Author's note: Chapter 4! Ta da! It's been a while, eh? Well, this chapter
was written by Bast and Penn (okay okay. GreyLadyBast and Pennhothwen) and
we were joined halfway in by the fabulous Aranel. The rest of you, where
were you?!?! We waited forever!!!
Disclaimer: OFUM's not ours. LOTR's not ours. All I own is the fire-ant colony in my pants pocket, and really, who can truly own an ant? So you can see how very exceedingly poor I am, can't you? Don't sue me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
GreyLadyBast stormed into the empty classroom set aside for SNAOL meetings. "Ok, I'm finally here!" she exclaimed with excessive drama. That is, until she noticed she was talking to empty air. "Where the hell is everyone?? Her Ladyship is not gonna be happy I skipped out on Her for this meeting, and for nothing!!"
"Don't fume, dearest, it makes you look oliphauntish." Penn stepped into the room. "I could hear you down the hall," she added.
"Oliphauntish?!?!? Oliphaunts don't have fur!" GreyLadyBast exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, hi Penn."
Penn sighed, stretching lazily. "Hello, LadyBast. What a crappy day I've been enduring. I just heard Thalia won't be with us for a while, she's had quite a run-in with Morgoth. She'll be in the Houses of Healing for at least a month. I wonder what she did to upset him. Probably nothing. you know how those Dark Lords are sometimes. In any case..." Penn yawned again. "I suppose that means you'll be acting as Secretary in the interim, eh?"
Bast shuddered, her fur rippling. "Morgoth? Poor kid. Still, she'll be ok. Sauron will pester Elrond until he heals her, just to piss of Morgoth."
"Indeed," Penn nodded.
Bast sat upright. "Acting secretary? You mean I gotta work now? Dammit, if I wanted to actually work I wouldn't be Alt. Off." She tried to suppress the snicker but couldn't quite manage it. Penn snickered too, quite audibly, and to Bast's delight. "At last! Somebody who finds that funny. Most of the other SNAOL kids don't get it. Too innocent, I suppose," she sighed, taking a long swig of her smuggled-in beer. Bast was forever in trouble for smuggling real-world items into OFUM. It was how her apprenticeship with Shelob began: as punishment. "Want a beer?"
Penn rolled her eyes. "They *are* a bit dewy, aren't they?" she scoffed, accepting the proffered beverage. "Thanks." She took a long sip. "Ah, well. They're good kids. But we must try and remember that they're only kids, Bast. You and I... we're Gutter Royalty. Must try not to corrupt the young'uns, mustn't we?"
"Oh yeah. I worked long and hard earning my title 'Lady Corruption'." Bast sputtered, losing half her mouthful. "NOT corrupt them?? How am I supposed to accomplish that? I corrupt everyone. It's my calling! Her Ladyship called me the best corruption influence She's seen in Ages. Literally. That spider---she knows EVERYTHING about corruption!"
"All right, all right." Penn spoke soothingly. "I won't stop you, if you really feel the need to corrupt them." Suddenly a thought came to her, and she glanced around in irritation. "Speaking of 'them', where the hell are they?"
Bast glanced around unconcerned. "I dunno. The should be here. Shall we kill them?" She looked thoughtful. "Of course, we'll have to hunt them down first."
"Sure, whatever," Penn agreed easily. "When they get here, we shall kill them. In the meantime, let's just enjoy our beer, yes?"
Bast suddenly nudged Penn, gesturing with her beer bottle toward the throng of students. "Hey look! There's Mad-lung. Should we tease him, since Aranel isn't around to stop us?"
Penn considered. "Maybe. But I'm sure she'd find out, somehow." She trailed off, thinking. "Not that we'd have to be afraid of Aranel. She's a nice girl."
"They're ALL nice girls, that's the problem. I shoulda joined the Sisterhood of Evil," Bast sighed. She was bored, restless and on her 3rd beer - not a good combination. As Bast was staring at Mablung, debating how best to tease him about his fangirl, she spotted said fangirl trailing him about 50 paces behind. "Oi! Aranel!! Over here!" she called, waving the hand holding the beer and grinning.
Aranel unsuccessfully tried to look nonchalant, but failed miserably. "Hi guys," she waved in what she thought was their general direction. Her eyes seemed glued to the Ranger that was Mablung.
Penn guffawed (the beer was having its customary effect on her). "Hey Aranel! Come on over! Room for one more," she crowed, patting the chair beside her.
Bast glanced disdainfully at Penn. "Lightweight," she muttered, finishing her third beer and opening a fourth.
"No, no, I'm not a lightweight," Penn insisted. "This is my third. You weren't paying attention." She held up a nearly-empty bottle, and used it to point to the other two empties as proof.
"Yeah yeah yeah. I hope Glorfindel doesn't see you hammered, is all," Bast smirked. She just adored teasing the other SNAOL girls about their various lust objects.
"Um, ok." Aranel walked over and took the beer. "I can't drink at all. Alcohol has the worst effect on me." She took a swig anyway. "What are yall up to anyway? And who's here? All I can see is Mablung."
Bast turned toward Aranel. "That's good. Just say no, so there's more for me." Bast sighed. "I'm bored. Let's cause some trouble. Or something."
Aranel grinned and took a sip of beer. "Want me to tackle Mablung? That'll cause a stir."
Penn stood up and leered at the others. "Yeah. Trouble, or... something." She hiccuped. "Let's go!"
"Oh yeah! Tackle Mablung! I always like seeing the mini-balrogs play. Besides, I might get some of their rations. They get better raw meat than the students." Sometimes Bast took the whole "former cat-headed Egyptian goddess" thing too far.
At the mention of the minis, Aranel suddenly decided it wasn't such a good idea. "Ok... I'll do something anyway." With that she stood up, straightend her shirt, grabbed Penn and started towards the unexpecting Ranger.
Penn looked thoughtful (as much as one can look thoughtful while being dragged by the shirt). "Uh... guys? Aren't we supposed to be 'Not-As- Obvious'?"
"Oh, right! I forgot," Bast muttered sheepishly, "and what's worse, he's not even my Lust Object."
"We're drunk, remember," Aranel said with a grin. "Besides I shared Glory residue with you... You should be there to take care of my body after I'm dead."
Bast drew herself up indignantly, exclaiming, "I'm not drunk!" Unfortunately the effect was somewhat spoiled when she stumbled into Penn for no reason. "Nobody shares residue with me..." she muttered sourly, pushing herself off of poor Penn.
"You're not drunk, Aranel," Penn objected as she helped Bast stand on her own. "You only had one sip!"
"But I can say I was drunk... And you two definitely are." When Ara was within a close range of him she let go of Penn and cleared her throat. "Um, excuse me Mablung... um sir. Um... I was just here and uhhhh." She trailed off as he turned and looked at her.
"M no' drunk!" Bast protested again, tossing away her empty and cracking a 5th beer as she turned toward Mablung. She swayed and leered. "Ara likes you!" Then she shamelessly looked the ranger up and down. "Can' see why...."
Aranel shoved her bottle into Bast's free hand. "Drink up darlin', you need to pass out soon."
"How did we get outside?" Penn peered at the sky in confusion.
"I don' pass out. Pass out on Her Ladyship and She wraps you up in sticky goo. Any idea how long sticky goo takes to get out of fur??" Bast took the bottle, however, and began two-fisted drinking.
"I like your fur," Penn mumbled dreamily as she began to pet Bast. Bast started purring as Penn petted her. She glanced around drunkenly, and saw the last person she wanted to see walking their way.
Elrond.
Mablung, meanwhile, took one look at the two girls and raised an eyebrow. He turned to Aranel, who trying not to swoon. "How did they get beer?"
"S'mine, and you can' have any. SNAOL only - " Bast answered the Ranger. Imminent death was forgotten in the face of possible beer-confiscation.
Aranel glanced at Bast and stepped in front of Mablung. "He doesn't want any. Keep your claws away from him."
The catgirl chugged down her 5th beer, opened a 6th and was about to drain that when a hand grasped her wrist in an iron grip. "SNAOL only, eh?" Lord Elrond asked softly.
"Eep!" Aranel suddenly fogot about protecting Mablung and jumped behind him to peer over his shoulder. "Don't let him get me!" Mablung laughed softly and waited to see what the Elf Lord would do.
"Eep." Bast gulped, staring up at Elrond's furious face. She did the only thing she could think of in her drunken state. She offered Elrond her beer.
Aranel, who was clutching Mablung by the shoulders as she watched Lord Elrond and Bast, couldn't resisit giggling as Bast offerd the elf her beer. "Do you really think that will work? Elves have that wine that knocks you on your butt."
"Yep they do," Penn chimed in, managing to appear un-drunk.
Elrond grabbed the beer, glancing at Aranel. "You are quite right. And YOU," he turned his glare on Bast, "you are coming with me to see Miss Cam. And then you will explain to Her Ladyship what you have done."
Bast gasped, but trailed along obediently after Elrond. This meeting of SNAOL had not gone quite as well as she had hoped.
Penn wisely kept silent as Bast was dragged off by the fuming Elf Lord, then began muttering absentmindedly to herself. "Wonder where Glorfindell is right now? I could use a little mini-snuggling." She watched Aranel leading Mablung away and smiled. "Poor Aranel," she sighed. "Doesn't she know we're not ever allowed to have our L.O.'s? I dare not think of what Miss Cam will do to her when she finds out about this."
Penn sighed again as she wandered back inside to get her books. As she picked them up, she surveyed the seemingly empty room, then grinned. "Well, Glorfindell," she announced, "I'm going to take a nap. Are you coming along?"
The only reply was a gleeful hiss. Penn smirked. "Excellent."
Disclaimer: OFUM's not ours. LOTR's not ours. All I own is the fire-ant colony in my pants pocket, and really, who can truly own an ant? So you can see how very exceedingly poor I am, can't you? Don't sue me.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
GreyLadyBast stormed into the empty classroom set aside for SNAOL meetings. "Ok, I'm finally here!" she exclaimed with excessive drama. That is, until she noticed she was talking to empty air. "Where the hell is everyone?? Her Ladyship is not gonna be happy I skipped out on Her for this meeting, and for nothing!!"
"Don't fume, dearest, it makes you look oliphauntish." Penn stepped into the room. "I could hear you down the hall," she added.
"Oliphauntish?!?!? Oliphaunts don't have fur!" GreyLadyBast exclaimed. "Oh, by the way, hi Penn."
Penn sighed, stretching lazily. "Hello, LadyBast. What a crappy day I've been enduring. I just heard Thalia won't be with us for a while, she's had quite a run-in with Morgoth. She'll be in the Houses of Healing for at least a month. I wonder what she did to upset him. Probably nothing. you know how those Dark Lords are sometimes. In any case..." Penn yawned again. "I suppose that means you'll be acting as Secretary in the interim, eh?"
Bast shuddered, her fur rippling. "Morgoth? Poor kid. Still, she'll be ok. Sauron will pester Elrond until he heals her, just to piss of Morgoth."
"Indeed," Penn nodded.
Bast sat upright. "Acting secretary? You mean I gotta work now? Dammit, if I wanted to actually work I wouldn't be Alt. Off." She tried to suppress the snicker but couldn't quite manage it. Penn snickered too, quite audibly, and to Bast's delight. "At last! Somebody who finds that funny. Most of the other SNAOL kids don't get it. Too innocent, I suppose," she sighed, taking a long swig of her smuggled-in beer. Bast was forever in trouble for smuggling real-world items into OFUM. It was how her apprenticeship with Shelob began: as punishment. "Want a beer?"
Penn rolled her eyes. "They *are* a bit dewy, aren't they?" she scoffed, accepting the proffered beverage. "Thanks." She took a long sip. "Ah, well. They're good kids. But we must try and remember that they're only kids, Bast. You and I... we're Gutter Royalty. Must try not to corrupt the young'uns, mustn't we?"
"Oh yeah. I worked long and hard earning my title 'Lady Corruption'." Bast sputtered, losing half her mouthful. "NOT corrupt them?? How am I supposed to accomplish that? I corrupt everyone. It's my calling! Her Ladyship called me the best corruption influence She's seen in Ages. Literally. That spider---she knows EVERYTHING about corruption!"
"All right, all right." Penn spoke soothingly. "I won't stop you, if you really feel the need to corrupt them." Suddenly a thought came to her, and she glanced around in irritation. "Speaking of 'them', where the hell are they?"
Bast glanced around unconcerned. "I dunno. The should be here. Shall we kill them?" She looked thoughtful. "Of course, we'll have to hunt them down first."
"Sure, whatever," Penn agreed easily. "When they get here, we shall kill them. In the meantime, let's just enjoy our beer, yes?"
Bast suddenly nudged Penn, gesturing with her beer bottle toward the throng of students. "Hey look! There's Mad-lung. Should we tease him, since Aranel isn't around to stop us?"
Penn considered. "Maybe. But I'm sure she'd find out, somehow." She trailed off, thinking. "Not that we'd have to be afraid of Aranel. She's a nice girl."
"They're ALL nice girls, that's the problem. I shoulda joined the Sisterhood of Evil," Bast sighed. She was bored, restless and on her 3rd beer - not a good combination. As Bast was staring at Mablung, debating how best to tease him about his fangirl, she spotted said fangirl trailing him about 50 paces behind. "Oi! Aranel!! Over here!" she called, waving the hand holding the beer and grinning.
Aranel unsuccessfully tried to look nonchalant, but failed miserably. "Hi guys," she waved in what she thought was their general direction. Her eyes seemed glued to the Ranger that was Mablung.
Penn guffawed (the beer was having its customary effect on her). "Hey Aranel! Come on over! Room for one more," she crowed, patting the chair beside her.
Bast glanced disdainfully at Penn. "Lightweight," she muttered, finishing her third beer and opening a fourth.
"No, no, I'm not a lightweight," Penn insisted. "This is my third. You weren't paying attention." She held up a nearly-empty bottle, and used it to point to the other two empties as proof.
"Yeah yeah yeah. I hope Glorfindel doesn't see you hammered, is all," Bast smirked. She just adored teasing the other SNAOL girls about their various lust objects.
"Um, ok." Aranel walked over and took the beer. "I can't drink at all. Alcohol has the worst effect on me." She took a swig anyway. "What are yall up to anyway? And who's here? All I can see is Mablung."
Bast turned toward Aranel. "That's good. Just say no, so there's more for me." Bast sighed. "I'm bored. Let's cause some trouble. Or something."
Aranel grinned and took a sip of beer. "Want me to tackle Mablung? That'll cause a stir."
Penn stood up and leered at the others. "Yeah. Trouble, or... something." She hiccuped. "Let's go!"
"Oh yeah! Tackle Mablung! I always like seeing the mini-balrogs play. Besides, I might get some of their rations. They get better raw meat than the students." Sometimes Bast took the whole "former cat-headed Egyptian goddess" thing too far.
At the mention of the minis, Aranel suddenly decided it wasn't such a good idea. "Ok... I'll do something anyway." With that she stood up, straightend her shirt, grabbed Penn and started towards the unexpecting Ranger.
Penn looked thoughtful (as much as one can look thoughtful while being dragged by the shirt). "Uh... guys? Aren't we supposed to be 'Not-As- Obvious'?"
"Oh, right! I forgot," Bast muttered sheepishly, "and what's worse, he's not even my Lust Object."
"We're drunk, remember," Aranel said with a grin. "Besides I shared Glory residue with you... You should be there to take care of my body after I'm dead."
Bast drew herself up indignantly, exclaiming, "I'm not drunk!" Unfortunately the effect was somewhat spoiled when she stumbled into Penn for no reason. "Nobody shares residue with me..." she muttered sourly, pushing herself off of poor Penn.
"You're not drunk, Aranel," Penn objected as she helped Bast stand on her own. "You only had one sip!"
"But I can say I was drunk... And you two definitely are." When Ara was within a close range of him she let go of Penn and cleared her throat. "Um, excuse me Mablung... um sir. Um... I was just here and uhhhh." She trailed off as he turned and looked at her.
"M no' drunk!" Bast protested again, tossing away her empty and cracking a 5th beer as she turned toward Mablung. She swayed and leered. "Ara likes you!" Then she shamelessly looked the ranger up and down. "Can' see why...."
Aranel shoved her bottle into Bast's free hand. "Drink up darlin', you need to pass out soon."
"How did we get outside?" Penn peered at the sky in confusion.
"I don' pass out. Pass out on Her Ladyship and She wraps you up in sticky goo. Any idea how long sticky goo takes to get out of fur??" Bast took the bottle, however, and began two-fisted drinking.
"I like your fur," Penn mumbled dreamily as she began to pet Bast. Bast started purring as Penn petted her. She glanced around drunkenly, and saw the last person she wanted to see walking their way.
Elrond.
Mablung, meanwhile, took one look at the two girls and raised an eyebrow. He turned to Aranel, who trying not to swoon. "How did they get beer?"
"S'mine, and you can' have any. SNAOL only - " Bast answered the Ranger. Imminent death was forgotten in the face of possible beer-confiscation.
Aranel glanced at Bast and stepped in front of Mablung. "He doesn't want any. Keep your claws away from him."
The catgirl chugged down her 5th beer, opened a 6th and was about to drain that when a hand grasped her wrist in an iron grip. "SNAOL only, eh?" Lord Elrond asked softly.
"Eep!" Aranel suddenly fogot about protecting Mablung and jumped behind him to peer over his shoulder. "Don't let him get me!" Mablung laughed softly and waited to see what the Elf Lord would do.
"Eep." Bast gulped, staring up at Elrond's furious face. She did the only thing she could think of in her drunken state. She offered Elrond her beer.
Aranel, who was clutching Mablung by the shoulders as she watched Lord Elrond and Bast, couldn't resisit giggling as Bast offerd the elf her beer. "Do you really think that will work? Elves have that wine that knocks you on your butt."
"Yep they do," Penn chimed in, managing to appear un-drunk.
Elrond grabbed the beer, glancing at Aranel. "You are quite right. And YOU," he turned his glare on Bast, "you are coming with me to see Miss Cam. And then you will explain to Her Ladyship what you have done."
Bast gasped, but trailed along obediently after Elrond. This meeting of SNAOL had not gone quite as well as she had hoped.
Penn wisely kept silent as Bast was dragged off by the fuming Elf Lord, then began muttering absentmindedly to herself. "Wonder where Glorfindell is right now? I could use a little mini-snuggling." She watched Aranel leading Mablung away and smiled. "Poor Aranel," she sighed. "Doesn't she know we're not ever allowed to have our L.O.'s? I dare not think of what Miss Cam will do to her when she finds out about this."
Penn sighed again as she wandered back inside to get her books. As she picked them up, she surveyed the seemingly empty room, then grinned. "Well, Glorfindell," she announced, "I'm going to take a nap. Are you coming along?"
The only reply was a gleeful hiss. Penn smirked. "Excellent."