November 3rd,
Well, Faireborn...congratulations. You've done it again...
Its an quite an amazing talent, really...I doubt anyone could match the speed and skill in which I expertly insert my foot into my mouth.
All I had to do was ask her to the damn thing in Washington. Mistake number one was trying to make this assignment into something of a date. Mistake number two was mentioning that I was ordered to ask her. Oh, and who could forget mistake number three...the 'piece de resistance'...commenting on her lack of appropriate wardrobe.
Game.
Set.
Match.
Allie and I don't really 'do' the dinner/movie/dancing/romantic evening 'date' thing. I could easily blame the enigmatic nature of our relationship and my own behavior for this state of affairs...at this point I am pretty certain Jaye does...but to be honest it can simply be ascribed to a military lifestyle that precludes any overt gestures of couple-hood.
Although Hawk tends to look the other way, others in the military would have us court marshaled before you could say 'fraternization'. As it is, our erstwhile leader is less than pleased about the whole arrangement, especially when it interferes with the ability to do our jobs. This isn't some desk gig where you can slack off...here if you aren't 100% it can mean your life...or the lives of your soldiers.
For the most part we have managed to keep our private and personal lives separate, but every so often we slip up. The argument in Trans Carpathia is one example, the time a VIPER escaped from the pit while Jaye and I were...ummm...otherwise occupied is another...oh, and then there was the time I tried to strangle Ace in the locker room when he mentioned that he had eyes for her, that didn't go over too well...and of course the disaster that was Sierra Gordo...
Ok...maybe it happens more often than I previously thought.
Of course, when things do get out of hand I usually bear the brunt of the General's anger regardless of whether or not it is actually my fault. Man, I remember how much that used to irritate me...Duke wasn't kidding when he mentioned that Lady Jaye was the General's favorite.
Admittedly, this latest incident was entirely my doing, and the dressing down I received not long after was well deserved if a little over the top. It's not as though this is some suicide run to COBRA Island. It's a party, for Christ's sake!
I mean, what am I supposed to think when the Tomahawk calls Duke and I into the office and tells us he hopes we can still fit into our dress uniforms!
"Sir?" we both asked in unison, our faces sporting twin expressions of confusion. He chuckled and pushed two envelopes across his desk towards us.
"We are going to a White House function and I need you two looking smart..." he turned to me fixed me with a glare "...and on your best behavior"
"Isn't this type of gig usually reserved for officers, sir" Duke asked as he took the envelope and opened it.
"Yes...but you two enlisted boys are the best candidates for this particular mission."
"Mission?" I looked up questioningly at the word, "Are we on protection detail...I thought the secret service handled that kind of thing. Unless there's been a COBRA threat..."
"No...no threat that we know of. At least not from COBRA. We are going in as guests of the President. This is a fact-finding mission only...unarmed...no funny business..."
"I am not quite sure I understand... " I looked at the tickets and my face went a little pale. 1000 dollars a couple!!!!
"White House, Flint...you know...Washington DC, the nation's capitol, the place where our Commander in Chief resides..." Duke smirked at his attempt at humor.
"What I mean, sir..." I shot my friend a murderous look before continuing. "...If this is going to be a politicking, lobbying, schmoozing thing I doubt I'm the best candidate. I am not known for my patience around suits. Ask Duke..."
"He's right..." Duke interrupted me, his eyes sparkling with evil delight, "...it would be like letting a bull loose in a china shop. You know what he's like! Never knows when to keep his mouth shut..."
"It was a rhetorical question, Conrad..."
"By the time the time the evening was over Flint will have managed to alienate almost every senator on Capitol Hill..."
"I think he gets the point..."
"... Punch out the head of the CIA, hit on every female in the vicinity and single handedly..."
"HAUSER!"
"...bring down GIJOE by getting our funding cut once and for all."
"Enough you two!" Hawk barked, but I could see the amusement playing in his eyes. The man hates me; I just know it.
"I know, Flint. Personally, I would rather have you running the show back here while we're gone..."
"But you just handed me the tickets..."
"They're for Lady Jaye..." he smiled, "I figured you were going to be her date for the evening no matter what I have to say on the matter, and as she is currently in a meeting with our new Covert Ops agent and I am off to Washington in the next twenty minutes I am asking you to give her the orders."
"But sir..."
"Flint Faireborn, male escort..." Duke was barely holding back the laughter.
"Shut up, Duke..." I growled before remembering where I was. I did my best to look sheepish.
"Sorry sir..."
"Would you rather she take someone else, Faireborn?" He asked nonchalantly, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. "I think Ace is available..."
He definitely hates me.
"No Sir."
"Well then, I will see you all in Washington...dismissed." He waved us off, "Oh...and one more thing Flint..."
"Sir?"
"Find Hauser here a date with half a brain in her head. We are going to be hob-knobbing with Washington elite...I need people there that can discuss something other than plastic surgery."
Duke's face fell and I barely managed to keep a straight face as I saluted the General.
"I'll see what I can do, sir...but don't expect a miracle on such short notice!" Hawk chuckled and waved us off.
Maybe he doesn't hate me after all!
Mind you, he wasn't thrilled when he found out I had managed to screw up his simple orders. I don't know which was worse, Hawk reaming into me over the phone from DC or my little *Kate* throwing the tickets in my face and stomping out of the room in a huff.
She hates it when I call her that. I dubbed her *Kate* early on in our relationship, as we lay sweaty and exhausted after a wild 'session' under the stars. Despite how it sounds, the encounter was hardly romantic. It had started out as a huge fight over something trivial, the two of us reaming into each other as we returned from late night patrol...Alpine and Leatherneck having relieved us.
One minute we are ready to rip each other's heads off and the next we are ripping each other's clothes off. Pretty typical of our relationship during those first few months...that first year.
In any case, once we were done and lay panting in each others arms I remember looking down at her...her face lit softly by the moon high above...her eyes dancing in amusement and the remains of the anger over our 'disagreement'...and the words came into my head and out of my mouth before I could stop them.
I had called her 'my little Kate'.
Any other woman would have immediately gathered her things and left in disgust...slapping me across the face for good measure. God knows I have done that before...called a woman in my bed by another lovers name...usually during some one-night stand, or with a woman so unremarkable as to leave my thoughts as soon as the act was complete.
Alison, however, is well read and knew me well enough by then to pick up the literary reference.
She assumed I was referring to the Shakespearian comedy 'Taming of the Shrew', the bard being one of her areas of expertise as an actress. This, of course, did not amuse her in the least...although there are days when she can be as shrill as the female lead.
She frowned at me and growled a line from act four softly but clearly.
"By this reck'ning, he is more shrew than she..."
I smiled at her, knowing from her tone that she was too exhausted to continue our earlier argument, as is the usual result of our coupling...and in amusement over our current truce I pulled a quote from that selfsame play.
"I am as peremptory are she is proud, and were two raging fires meet together they do consume the thing that makes the fury..."
She merely rolled her eyes as I laughed, helping her up. Getting caught lying half naked in the middle of a field by your CO was not something either of us wanted to deal with.
The thing is, I was actually referring to a poem by Tennyson whose words always echo through my head when she looks at me with those dark, fiery eyes and I realize I am in deep, deep shit...
I know her by her angry air,
Her bright black eyes, her bright black hair, Her rapid laughters wild and shrill,
As laughter of the woodpecker
From the bosom of a hill.
'Tis Kate - she sayeth what she will:
For Kate hath an unbridled tongue,
Clear as the twanging of a harp.
Her heart is like a throbbing star.
Kate hath a spirit ever strung
Like a new bow, and bright and sharp
As the edges of a scimitar.
Whence shall she take a fitting mate?
For Kate no common love will feel;
My woman-soldier, gallant Kate,
As pure and true as blades of steel.
She is a tough little thing...'my woman-soldier'...but when she smiles, when she laughs, when I watch her concentrating on her work, when I watch her sleep, when I see her face soften and her body relax, I remember that she is so much more than just a *Kate*.
Mind you, when she left on her latest assignment with Dialtone and Chuckles in tow the scene was pure Tennyson.
'Unbridled tongue' indeed.
You might have noticed the two of us are rarely assigned the same orders of late. The hijacking attempt of the Russian jetliner and that mission to Wokukerland with Snakes and Scarlett were rare and notable exceptions to what has become the norm for us around here.
It seems that the GIJOE's lax interpretation of military law only goes so far.
The split isn't complete. The 'high ups' know the two of us work well together and would probably never dissolve the partnership entirely. Nevertheless, lately we seem to end up apart more often than we are together.
I'm almost certain the scene in Sierra Gordo had a hand in the decision, although I am beginning to wonder whether or not my conversation...sorry, argument...with Duke a few months ago had any bearing on the current situation.
In any case, as much as I hate to see her go off without me, I am slowly beginning to understand why Hawk is doing it. Duke says he is grooming me for leadership...and my duties lately certainly back that statement up...every mission carries more and more responsibility, every order more complex and far reaching.
I am a part of the decision making process now, and am currently planning long range strategy. Hey, I'm even on my way to the White House! Escort for Lady Jaye or not, I have a sneaking suspicion that Hawk wants to introduce me to the top brass...I know he has big plans for my future in the military...
...but on top of it, I think he is also preparing me for the inevitable.
The rules we all live by were not randomly pulled out of a hat...they were established for good reasons.
I don't know what I would do if I was out in the field and a decision I made resulted in Alison being seriously injured or, God forbid, killed. I don't think I would survive it. In fact I know I wouldn't.
Worse...what if I KNEW the success of the operation and the safety of the men under my command rested on my ordering her into the line of fire. What if I had to leave her behind in order to get the job done.
What if I was faced with a choice...some poor soldier who is under my command or her. How would I choose? Is it fair to leave that man to his fate when he deserves EXACTLY the same consideration from me as any other person who follows my orders.
Can I be that unbiased? Can I make those hard choices? Can I sit back and watch Alison die regardless of it being 'the right thing to do'?
No.
I can't.
It would be too easy for me to say yes...yes I could make those kinds of dispassionate command decisions when she is involved. But theory and reality are two different animals. I am a strong man, I am a good leader. I know I have it in me to go far in this organization.
But I am also human.
I do my very best out in the field, I always give the work my all...but if it came down to the wire there is no question in my mind that I would protect Allie with my life regardless of tactics and strategy, regardless of the good of the mission, or of the well-being of the other men on the team.
Moreover, in the aftermath of such a decision heart driven decision, I know in some way I would end up resenting her for it...blaming her for my weakness...
Kill her or kill our relationship...some choice! Either would surely destroy me.
Fraternization...women in combat...two regulations that GIJOE has managed to skirt, to push to the limits of legal interpretation. And in the end, what did it accomplish but prove how important those conventions really are?
I don't care how open minded a man is... you are always biased, consciously or unconsciously, towards the person that you love. Your instinct is going to be to protect a woman in the field of battle. I don't care how highly trained you are...its ingrained into our very being...a reflex action...drilled into us from day one. Feminists be damned...no man is going to sit idly by while a woman is in danger.
How could you and still live with yourself at the end of the day? Its hard enough being a soldier, its hard enough being responsible for the lives of your men and the people you are protecting without the added burden of fighting beside your lover, your wife, the mother of your children...
So Hawk is preparing me for the inevitable. The relationship between Jaye and I has grown past the point where he is willing to look the other way. He is thinking of the good of the team, the stability of the command structure, the future...
...and I am sure in the back of his mind he thinks he is doing it for our own good.
Is he planning on splitting us, transferring one or both to another chain of command? I don't know yet, although I am suspicious. This guy Chuckles coming in only adds to fuel to the fire...
...and how do I feel about it?
Truth be told, I am not entirely sure. Lady Jaye is as good a soldier as ANY on this team, but to be honest if I had my way she would be out of active combat duty, maybe out of the military all together...she would be safe. However, seeing as though that has about a good a chance at happening as Mutt suddenly becoming a 'cat person', I suppose our being separated in a professional sense is the only option.
The thing is, I have had her back for so long...worked with her for so long...that I can't imagine NOT having her by my side in the ops meetings or on a mission. I respect her opinion and trust her with my life.
Maybe I just don't want anyone else playing that role but me...
You can't have it all, Faireborn.
Career or relationship...relationship or career...
I can see the fork in the road appearing over the horizon, and when we get there I wonder what direction we will choose to take, and what effect it will have on our life together...on our future.
Will there be a future for us?
Only time will tell.
Well, Faireborn...congratulations. You've done it again...
Its an quite an amazing talent, really...I doubt anyone could match the speed and skill in which I expertly insert my foot into my mouth.
All I had to do was ask her to the damn thing in Washington. Mistake number one was trying to make this assignment into something of a date. Mistake number two was mentioning that I was ordered to ask her. Oh, and who could forget mistake number three...the 'piece de resistance'...commenting on her lack of appropriate wardrobe.
Game.
Set.
Match.
Allie and I don't really 'do' the dinner/movie/dancing/romantic evening 'date' thing. I could easily blame the enigmatic nature of our relationship and my own behavior for this state of affairs...at this point I am pretty certain Jaye does...but to be honest it can simply be ascribed to a military lifestyle that precludes any overt gestures of couple-hood.
Although Hawk tends to look the other way, others in the military would have us court marshaled before you could say 'fraternization'. As it is, our erstwhile leader is less than pleased about the whole arrangement, especially when it interferes with the ability to do our jobs. This isn't some desk gig where you can slack off...here if you aren't 100% it can mean your life...or the lives of your soldiers.
For the most part we have managed to keep our private and personal lives separate, but every so often we slip up. The argument in Trans Carpathia is one example, the time a VIPER escaped from the pit while Jaye and I were...ummm...otherwise occupied is another...oh, and then there was the time I tried to strangle Ace in the locker room when he mentioned that he had eyes for her, that didn't go over too well...and of course the disaster that was Sierra Gordo...
Ok...maybe it happens more often than I previously thought.
Of course, when things do get out of hand I usually bear the brunt of the General's anger regardless of whether or not it is actually my fault. Man, I remember how much that used to irritate me...Duke wasn't kidding when he mentioned that Lady Jaye was the General's favorite.
Admittedly, this latest incident was entirely my doing, and the dressing down I received not long after was well deserved if a little over the top. It's not as though this is some suicide run to COBRA Island. It's a party, for Christ's sake!
I mean, what am I supposed to think when the Tomahawk calls Duke and I into the office and tells us he hopes we can still fit into our dress uniforms!
"Sir?" we both asked in unison, our faces sporting twin expressions of confusion. He chuckled and pushed two envelopes across his desk towards us.
"We are going to a White House function and I need you two looking smart..." he turned to me fixed me with a glare "...and on your best behavior"
"Isn't this type of gig usually reserved for officers, sir" Duke asked as he took the envelope and opened it.
"Yes...but you two enlisted boys are the best candidates for this particular mission."
"Mission?" I looked up questioningly at the word, "Are we on protection detail...I thought the secret service handled that kind of thing. Unless there's been a COBRA threat..."
"No...no threat that we know of. At least not from COBRA. We are going in as guests of the President. This is a fact-finding mission only...unarmed...no funny business..."
"I am not quite sure I understand... " I looked at the tickets and my face went a little pale. 1000 dollars a couple!!!!
"White House, Flint...you know...Washington DC, the nation's capitol, the place where our Commander in Chief resides..." Duke smirked at his attempt at humor.
"What I mean, sir..." I shot my friend a murderous look before continuing. "...If this is going to be a politicking, lobbying, schmoozing thing I doubt I'm the best candidate. I am not known for my patience around suits. Ask Duke..."
"He's right..." Duke interrupted me, his eyes sparkling with evil delight, "...it would be like letting a bull loose in a china shop. You know what he's like! Never knows when to keep his mouth shut..."
"It was a rhetorical question, Conrad..."
"By the time the time the evening was over Flint will have managed to alienate almost every senator on Capitol Hill..."
"I think he gets the point..."
"... Punch out the head of the CIA, hit on every female in the vicinity and single handedly..."
"HAUSER!"
"...bring down GIJOE by getting our funding cut once and for all."
"Enough you two!" Hawk barked, but I could see the amusement playing in his eyes. The man hates me; I just know it.
"I know, Flint. Personally, I would rather have you running the show back here while we're gone..."
"But you just handed me the tickets..."
"They're for Lady Jaye..." he smiled, "I figured you were going to be her date for the evening no matter what I have to say on the matter, and as she is currently in a meeting with our new Covert Ops agent and I am off to Washington in the next twenty minutes I am asking you to give her the orders."
"But sir..."
"Flint Faireborn, male escort..." Duke was barely holding back the laughter.
"Shut up, Duke..." I growled before remembering where I was. I did my best to look sheepish.
"Sorry sir..."
"Would you rather she take someone else, Faireborn?" He asked nonchalantly, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. "I think Ace is available..."
He definitely hates me.
"No Sir."
"Well then, I will see you all in Washington...dismissed." He waved us off, "Oh...and one more thing Flint..."
"Sir?"
"Find Hauser here a date with half a brain in her head. We are going to be hob-knobbing with Washington elite...I need people there that can discuss something other than plastic surgery."
Duke's face fell and I barely managed to keep a straight face as I saluted the General.
"I'll see what I can do, sir...but don't expect a miracle on such short notice!" Hawk chuckled and waved us off.
Maybe he doesn't hate me after all!
Mind you, he wasn't thrilled when he found out I had managed to screw up his simple orders. I don't know which was worse, Hawk reaming into me over the phone from DC or my little *Kate* throwing the tickets in my face and stomping out of the room in a huff.
She hates it when I call her that. I dubbed her *Kate* early on in our relationship, as we lay sweaty and exhausted after a wild 'session' under the stars. Despite how it sounds, the encounter was hardly romantic. It had started out as a huge fight over something trivial, the two of us reaming into each other as we returned from late night patrol...Alpine and Leatherneck having relieved us.
One minute we are ready to rip each other's heads off and the next we are ripping each other's clothes off. Pretty typical of our relationship during those first few months...that first year.
In any case, once we were done and lay panting in each others arms I remember looking down at her...her face lit softly by the moon high above...her eyes dancing in amusement and the remains of the anger over our 'disagreement'...and the words came into my head and out of my mouth before I could stop them.
I had called her 'my little Kate'.
Any other woman would have immediately gathered her things and left in disgust...slapping me across the face for good measure. God knows I have done that before...called a woman in my bed by another lovers name...usually during some one-night stand, or with a woman so unremarkable as to leave my thoughts as soon as the act was complete.
Alison, however, is well read and knew me well enough by then to pick up the literary reference.
She assumed I was referring to the Shakespearian comedy 'Taming of the Shrew', the bard being one of her areas of expertise as an actress. This, of course, did not amuse her in the least...although there are days when she can be as shrill as the female lead.
She frowned at me and growled a line from act four softly but clearly.
"By this reck'ning, he is more shrew than she..."
I smiled at her, knowing from her tone that she was too exhausted to continue our earlier argument, as is the usual result of our coupling...and in amusement over our current truce I pulled a quote from that selfsame play.
"I am as peremptory are she is proud, and were two raging fires meet together they do consume the thing that makes the fury..."
She merely rolled her eyes as I laughed, helping her up. Getting caught lying half naked in the middle of a field by your CO was not something either of us wanted to deal with.
The thing is, I was actually referring to a poem by Tennyson whose words always echo through my head when she looks at me with those dark, fiery eyes and I realize I am in deep, deep shit...
I know her by her angry air,
Her bright black eyes, her bright black hair, Her rapid laughters wild and shrill,
As laughter of the woodpecker
From the bosom of a hill.
'Tis Kate - she sayeth what she will:
For Kate hath an unbridled tongue,
Clear as the twanging of a harp.
Her heart is like a throbbing star.
Kate hath a spirit ever strung
Like a new bow, and bright and sharp
As the edges of a scimitar.
Whence shall she take a fitting mate?
For Kate no common love will feel;
My woman-soldier, gallant Kate,
As pure and true as blades of steel.
She is a tough little thing...'my woman-soldier'...but when she smiles, when she laughs, when I watch her concentrating on her work, when I watch her sleep, when I see her face soften and her body relax, I remember that she is so much more than just a *Kate*.
Mind you, when she left on her latest assignment with Dialtone and Chuckles in tow the scene was pure Tennyson.
'Unbridled tongue' indeed.
You might have noticed the two of us are rarely assigned the same orders of late. The hijacking attempt of the Russian jetliner and that mission to Wokukerland with Snakes and Scarlett were rare and notable exceptions to what has become the norm for us around here.
It seems that the GIJOE's lax interpretation of military law only goes so far.
The split isn't complete. The 'high ups' know the two of us work well together and would probably never dissolve the partnership entirely. Nevertheless, lately we seem to end up apart more often than we are together.
I'm almost certain the scene in Sierra Gordo had a hand in the decision, although I am beginning to wonder whether or not my conversation...sorry, argument...with Duke a few months ago had any bearing on the current situation.
In any case, as much as I hate to see her go off without me, I am slowly beginning to understand why Hawk is doing it. Duke says he is grooming me for leadership...and my duties lately certainly back that statement up...every mission carries more and more responsibility, every order more complex and far reaching.
I am a part of the decision making process now, and am currently planning long range strategy. Hey, I'm even on my way to the White House! Escort for Lady Jaye or not, I have a sneaking suspicion that Hawk wants to introduce me to the top brass...I know he has big plans for my future in the military...
...but on top of it, I think he is also preparing me for the inevitable.
The rules we all live by were not randomly pulled out of a hat...they were established for good reasons.
I don't know what I would do if I was out in the field and a decision I made resulted in Alison being seriously injured or, God forbid, killed. I don't think I would survive it. In fact I know I wouldn't.
Worse...what if I KNEW the success of the operation and the safety of the men under my command rested on my ordering her into the line of fire. What if I had to leave her behind in order to get the job done.
What if I was faced with a choice...some poor soldier who is under my command or her. How would I choose? Is it fair to leave that man to his fate when he deserves EXACTLY the same consideration from me as any other person who follows my orders.
Can I be that unbiased? Can I make those hard choices? Can I sit back and watch Alison die regardless of it being 'the right thing to do'?
No.
I can't.
It would be too easy for me to say yes...yes I could make those kinds of dispassionate command decisions when she is involved. But theory and reality are two different animals. I am a strong man, I am a good leader. I know I have it in me to go far in this organization.
But I am also human.
I do my very best out in the field, I always give the work my all...but if it came down to the wire there is no question in my mind that I would protect Allie with my life regardless of tactics and strategy, regardless of the good of the mission, or of the well-being of the other men on the team.
Moreover, in the aftermath of such a decision heart driven decision, I know in some way I would end up resenting her for it...blaming her for my weakness...
Kill her or kill our relationship...some choice! Either would surely destroy me.
Fraternization...women in combat...two regulations that GIJOE has managed to skirt, to push to the limits of legal interpretation. And in the end, what did it accomplish but prove how important those conventions really are?
I don't care how open minded a man is... you are always biased, consciously or unconsciously, towards the person that you love. Your instinct is going to be to protect a woman in the field of battle. I don't care how highly trained you are...its ingrained into our very being...a reflex action...drilled into us from day one. Feminists be damned...no man is going to sit idly by while a woman is in danger.
How could you and still live with yourself at the end of the day? Its hard enough being a soldier, its hard enough being responsible for the lives of your men and the people you are protecting without the added burden of fighting beside your lover, your wife, the mother of your children...
So Hawk is preparing me for the inevitable. The relationship between Jaye and I has grown past the point where he is willing to look the other way. He is thinking of the good of the team, the stability of the command structure, the future...
...and I am sure in the back of his mind he thinks he is doing it for our own good.
Is he planning on splitting us, transferring one or both to another chain of command? I don't know yet, although I am suspicious. This guy Chuckles coming in only adds to fuel to the fire...
...and how do I feel about it?
Truth be told, I am not entirely sure. Lady Jaye is as good a soldier as ANY on this team, but to be honest if I had my way she would be out of active combat duty, maybe out of the military all together...she would be safe. However, seeing as though that has about a good a chance at happening as Mutt suddenly becoming a 'cat person', I suppose our being separated in a professional sense is the only option.
The thing is, I have had her back for so long...worked with her for so long...that I can't imagine NOT having her by my side in the ops meetings or on a mission. I respect her opinion and trust her with my life.
Maybe I just don't want anyone else playing that role but me...
You can't have it all, Faireborn.
Career or relationship...relationship or career...
I can see the fork in the road appearing over the horizon, and when we get there I wonder what direction we will choose to take, and what effect it will have on our life together...on our future.
Will there be a future for us?
Only time will tell.