die, Momiji. You slept with my lover, Spike, so I will have to kill you!
Spike: The devil made me do it!! Honest!!
Momiji: Heyyou, heismybestpartnerinbedsodon'tkillhimHeero, otherwiseIwillbeforcedtospoutoutthe"damselindistress"crap. AndnoIdon'tlikewhippedcreamyoupervert!!Gotthat?
Heero:...
Spike:Wow, I feel like having steamy, hot sex with Ein the dog now. Ein, come here boy. Ahhh, good bo-- ahhh, yeah I'm in heaven, ahh--
Ritsuko: OH DEAR GOD, CHANGE IT NOW!!!!! HURRY!!!!!
All of the bridge bunnies: YES, MAAM!!!
All: ....
*They all sigh* ____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 4: SEELE and JSSDF are teh bomb (literally)
*One male NERV security guard named Tetsuma is giving head to a transfer officer from the American NERV branch named Chris*
Chris: *in ecstacy* uhhhh, yeeessss, mmmmmm, ohhhhh yesss
Tetsuma: *voice muffled by Chris's penis* Mfffff, *slurp* did you leave a wife, mmfffff, back in Utah *slobber*
Chris: Ye--mmmmmmm, yessss, mmmmm, yesss-- I didd...
Tetsuma: I, mfffff, *slobber, lick, slurp, slurp, drool* I see...
*A JSSDF officer shoots Tetsuma in the back*
Chris: YOU JERK, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO HAVE A CLIMAX!!!
(NOW COMES IN THE GRAPHIC VIOLENCE PART)
*The officers surrounded Chris. Chris attempted to unsheath his gun, but one of the JSSDF officers drew a knife and stabbed his hand first. He screamed in pain as he felt the blade slice into his muscles and flesh and snapped the tendons in his hand. Blood leaked down the knife as he collapsed to the ground in horrible agony. Then the officer shot Chris in the head. Chris got dead.
(TEH GRAPHIC VIOLENCE PART HAS ENDED) ____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 5: Back at NERV HQ yet again
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING
Shuichi: Hey give that song that just melodramatically blew into your hands by a strategically placed gust of wind back to me!
Yuki: This song is shit. You have no talent at all. YOU SUCK!!
Shuichi: Damn you, you mean asshole. So, wanna go do it now?
Yuki: Sure!
Ritsuko: Change it!
All of the bridge bunnies: Yes, maam.
*Ritsuko looks deep in thought*
Misato: What's the matter with you?
Ritsuko: Nothing... actually two things: number one, why have we only been getting into the gay dimensions?
Misato: I dunno.
Ritsuko: Second off, I was just thinking about how much of a pity it is that... YOU ALL HAVE TO DIE!!!!!
*Ritsuko squashes Misato with a huge mallet that she got out of nowhere*
Hyuga: Hey, I loved her!!
*Hyuga gets flattened*
Maya: Oh shit, I'm horny for you, Dr. Akagi, but you have gone too far now!! I will stop you!!
*Maya then starts jacking off. Ritsuko tries to flatten Maya, but Aoba sacrifices his life and gets flattened instead*
*Maya finally comes and squirts it on Ritsuko's face. Ritsuko begins to melt*
Ritsuko: I-I'm melting.....noooooooooo.oo.o..oo.o.o....o....oo........o......
*Ritsuko dies, and Misato comes back to life*
Misato: I thought I was dead
God: Shaddup, I can do whatever I want with you. You're in MY fic!!
Misato: Then make me god!!
God: Okay. I'll resign.
*Misato becomes god, she wishes everyone back to life. She even lets Chris come in Tetsuma's mouth. Thus, all's well that ends well.*
*But where are Shinji and Asuka anyways? And what about the JSSDF forces and Rei's battle with the MPEs. Wasn't Yui in Misato's vacuum cleaner? Well, to stay true to the tradition of the series, I will leave many questions unanswered. Hahahaha, thank Anno for this. If he hadn't left any unanswered questions, neither would I!!
End note: I did like the original ending.
NEO GENETIC EBANGERION: EXODUS 0:3 *Maniacal laughing erupts from a viewer, who is yanked aside with a cane*
THE GRANDPA-SPANKING CONCLUSION!!!!
*Huge words begin to scroll down the moniter "Star Wars" style*
* On cue, cheesy sci-fi music sounds from the background*
EPISODE 3: AN ANNOYING SPACE PORTAL
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, (well, not really) a huge space portal opened up from god-who-knows-where after the completion of episode 9 and sucked two human beings, Asuka and Shinji into a strange world where men wearing bras is considered normal and a gibberish speaking god in the form of an 80 year old grasshopper is the ruler of the planet.
Back on Earth, Ritsuko is busy at work creating a new device to locate and find Shinji an' Asuka so that they can finish the remaining episodes of the dramatic anime series "Shinseiki Evangelion."
Maya is at home fantasizing that her and Ritsuko are doing it, and finds out that her cum can be used as a weapon because of the ultra- high acid concentration within it.
Misato enlists the help of the gradnolbots, tiny afro- wearing alien insects, who get squashed by a car tire before they can be of any use.
SEELE has launched a suprise assault on NERV, but Rei showed up in Unit-00 to stall them for a bit. Then the Mass-produced Eva series was used to attack Unit-00, and the battle is still raging.
________________ and now our story continues... ______________________________________
Stage 1: Ritsuko's desperate search for the children
Maya: Installation of the final drive is complete!
Aoba: Primary sensory unit is up and ready.
Hyuga: The electromagnetic waves are stable.
Ritsuko: Good! Now, launch the barrier sattelite!
All of the bridge bunnies: ROGER!
*Misato walks in*
Misato: What is this barrier sattelite thing again?
Ritsuko: There is a metaphysical barrier between each and every dimension, each which house their own set of dimensions. Technically, if we could launch a canister of negative-electromagnetic energy into the epicenter of all the barriers, then we could penetrate the core and be able to peer into these alternate dimensions. Thus, we could locate Shi--
Misato: You lost me.
*Ritsuko grunts in annoyance*
Ritsuko: Don't worry about it.
Misato: Alright. So when will we be able to start?
Ritsuko: In a minute--
*A red light starts to flash on and off(
Ritsuko: --Now in fact.
*Maya flips her chair around*
Maya: There's a problem.We don't have enough negative-electromagnetic energy to be able to engage a visual unit.
Ritsuko: Dammit. Is there an audio unit?
Maya: Yes Maam.
Ritsuko: Then we will have to proceed with just that. Engage the audio unit now!
Maya: Yes Maam.
Misato: What's the matter?
Ritsuko: We didn't put in enough of the negative-electromagnetic energy to be able to let us get a visual unit, only an audio unit. In other words, we will be able to hear what's going on, but not able to see it. Understand?
Misato: I think so.
Ritsuko: Okay.
Hyuga: Ready to engage the audio unit in first dimension!
Ritsuko: Proceed.
Hyuga: Yes Maam.
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING:
Sanosuke: Oh Kenshin, you make me so horny.
Kenshin: *giggling like a little girl* Mmmm, Sano, there is more than one use for a reverse-blade sword, you know.
Sanosuke: *slurping* Show me, you hot fucking imperialist slut.
*Sweatdrops show up on everyone's head, except for Aoba, who is listening with disturbing glee*
Ritsuko: GO THROUGH THE NEXT BARRIER NOW!!!!! NOW!!!!! QUICKLY!!!!!
Aoba: *who was just broken from his fantasy* Y-yes Maam.
Aoba: It'll take two minutes for the unit to arrive to the next dimension
Ritsuko: Alright.
*everyone momentarily relaxes*
____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 2: The annoying mass-produced evas
*Rei has downed Units 07, 09, and 06 for the 3'rd time*
Rei: WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU STUPID LOOKING BASTARDS STAY DEAD?!?!
Unit 08: *Starts to slober* Unit 00... perty... heh heh heh... BURP!!
Unit 12: We don't want to stay dead, yo! What the fuck you want, you mother, motherfucker?
Unit 10: I think that Unit 00 classifies as an enemy of ours.
Rei: SHUT UP, YOU FUCKING 3 STOOGES!!!
*Rei slams a rock into Unit 08's head, which causes it to have an orgasm before it dies*
*Unit 12 swings at Rei, misses, then gets it's arm crushed as Rei slams her fist into it*
Unit 12: HEY!!! That hurt, yo!
*Unit 10 jumps onto Rei's back, but Rei retaliates by shoving her spear into it's core*
Unit 10: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
*Unit 10 drops down lifeless, and it's power goes out for good*
*Units 08, 07, 09, and 06 are back on there feet again and circle Rei in the sky like vultures*
Rei: Why didn't Unit 10 get back... I get it. I have to attack their cores!!
Unit 13: Does Unit 00 like pussy? Hehehe.
*Rei breaks Unit 13's neck, breaks open it's chest, and begins to crush the core with her hands*
Unit 13: Eeekkkkk!!
*the core gets crushed by Rei*
*Unit 12 grabs onto Rei's leg and bites into it*
*Rei screams in agony, then stomps Unit 12's core with her foot*
Unit 05: You will die!!
*Unit 05 hurls it's shield at Rei, which bloodies her right shoulder blade*
Rei: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 3: Back at NERV HQ
Maya: We are ready to engage the audio unit in second dimension!
Ritsuko: Proceed!
Maya: Yes Maam.
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING:
Momiji: Wow, I hate myjapanesevoicebecauseshetalkssofastthatyoucan'tunderstandwhatsheissaying!!
Heero: You will die, Momiji. You slept with my lover, Spike, so I will have to kill you!
Spike: The devil made me do it!! Honest!!
Momiji: Heyyou, heismybestpartnerinbedsodon'tkillhimHeero, otherwiseIwillbeforcedtospoutoutthe"damselindistress"crap. AndnoIdon'tlikewhippedcreamyoupervert!!Gotthat?
Heero:...
Spike:Wow, I feel like having steamy, hot sex with Ein the dog now. Ein, come here boy. Ahhh, good bo-- ahhh, yeah I'm in heaven, ahh--
Ritsuko: OH DEAR GOD, CHANGE IT NOW!!!!! HURRY!!!!!
All of the bridge bunnies: YES, MAAM!!!
All: ....
*They all sigh* ____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 4: SEELE and JSSDF are teh bomb (literally)
*One male NERV security guard named Tetsuma is giving head to a transfer officer from the American NERV branch named Chris*
Chris: *in ecstacy* uhhhh, yeeessss, mmmmmm, ohhhhh yesss
Tetsuma: *voice muffled by Chris's penis* Mfffff, *slurp* did you leave a wife, mmfffff, back in Utah *slobber*
Chris: Ye--mmmmmmm, yessss, mmmmm, yesss-- I didd...
Tetsuma: I, mfffff, *slobber, lick, slurp, slurp, drool* I see...
*A JSSDF officer shoots Tetsuma in the back*
Chris: YOU JERK, I WAS JUST ABOUT TO HAVE A CLIMAX!!!
(NOW COMES IN THE GRAPHIC VIOLENCE PART)
*The officers surrounded Chris. Chris attempted to unsheath his gun, but one of the JSSDF officers drew a knife and stabbed his hand first. He screamed in pain as he felt the blade slice into his muscles and flesh and snapped the tendons in his hand. Blood leaked down the knife as he collapsed to the ground in horrible agony. Then the officer shot Chris in the head. Chris got dead.
(TEH GRAPHIC VIOLENCE PART HAS ENDED) ____________________________________________________________________________ _
Stage 5: Back at NERV HQ yet again
2015 AUDIO UNIT ENGAGING
Shuichi: Hey give that song that just melodramatically blew into your hands by a strategically placed gust of wind back to me!
Yuki: This song is shit. You have no talent at all. YOU SUCK!!
Shuichi: Damn you, you mean asshole. So, wanna go do it now?
Yuki: Sure!
Ritsuko: Change it!
All of the bridge bunnies: Yes, maam.
*Ritsuko looks deep in thought*
Misato: What's the matter with you?
Ritsuko: Nothing... actually two things: number one, why have we only been getting into the gay dimensions?
Misato: I dunno.
Ritsuko: Second off, I was just thinking about how much of a pity it is that... YOU ALL HAVE TO DIE!!!!!
*Ritsuko squashes Misato with a huge mallet that she got out of nowhere*
Hyuga: Hey, I loved her!!
*Hyuga gets flattened*
Maya: Oh shit, I'm horny for you, Dr. Akagi, but you have gone too far now!! I will stop you!!
*Maya then starts jacking off. Ritsuko tries to flatten Maya, but Aoba sacrifices his life and gets flattened instead*
*Maya finally comes and squirts it on Ritsuko's face. Ritsuko begins to melt*
Ritsuko: I-I'm melting.....noooooooooo.oo.o..oo.o.o....o....oo........o......
*Ritsuko dies, and Misato comes back to life*
Misato: I thought I was dead
God: Shaddup, I can do whatever I want with you. You're in MY fic!!
Misato: Then make me god!!
God: Okay. I'll resign.
*Misato becomes god, she wishes everyone back to life. She even lets Chris come in Tetsuma's mouth. Thus, all's well that ends well.*
*But where are Shinji and Asuka anyways? And what about the JSSDF forces and Rei's battle with the MPEs. Wasn't Yui in Misato's vacuum cleaner? Well, to stay true to the tradition of the series, I will leave many questions unanswered. Hahahaha, thank Anno for this. If he hadn't left any unanswered questions, neither would I!!
End note: I did like the original ending.