A/N: It's been a little longer than usual since my last update. Sorry; I was experiencing a slight dip in motivation. Which might having something to do with the few reviews the last part got. (Rabid, blatant begging for reviews there! Take note!) Not like I'm hinting at anything. Oh, no. Perish the thought. :p
Guess what? Seifer has a GF! Not just any GF, he has Alexander. Why? It just seemed like the obvious choice. Alexander's element is Holy, and I always sort of pictured him as a knight in the Middle Ages out on a sacred Crusade (which were, of course, the bloodiest and most brutal wars in history-- which fits his personality even more. He did do some pretty nasty stuff.) So Seifer has Alexander.
AWOL: Military term meaing 'absent without leave'. The politically correct term for a deserter.
And speaking of political correctness, why not check out the fic I wrote (or rather am writing) for the Seiftis contest? It's called 'The Politically Correct Audit'. Read, review, and laugh yourself silly. You know you want to.
---------------
~Hourglass~
---------------
10:15 AM
(She said)
When he says "...because" it scares me.
I can hear something in his voice that never was there before.
Finality. Irrevocability. Inexorability.
And I know that's all the answer I'm going to get. At least, from him.
It's a curious thing. I'm a book-learner, I operate on facts. But somehow I have no problem accepting this on faith. Somehow I expected this, knew it was coming. We are needed. Why? Because. The rest will come later.
But I'm still afraid. There's a storm ahead. It won't be pretty. What I don't know scares me more than what I do.
"Seifer." He looks at me, speculative eyes trying to gauge my reaction. Piercing eyes, looking right through me. What does he see when he looks at me? Am I worth it? Am I worth him?
"What's in Timber?"
10:15 AM
(He said)
Here it comes. Will it jog her memory? Will I see a rush of recognition overwhelm the last of the slowly fading confusion that lingers in those beautiful crystal-blue eyes? Or perhaps... nothing. Those damn GFs.
I feel rather than hear Alexander's wry chuckle in my mind.
"Matron's in Timber."
And there's something there, a flicker of familiarity, a dim memory flashing past her mind's eye. But only for a second, and I can tell that her childhood is still buried beneath Quezacotl's wings in her mind. So, regretfully, I clarify. It would be so much easier if only she would remember, but if I tell her she would never believe, and the only way I have of bringing those memories back might as well be a magnet for Ultimecia's attention.
"Cid's wife. Edea Kramer. She's--" and how do I put this when the name Ultimecia is meaningless and she knows nothing of the true mission of SeeD? Saying 'Sorceress' will only call up the twisted legends used to scare children to bed for centuries. Better to avoid that term. "She's a mage, very strong caster, and she got brainwashed a few years ago--" well, it's only a little lie "--by an even stronger mage, scary as that sounds, named Ultimecia. She's very dangerous. She disappeared, you see, but she's going to be in Timber when they start up the comm tower. The energy it produces will draw her there. Cid wants us to capture her, bring her back for-- for healing." Not bad for thinking on my feet. I never expected to have this conversation. I wrap an arm, tentatively, around her waist, still more than half-expecting her to full away. Instead she leans against me. Hyne, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve her. But I pull her closer anyway. Her head resting against me, she comes up just to my chin when we stand close together. She's an angel. I need her to save me. I can only hope I'm enough to save her.
But first I have to make sure she understands.
Things are already changed. All bets are off.
10:16 AM
(She said)
I'm no longer shivering, enveloped in his warmth. I'm not even trembling anymore. I feel *comfortable*, and far more importantly I feel wanted. I don't know how long it will last before he vaults back up to his pedestal and I want to enjoy it.
When we heal Cid's wife (and who would have thought he'd be married? You never knew) I'm going to thank her. However inadvertently, she brought me this.
There's more, I can sense it, even before Seifer starts murmuring into my hair. It muffles his voice and a second alter I understand why. My scalp prickles, the warmth of his breath and body only barely effective against the goosebumps I want to break out in. It would not do for anyone, especially the guard, to hear this. The walls of the Disciplinary Room are thicker then most but they're still stone and it echoes.
This mission is top secret. Squall, Selphie and Zell have an excuse, a veneer of respectability over their presence in Timber. We will have none. The AWOL mark we receive for leaving Garden unauthorized will remain on our records. No one is supposed to know what occurs there, even after the fact, unless something goes horribly wrong. That causes me to shiver involuntarily. Something lurks behind his soft words, something that makes me think he expects it to go wring. A bad feeling in my stomach; I share his foreboding. It sounds far too simple. Nothing's that easy.
There's something he missed.
"Seifer," I breathed, interrupting him. "What does this Ultimecia want? What's her ultimate goal?"
He goes still for a moment, then lets out a soft sigh. His voice when he answers is a kaleidoscope of emotions. A tinge of surprise, as if I should know already; a tinge of disgust, aimed at whom I can't tell; a tinge of angry wistfulness, as if he's remembering something that should be fond but isn't; but mostly determination, as if he'd do whatever it took to prevent this. "Total control," he answers. "World domination."
I should be surprised, disgusted, wistful, determined, worried, incredulous, sarcastic, disbelieving, curious, morbid, unsure. I can think of a thousand words to describe what I should be feeling but I give voice to none because none apply. I merely nod. Because I knew that already.
10:17 AM
(He said)
All things considered, she's taking it rather well. Then again, I'm telling her nothing new. All of this is history for her, she knows it all already. Except, of course, for the parts I blatantly lied about. Sooner or later she's going to call me on that. Hopefully later.
More chuckles from Alexander.
From here I can see the clock; it's no time in particular. It's best to get moving.
Can Quistis read my mind? I've wondered that before, as children, when she always seemed to know exactly when I was up to No Good, and I wondered it again now when she asked "What time does our train leave?"
She sounds calm, matter-of-fact, as if she wasn't preparing to blemish her spotless career. I sigh; it's all I can do. There's no help for it. Once Squall becomes Commander, once Quistis becomes a hero, it can be removed, or at least overlooked. It's the most I can hope for. I hope nothing for myself. I learned that the last time around. If I don't lead the Sorceress War, it's the most I can hope for. I tell myself this, but I can't help longing for the golden beauty in my arms.
If I don't move soon, I won't be able to. Hyne, I've become so weak. But she feels so good.
"1054 hours, from Balamb." I manage to tell her.
10:18 AM
(She said)
1054 hours; we'd better leave soon, then, if we're to get to Balamb in time. I've got my chain whip; Hyperion should be in the care of the guard outside. If we're going AWOL we daren't take a car; you have to sign those out and we don't want a paper trail.
I'm doing what I always do when presented with a mission or a challenge, thinking it out, being ruthlessly practical, but only part of me is working over the specifics now. The rest of me is angsting about what I'm about to do. I've never broken a Garden rule and here I am preparing to run out on my SeeD contract. But if it's at Cid's order... more confusion. I walked into this room with everything neatly arranged and got promptly turned on my head.
No- that's not right. I've been upside down ever since Cid told me, in that damnably gentle voice so I couldn't even get mad at him, that I couldn't be an Instructor anymore. I was lost and confused and clinging to the shreds of an image I've presented so carefully for over two years. I walked into the room alone and found something I never expected. More secrets, more confusion, and a moment of contact that suddenly made everything right side up again.
I'm seeing more clearly now, in sharp-edged crystal focus, so beautiful and it's like I've been seeing black and white all my life and never noticed until now, when all the color bursts back into my vision, tinting the world in rainbow shades. I look at Seifer upwards, through the screen of my lashes, trying to believe he's actually here, with me, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist. It all seems to fantastic; what if I'm only dreaming? Will I awake alone again, with only a stuffed animal for company, not a living, warm body pressed against me, holding me tightly, chin resting on my head, jade eyes closed, for once no mockery, just a silent moment of togetherness.
I never realized how lonely I was. I thought I had everything I needed. That, too, I convinced myself to forget. Black and white. SeeD, Instructor, perfect little ice goddess. Melt me, refract me, bring the color back into my world. Taste the rainbow. Be something more.
I sigh and wrap my arms around him in response, content to stay here, in the moment. Seifer's embrace is doing for me what the alcohol could not. The world is receding, its troubles and cares seeming suddenly so transient, paling in importance beside the calming, rhythmic beat of his heart beneath my ear, the warmth of his body, his scent, heady and male and utterly *him*. I know time is critical but mission or no mission moving is the last thing I want to do.
It is into this precious moment, this brief haven of contentment snatched out of time, that the knock on the door intrudes.
10:19 AM
(He said)
One minute I'm floating, half-drugged by the feeling of her lithe body soft and yielding against mine, her shampoo's fruit scent mixing pleasantly with the whiff of strawberry from her lip gloss, and the next I'm rudely jolted from the halcyon dream by a banging on the metal door. At first, instinctively, my arms tighten around Quistis, protective reflex kicking in. Then reality catches up and I loosed my grip, reluctantly, step away. However wonderful that felt I shouldn't have allowed it to happen, not now, not yet, still too much to do. Still too great the chance for failure. But oh, how I wanted to...
The voice of the guard is coming through now. It's familiar, memory snatched haphazard from an incident we've already missed. I still expect him to be yelling "Halt!" behind me as I run, smirking, through the turnstiles, past the sleepy old gatekeeper and down the road to Balamb...
But instead he says "Instructor Trepe? Is everything all right?"
Quistis flinches slightly and I want to reach for her and ease the sting those words must have caused but I keep my treacherous hands to myself. We haven't time.
I'm relieved to see her squaring her shoulders; she's healing, recovering, rebuilding who she is in the face of what she isn't. "Why, yes," she relies, innocent and puzzled at once. She's a wonderful actor, she's been fooling Garden for years. She's been fooling herself for years. "Of course it is. Why do you ask, Cadet Hidaka?"
I can picture the cadet in my mind's eyes, can almost feel him shrug. "You've been in there for about twenty minutes," he points out. "It doesn't usually take that long."
Quistis sighed. "Cadet Almasy and I have just been discussing the error of his ways," she said firmly, motioning me towards the door. "As a matter of fact, we were just leaving."
As we stroll through the anteroom, just a few steps really, I feel fate lapping at my heels again, destiny urging me forward. For the moment we are in agreement so I let them pull me on. A brief tarry with the guard for my gunblade and then we stride down the hall, purposefully, authoritatively. No one will question us.
With Hyperion by my side and Quistis at my back, I feel I can take on anything. Even Ultimecia. Even fate.
Look out, Timber. Here we come.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're moving along now! Hmm, Seifer isn't being completely honest, is he? Can't say I blame him. Quistis hasn't got a clue.
Now that you're done here, why not check out 'The Politically Correct Audit'? And drop me a line...
*beep* "Hi, you've reached Lyaka. I'm not online right now, so please leave a message after clicking the lilac button and I'll love you forever, check out your stuff and probably review you too. Thanks! Bye!"
Lyaka ^^
Guess what? Seifer has a GF! Not just any GF, he has Alexander. Why? It just seemed like the obvious choice. Alexander's element is Holy, and I always sort of pictured him as a knight in the Middle Ages out on a sacred Crusade (which were, of course, the bloodiest and most brutal wars in history-- which fits his personality even more. He did do some pretty nasty stuff.) So Seifer has Alexander.
AWOL: Military term meaing 'absent without leave'. The politically correct term for a deserter.
And speaking of political correctness, why not check out the fic I wrote (or rather am writing) for the Seiftis contest? It's called 'The Politically Correct Audit'. Read, review, and laugh yourself silly. You know you want to.
---------------
~Hourglass~
---------------
10:15 AM
(She said)
When he says "...because" it scares me.
I can hear something in his voice that never was there before.
Finality. Irrevocability. Inexorability.
And I know that's all the answer I'm going to get. At least, from him.
It's a curious thing. I'm a book-learner, I operate on facts. But somehow I have no problem accepting this on faith. Somehow I expected this, knew it was coming. We are needed. Why? Because. The rest will come later.
But I'm still afraid. There's a storm ahead. It won't be pretty. What I don't know scares me more than what I do.
"Seifer." He looks at me, speculative eyes trying to gauge my reaction. Piercing eyes, looking right through me. What does he see when he looks at me? Am I worth it? Am I worth him?
"What's in Timber?"
10:15 AM
(He said)
Here it comes. Will it jog her memory? Will I see a rush of recognition overwhelm the last of the slowly fading confusion that lingers in those beautiful crystal-blue eyes? Or perhaps... nothing. Those damn GFs.
I feel rather than hear Alexander's wry chuckle in my mind.
"Matron's in Timber."
And there's something there, a flicker of familiarity, a dim memory flashing past her mind's eye. But only for a second, and I can tell that her childhood is still buried beneath Quezacotl's wings in her mind. So, regretfully, I clarify. It would be so much easier if only she would remember, but if I tell her she would never believe, and the only way I have of bringing those memories back might as well be a magnet for Ultimecia's attention.
"Cid's wife. Edea Kramer. She's--" and how do I put this when the name Ultimecia is meaningless and she knows nothing of the true mission of SeeD? Saying 'Sorceress' will only call up the twisted legends used to scare children to bed for centuries. Better to avoid that term. "She's a mage, very strong caster, and she got brainwashed a few years ago--" well, it's only a little lie "--by an even stronger mage, scary as that sounds, named Ultimecia. She's very dangerous. She disappeared, you see, but she's going to be in Timber when they start up the comm tower. The energy it produces will draw her there. Cid wants us to capture her, bring her back for-- for healing." Not bad for thinking on my feet. I never expected to have this conversation. I wrap an arm, tentatively, around her waist, still more than half-expecting her to full away. Instead she leans against me. Hyne, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve her. But I pull her closer anyway. Her head resting against me, she comes up just to my chin when we stand close together. She's an angel. I need her to save me. I can only hope I'm enough to save her.
But first I have to make sure she understands.
Things are already changed. All bets are off.
10:16 AM
(She said)
I'm no longer shivering, enveloped in his warmth. I'm not even trembling anymore. I feel *comfortable*, and far more importantly I feel wanted. I don't know how long it will last before he vaults back up to his pedestal and I want to enjoy it.
When we heal Cid's wife (and who would have thought he'd be married? You never knew) I'm going to thank her. However inadvertently, she brought me this.
There's more, I can sense it, even before Seifer starts murmuring into my hair. It muffles his voice and a second alter I understand why. My scalp prickles, the warmth of his breath and body only barely effective against the goosebumps I want to break out in. It would not do for anyone, especially the guard, to hear this. The walls of the Disciplinary Room are thicker then most but they're still stone and it echoes.
This mission is top secret. Squall, Selphie and Zell have an excuse, a veneer of respectability over their presence in Timber. We will have none. The AWOL mark we receive for leaving Garden unauthorized will remain on our records. No one is supposed to know what occurs there, even after the fact, unless something goes horribly wrong. That causes me to shiver involuntarily. Something lurks behind his soft words, something that makes me think he expects it to go wring. A bad feeling in my stomach; I share his foreboding. It sounds far too simple. Nothing's that easy.
There's something he missed.
"Seifer," I breathed, interrupting him. "What does this Ultimecia want? What's her ultimate goal?"
He goes still for a moment, then lets out a soft sigh. His voice when he answers is a kaleidoscope of emotions. A tinge of surprise, as if I should know already; a tinge of disgust, aimed at whom I can't tell; a tinge of angry wistfulness, as if he's remembering something that should be fond but isn't; but mostly determination, as if he'd do whatever it took to prevent this. "Total control," he answers. "World domination."
I should be surprised, disgusted, wistful, determined, worried, incredulous, sarcastic, disbelieving, curious, morbid, unsure. I can think of a thousand words to describe what I should be feeling but I give voice to none because none apply. I merely nod. Because I knew that already.
10:17 AM
(He said)
All things considered, she's taking it rather well. Then again, I'm telling her nothing new. All of this is history for her, she knows it all already. Except, of course, for the parts I blatantly lied about. Sooner or later she's going to call me on that. Hopefully later.
More chuckles from Alexander.
From here I can see the clock; it's no time in particular. It's best to get moving.
Can Quistis read my mind? I've wondered that before, as children, when she always seemed to know exactly when I was up to No Good, and I wondered it again now when she asked "What time does our train leave?"
She sounds calm, matter-of-fact, as if she wasn't preparing to blemish her spotless career. I sigh; it's all I can do. There's no help for it. Once Squall becomes Commander, once Quistis becomes a hero, it can be removed, or at least overlooked. It's the most I can hope for. I hope nothing for myself. I learned that the last time around. If I don't lead the Sorceress War, it's the most I can hope for. I tell myself this, but I can't help longing for the golden beauty in my arms.
If I don't move soon, I won't be able to. Hyne, I've become so weak. But she feels so good.
"1054 hours, from Balamb." I manage to tell her.
10:18 AM
(She said)
1054 hours; we'd better leave soon, then, if we're to get to Balamb in time. I've got my chain whip; Hyperion should be in the care of the guard outside. If we're going AWOL we daren't take a car; you have to sign those out and we don't want a paper trail.
I'm doing what I always do when presented with a mission or a challenge, thinking it out, being ruthlessly practical, but only part of me is working over the specifics now. The rest of me is angsting about what I'm about to do. I've never broken a Garden rule and here I am preparing to run out on my SeeD contract. But if it's at Cid's order... more confusion. I walked into this room with everything neatly arranged and got promptly turned on my head.
No- that's not right. I've been upside down ever since Cid told me, in that damnably gentle voice so I couldn't even get mad at him, that I couldn't be an Instructor anymore. I was lost and confused and clinging to the shreds of an image I've presented so carefully for over two years. I walked into the room alone and found something I never expected. More secrets, more confusion, and a moment of contact that suddenly made everything right side up again.
I'm seeing more clearly now, in sharp-edged crystal focus, so beautiful and it's like I've been seeing black and white all my life and never noticed until now, when all the color bursts back into my vision, tinting the world in rainbow shades. I look at Seifer upwards, through the screen of my lashes, trying to believe he's actually here, with me, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist. It all seems to fantastic; what if I'm only dreaming? Will I awake alone again, with only a stuffed animal for company, not a living, warm body pressed against me, holding me tightly, chin resting on my head, jade eyes closed, for once no mockery, just a silent moment of togetherness.
I never realized how lonely I was. I thought I had everything I needed. That, too, I convinced myself to forget. Black and white. SeeD, Instructor, perfect little ice goddess. Melt me, refract me, bring the color back into my world. Taste the rainbow. Be something more.
I sigh and wrap my arms around him in response, content to stay here, in the moment. Seifer's embrace is doing for me what the alcohol could not. The world is receding, its troubles and cares seeming suddenly so transient, paling in importance beside the calming, rhythmic beat of his heart beneath my ear, the warmth of his body, his scent, heady and male and utterly *him*. I know time is critical but mission or no mission moving is the last thing I want to do.
It is into this precious moment, this brief haven of contentment snatched out of time, that the knock on the door intrudes.
10:19 AM
(He said)
One minute I'm floating, half-drugged by the feeling of her lithe body soft and yielding against mine, her shampoo's fruit scent mixing pleasantly with the whiff of strawberry from her lip gloss, and the next I'm rudely jolted from the halcyon dream by a banging on the metal door. At first, instinctively, my arms tighten around Quistis, protective reflex kicking in. Then reality catches up and I loosed my grip, reluctantly, step away. However wonderful that felt I shouldn't have allowed it to happen, not now, not yet, still too much to do. Still too great the chance for failure. But oh, how I wanted to...
The voice of the guard is coming through now. It's familiar, memory snatched haphazard from an incident we've already missed. I still expect him to be yelling "Halt!" behind me as I run, smirking, through the turnstiles, past the sleepy old gatekeeper and down the road to Balamb...
But instead he says "Instructor Trepe? Is everything all right?"
Quistis flinches slightly and I want to reach for her and ease the sting those words must have caused but I keep my treacherous hands to myself. We haven't time.
I'm relieved to see her squaring her shoulders; she's healing, recovering, rebuilding who she is in the face of what she isn't. "Why, yes," she relies, innocent and puzzled at once. She's a wonderful actor, she's been fooling Garden for years. She's been fooling herself for years. "Of course it is. Why do you ask, Cadet Hidaka?"
I can picture the cadet in my mind's eyes, can almost feel him shrug. "You've been in there for about twenty minutes," he points out. "It doesn't usually take that long."
Quistis sighed. "Cadet Almasy and I have just been discussing the error of his ways," she said firmly, motioning me towards the door. "As a matter of fact, we were just leaving."
As we stroll through the anteroom, just a few steps really, I feel fate lapping at my heels again, destiny urging me forward. For the moment we are in agreement so I let them pull me on. A brief tarry with the guard for my gunblade and then we stride down the hall, purposefully, authoritatively. No one will question us.
With Hyperion by my side and Quistis at my back, I feel I can take on anything. Even Ultimecia. Even fate.
Look out, Timber. Here we come.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We're moving along now! Hmm, Seifer isn't being completely honest, is he? Can't say I blame him. Quistis hasn't got a clue.
Now that you're done here, why not check out 'The Politically Correct Audit'? And drop me a line...
*beep* "Hi, you've reached Lyaka. I'm not online right now, so please leave a message after clicking the lilac button and I'll love you forever, check out your stuff and probably review you too. Thanks! Bye!"
Lyaka ^^