Author's notes: This is actually a few days later than I had planned. Real
life sometimes sucks ass. The next one is going to take a bit of time since
I'm leaving on vacation Friday. I may get some of it written on the
journey, but there's another fic I working on that has a –gasp- deadline
that I have to finish too. Anyway, Part 6 is being worked on. Clark's POV
and some friskiness in the Torch office since this one is kinda plotty.
Heaven forbid. Enjoy!
Set directly after "Zero" with spoilers up through that episode. Also, probably the last one that will follow a specific episode. More than likely, anything after "Zero" will not happen in this fic.
Chloe walked slowly up towards the barn. It had been just over a week since she had been with Clark at Lex's house and she hadn't really spent any time alone with him since then. She tried to at the Talon opening, but when she finally arrived, he had been deeply involved in a rather intimate discussion with Lana. Chloe chose to leave them alone, figuring Clark was probably happier talking to Lana then he would be talking to her. Not only did he have a crush on Lana as big as Kansas, but he wasn't angry with Lana for delving into his past like Chloe had.
Chloe sighed as she pushed open the barn door. She had tried to convince herself that she was saving the information on Clark for purely altruistic reasons. However no matter how many times she told herself that Clark may someday want to know more, she realized that her real reason for saving that information was that she just couldn't let go of the mystery. Even if Clark wasn't curious about his origins and the oddities surrounding his adoption, Chloe was. She just wished that her innate curiosity hadn't had the effect it did on their friendship.
This was the first major fight that she and Clark had ever had. The fact that it happened days after they had been so intimate together just seemed to make it worse. They had literally gone from teasing and cuddling last Sunday, to Clark avoiding her completely over the interview in the span of a day. Chloe wasn't sure if she was more hurt because her best friend was ignoring her or because the person she regularly made out with was ignoring her for Lana Lang.
Urging her feet forward, she moved slowly across the barn, questioning her decision to some here at all. Clark may not want to see her. He didn't have the same feelings for her as she had for him. Chloe was self aware enough to realize that she had proposed this arrangement with ulterior motives. Though she knew it wasn't the way of the world, a part of her was hoping that once Clark began to see her in a somewhat sexual way, he would finally recognize that they could be good together as something more than friends. It was her selfish little way of getting a part of Clark Kent that she didn't think she'd otherwise be able to have. Only now, she was beginning to question the wisdom of it.
There was no denying the fact that Chloe had something of a crush on Clark. Ever since the first day she met him and kissed him in his barn, she knew her feelings for him went beyond friendship. There was also little denying that Clark saw her only as a friend. A few weeks ago she would have said there was no chance of ever being anything more, but after some of the things they'd shared, she wasn't so sure. Of course, it didn't change the fact that he was still making moon eyes at Lana.
Sighing, she climbed up the stairs to the loft. She was beginning to rethink the wisdom of this situation. As much as she enjoyed getting to spend time kissing and touching Clark, she knew one day it would all end. Lana would finally stop her teasing flirtation with Clark and it would go on to something more and Chloe would be left behind. One part of her was telling her to enjoy every second she had with him so she could have pleasant memories once he was gone. The other was warning her not to get too close, too attached, because it would break her heart even more when it all ended. Chloe wasn't sure which side to listen to.
"Hey," she called out gently when she spotted Clark lying on the couch, tossing a ball into the air and catching it.
He turned his head slightly, gave her a small smile, then turned back to tossing the ball. "Hey," he replied.
So much for the heartfelt hello. Not that she expected too much. At least he was talking to her again. His was wearing his typical flannel and jeans, making Chloe want nothing more than to snuggle up to him in the soft, warm fabric. His hair was tousled and his eyes looked tired. There was a sadness lingering about him that she really wanted to chase away.
"Your mom told me I'd find you up here," she said as she walked closer to the couch, sitting down by his feet. "She also asked me to try and cheer you up. Said you were up here moping," she tugged on his big, booted foot playfully. "Why so mopey?"
"Just…I guess just another crappy week."
It seemed like he wanted to continue, so Chloe gave him her best 'I'm listening and concerned' face and waited.
He sighed loudly, letting the little ball bounce down onto the floor. He lifted his hand to his hair, pushing the unruly locks back away from his face. "It just seems like every week something horrible happens to me or one of my friends. Some freak is trying to kill one of us, or somehow we find our way into danger and I'm just…one of these days, I'm not going…someone isn't going to make it. What am I going to do? What if I…"
"Clark," she interrupted gently, her hand resting on his knee. "You can't spend your life thinking about what if's. You'll drive yourself crazy with worry." She took a moment to order her mixed up thoughts. There were just too many things running through her brain right now. She knew Clark had some kind of messiah complex, but all that really did was make her worry for him. In the back of her mind, she also spent a lot of time thinking about the day one of them wouldn't make it. Worse, she thought about the day she'd lose Clark while he was trying to save someone else.
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and forced the image out of her head, concentrating instead on her next words. "I know it sometimes seems like there's a cosmic force working against us and this town, but all we can do is take it day by day. For today, the bad guys have been beaten. The good guys win again," she said with a smile, giving his leg a little squeeze.
He gave her a quick grin before that worried look settled over his features again. For a moment, quiet fell over the barn. It wasn't the same comfortable silences she was used to with Clark. This one seemed edged with expectancy. Like they were both waiting for the other to say something. Clark finally broke the moment.
"Where were you Friday night? I didn't see you at the Talon opening."
Chloe shifted in her seat, turning to face forward, her hand sliding away from Clark. "Um, yeah, I got there late. I was doing stuff with the paper and lost track of the time."
Close enough to the truth to remember and yet still nothing that would get her in more trouble with Clark. The best lies were half-truths; made them easier to remember. She hoped the guilt wasn't evident in her voice. Or the jealousy.
"Well, why didn't you come find me when you got there?" He broke eye contact, looking down at his chest before he quietly added, "I was looking for you."
"You were?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth Chloe was wishing she hadn't said them. She could only hope they didn't sound as desperate and needy to Clark as they had to her.
"Yeah," he replied. She noticed his hands playing with the hem of his shirt in a slightly nervous gesture and wondered what it could mean.
"Well," she answered, clearing her throat. "You were talking to Lana when I got there and I didn't want to interrupt." Now it was Chloe's turn to examine her clothes nervously. She hated bringing Lana into the conversation, but it was a necessary evil. "Anyway, I didn't stay too long." Yet another of those pauses that Chloe was beginning to actively hate. She tucked her hair behind her ear before adding in a soft voice, "I didn't think you'd notice me missing. You seemed to be having a good time."
"It was alright. Next time come over and say hi, at least. I was looking forward to seeing you," he said softly, his voice sounding incredibly young as he did. "I thought maybe you were still upset because of the fight."
"I was still upset?" she asked incredulously. "Clark, I wasn't ever upset! I was just afraid that you were mad at me. I had no reason to be upset with you." Leave it to Clark to feel bad about her investigating him.
"So is that why I haven't seen you in the last couple of days? Or was it something else?" Clark asked, his eyes not quite reaching hers.
Chloe was actually a bit shocked. She had no idea that Clark would really notice her absence, much less think it was his fault. She didn't really know what to say. Confessing that she had been thinking about how much it would hurt when this whole thing ended probably wasn't a good idea. As far as she knew, Clark was still oblivious to the fact that her feelings went well beyond that a friend and make-out companion. It would be best if things stayed that way.
"I just thought you might need a little space. Some time to yourself without nosey friends hanging around," she tried to use her best teasing voice, but it still came out rather small and sad to her ears.
"Well, you were wrong," Clark responded. She thought for a second he was going to reach for her hand with his, but then he pulled his arm back and away from her. He heaved another of those sighs that Chloe was becoming used to and ran his hands through his hair instead. There was this air of unhappiness surrounding him like a shroud. It pulled at Chloe's heart to see him so upset. After a few more minutes of tense silence, she decided she had to say something, if for no other reason then to ease the quiet.
"Clark, are you sure you're all right? You seem…I don't know exactly. You just don't seem yourself." She wanted to reach out and touch him in some way. Run her fingers along his cheek, rub her hands soothingly along his chest, anything; but from her position at his feet, they weren't viable options. She settled instead for tracing patterns on his leg with her fingers.
"It's been a rough…"
"Rough week," she completed for him. "Yeah, I know." After spending another moment looking at him, she tried again. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked timidly, not sure what his response would be.
"Not really," he replied, covering his eyes and rubbing at them with the heels of his palms.
"Oh." Her stomach plummeted at his words. It seemed she wouldn't have to worry about how she would feel when things between them were over. She was going to experience it first hand and from the looks of it, very soon.
"I guess I should just go then," she said softly, swearing to herself that she wasn't going to cry until she was away from the barn. After all, it's not like she didn't know this would happen. She just didn't expect it quite this soon. She stood up on slightly shaky legs, telling herself she was strong enough to do this. She made it all of two steps, before Clark's hand wrapped around her wrist.
"Wait!" That was the most emotion he had shown in his voice all afternoon; urgent and a bit frightened. Like she were going to jump out the barn window instead of walking down the stairs. "Do you have to go?" His eyes finally made contact with hers, pleading with her. "Can't you stay here for a while?"
"So we can stare at each other in silence a bit more?" she joked, though she let him pull her back over to the couch. This time she sat in the middle of the couch, by his waist.
"No," he replied, blushing slightly before pulling her upper body down towards his. Chloe closed her eyes as she was tugged closer to him, his lips touching hers lightly. She sighed into the kiss. It had been too long since last she got to do this. That thought frightened her more than anything. If she could barely make it a week without kissing him, how would she survive when she didn't get to kiss him ever again?
His tongue touched her lips and she let her mind drift away from her thoughts as she opened her mouth to him. Theirs tongues twined together in a kiss that was much more tender and less ardent than the kisses they normally shared. It felt very comfortable. She relaxed into his touch as his hands threaded through her hair, holding her head to his. Chloe moved so she was lying on the couch, half on top of him, half beside him.
After a moment, he pulled back from the kiss, placing individual kisses over her face. His lips lightly touched her eyes, cheeks, nose and chin, before finding the sensitive area right below her jaw. A shudder of pleasure ran through Chloe as he paused to suckle the skin and her hands began to wander across his chest. His lips moved down one side of her neck to the hollow there and then back up the other side of her neck.
Chloe moaned at the feel of his mouth against her. It felt like he was using his lips to caress her skin, sliding them lightly along her flesh; like he was cherishing her body with his mouth. Feeling like she should be doing more than she was, she kneaded the muscles on his chest, working her way down his body. Her hands slid down past his waist and suddenly she found her wrists encircled by his fingers.
"Chloe," he murmured, pulling her hands up to his neck and then running his fingers down her arms. "Can we just…will you lay here with me?" he nuzzled her neck a little before shifting and wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I just want to hold you for a while, without all the other stuff."
Chloe had no idea what to say to that or even what he meant by it. Did she do something wrong the last time they were together? She thought he enjoyed the attention she gave him, but what if he didn't? With a confused expression, she laid her head down upon his chest, trying to figure out his reasoning.
The romantic, whimsical side of her wanted to believe that Clark was happy just lying here with her, holding her to him. The jaded, cynical side was telling her that he was no longer interested and was just trying to back out slowly to keep their friendship intact. The logic part of her thought that maybe he simply needed a friend.
She figured that was the safest answer to go with. After telling Clark that she would be happy to stay here with him, she snuggled in close, burying her head in his neck and she nestled his face in her hair. His hands were running soothingly up and down her back, and every few moments he would place a kiss somewhere on her head. The part of her that felt rejected by Clark pulling her hands away from him was pacified for the moment by the part of her that was enjoying his smell and warmth underneath her.
Maybe this would all end horribly. Unfortunately, that was the most likely possibility. But until it did, Chloe wanted to be as close to Clark as possible. She would just have to find someway to protect her heart as she did.
Set directly after "Zero" with spoilers up through that episode. Also, probably the last one that will follow a specific episode. More than likely, anything after "Zero" will not happen in this fic.
Chloe walked slowly up towards the barn. It had been just over a week since she had been with Clark at Lex's house and she hadn't really spent any time alone with him since then. She tried to at the Talon opening, but when she finally arrived, he had been deeply involved in a rather intimate discussion with Lana. Chloe chose to leave them alone, figuring Clark was probably happier talking to Lana then he would be talking to her. Not only did he have a crush on Lana as big as Kansas, but he wasn't angry with Lana for delving into his past like Chloe had.
Chloe sighed as she pushed open the barn door. She had tried to convince herself that she was saving the information on Clark for purely altruistic reasons. However no matter how many times she told herself that Clark may someday want to know more, she realized that her real reason for saving that information was that she just couldn't let go of the mystery. Even if Clark wasn't curious about his origins and the oddities surrounding his adoption, Chloe was. She just wished that her innate curiosity hadn't had the effect it did on their friendship.
This was the first major fight that she and Clark had ever had. The fact that it happened days after they had been so intimate together just seemed to make it worse. They had literally gone from teasing and cuddling last Sunday, to Clark avoiding her completely over the interview in the span of a day. Chloe wasn't sure if she was more hurt because her best friend was ignoring her or because the person she regularly made out with was ignoring her for Lana Lang.
Urging her feet forward, she moved slowly across the barn, questioning her decision to some here at all. Clark may not want to see her. He didn't have the same feelings for her as she had for him. Chloe was self aware enough to realize that she had proposed this arrangement with ulterior motives. Though she knew it wasn't the way of the world, a part of her was hoping that once Clark began to see her in a somewhat sexual way, he would finally recognize that they could be good together as something more than friends. It was her selfish little way of getting a part of Clark Kent that she didn't think she'd otherwise be able to have. Only now, she was beginning to question the wisdom of it.
There was no denying the fact that Chloe had something of a crush on Clark. Ever since the first day she met him and kissed him in his barn, she knew her feelings for him went beyond friendship. There was also little denying that Clark saw her only as a friend. A few weeks ago she would have said there was no chance of ever being anything more, but after some of the things they'd shared, she wasn't so sure. Of course, it didn't change the fact that he was still making moon eyes at Lana.
Sighing, she climbed up the stairs to the loft. She was beginning to rethink the wisdom of this situation. As much as she enjoyed getting to spend time kissing and touching Clark, she knew one day it would all end. Lana would finally stop her teasing flirtation with Clark and it would go on to something more and Chloe would be left behind. One part of her was telling her to enjoy every second she had with him so she could have pleasant memories once he was gone. The other was warning her not to get too close, too attached, because it would break her heart even more when it all ended. Chloe wasn't sure which side to listen to.
"Hey," she called out gently when she spotted Clark lying on the couch, tossing a ball into the air and catching it.
He turned his head slightly, gave her a small smile, then turned back to tossing the ball. "Hey," he replied.
So much for the heartfelt hello. Not that she expected too much. At least he was talking to her again. His was wearing his typical flannel and jeans, making Chloe want nothing more than to snuggle up to him in the soft, warm fabric. His hair was tousled and his eyes looked tired. There was a sadness lingering about him that she really wanted to chase away.
"Your mom told me I'd find you up here," she said as she walked closer to the couch, sitting down by his feet. "She also asked me to try and cheer you up. Said you were up here moping," she tugged on his big, booted foot playfully. "Why so mopey?"
"Just…I guess just another crappy week."
It seemed like he wanted to continue, so Chloe gave him her best 'I'm listening and concerned' face and waited.
He sighed loudly, letting the little ball bounce down onto the floor. He lifted his hand to his hair, pushing the unruly locks back away from his face. "It just seems like every week something horrible happens to me or one of my friends. Some freak is trying to kill one of us, or somehow we find our way into danger and I'm just…one of these days, I'm not going…someone isn't going to make it. What am I going to do? What if I…"
"Clark," she interrupted gently, her hand resting on his knee. "You can't spend your life thinking about what if's. You'll drive yourself crazy with worry." She took a moment to order her mixed up thoughts. There were just too many things running through her brain right now. She knew Clark had some kind of messiah complex, but all that really did was make her worry for him. In the back of her mind, she also spent a lot of time thinking about the day one of them wouldn't make it. Worse, she thought about the day she'd lose Clark while he was trying to save someone else.
She squeezed her eyes shut tightly and forced the image out of her head, concentrating instead on her next words. "I know it sometimes seems like there's a cosmic force working against us and this town, but all we can do is take it day by day. For today, the bad guys have been beaten. The good guys win again," she said with a smile, giving his leg a little squeeze.
He gave her a quick grin before that worried look settled over his features again. For a moment, quiet fell over the barn. It wasn't the same comfortable silences she was used to with Clark. This one seemed edged with expectancy. Like they were both waiting for the other to say something. Clark finally broke the moment.
"Where were you Friday night? I didn't see you at the Talon opening."
Chloe shifted in her seat, turning to face forward, her hand sliding away from Clark. "Um, yeah, I got there late. I was doing stuff with the paper and lost track of the time."
Close enough to the truth to remember and yet still nothing that would get her in more trouble with Clark. The best lies were half-truths; made them easier to remember. She hoped the guilt wasn't evident in her voice. Or the jealousy.
"Well, why didn't you come find me when you got there?" He broke eye contact, looking down at his chest before he quietly added, "I was looking for you."
"You were?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth Chloe was wishing she hadn't said them. She could only hope they didn't sound as desperate and needy to Clark as they had to her.
"Yeah," he replied. She noticed his hands playing with the hem of his shirt in a slightly nervous gesture and wondered what it could mean.
"Well," she answered, clearing her throat. "You were talking to Lana when I got there and I didn't want to interrupt." Now it was Chloe's turn to examine her clothes nervously. She hated bringing Lana into the conversation, but it was a necessary evil. "Anyway, I didn't stay too long." Yet another of those pauses that Chloe was beginning to actively hate. She tucked her hair behind her ear before adding in a soft voice, "I didn't think you'd notice me missing. You seemed to be having a good time."
"It was alright. Next time come over and say hi, at least. I was looking forward to seeing you," he said softly, his voice sounding incredibly young as he did. "I thought maybe you were still upset because of the fight."
"I was still upset?" she asked incredulously. "Clark, I wasn't ever upset! I was just afraid that you were mad at me. I had no reason to be upset with you." Leave it to Clark to feel bad about her investigating him.
"So is that why I haven't seen you in the last couple of days? Or was it something else?" Clark asked, his eyes not quite reaching hers.
Chloe was actually a bit shocked. She had no idea that Clark would really notice her absence, much less think it was his fault. She didn't really know what to say. Confessing that she had been thinking about how much it would hurt when this whole thing ended probably wasn't a good idea. As far as she knew, Clark was still oblivious to the fact that her feelings went well beyond that a friend and make-out companion. It would be best if things stayed that way.
"I just thought you might need a little space. Some time to yourself without nosey friends hanging around," she tried to use her best teasing voice, but it still came out rather small and sad to her ears.
"Well, you were wrong," Clark responded. She thought for a second he was going to reach for her hand with his, but then he pulled his arm back and away from her. He heaved another of those sighs that Chloe was becoming used to and ran his hands through his hair instead. There was this air of unhappiness surrounding him like a shroud. It pulled at Chloe's heart to see him so upset. After a few more minutes of tense silence, she decided she had to say something, if for no other reason then to ease the quiet.
"Clark, are you sure you're all right? You seem…I don't know exactly. You just don't seem yourself." She wanted to reach out and touch him in some way. Run her fingers along his cheek, rub her hands soothingly along his chest, anything; but from her position at his feet, they weren't viable options. She settled instead for tracing patterns on his leg with her fingers.
"It's been a rough…"
"Rough week," she completed for him. "Yeah, I know." After spending another moment looking at him, she tried again. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked timidly, not sure what his response would be.
"Not really," he replied, covering his eyes and rubbing at them with the heels of his palms.
"Oh." Her stomach plummeted at his words. It seemed she wouldn't have to worry about how she would feel when things between them were over. She was going to experience it first hand and from the looks of it, very soon.
"I guess I should just go then," she said softly, swearing to herself that she wasn't going to cry until she was away from the barn. After all, it's not like she didn't know this would happen. She just didn't expect it quite this soon. She stood up on slightly shaky legs, telling herself she was strong enough to do this. She made it all of two steps, before Clark's hand wrapped around her wrist.
"Wait!" That was the most emotion he had shown in his voice all afternoon; urgent and a bit frightened. Like she were going to jump out the barn window instead of walking down the stairs. "Do you have to go?" His eyes finally made contact with hers, pleading with her. "Can't you stay here for a while?"
"So we can stare at each other in silence a bit more?" she joked, though she let him pull her back over to the couch. This time she sat in the middle of the couch, by his waist.
"No," he replied, blushing slightly before pulling her upper body down towards his. Chloe closed her eyes as she was tugged closer to him, his lips touching hers lightly. She sighed into the kiss. It had been too long since last she got to do this. That thought frightened her more than anything. If she could barely make it a week without kissing him, how would she survive when she didn't get to kiss him ever again?
His tongue touched her lips and she let her mind drift away from her thoughts as she opened her mouth to him. Theirs tongues twined together in a kiss that was much more tender and less ardent than the kisses they normally shared. It felt very comfortable. She relaxed into his touch as his hands threaded through her hair, holding her head to his. Chloe moved so she was lying on the couch, half on top of him, half beside him.
After a moment, he pulled back from the kiss, placing individual kisses over her face. His lips lightly touched her eyes, cheeks, nose and chin, before finding the sensitive area right below her jaw. A shudder of pleasure ran through Chloe as he paused to suckle the skin and her hands began to wander across his chest. His lips moved down one side of her neck to the hollow there and then back up the other side of her neck.
Chloe moaned at the feel of his mouth against her. It felt like he was using his lips to caress her skin, sliding them lightly along her flesh; like he was cherishing her body with his mouth. Feeling like she should be doing more than she was, she kneaded the muscles on his chest, working her way down his body. Her hands slid down past his waist and suddenly she found her wrists encircled by his fingers.
"Chloe," he murmured, pulling her hands up to his neck and then running his fingers down her arms. "Can we just…will you lay here with me?" he nuzzled her neck a little before shifting and wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I just want to hold you for a while, without all the other stuff."
Chloe had no idea what to say to that or even what he meant by it. Did she do something wrong the last time they were together? She thought he enjoyed the attention she gave him, but what if he didn't? With a confused expression, she laid her head down upon his chest, trying to figure out his reasoning.
The romantic, whimsical side of her wanted to believe that Clark was happy just lying here with her, holding her to him. The jaded, cynical side was telling her that he was no longer interested and was just trying to back out slowly to keep their friendship intact. The logic part of her thought that maybe he simply needed a friend.
She figured that was the safest answer to go with. After telling Clark that she would be happy to stay here with him, she snuggled in close, burying her head in his neck and she nestled his face in her hair. His hands were running soothingly up and down her back, and every few moments he would place a kiss somewhere on her head. The part of her that felt rejected by Clark pulling her hands away from him was pacified for the moment by the part of her that was enjoying his smell and warmth underneath her.
Maybe this would all end horribly. Unfortunately, that was the most likely possibility. But until it did, Chloe wanted to be as close to Clark as possible. She would just have to find someway to protect her heart as she did.