1 Star's Gaze
Chapter 4: The Boy Who Wandered Off Into the Deep Darkness
Kattie
Disclaimer: There are three things in life I know as facts:
If something tastes bad, add either sugar or salt.
Long hair is sexy. (Also a Japanese proverb. In my proverb book ^^*)
I don't own Gundam Wing.
sobs There is your wisdom for the day! Be wise! Be wise!
Note: I was very pleased that the last chapter wasn't too boring! Thank you for being patient through that chapter. It was semi-boring but very much needed. I'm glad you enjoyed it still ^__^ Also, I'd like to apologize for hurting Quatre-chan. But, think about it, what other reason would I have for him knowing in advance that he wouldn't be able to escape? He had to get out of the house, but not escape completely. phew And he had to know in advance. So, I had to hurt him. Sorry! You know I love my Q-chan! glomps
Dedication: glomps all the nice people who reviewed Kattie's note on illness Thank you very much!!! huggles Everyone was so nice to me I couldn't feel any better! Thanks for the soup and get well wishes! I'll try to make this chapter extra good because it's for you!
At the Winner Estate
In Mr. Winner's office there was a great battle being fought. Neither army, which each consisted of one lone soldier, used a firearm or even a sword as a weapon. There was no word uttered for a verbalized battle. No, this was a battle fought in the silence, through looks passed between the two men and body language.
From a look of questioning to a death glare, the silent war waged on until it finally reached its' peak and words were spoken.
"Why did you try to leave?" Mr. Winner asked, looking Quatre directly in the eyes with a deep glare.
"Did you really expect me to just sit here and let other people fight this war in my place?" Quatre questioned in response. "People are dying out there because you won't let me take my place in this war. They're fighting and dying in my place."
Mr. Winner fell silent at the last words' end. "I don't want you to die, Quatre."
Quatre sighed and looked away. "I can't say I feel the same."
"Don't say that!" Mr. Winner snapped.
"At least if I was dead, I would be free. Free of this torture of ignorance. I don't know if my best friends are alive or dead. They could be hurt and dying and I couldn't help them. Duo's sick. He's trying to hide it, but even in his voice I could tell. Are you going to keep me here and let Duo get more and more sick?" Quatre asked, in a calm but trembling voice.
"Stop worrying about other people!" Mr. Winner replied. He took Quatre's hand. "If they have any heart at all they should find happiness in your joy."
Pulling his hand back, Quatre looked into Mr. Winner's eyes, as his own filled with tears. "Their happiness brings me happiness."
"Why can't you just forget about those soldiers and live here?" Mr. Winner asked, hurt by his son's words.
"I could never forget them," Quatre answered, "They're my friends… more like brothers. I love them. I would be ecstatic if I was given the honor of dying for any one of them. Instead, they're probably going to end up dying for me."
"I can't let you die for anyone, Quatre," Mr. Winner explained, "If you died, so many people would mourn your death. Your sisters, the Maguanacs… If one of your friends died, only you would mourn. I think, if they loved you, they'd understand what I'm doing."
Quatre looked at his father with a look of mixed shock, confusion, and supreme anger. "How could you say something so heartless? There might not be a large amount of people grieving, but we'd feel the grief for a thousand people. You can only say that because the only way you know to love is through control.
"That's not true, Quatre!" Mr. Winner objected.
Ignoring him, Quatre continued. "You didn't care about me at all until I left to live my own life. As soon as that happened, you came back, to steal my existence away again. So that I'd do exactly what you had planned. But it didn't work, because I'm not your pawn anymore. I have a mind of my own, and a heart to love whomever I want, whether you approve or not."
With those last words, Quatre stood up and began walking out of the room, limping with his broken ankle, but putting some weight on it anyway, despite the pain.
"You hurt your ankle." Mr. Winner observed.
Turning to look at his father, Quatre made eye contact one last time. "Is that the only pain you notice?" He turned back and limped out of the room, saying no form of goodbye to his concerned father.
With his son gone, Mr. Winner sat back in his chair and thought about the words Quatre had spoken. He wondered if what Quatre had said was true. Did he love through control?
No. He loved Quatre and he had let him do whatever he wanted before. But he cared enough now to know that his son was too compassionate to decide his own fate. He would let himself die for a useless cause because he felt it was right. Quatre was still a child.
Every child needs parental guidance.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Somewhere far away
Duo took another ibuprofen and leaned back in his chair. The shuttle had had a bumpy lift off, causing his headache to get worse with all the shaking. He was feeling worse and it seemed like the shuttle would never reach its' destination. It was impossible to hide all of the illness from the others, but so far, the other pilots hadn't noticed.
Sitting next to him, Hiiro seemed oblivious to any signs Duo was showing of being ill. He typed away on his laptop, not even looking in Duo's general direction.
Sighing, Duo put another pill in his mouth.
"Don't take another one, it's not healthy." Hiiro said, not taking his eyes from the computer's screen.
"What are you talking about?" Duo asked, trying to sound as natural as he could with a painkiller in his mouth.
Closing his laptop, Hiiro looked over at his brown-haired comrade. "The pill. Spit it out."
"I don't know what you think you saw, but there wasn't any pill." Duo replied, sliding the pill beneath his tongue.
"We're not blind, Maxwell. You've been sick since a few days after Quatre left. You're trying to hide the fact, and it's stupid. If you take another pill it's going to make your headache worse so spit out the pill or I'll pull it out for you." Hiiro snapped.
Duo spat the pill into a napkin and looked Hiiro in the eyes. "It's just a cold."
Hiiro opened his laptop and began typing again. It seemed like he hadn't heard Duo. For a few moments there was silence as Duo watched his companion, waiting for a reply. After waiting for a few minutes, he closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the chair again.
"We would have left you to rest, but we need you," Hiiro said, "Don't let yourself get too sick."
Duo pretended to be asleep, and said nothing. He was angry that they hadn't told him that they knew of his illness, but all the same he was glad that they had let him come to get Quatre. It would have been horrible to be left behind on such an important mission.
Soon Duo fell asleep and all thoughts on the matter were washed away by dreams.
With a click, Hiiro closed his laptop again, and stood up from his seat. A few minutes later he returned with a blanket. After sitting down again, he placed it over Duo, making sure it was covering him entirely.
He watched Duo for a few moments, making sure that he was all right, and then returned to his laptop.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
In the Winner Manor
All of the lights in Quatre's room were turned off. Nothing in the room could be seen, but that didn't matter. Thinking didn't require any light.
Quatre sat alone in the darkness trying to understand what his father had said. So many of his words had been heartless and ignorant that Quatre couldn't comprehend what he really meant. He couldn't possibly have decided that Quatre's life was more important than the other pilots, just because Quatre knew more people.
Could he?
The doubt was growing in Quatre's mind and he could figure out why his father was acting so cruelly. Was he really selfish, as Quatre had called him? Even when Quatre was a child and his father ignored him to complete his work, Quatre had never thought of him as selfish. But now, as he placed his own son's life above 4 others, just because Quatre was his son, he wasn't so sure that Mr. Winner wasn't the most selfish man he'd ever met.
"He's doing this because he loves you." A voice said from the door.
Turning, Quatre looked towards the voice before realizing that it was a pointless movement, considering the dark. Slowly, he made his way towards a lamp and turned it on. His sister, Iria, was standing in the doorway.
"Hello, Quatre." She grinned.
Smiling back at his sister, Quatre pulled Iria into an embrace. "Hello, Iria. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," Iria replied, "I came to talk to you about father."
Quatre's expression quickly folded into a frown. "I'm sorry, Iria, but I don't really think there's anything to talk about."
"Quatre," Iria hugged him again, "You know he's just doing this because he loves you, don't you?"
Pausing for a moment, Quatre sat down in a chair. "…Yes. I know he loves me. I just don't understand why he's being so irrational. If he loves me, then why does he keep me as a prisoner in my own house?"
"He's worried about you, Quatre," Iria explained, "When you were in the hospital I thought he might actually have an emotional breakdown. He loves you so much he doesn't know what to do. When the possibility of you dying actually came, he realized he couldn't bear to lose you. He's trying to protect you."
"By taking my life away?" Quatre asked.
"You stayed here for years without leaving and never complained before. He probably thinks that you'll adjust to this and live like you did before." Iria sat down next to him and watched him think about this.
"I can't stay here, Iria. Even if it is safer for me to be here, I can't leave my friends to do the fighting for me. I don't know what to do." Tears slid down Quatre's face as his frustration was finally let out. "I'm scared, Iria. If they die I'll never forgive myself. I don't know what to do."
Pulling Quatre closer to her, Iria wrapped her arms around her little brother for the third time. He buried his face in her shoulder and began sobbing as she stroked his hair and kissed his head.
"Don't cry, Quatre. It will be alright." Iria said softly.
"H-he won't listen to me!" Quatre sobbed. "I t-tried to tell him b- but he just kept saying that h-he was going to keep me here! I need to go back…"
"Shh," Iria hushed him, "Don't worry. I'll go talk to him. Maybe he'll understand if I tell him."
"Th-thank you, Iria." Quatre held her tightly for a few moments, drenching the shoulder of her shirt with his tears. "I'm sorry to bother you."
"Don't be silly," she grinned down at him, "You know I love you too, right?"
Quatre smiled back at her and laughed through his tears. "I love you too, Iria."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Somewhere, not so far away anymore
"Now reaching Level Four Colony Cluster. If this is your stop please remember to take all luggage from the overhead compartments and return your seats to their upright positions. I hope you had a good flight and thank you for choosing Eagle Shuttle Service." The flight attendant said cheerfully over the speakers.
"Duo, wake up." Hiiro said, tapping his sleeping friend on the shoulder.
"Hn?" Duo groaned, yawning as he blinked his eyes a few times to adjust them to the light. "Are we there?"
"Yeah." Hiiro replied. "I'll get your bag."
"Thanks." Slowly, Duo got to his feet and stretched.
"Are you feeling better?" Hiiro asked.
"Yeah," Duo lied with a grin, "I guess I just needed a little sleep to get over that cold."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
End of Chapter
End Notes: Sorry, still pretty short, but no shorter than the last phew. I hope you liked this chapter ^__^ Thanks to everyone who waited for it! huggles Next one should be up soon! Sorry for the delay!
Remember- Reviews=Inspiration=More chapters at a speedier rate!
If you would like to be added to a list of people e-mailed when each new chapter is put online please e-mail me at Kattie41@aol.com or IM me on AIM at Kattie41. If you have reviewed with an e-mail address left you are already on this list ^.^. If you would like off please e-mail me too! Sorry for the inconvenience! huggles Ja!
Chapter 4: The Boy Who Wandered Off Into the Deep Darkness
Kattie
Disclaimer: There are three things in life I know as facts:
If something tastes bad, add either sugar or salt.
Long hair is sexy. (Also a Japanese proverb. In my proverb book ^^*)
I don't own Gundam Wing.
sobs There is your wisdom for the day! Be wise! Be wise!
Note: I was very pleased that the last chapter wasn't too boring! Thank you for being patient through that chapter. It was semi-boring but very much needed. I'm glad you enjoyed it still ^__^ Also, I'd like to apologize for hurting Quatre-chan. But, think about it, what other reason would I have for him knowing in advance that he wouldn't be able to escape? He had to get out of the house, but not escape completely. phew And he had to know in advance. So, I had to hurt him. Sorry! You know I love my Q-chan! glomps
Dedication: glomps all the nice people who reviewed Kattie's note on illness Thank you very much!!! huggles Everyone was so nice to me I couldn't feel any better! Thanks for the soup and get well wishes! I'll try to make this chapter extra good because it's for you!
At the Winner Estate
In Mr. Winner's office there was a great battle being fought. Neither army, which each consisted of one lone soldier, used a firearm or even a sword as a weapon. There was no word uttered for a verbalized battle. No, this was a battle fought in the silence, through looks passed between the two men and body language.
From a look of questioning to a death glare, the silent war waged on until it finally reached its' peak and words were spoken.
"Why did you try to leave?" Mr. Winner asked, looking Quatre directly in the eyes with a deep glare.
"Did you really expect me to just sit here and let other people fight this war in my place?" Quatre questioned in response. "People are dying out there because you won't let me take my place in this war. They're fighting and dying in my place."
Mr. Winner fell silent at the last words' end. "I don't want you to die, Quatre."
Quatre sighed and looked away. "I can't say I feel the same."
"Don't say that!" Mr. Winner snapped.
"At least if I was dead, I would be free. Free of this torture of ignorance. I don't know if my best friends are alive or dead. They could be hurt and dying and I couldn't help them. Duo's sick. He's trying to hide it, but even in his voice I could tell. Are you going to keep me here and let Duo get more and more sick?" Quatre asked, in a calm but trembling voice.
"Stop worrying about other people!" Mr. Winner replied. He took Quatre's hand. "If they have any heart at all they should find happiness in your joy."
Pulling his hand back, Quatre looked into Mr. Winner's eyes, as his own filled with tears. "Their happiness brings me happiness."
"Why can't you just forget about those soldiers and live here?" Mr. Winner asked, hurt by his son's words.
"I could never forget them," Quatre answered, "They're my friends… more like brothers. I love them. I would be ecstatic if I was given the honor of dying for any one of them. Instead, they're probably going to end up dying for me."
"I can't let you die for anyone, Quatre," Mr. Winner explained, "If you died, so many people would mourn your death. Your sisters, the Maguanacs… If one of your friends died, only you would mourn. I think, if they loved you, they'd understand what I'm doing."
Quatre looked at his father with a look of mixed shock, confusion, and supreme anger. "How could you say something so heartless? There might not be a large amount of people grieving, but we'd feel the grief for a thousand people. You can only say that because the only way you know to love is through control.
"That's not true, Quatre!" Mr. Winner objected.
Ignoring him, Quatre continued. "You didn't care about me at all until I left to live my own life. As soon as that happened, you came back, to steal my existence away again. So that I'd do exactly what you had planned. But it didn't work, because I'm not your pawn anymore. I have a mind of my own, and a heart to love whomever I want, whether you approve or not."
With those last words, Quatre stood up and began walking out of the room, limping with his broken ankle, but putting some weight on it anyway, despite the pain.
"You hurt your ankle." Mr. Winner observed.
Turning to look at his father, Quatre made eye contact one last time. "Is that the only pain you notice?" He turned back and limped out of the room, saying no form of goodbye to his concerned father.
With his son gone, Mr. Winner sat back in his chair and thought about the words Quatre had spoken. He wondered if what Quatre had said was true. Did he love through control?
No. He loved Quatre and he had let him do whatever he wanted before. But he cared enough now to know that his son was too compassionate to decide his own fate. He would let himself die for a useless cause because he felt it was right. Quatre was still a child.
Every child needs parental guidance.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Somewhere far away
Duo took another ibuprofen and leaned back in his chair. The shuttle had had a bumpy lift off, causing his headache to get worse with all the shaking. He was feeling worse and it seemed like the shuttle would never reach its' destination. It was impossible to hide all of the illness from the others, but so far, the other pilots hadn't noticed.
Sitting next to him, Hiiro seemed oblivious to any signs Duo was showing of being ill. He typed away on his laptop, not even looking in Duo's general direction.
Sighing, Duo put another pill in his mouth.
"Don't take another one, it's not healthy." Hiiro said, not taking his eyes from the computer's screen.
"What are you talking about?" Duo asked, trying to sound as natural as he could with a painkiller in his mouth.
Closing his laptop, Hiiro looked over at his brown-haired comrade. "The pill. Spit it out."
"I don't know what you think you saw, but there wasn't any pill." Duo replied, sliding the pill beneath his tongue.
"We're not blind, Maxwell. You've been sick since a few days after Quatre left. You're trying to hide the fact, and it's stupid. If you take another pill it's going to make your headache worse so spit out the pill or I'll pull it out for you." Hiiro snapped.
Duo spat the pill into a napkin and looked Hiiro in the eyes. "It's just a cold."
Hiiro opened his laptop and began typing again. It seemed like he hadn't heard Duo. For a few moments there was silence as Duo watched his companion, waiting for a reply. After waiting for a few minutes, he closed his eyes and leaned against the back of the chair again.
"We would have left you to rest, but we need you," Hiiro said, "Don't let yourself get too sick."
Duo pretended to be asleep, and said nothing. He was angry that they hadn't told him that they knew of his illness, but all the same he was glad that they had let him come to get Quatre. It would have been horrible to be left behind on such an important mission.
Soon Duo fell asleep and all thoughts on the matter were washed away by dreams.
With a click, Hiiro closed his laptop again, and stood up from his seat. A few minutes later he returned with a blanket. After sitting down again, he placed it over Duo, making sure it was covering him entirely.
He watched Duo for a few moments, making sure that he was all right, and then returned to his laptop.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
In the Winner Manor
All of the lights in Quatre's room were turned off. Nothing in the room could be seen, but that didn't matter. Thinking didn't require any light.
Quatre sat alone in the darkness trying to understand what his father had said. So many of his words had been heartless and ignorant that Quatre couldn't comprehend what he really meant. He couldn't possibly have decided that Quatre's life was more important than the other pilots, just because Quatre knew more people.
Could he?
The doubt was growing in Quatre's mind and he could figure out why his father was acting so cruelly. Was he really selfish, as Quatre had called him? Even when Quatre was a child and his father ignored him to complete his work, Quatre had never thought of him as selfish. But now, as he placed his own son's life above 4 others, just because Quatre was his son, he wasn't so sure that Mr. Winner wasn't the most selfish man he'd ever met.
"He's doing this because he loves you." A voice said from the door.
Turning, Quatre looked towards the voice before realizing that it was a pointless movement, considering the dark. Slowly, he made his way towards a lamp and turned it on. His sister, Iria, was standing in the doorway.
"Hello, Quatre." She grinned.
Smiling back at his sister, Quatre pulled Iria into an embrace. "Hello, Iria. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," Iria replied, "I came to talk to you about father."
Quatre's expression quickly folded into a frown. "I'm sorry, Iria, but I don't really think there's anything to talk about."
"Quatre," Iria hugged him again, "You know he's just doing this because he loves you, don't you?"
Pausing for a moment, Quatre sat down in a chair. "…Yes. I know he loves me. I just don't understand why he's being so irrational. If he loves me, then why does he keep me as a prisoner in my own house?"
"He's worried about you, Quatre," Iria explained, "When you were in the hospital I thought he might actually have an emotional breakdown. He loves you so much he doesn't know what to do. When the possibility of you dying actually came, he realized he couldn't bear to lose you. He's trying to protect you."
"By taking my life away?" Quatre asked.
"You stayed here for years without leaving and never complained before. He probably thinks that you'll adjust to this and live like you did before." Iria sat down next to him and watched him think about this.
"I can't stay here, Iria. Even if it is safer for me to be here, I can't leave my friends to do the fighting for me. I don't know what to do." Tears slid down Quatre's face as his frustration was finally let out. "I'm scared, Iria. If they die I'll never forgive myself. I don't know what to do."
Pulling Quatre closer to her, Iria wrapped her arms around her little brother for the third time. He buried his face in her shoulder and began sobbing as she stroked his hair and kissed his head.
"Don't cry, Quatre. It will be alright." Iria said softly.
"H-he won't listen to me!" Quatre sobbed. "I t-tried to tell him b- but he just kept saying that h-he was going to keep me here! I need to go back…"
"Shh," Iria hushed him, "Don't worry. I'll go talk to him. Maybe he'll understand if I tell him."
"Th-thank you, Iria." Quatre held her tightly for a few moments, drenching the shoulder of her shirt with his tears. "I'm sorry to bother you."
"Don't be silly," she grinned down at him, "You know I love you too, right?"
Quatre smiled back at her and laughed through his tears. "I love you too, Iria."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Somewhere, not so far away anymore
"Now reaching Level Four Colony Cluster. If this is your stop please remember to take all luggage from the overhead compartments and return your seats to their upright positions. I hope you had a good flight and thank you for choosing Eagle Shuttle Service." The flight attendant said cheerfully over the speakers.
"Duo, wake up." Hiiro said, tapping his sleeping friend on the shoulder.
"Hn?" Duo groaned, yawning as he blinked his eyes a few times to adjust them to the light. "Are we there?"
"Yeah." Hiiro replied. "I'll get your bag."
"Thanks." Slowly, Duo got to his feet and stretched.
"Are you feeling better?" Hiiro asked.
"Yeah," Duo lied with a grin, "I guess I just needed a little sleep to get over that cold."
* * * * * * * * * * * *
End of Chapter
End Notes: Sorry, still pretty short, but no shorter than the last phew. I hope you liked this chapter ^__^ Thanks to everyone who waited for it! huggles Next one should be up soon! Sorry for the delay!
Remember- Reviews=Inspiration=More chapters at a speedier rate!
If you would like to be added to a list of people e-mailed when each new chapter is put online please e-mail me at Kattie41@aol.com or IM me on AIM at Kattie41. If you have reviewed with an e-mail address left you are already on this list ^.^. If you would like off please e-mail me too! Sorry for the inconvenience! huggles Ja!