Author's note: Just a reminder that Jess' house is monitored by the CIA, and is totally secure.
***** The bad news: This is the last chapter that I'm
going to post here. I'm just not
getting enough feedback here to make it worth my while to maintain this
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The good news: I've posted a lot more chapters on sd-1.com, so you'll have 9 or 10 new chapters to read there.
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As I knock on the door, I say a quick prayer that Will is home. I don't like being alone with her. Not for the reasons one would think. Okay, well maybe for those reasons too. But mostly because when I spend time with
her I find it difficult to not like her.
And I don't want to like her right now.
What she has done to Will is unforgivable. I'll never forget his utter despair that Friday night that I
stayed over. I have never seen him that
depressed.
I know that Vaughn also holds responsibility for it, but I
place the majority of the blame on her.
Vaughn never meant to hurt Will.
He wasn't the one spending time with Will, seeing the changes in
him. She was.
For the life of me, I can't understand how Will could let
himself fall in love with her in the first place. She's only with him because it's her job.
I suppose that makes me the biggest hypocrite in the
world.
The door opens.
It's her. I hope my smile
doesn't look as fake as it feels, "Hi," I say.
"Hey, Syd," she responds with a smile. Could be fake, I'm not sure. "What brings you way over here?"
"I was just wondering how Will's intensive language course
went this weekend. Is he home yet?"
She sighs and actually looks a little sad. "No, he's not, and honestly I'm not even
sure when he'll be home," she says.
"But you're welcome to come in and wait for him. I could sure use some help eating all this food."
I'm torn. I want
to talk to Will, but I don't want to spend any more time with her than
necessary. Especially without
Will. But I can smell the food. Very clearly Mexican. Very clearly made from scratch. It smells wonderful and I haven't eaten yet.
I decide to decline her invitation just on morals when she
walks away from me leaving the door open, assuming that I am staying. I follow her in only so that I can decline
while looking her in the eye. But, when
I see the spread of food on the table, I change my mind. Chicken enchiladas, shredded beef burritos,
Spanish rice, refried beans, and fresh tortilla chips and salsa.
"Wow, you made all of this?" I ask.
She laughs. "Well,
with Will gone all weekend, I had a little time on my hands." She motions to the table, "Have a seat, I'm
just finishing up the sangria."
She turns her back on me and starts chopping fruit on a
wooden cutting board. What the
hell. I might as well wait for
Will. And at least if I have to spend
time with her, I can have some good food, and if I'm lucky get drunk. That would certainly make it easier for me
to get along with her.
She finishes the sangria and brings it to the table, pours
each of us a glass and then sits down.
She lifts her glass up and asks, "What should we drink to?"
"How about we drink to Will?" I suggest.
If she catches my evil stare, she doesn't let on. "To Will!" she says enthusiastically and
lifts her glass then takes a drink.
Hmpf. Who's the
hypocrite now? I raise my glass silently and take a drink. "Wow!
This is great!" Seriously, it's
the best sangria I've ever had.
Jess smiles and nods.
"Much better than store bought sangria," she says taking a drink. "Also, much more powerful than store
bought. So, be careful with it."
That's rich. Her
warning me about anything.
We spend most of the meal in silence.
We finish off one pitcher of sangria and she makes another one. "We're going to regret this in the morning,
you know," she says. Another
warning. But, this time I don't mind
her warning so much. Must be the
wine.
After refilling our glasses, I follow her out to the
screened-in porch. She sits on the
wicker couch and I sit in a chair facing her.
A few silent moments then she asks, "So, what's it like
being a double agent?"
The sangria tells me to spill my guts. My ego argues against it. Don't open up to her! She might think you actually want to be
friends with her! But, she is in a
unique position to understand what I'm going through… in more things than just
being a spy. It would be nice to talk
to someone who really understands. In a
few moments I'm candidly about my life.
As we polish off the second pitcher of sangria, we meander
around a variety of topics. From
serious to down right hysterical. She
talks about what it's like to be on a two-year undercover op.
She talks about her husband Jeff. I talk about Danny.
Her worst op?
Raven Song. She's doesn't tell
me much about it, but I know what that means.
And I don't push her. She asks
about my worst op. Noah.
Her favorite part of the job? She says
it's that she gets paid for kicking people's asses. I think she's just joking, but I'm not sure. My favorite part of the job? Making a difference.
Her favorite movie?
Grosse Point Blank. Mine? Citizen Kane.
How she relaxes?
Piano or yoga. Me? Wine, books, and friends.
There's a small lull in our conversation, and I've had
enough sangria by this time to just blurt it out. "I hate what you've done to Will."
She has been gazing out at the dark garden. I watch her carefully as she drops her eyes
to the ground, then briefly up to look in my eyes, and then back down to the
ground. When she speaks, her voice is
soft and child-like. "I do too."
Her response takes me by surprise. It came too easily. Almost like it was rehearsed. Maybe she doesn't understand the full impact
of what she's done. "He's hurting…," I
say. Her eyes remain on the floor as I
speak. "I've never seen him this
way." Still no response from her.
I try a different approach. "Do you remember back to that first supper we all had
together?" She looked at me and
nodded. "When I asked you if you really
liked Will? You meant that, right?"
She sighs. "Yeah, of course," she
says. "I really liked Will then, and I
still really like Will. He's one of the
sweetest guys I've ever met."
"Any chance it's more than that?" I ask. I really want Will to be happy. I want him to experience true love. I don't think he ever has. But, also, there is a selfish part of me
that wants her to fall in love with Will just so she'll leave Vaughn. The hypocrite title returns to me.
Jess sighs and looks back out into the garden. "Well, since this is the 'evening of truth',
I guess I should be honest." She pauses.
"The honest answer to that question is," she looks back at me, "I try
not to think about it. If I think about
it too much I'm pretty sure the answer would be yes. And I just can't deal with any more complications in my life… not
right now."
Her statement hits a chord with me. I understand. But still, that doesn't make it right. We sit in silence for a few moments.
Finally, I my curiosity gets the best of me. "Evening of truth?" I ask. Jess explains their Sunday night ritual, but
says that they haven't done it since Will found out about Vaughn. She seems to be sad about that.
"That is such a Will thing to do," I inform
her. More silence before I say, "In the
spirit of the evening of truth, I just want you to know I'm pretty sure
Will's in love with you."
Jess studies my face for a few moments. "Okay, that's just a little too much truth
for one evening." She smiles and looks
back out at the garden. "Actually, I've
always gotten the impression that Will is in love with you."
I'm a little surprised that she picked up on that. "Will and I have been friends forever. I'll always love him." She looks at me now. "And, there have been several times when
we've gotten close to crossing that line over to a romantic relationship. We've even kissed a couple of times, but it
felt weird. Like I was kissing my
cousin or something." Why did I just
tell her that? "We'll never be anything
more than friends. Like you and Weiss."
"Mmmmm," and a nod is her only reply. Then she looks out into the darkness
again. We're back to silence. Finally, in a soft voice Jess says, "I'm
pretty sure Mike is in love with you too."
At first I don't recognize the name. When I realize she's talking about Vaughn, I
suddenly feel sick to my stomach. I
feel excited like a schoolgirl that just had a friend tell her the boy she has
a crush on likes her. And I feel
incredibly guilty that I lust for her lover.
Jess' gaze remains steady on the garden. I don't know what to say to her.
Since it is the evening of truth I tell her exactly that. "Honestly, Jess, I don't know how to respond
to that."
She looks at me and says, "You don't have to respond, Syd." A few moments pause, as we stare at each other. "Hey, I remember that first night at supper you said you would kick my ass if I hurt Will," she said. I laughed a little remembering the absurdity of that evening. "Do you have any idea when you might be doing that, because I need to call Eric and let him know. I'm pretty sure he'll want tickets."