13. Shatter

Jack tipped up her chin and stared at Riddick a moment longer, pointedly wiping any and all expression from her face. She knew he wouldn't be able to read her eyes, but she was glad for the goggles all the same.

When Riddick didn't seem likely to say anything more she nodded curtly and turned on her heel. Jack made herself walk calmly until she could safely step between the relative safety of two rusted shacks. Out of sight, Jack pressed her back against one rough wall and slid down to the ground. She clasped her hands together and rested her elbows on her knees.

She didn't cry. She hadn't cried since that night back on Hell's own planet. Nothing had been as scary, lonely, or terrifying as that night since then. She couldn't think of any reason to cry. So her heart broke quietly, shattering inside her chest. Jack felt like shards of her still beating heart had slammed into her ribs to embed themselves there.

Throbbing, throbbing, throbbing...

Her chin dropped to her chest in defeat. She stared at the toes of her boots, ran a hand over her head, let it drop down into the dirt. A tiny dust cloud rose and swirled around her weathered fingers, settled in a fresh cut, stinging slightly.

"Pain," she muttered under her breath. Her heart thudded dully, sounding bored and defeated in her ears. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the shiv she'd been making. It was from a scrap of metal she'd picked up. One edge was flat, dull. The other was a glittering line of sharpened steel, sharp and potentially deadly.

An empty sort of desperation choked off her air supply for a moment.

They're leavin' me, she thought, finally forcing her lungs and throat to work together, sucking in a harsh breath. Leavin' me, leavin' me, leavin' me. Just like everyone. First my folks, then Gin, then Riddick, then Ven and Brand. And it's happening all over again. Gin and Riddick are leaving me again.

Ven and Brand had started to become more than friends to her. Especially Brand. She'd even started to grow her hair out a little bit. He'd paid attention to her. Treated her like a girl and not like she was one of the guys. Not that she wanted most people to know she was a girl, but now everyone she knew on Dres knew she was a girl. She'd gotten rid of most her baggier boy clothes, opting to dress as much like Ven as she could afford.

When Brand had pulled her aside about six months ago and told her that him and Ven were leaving she'd felt her insides freeze. Her brain had halted on his exact words, skipping over them again and again like an old record. "We're leavin' tomorrow mornin', Jack," he'd said, his voice a quiet growl. "Ven says..." he'd gone quiet, approaching that subject him and Ven never broached with anyone but themselves, when no one else could hear them. She'd waited expectantly, but he'd stared at his boots, fingering the grip of his knife.

When he'd looked up at her again the little boy that had momentarily been in his eyes had been shoved down again, replaced by the man that Jack suspected Brand had been for a long time. A man that was leaving her just like the two that had come before him; her father and Riddick. "Ven and I have to go back to doin' what we were doin' before you came. We always come back here eventually, but right now we have to go home and-" he paused again. "And do some other stuff."

Brand stared at her then, his fingers still toying with the knife handle at his hip. Jack wondered if he wanted her to say something, but she'd long run out of things to say to the people leaving her behind. She'd stuffed her hands in the pockets of her battered jeans and rocked back on her heals, gazing at him through hooded eyes, her chin tipped back. It was a defensive pose she took that worked to make it look like she was staring down at the other person, even if they were taller than her. Brand was quite a bit taller than her.

"Aren't you going to say something?" he'd asked finally, his brows coming together over his glittering gold eyes.

Jack just shook her head and curled her fingers into fists in her pockets. "Like what? Tell me what to say. Tell me what it is that will make you not go, or will make you and Ven come back faster."

He was silent and his gold eyes had gone dark. She'd watched him cover those golden eyes with his shades and had experienced a sudden feeling of loss just like when she'd watched Riddick cover his shined eyes.

"Ya see, Brand, there's never anything to say. Not even goodbye. It just sounds hollow. An empty word. There's no good byes."

Silence extended between them and Jack waited for it to go from tense to uncomfortable. The hole that swirled inside of her that seemed to thrive on her own private pain consumed another piece of herself. Black hole, O'mine, she though, staring at her own reflection in Brand's sunglasses. Gravity well in my chest. Just suck up my heart and squash it good.

The silence didn't change from tense to uncomfortable, but Jack had felt her composure slipping. "Leaving. Right. Night, Brand." She'd turned away from him then, heading off into the night. She barely heard his light tread as he stepped into the lane behind her, but she could feel those strange gold eyes burning holes into her back. Jack hadn't slowed down and turned, though. She just kept walking until she reached the edge of the settlement, then she went a little farther into the desert, feeling a dry wind against her cheek, flinging sand into her hair and against her skin.

Jack hadn't returned to the small house-like structure she shared with Ven and Brand that night. Instead, she'd watched the sun rise over the eastern horizon to spill light across the packed desert, her goggles pulled over her eyes to protect them from the glare of sun and the bite of the sand kicked up by the breeze. When she'd finally headed back, Ven and Brand were packing the last of their supplies.

"A commercial ship is stopping here in a coupla hours," Ven had said to Jack as she sat in a canvas chair by the wall, watching them.

Jack made no sign that she'd heard Ven other than a simple incline of her chin. Her gaze was locked on Brand's back, but he didn't say anything.

Time seemed to speed up then, leaving Jack feeling like her doom was nearing. Doom? she thought to herself. This is my doom? Not to die on that planet with the others. Not to die chasing Riddick across one solar system into the next. No, my doom is much worse. My doom is to go through life alone, always left behind by the people I want to care about but that don't want to care about me.

"C'mon, Brand," Ven said, breaking Jack out the reverie that haunted her. "It's time to get to the landing pad." She'd stood in the door, two bags thrown over her shoulders, her only visible weapon the blade strapped to her thigh.

Brand and Jack were facing each other, Jack still in her seat, Brand leaning back against the rough wooden table in the center of the room, his arms folded across his broad chest.

"I'll meet you there," Ven had murmured finally before disappearing.

The teenagers stared at each other, gold eyes locked with green.

"Are you going to walk me to the landing pad?" Brand had asked finally.

She'd cocked her head to the side and quirked a dark brow.

"No. I didn't think so," he'd said in reply to her silent answer, his voice a throaty whisper that made him sound much older than he was.

Brand had crossed to her and reached out with his right hand, holding it to her palm up, fingers slightly curled in invitation.

Jack regarded the proffered hand for a long still moment before slipping her own into it. Brand's fingers had curled around it and she'd been able to feel the rough calluses rub against her own work roughened palms.

A small gasp escaped her when Brand had yanked her roughly to her feet so she fell against his chest, her hand still trapped within his and caught between their bodies. She'd contemplated punching him in the face at that moment, but the gleam in his glimmering eyes had stilled her already fisting hand and she'd been surprised to find herself reaching up to push a long strand of dark hair behind his ear.

"Tell me you'll miss me, Jack," he'd said then, and she'd been surprised to hear a desperate sort of pain in his voice. "Tell me you'll miss me like I'll miss you."

The lump in her throat returned even as she thought about it. Jack's eyes drifted closed in memory as she remembered nodding, swallowing the fear and loss threatening to suffocate her, and then the feel of Brand's lips on her own as he'd kissed her.

She'd never been kissed before, but it had been everything she'd hoped and wanted plus more. He'd slid his free hand into her hair as he kissed her long and hard and she'd squeezed his hand, the fingers of her other hand stroking his jaw.

"I'll miss you," Jack had whispered in return, feeling like she could almost cry, maybe just a little.

"I'll be back," Brand said. He'd kissed her again, one last time, then he'd stepped back from her, dropping her hand and picking up his duffle bag. His gaze held onto hers a moment longer, and then he'd been gone.

Jack hadn't followed him. She'd sat back in the canvas chair and listened for the commercial freighter that Ven and Brand were leaving on. When she heard it leave, she'd closed her eyes and let her head fall back against the chair, the black hole in her chest sucking her soul into its depths.

The day after Ven and Brand left Jack shaved her head again. Not to be like Riddick, though. She shaved it because there was no one to grow it out for anymore.

A stiff wind rose and threw sand over her boots and against her legs. Jack raised her head and stared up at the darkened sky.

Tomorrow was going to be another lonely day.