A/N: Another day, another five minutes for your enjoyment. ^^ We're about a quarter of the way done now. Enjoy!
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~Hourglass~
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10:10 AM
(He said)
Oh, Hyne, you can send me to hell if you want. I don't care. I've been to heaven.
10:10 AM
(She said)
This must be what it's like to be drunk. I'm hot all over and I can barely think straight and all I want is for this never to end...
10:10 AM
(He said)
I'm dizzy, my vision is fuzzy and I can barely stand. It's like I stood up too fast and all the blood rushed from my head, except I'm standing on top of a roller coaster, 23 stories of drop below me held back by the slimmest of steel bars and a fervent prayer.
And I'm praying now, for only the second time in my life. Praying that she won't slap me and leave, or worse, make some cutting, sarcastic comment that would hurt so much more. Praying that she'll forgive me, for crimes I haven't committed yet, for the petty infractions I have, for moving too fast, for being myself when I want to be someone else, someone better.
She's trembling beneath my lingering fingers, I can feel her pulse racing. Despite my blurry view I can see her; golden hair shining, blue eyes shining- is that thappiness? Can I make her as happy as she deserves?
10:11 AM
(She said)
I'm just standing here and breathing and even that seems inordinately hard. I still can't think straight, mental patterns overlapping, running on and on like Doomtrain only I've forgotten the punctuation...
Stop.
Breathe.
Think.
I just got kissed. By Seifer Almasy.
And damn, it was everything I ever dreamed it would be, everything I thought about in my dorm room on those lonely, lonely nights.
I never thought it would be him, though. Not Seifer. He's too proud, too self-reliant to get entangled with anyone else that way. Fujin and Raijin notwithstanding: they're more like followers than friends. And I never thought that even if he did associate, he would come far down enough from his height to even look twice at me.
Squall was more accessible.
And I'm frozen, now, remembering a cold-blooded, deliberate choice, made years ago, standing in a corridor. The first time, in the training center, coming upon Squall and Seifer fighting. It was the first sight I'd had of him, and I realize even then I wanted him, with a childlike but real desire. Then the next day, walking proudly down the hallway in a brand-new SeeD uniform. And suddenly being checked into the hard stone wall, the air knocked out of me, and those green eyes mocking me; |"Maybe next time you'll keep out of the way of the Disciplinary Committee."|
It was right then, right there, standing alone, struggling for breath, pressed hard against the cold and unforgiving wall of the corridor and watching with eyes that I refused to let cry his arrogant step as he strode with supreme confidence down a chilled, harsh hallway, that I decided to force him out of my heart.
So I picked Squall. So similar, but ice where he was fire, and I told myself I liked him better and fooled myself into believing it true so well that even three years later I still thought my growing feelings were for him.
So easy to fool myself, so easy to live a lie and even believe it myself. So easy to hide it, even from myself. For rivals it was surprising how often they were to be found together. Wherever one was the other was sure to be. Simple, in the end, to convince myself htat it was the other who stirred these feelings inside me. So simple. So sad. So much time lost because of my pride and his.
I relax suddenly. I don't want to be tense anymore. I don't want to be weighted down by secrets I've kept even from myself. The truth has made me free. I just want what I've always wanted. To be respected, appreciated. Loved.
I glance up at him almost shyly.
So much time lost.
So little time, in the end, for us.
10:12 AM
(He said)
And I feel I've got to talk to her, explain, apologize. She's looking at me and I want to melt; wouldn't people laugh if they knew what I really feel?
Arrogant. Fiery. Supremely confident.
Guilty. Cold. Stranded alone in time.
Hopeful. Purposeful. Desperately in love.
How can I tell her all this?
I can't, of course. If only for the sake of time and not the words that won't come. But I can tell her the truth of this time, this place. Most of it. Some of it. At least some of it.
"I'm sorry about the field test, Quistis." I start hesitantly, unsure how to explain a destiny you have to come face-to-face with in order to truly understand. "I couldnt' pass it. There's something else going on here that you didn't know about." If I had passed, I would never have ended up here, in the Disciplinary Room. Never have broken out and run to Timber. Never have become Ultimecia's knight. Destiny demanded my failure. "Squall, Selphie and Zell are already gone. On their first mission. Ostenibly they're working for Rinoa Heartilly-- that girl you saw dancing with Squall last night." She's watching me now, wide-eyed, I've got her full attention but she still doesn't understand. I've got to tread carefully, I mustn't say too much. Just enough truth to enlighten her; just enough kept back to protect her. "Their mission is to free Timber."
"That's bull," Quistis interrupted.
I nodded. "Yes, it is. It's an excuse to get them to TImber. But it had to be well planned. You remember how you thought it was odd, Squall and I both having to make up Advanced GFs?"
"It *was* odd, two pre-graduate students in a mid-level class."
"Cid held us back. He knew this was coming, he's been expecting it for years. He could get away with sending new SeeDs to Timber by calling it a shakedown mission. It was supposed to be me, Squall and Zell, with you to 'supervise'." That actually *had* been Cid's original plan; I saw the mission orders when I was in his office two years- I mean, two weeks ago. He hadn't counted on destiny catching up so fast. He hadn't counted on a spunky new student with nunchaku...
"What changed?"
"Selphie transferred here from Trabia. Cid couldn't send *four* of us. For one thing, he could barely justify sending *one* squad; for another, he'd have to send two others to fill out the squad. Others who have no part in this."
"No part in what?"
"I'm getting there." I stared over her shoulder at the wall, looking at it but not seeing, getting lost in the past. "Someone had to get to Timber by other means. I'd already failed the test three times. It was easy to fail again. Bust up some Garden property so they'd haul me in here and call you to haul me out. Then when you arrive, break out. Run off with you chasing me and catch a train to Timber. We've got to be there at 1300 hours.
10:14 AM
(She said)
"But *why*, damn it?" I cried, angry and frustrated and confused. A few minutes ago I had felt so close to him, so hopeful. But instead of the start of something I was hearing of a scheme that made less sense than Cid's ramblings. "Seifer, I don't understand," I pleaded softly, trying to bring him back from the mysterious place he seemed to have gone. "None of this makes any sense, Seifer. What you're describing is-- I don't know-- why, Seifer? Why would Cid purosely hold you back? What's in Timber that's so important? For Hyne's sake, why *us*?"
10:14 AM
(He said)
It's hard to realize there really was a time when we didn't know. When we were ignorant of our past and our future, and too caught up in our present even to notice. Yet here Quistis stands, demanding of me an answer to the one question none of us should ever have to ask.
Why us, indeed.
Because of an orphanage by the sea. Because of the woman who ran it. Because she was wonderful, kind, loving. Because she couldn't refuse even a sorceress' last wish to die in peace.
And because, also, of six little children who once played on the steps of a little stone house. Of two children who were always squabbling, of an elder girl whose adoption destroyed the solidiarity of the group. Because of children's dreams and children's hopes and children's trust in the goodness of their Matron. Because of a prophecy, long ago. Because of Liberi Fatali, and a choice we never had.
That's why. And if it's not reason enough, it's all the reason there is.
"...because."
It's all the reason I can give her.
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A/N: ^^ hope everyone's having as much fun reading this as I am writing it.
I know they "oh, they were always in love" theory is cliche by now, but I happen to like it, and with the whole GF memory messer-upper-thingy anything is possible since they would have forgotten anyway.
Also! I need a little help. Not with this fic, but with another one. I wanted to enter a fic for the Seiftis contest, but I don't have the guidlines. Eek! The author account got deactivated, and I can't seem to find anything on the message board. If anyone has a copy of them, could they leave it for me in a review or, better yet, e-mail it to me at thePBR@hotmail.com ? That would be *awesome*. Thanks!
And please review me! Every time I see a new review I squeeze out another few paragraphs. Hence, more reviews equals longer chapters and more frequent updates by boosting my creativity. C'mon, if you read this, please click the blue button!
Lyaka ^^
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~Hourglass~
--------------
10:10 AM
(He said)
Oh, Hyne, you can send me to hell if you want. I don't care. I've been to heaven.
10:10 AM
(She said)
This must be what it's like to be drunk. I'm hot all over and I can barely think straight and all I want is for this never to end...
10:10 AM
(He said)
I'm dizzy, my vision is fuzzy and I can barely stand. It's like I stood up too fast and all the blood rushed from my head, except I'm standing on top of a roller coaster, 23 stories of drop below me held back by the slimmest of steel bars and a fervent prayer.
And I'm praying now, for only the second time in my life. Praying that she won't slap me and leave, or worse, make some cutting, sarcastic comment that would hurt so much more. Praying that she'll forgive me, for crimes I haven't committed yet, for the petty infractions I have, for moving too fast, for being myself when I want to be someone else, someone better.
She's trembling beneath my lingering fingers, I can feel her pulse racing. Despite my blurry view I can see her; golden hair shining, blue eyes shining- is that thappiness? Can I make her as happy as she deserves?
10:11 AM
(She said)
I'm just standing here and breathing and even that seems inordinately hard. I still can't think straight, mental patterns overlapping, running on and on like Doomtrain only I've forgotten the punctuation...
Stop.
Breathe.
Think.
I just got kissed. By Seifer Almasy.
And damn, it was everything I ever dreamed it would be, everything I thought about in my dorm room on those lonely, lonely nights.
I never thought it would be him, though. Not Seifer. He's too proud, too self-reliant to get entangled with anyone else that way. Fujin and Raijin notwithstanding: they're more like followers than friends. And I never thought that even if he did associate, he would come far down enough from his height to even look twice at me.
Squall was more accessible.
And I'm frozen, now, remembering a cold-blooded, deliberate choice, made years ago, standing in a corridor. The first time, in the training center, coming upon Squall and Seifer fighting. It was the first sight I'd had of him, and I realize even then I wanted him, with a childlike but real desire. Then the next day, walking proudly down the hallway in a brand-new SeeD uniform. And suddenly being checked into the hard stone wall, the air knocked out of me, and those green eyes mocking me; |"Maybe next time you'll keep out of the way of the Disciplinary Committee."|
It was right then, right there, standing alone, struggling for breath, pressed hard against the cold and unforgiving wall of the corridor and watching with eyes that I refused to let cry his arrogant step as he strode with supreme confidence down a chilled, harsh hallway, that I decided to force him out of my heart.
So I picked Squall. So similar, but ice where he was fire, and I told myself I liked him better and fooled myself into believing it true so well that even three years later I still thought my growing feelings were for him.
So easy to fool myself, so easy to live a lie and even believe it myself. So easy to hide it, even from myself. For rivals it was surprising how often they were to be found together. Wherever one was the other was sure to be. Simple, in the end, to convince myself htat it was the other who stirred these feelings inside me. So simple. So sad. So much time lost because of my pride and his.
I relax suddenly. I don't want to be tense anymore. I don't want to be weighted down by secrets I've kept even from myself. The truth has made me free. I just want what I've always wanted. To be respected, appreciated. Loved.
I glance up at him almost shyly.
So much time lost.
So little time, in the end, for us.
10:12 AM
(He said)
And I feel I've got to talk to her, explain, apologize. She's looking at me and I want to melt; wouldn't people laugh if they knew what I really feel?
Arrogant. Fiery. Supremely confident.
Guilty. Cold. Stranded alone in time.
Hopeful. Purposeful. Desperately in love.
How can I tell her all this?
I can't, of course. If only for the sake of time and not the words that won't come. But I can tell her the truth of this time, this place. Most of it. Some of it. At least some of it.
"I'm sorry about the field test, Quistis." I start hesitantly, unsure how to explain a destiny you have to come face-to-face with in order to truly understand. "I couldnt' pass it. There's something else going on here that you didn't know about." If I had passed, I would never have ended up here, in the Disciplinary Room. Never have broken out and run to Timber. Never have become Ultimecia's knight. Destiny demanded my failure. "Squall, Selphie and Zell are already gone. On their first mission. Ostenibly they're working for Rinoa Heartilly-- that girl you saw dancing with Squall last night." She's watching me now, wide-eyed, I've got her full attention but she still doesn't understand. I've got to tread carefully, I mustn't say too much. Just enough truth to enlighten her; just enough kept back to protect her. "Their mission is to free Timber."
"That's bull," Quistis interrupted.
I nodded. "Yes, it is. It's an excuse to get them to TImber. But it had to be well planned. You remember how you thought it was odd, Squall and I both having to make up Advanced GFs?"
"It *was* odd, two pre-graduate students in a mid-level class."
"Cid held us back. He knew this was coming, he's been expecting it for years. He could get away with sending new SeeDs to Timber by calling it a shakedown mission. It was supposed to be me, Squall and Zell, with you to 'supervise'." That actually *had* been Cid's original plan; I saw the mission orders when I was in his office two years- I mean, two weeks ago. He hadn't counted on destiny catching up so fast. He hadn't counted on a spunky new student with nunchaku...
"What changed?"
"Selphie transferred here from Trabia. Cid couldn't send *four* of us. For one thing, he could barely justify sending *one* squad; for another, he'd have to send two others to fill out the squad. Others who have no part in this."
"No part in what?"
"I'm getting there." I stared over her shoulder at the wall, looking at it but not seeing, getting lost in the past. "Someone had to get to Timber by other means. I'd already failed the test three times. It was easy to fail again. Bust up some Garden property so they'd haul me in here and call you to haul me out. Then when you arrive, break out. Run off with you chasing me and catch a train to Timber. We've got to be there at 1300 hours.
10:14 AM
(She said)
"But *why*, damn it?" I cried, angry and frustrated and confused. A few minutes ago I had felt so close to him, so hopeful. But instead of the start of something I was hearing of a scheme that made less sense than Cid's ramblings. "Seifer, I don't understand," I pleaded softly, trying to bring him back from the mysterious place he seemed to have gone. "None of this makes any sense, Seifer. What you're describing is-- I don't know-- why, Seifer? Why would Cid purosely hold you back? What's in Timber that's so important? For Hyne's sake, why *us*?"
10:14 AM
(He said)
It's hard to realize there really was a time when we didn't know. When we were ignorant of our past and our future, and too caught up in our present even to notice. Yet here Quistis stands, demanding of me an answer to the one question none of us should ever have to ask.
Why us, indeed.
Because of an orphanage by the sea. Because of the woman who ran it. Because she was wonderful, kind, loving. Because she couldn't refuse even a sorceress' last wish to die in peace.
And because, also, of six little children who once played on the steps of a little stone house. Of two children who were always squabbling, of an elder girl whose adoption destroyed the solidiarity of the group. Because of children's dreams and children's hopes and children's trust in the goodness of their Matron. Because of a prophecy, long ago. Because of Liberi Fatali, and a choice we never had.
That's why. And if it's not reason enough, it's all the reason there is.
"...because."
It's all the reason I can give her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N: ^^ hope everyone's having as much fun reading this as I am writing it.
I know they "oh, they were always in love" theory is cliche by now, but I happen to like it, and with the whole GF memory messer-upper-thingy anything is possible since they would have forgotten anyway.
Also! I need a little help. Not with this fic, but with another one. I wanted to enter a fic for the Seiftis contest, but I don't have the guidlines. Eek! The author account got deactivated, and I can't seem to find anything on the message board. If anyone has a copy of them, could they leave it for me in a review or, better yet, e-mail it to me at thePBR@hotmail.com ? That would be *awesome*. Thanks!
And please review me! Every time I see a new review I squeeze out another few paragraphs. Hence, more reviews equals longer chapters and more frequent updates by boosting my creativity. C'mon, if you read this, please click the blue button!
Lyaka ^^