Author's notes: Weird shit happens when I write after piña coladas.
*ducks rotten tomatoes*
Losing It
Once upon a time, there was this dorky, too-serious guy with fugly hair named Fuuma Monou. All the girls in his school wanted him (probably because they were on crack), but he didn't want any of them. It wasn't because he was a prissy virgin; because although he WAS a virgin, he was just repressing the urge to be a raging slut. The real reason was that Fuuma Monou was gay.
But alas! All the gay boys were COOL and had REALLY good hair, and Fuuma-kun just didn't fit in with them, so he had no one to *cough* experiment with. Until he met another repressed gay boy with a stick up his ass that also lived in his closet. This boy's name was Daisuke.
Daisuke was sworn to protect a gimp, and so as not to go insane from the awful awful fate, he convinced himself he was in love with the gimp. But then one day he was Outside, and he ran into Fuuma, and he didn't see the awful hair (probably because he had no notion of fashion). Instead he thought Fuuma was Hot.
And Fuuma, who beneath his prissy virginity was a slut just waiting to break free, thought that Daisuke wasn't the PRETTIEST boy he'd ever seen, but damn, he had a great ass!
And so Fuuma looked down at the ground, and asked Daisuke if he would like to come over to Fuuma's house to play Dungeons and Dragons. And Daisuke said yes, so off they went, making plans to maybe watch star trek afterwards.
Of course, there WAS no Dungeons and Dragons game at Fuuma's house, because despite his apparent supreme dorkiness, Fuuma was in reality the Dark Kamui. Which meant a) he wasn't THAT big a dork (despite appearances), and b) deep down he possessed the ability to manipulate other's hidden desires. In this case, it was al a grand scheme to divest himself of his virginity.
Daisuke, of course, knew nothing of this Dastardly Plan, because he really WAS an innocent still. But even if he HAD known he'd have gone anyway, because the end all be all of a teenaged boy's life is SEX (even if it has to come before other boyly pursuits).
And so, Fuuma brought Daisuke to his house, gave his sister some excuse involving studying (which she swallowed whole, because, come on, the girl had a twinky for brain) and locked himself in the room with Daisuke.
And there wasn't much in the way of dungeons or dragons, but there was plenty in the way of moaning and sweating and throbbing euphemisms for penis.
Afterwards, Daisuke went back to his gimpy mistress, but somehow, his life didn't seem quite as bad, because he'd had SEX. Meanwhile, Fuuma remained sprawled out on his bed, wearing nothing but a sweaty, sticky sheet, and wishing he had someone around to leech cigarettes from (although he had no idea why he felt this way). THen he got up, draped a sheet around his naked self, and made his way to the bathroom. He stared at his reflection a long long time before he decided that it just would not do to continue letting Kotori cut his hair.
He was HOT, damnit, and it was time the world knew it.
(Of course, the world would have to wait until his hair grew out and he met a classy assassin - from whom he'd be able toleech after-sex cigarettes from - willing to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe... the sort suitable to a gorgeous young man who might have sort of maybe be fated to bring about armageddon.)
THE END
(Or so is the hope of any sane person that has actually finished reading this)