::It's Not What You Think::
Himura Kawaii
Chapter Five
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^
Kenshin sat on the patio silently. He watched the fireflies dance as he waited for Kaoru to arrive. He sighed as he remembered the day he left for Kyoto and Kaoru was crying, begging him not to leave her.
But he did. He left her without even looking back, afraid that if he did, he might not be able to go at all. He had hurt her so much when he walked away. He'd made her cry, not just that time, but also a lot of other times. He made her sick and weak with worry.
I gave my all into protecting her. But why does it seem now that I was actually the one who's hurting her the most?
Kaoru had been so nice to him. She'd given him a home without even wanting to know where he came from. She's given him the family he's always longed for, without asking for anything in return. She'd given him hope, she restored his faith, and above all, she freely given him love.
He knew that Kaoru had been waiting for him. But he just couldn't bring himself to confess his love for her. It's not that he didn't love her. far from it! He loved her like he had never loved anyone before. He loved Tomoe with all the love a fifteen-year-old boy could give, but now that he's double that age, he had changed a lot, and he could offer so much, so much more that it actually scares him. It freaks him out that he'd be willing to kill for her sake, to revert back to the killing machine he was before just to protect her.
He was also scared that if he let himself admit all of these feelings to her, she'd go and die, just like the people from his past. He'd die if he lost her. He already proved that to himself when Enishi pulled a stint on him during his Jinchuu. If it weren't for that dream he had, he wouldn't have woken up in time to save Kaoru. He would never forgive himself if something like that happened again. He wouldn't know what to do if he lost her.
But then again, he knew he was slowly losing her now, like grain falling from his clutched hands. He didn't know what to do, like the grain, if he clutched too tightly, the grain would still fall, but if he didn't, the same would happen.
"She's getting married, and all you could do is sit and stare." Kenshin mumbled reproachfully to himself.
Just then, he heard the gates of the dojo open and Kaoru stepped in. Kenshin stood up almost immediately and walked over to meet her. As soon as he caught full sight of Kaoru he was taken aback by what he saw. Kaoru looked stunning, the material of her kimono shone on the moonlight and the gold thread of its intricate pattern looked even brighter. Kaoru herself looked arresting. Kenshin noticed that she didn't wear any make-up, but her eyes glowed and her cheeks were rosy.
Kenshin realized that her meeting went well and immediately felt his spirits sink even lower. It's not that he didn't want her to be happy. Kami knows that's the most important thing in his mind. But if the meeting went well, he might as well expect Kaoru to get married soon. He suddenly felt weak on his knees.
Kaoru peered at him, puzzled.
"Kenshin? Why are you staring at me like that?" She blushed unconsciously. "is there something wrong with my face?"
Kenshin abruptly snapped out of his disturbing reverie and smiled sheepishly at Kaoru. "Iie! I guess I was just carried away with my thoughts."
You can't even tell her how heavenly she looks. Kenshin inwardly thought.
He followed her to the patio and sat down with her. Kaoru smiled dreamily and muttered, "These fireflies remind me of something that seemed so long ago."
Kenshin gazed at the stars, not knowing what she meant by that remark. Instead he decided to go to the point.
"So how was it?" Kenshin hesitantly asked her.
Kaoru removed her gaze from the fireflies and turned to Kenshin. "Huh?"
"How was your meeting?" He couldn't bring himself to say 'marriage meeting' "That is, if you'd want to tell me." He quite dreaded what she had to say.
Kaoru stole a glance at Kenshin and said, "Oh. You didn't seem to be interested this morning, so I just assumed you didn't really care much about what went on."
Kenshin winced at Kaoru's remark. It had been a stab in his heart for her to assume that he didn't care. Of course he cared! He couldn't even fathom how much. He wanted to say right then and there that he loved her and it would pain him so much to talk to her about her marriage to someone else.
"Kaoru. I."
"Ne, Kenshin?" Kaoru looked up at him expectantly. "I. I was just a bit surprised at the news, that's all."
Surprised is definitely an understatement.
Kaoru immediately looked down. He couldn't even tell her how he actually felt.
"Oh."
Kaoru assumed that Kenshin didn't really like her that much. He was just surprised.
What kind of a reaction is that? Kaoru thought. When your house suddenly collapsed, that's when you become surprised. But when the person you love marries someone else, that definitely calls for another emotion.
Just surprised.
Well then, Kaoru thought, I can be happy for myself too. I can not love him too.
I can act surprised when he announces his wedding too.
Just surprised.
Kaoru gulped and started talking. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you immediately. I was also surprised to find that someone had been waiting for be to become his wife."
Kenshin nodded glumly, but didn't say anything more.
Sensing that he wasn't going to comment any further, Kaoru continued.
"He was my father's best student back then. I used to play with him. Anyway, I found out that Otou-san left a will saying that if I were still unmarried by now, Yoshi, that's his name, would still be waiting for me." Kaoru let out a breath and gazed at the fireflies unseeingly.
"So. um. ano." Kenshin slowly asked. "What's he like.?" he looked at her, not knowing how she'd react, half wishing she'd complain and tell him how horrible this Yoshi guy was.
Kaoru smiled and thought for a minute. "Yoshi. well, he's really nice. He;s well-off so you'd expect him to be snobby and demanding, right? But he's not. What's so good about him is that he's humble and he's not even aware of it!" Kaoru stopped and played with the hem of her sleeve.
Kenshin slowly felt his heart being taken out of his body.
She smiled again and continued. "We haven't met for a long time, but today wasn't even awkward at all."
.while slowly being trampled on.
"We're like old friends who are so comfortable with each other."
.being taken apart piece by piece.
"It wasn't as horrible as I thought the meeting would be. In fact, I think I like him."
.and harshly thrown into some trash can.
Kenshin knew he's lost and as much as he wanted to see Kaoru happy, he'd much rather want to see Kaoru happy with HIM. not this guy. Sure, he's generous and self-sacrificing, but he's only human. And if a part of battousai had been left in him, it was the part where he's possessive of his woman.
"So will you marry him?" He blurted out.
Great, Kenshin. Be a masochist. he sarcastically rebuked himself.
Kaoru was startled by the boldness of this question and blinked at Kenshin a few times before recovering.
She wanted so badly to say, 'But I want to marry YOU!' but she managed with muttering,
"Oh. uh. put it this way. we all want something and we wish for it a great deal in our lives. But oftentimes, we don't get what we really want and things don't turn out the way we planned them to." She paused and looked at Kenshin.
"The thing is, when we don't get what we want, we are given something else. In due time we well realize that what we got is actually what's meant for us." She had to exert extra effort to make the last sentence believable, even for her.
"I see." Kenshin nodded slowly. "But that doesn't answer my question, does it?"
You really do want to hurt yourself, ne Kenshin?
For a minute, they both laughed at this realization and the tension wore off.
Kaoru stood up and brushed invisible dust from her kimono just to buy some time.
"I guess I will."
She smiled faintly at Kenshin. "Oyasumi nasai, Kenshin. She turned and left for her room.
"Oyasumi nasai, de gozaru yo."Kenshin quietly said, almost to himself.
"I'm really happy for you, Kaoru.dono."
He buried his face in his hands and sighed.
Wooooh. that was pretty longer. I hope you guys liked it. the emotions were really hard to bring out so. it took a great deal of internalization. teehee ^_^
Yes, Kenshin will be the one serving them tea, isn't that sweet? Arigatou for your suggestion!!! ^_^
Sorry I've been ranting too much lately. just crazy, that's all!! :p
Yosh, this is NOT for you anymore!!!! Hehehe.. kidding.
Himura Kawaii
Chapter Five
*** Disclaimers apply... Blah blah.. RK's not mine.. Hail the Great Watsuki- sama... I'm now a college stud, but still poor!!..... Don't sue me! ^_^
Kenshin sat on the patio silently. He watched the fireflies dance as he waited for Kaoru to arrive. He sighed as he remembered the day he left for Kyoto and Kaoru was crying, begging him not to leave her.
But he did. He left her without even looking back, afraid that if he did, he might not be able to go at all. He had hurt her so much when he walked away. He'd made her cry, not just that time, but also a lot of other times. He made her sick and weak with worry.
I gave my all into protecting her. But why does it seem now that I was actually the one who's hurting her the most?
Kaoru had been so nice to him. She'd given him a home without even wanting to know where he came from. She's given him the family he's always longed for, without asking for anything in return. She'd given him hope, she restored his faith, and above all, she freely given him love.
He knew that Kaoru had been waiting for him. But he just couldn't bring himself to confess his love for her. It's not that he didn't love her. far from it! He loved her like he had never loved anyone before. He loved Tomoe with all the love a fifteen-year-old boy could give, but now that he's double that age, he had changed a lot, and he could offer so much, so much more that it actually scares him. It freaks him out that he'd be willing to kill for her sake, to revert back to the killing machine he was before just to protect her.
He was also scared that if he let himself admit all of these feelings to her, she'd go and die, just like the people from his past. He'd die if he lost her. He already proved that to himself when Enishi pulled a stint on him during his Jinchuu. If it weren't for that dream he had, he wouldn't have woken up in time to save Kaoru. He would never forgive himself if something like that happened again. He wouldn't know what to do if he lost her.
But then again, he knew he was slowly losing her now, like grain falling from his clutched hands. He didn't know what to do, like the grain, if he clutched too tightly, the grain would still fall, but if he didn't, the same would happen.
"She's getting married, and all you could do is sit and stare." Kenshin mumbled reproachfully to himself.
Just then, he heard the gates of the dojo open and Kaoru stepped in. Kenshin stood up almost immediately and walked over to meet her. As soon as he caught full sight of Kaoru he was taken aback by what he saw. Kaoru looked stunning, the material of her kimono shone on the moonlight and the gold thread of its intricate pattern looked even brighter. Kaoru herself looked arresting. Kenshin noticed that she didn't wear any make-up, but her eyes glowed and her cheeks were rosy.
Kenshin realized that her meeting went well and immediately felt his spirits sink even lower. It's not that he didn't want her to be happy. Kami knows that's the most important thing in his mind. But if the meeting went well, he might as well expect Kaoru to get married soon. He suddenly felt weak on his knees.
Kaoru peered at him, puzzled.
"Kenshin? Why are you staring at me like that?" She blushed unconsciously. "is there something wrong with my face?"
Kenshin abruptly snapped out of his disturbing reverie and smiled sheepishly at Kaoru. "Iie! I guess I was just carried away with my thoughts."
You can't even tell her how heavenly she looks. Kenshin inwardly thought.
He followed her to the patio and sat down with her. Kaoru smiled dreamily and muttered, "These fireflies remind me of something that seemed so long ago."
Kenshin gazed at the stars, not knowing what she meant by that remark. Instead he decided to go to the point.
"So how was it?" Kenshin hesitantly asked her.
Kaoru removed her gaze from the fireflies and turned to Kenshin. "Huh?"
"How was your meeting?" He couldn't bring himself to say 'marriage meeting' "That is, if you'd want to tell me." He quite dreaded what she had to say.
Kaoru stole a glance at Kenshin and said, "Oh. You didn't seem to be interested this morning, so I just assumed you didn't really care much about what went on."
Kenshin winced at Kaoru's remark. It had been a stab in his heart for her to assume that he didn't care. Of course he cared! He couldn't even fathom how much. He wanted to say right then and there that he loved her and it would pain him so much to talk to her about her marriage to someone else.
"Kaoru. I."
"Ne, Kenshin?" Kaoru looked up at him expectantly. "I. I was just a bit surprised at the news, that's all."
Surprised is definitely an understatement.
Kaoru immediately looked down. He couldn't even tell her how he actually felt.
"Oh."
Kaoru assumed that Kenshin didn't really like her that much. He was just surprised.
What kind of a reaction is that? Kaoru thought. When your house suddenly collapsed, that's when you become surprised. But when the person you love marries someone else, that definitely calls for another emotion.
Just surprised.
Well then, Kaoru thought, I can be happy for myself too. I can not love him too.
I can act surprised when he announces his wedding too.
Just surprised.
Kaoru gulped and started talking. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you immediately. I was also surprised to find that someone had been waiting for be to become his wife."
Kenshin nodded glumly, but didn't say anything more.
Sensing that he wasn't going to comment any further, Kaoru continued.
"He was my father's best student back then. I used to play with him. Anyway, I found out that Otou-san left a will saying that if I were still unmarried by now, Yoshi, that's his name, would still be waiting for me." Kaoru let out a breath and gazed at the fireflies unseeingly.
"So. um. ano." Kenshin slowly asked. "What's he like.?" he looked at her, not knowing how she'd react, half wishing she'd complain and tell him how horrible this Yoshi guy was.
Kaoru smiled and thought for a minute. "Yoshi. well, he's really nice. He;s well-off so you'd expect him to be snobby and demanding, right? But he's not. What's so good about him is that he's humble and he's not even aware of it!" Kaoru stopped and played with the hem of her sleeve.
Kenshin slowly felt his heart being taken out of his body.
She smiled again and continued. "We haven't met for a long time, but today wasn't even awkward at all."
.while slowly being trampled on.
"We're like old friends who are so comfortable with each other."
.being taken apart piece by piece.
"It wasn't as horrible as I thought the meeting would be. In fact, I think I like him."
.and harshly thrown into some trash can.
Kenshin knew he's lost and as much as he wanted to see Kaoru happy, he'd much rather want to see Kaoru happy with HIM. not this guy. Sure, he's generous and self-sacrificing, but he's only human. And if a part of battousai had been left in him, it was the part where he's possessive of his woman.
"So will you marry him?" He blurted out.
Great, Kenshin. Be a masochist. he sarcastically rebuked himself.
Kaoru was startled by the boldness of this question and blinked at Kenshin a few times before recovering.
She wanted so badly to say, 'But I want to marry YOU!' but she managed with muttering,
"Oh. uh. put it this way. we all want something and we wish for it a great deal in our lives. But oftentimes, we don't get what we really want and things don't turn out the way we planned them to." She paused and looked at Kenshin.
"The thing is, when we don't get what we want, we are given something else. In due time we well realize that what we got is actually what's meant for us." She had to exert extra effort to make the last sentence believable, even for her.
"I see." Kenshin nodded slowly. "But that doesn't answer my question, does it?"
You really do want to hurt yourself, ne Kenshin?
For a minute, they both laughed at this realization and the tension wore off.
Kaoru stood up and brushed invisible dust from her kimono just to buy some time.
"I guess I will."
She smiled faintly at Kenshin. "Oyasumi nasai, Kenshin. She turned and left for her room.
"Oyasumi nasai, de gozaru yo."Kenshin quietly said, almost to himself.
"I'm really happy for you, Kaoru.dono."
He buried his face in his hands and sighed.
Wooooh. that was pretty longer. I hope you guys liked it. the emotions were really hard to bring out so. it took a great deal of internalization. teehee ^_^
Yes, Kenshin will be the one serving them tea, isn't that sweet? Arigatou for your suggestion!!! ^_^
Sorry I've been ranting too much lately. just crazy, that's all!! :p
Yosh, this is NOT for you anymore!!!! Hehehe.. kidding.