Disclaimer: If this chapter isn't as good as the others, please forgive me,
for I haven't written a new chapter in a while and need to get back into
the groove. And I'm staying up pretty danged close to my bedtime, so ya'll
better DANG APPRECIATE THIS CHAPTER! If I don't get reviews...
Um, anyway, I don't own the characters, blah blaha blah, you know the drill. So HERE WE GO INTO THE INTRO! MWAHAHAHEEHEEHOHOHO! (Ignore me, I'm just a little hyper right now and need to get it out in my writing)
Deku Scrub: Welcome to another edition of HYLIAN IDOL!!! My biggest and best fanfic ever!
Honey (who is still Fat Carpenter Boss Guy): KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WE SHOULD STILL BE HOSTS! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Darling: Now Honey...
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP YOU LOSER! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA H!
(Deku Scrub and Darling both faint from Honey's awful breath)
Darling: X - I
Deku Scrub: (X - o
Honey: ...KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Scene 7
Fishing Guy: Hey! Welcome to Hylian Idol! I'm happy to be here, how about you?!
Audience: Yay!
Cucco Guy: I'm never happy...
Fishing Guy: Hey guy! Take it easy! Be like me and be happy!
Cucco Guy: ...People are disgusting...
Link: (sighs) Honestly, I don't know WHO picks these writers, but...
Zelda: (staring blankly at ceiling while twirling hair) I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ganondorf: That explains it.
Cucco Guy: You're all disgusting.
Zelda: (dandruff falls from her hair) WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAN?
Link: (dandruff falls on him) EW! GET THAT NASTY JUNK OFF OF MY SILKY BODY! (brushes off dandruff in girly manner)
Fishing Guy: Um...Yeah...Well, anyway, tonight we have a very special contestant. Care to do the honors Cucco Guy?
Ganondorf: (whispers to Link) Is there any point of the Cucco Guy's existence besides giving you the Bunny Hood?
Link: (whispers back) Not really...Except to fill the empty space in front of the tree in Kakariko Village at night.
Ganondorf: Ah...
Zelda: CUCCOS ARE YUMMY!
Audience: BOO! (throws Cuccos at Zelda)
Zelda: EEK! (attempts to slap Cuccos, only falls on her head)
Cucco Guy: Well, now that we've wasted two pages of endless dribble...
Deku Scrub: And 15 minutes of my bedtime!
Fishing Guy: ...We should move on...Anyway, the next contestant is...
Cucco Guy: A disgusting person...
Ganondorf: Oh, that is it, mister! (zaps Cucco Guy into Treasure Chest Shop/Bombchu Bowling Alley lady)
Audience: (gasp)
Zelda: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
TCS Lady: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Fishing guy: Oh for Pete's sake!
Link: Is there a Pete in Hyrule? (puts on glasses and tries to look intelligent)
Fishing Guy: SHUT UP YOU LAZY IDIOTS!!!!! I'M FED UP WITH BEING THE VILLAGE IDIOT! IT'S ALWAYS 'FISHING GUY'S SO STUPID' OR 'FISHING GUY'S A FRIKKIN MORON!' WELL I'VE HAD IT! (eyes glow an evil red)
Deku Scrub: Whoa, watch out! Fishing Guy's mad! My powers may not be able to contain him!
Link: What do you mean 'they won't be able to contain him?' YOU'RE THE AUTHOR!
Deku Scrub: Yes, but let me tell you a story, kiddies...(screen goes to that annoying story backdrop that always comes up whenever Zelda tells a story)
You see, there has always been a secret Eighth Sage too...
Ganondorf: Even more secret than the Seventh?!
Deku Scrub: YES EVEN MORE SECRET THAN THE SEVENTH YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!
Ganondorf: Wooo...**SECRET**
Deku Scrub: Anyway, back to the story...
This was the Sage of Sheer and Utter Annoyance and Stupidity, or SSUAS for short.
Although he seemed like an empty, classic example of the Token Idiot to the whole, intricate plot of Zelda, he was actually (dramatic music, please...)
DUN DUN DUN! THE STRONGEST SAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: (gasp)
For, you see, this Sage held the ultimate power of truthfulness, that, when its truest true form was truly revealed, unleashed the truthful power of truth unto the true enemy of truthfulness, with the truest power of truthful true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judges: (blink blink)
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: YES! AND I WILL UNLEASH UPON YOU ALL MY TRUE POWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Deku Scrub: Which is to make anything he wants happen to anyone he hates. : )
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: THAT'S IT! (zaps Deku Scrub)
Deku Scrub: NO! (pops out of existence)
Link: HOW DARE YOU?! (unsheathes Master Sword) FOR YOU DEKU SCRUB!
Ganondorf: Erm...while Link gets womped by the almighty SSUAS
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: that's ALMIGHTY SSUAS! THE ALMIGHTY MUST BE IN CAPS!
Ganondorf: DON'T HURT ME! ...Anyway, while that happens, Treasure Chest Lady, will you please introduce our next guest already?
TCS Lady: SURE! This next guest is someone that I wanna eat! Please welcome Nabooru!
Nabooru: (Enters stage, notices lipstick is cracking, quickly puts on another coat of hideously pink lipstick) Um, hi, I'll be doing "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child.
Ganondorf: (too busy drooling over Nabooru) Suuuuuuuure...
Nabooru: (ahem) ALL THE WOMEN WHO INDEPENDENT, THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (throws her hands up in a ditzy manner, smacking Ganondorf full in the face)
Nabooru: ALL THE HONEYS WHO MAKIN MONEY THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (smacks Ganondorf in face again as she raises her hands)
Nabooru: ALL THE MAMMAS WHO PROFIT DOLLAS THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (throws hand into Ganondorf's face while gazing around idiotically)
Ganondorf: (has a big bruise on his lip)
Nabooru: (attempting to do a belly-dance) ALL THE LADIES WHO TRULY FEEL ME THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Ganondorf: (ducks in preparation for Zelda's hand, waits, looks up curiously, gets smacked again) THAT'S IT! (Zaps Zelda's hand, Triforce of Wisdom peels off, Ganondorf grabs it greedily and shouts in triumph as he pastes it on his own hand)
Nabooru: So, um, how was I?
Zelda: (totally unaware of pain) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! (twirling hair)
Ganondorf: (sighs at Nabooru's "beauty") I loved you...I mean, IT
Zelda: ............................................................................ .........(stares at hand, finally realizing pain) OW!
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHA!
Link: (still battling Eighth Sage - AND LOSING BADLY!!!) Help! I think he knows that my only weapon is my Master Sword! (realizes what he said, smacks lips) ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh crap...
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOL! (makes Master Sword DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY)
Link: OH NO! WITHOUT MY MASTER SWORD, I'LL LOSE MY SEX APPEAL!!!
Zelda: NO! (what's appeal?)
ALMIGHTY SSUAS; MWAHAHA! AND, BY THE DEFINITION OF RPG'S IN CODE 338-A LITTLE I, (takes out a humongous book called "RPG'S FOR DUMMIES") IF YOU LOSE YOUR SEX APPEAL, YOU CANNOT BE AN RPG HERO!!!!!!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TCS Lady: YAY! Oh, I mean...NO!
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND NOW I HAVE THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM! IT'LL BE EASY TO KILL LINK AND GET HIS TRIFORCE NOW THAT HE IS..... dare I say it? Oh, I SO dare! ...A NORMAL TEENAGER!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (face breaks out, muscles become average size, voice cracks)
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TCS Lady: Um...What should I do, Deku Scrub?
Deku Scrub: (still out of existence)
TCS Lady: Um...We'll be back...
Link: .....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ganondorf: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zelda: ...OW!
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: ...UM, MIGHT AS WELL... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Um, anyway, I don't own the characters, blah blaha blah, you know the drill. So HERE WE GO INTO THE INTRO! MWAHAHAHEEHEEHOHOHO! (Ignore me, I'm just a little hyper right now and need to get it out in my writing)
Deku Scrub: Welcome to another edition of HYLIAN IDOL!!! My biggest and best fanfic ever!
Honey (who is still Fat Carpenter Boss Guy): KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WE SHOULD STILL BE HOSTS! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Darling: Now Honey...
Honey: KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SHUT UP YOU LOSER! KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA H!
(Deku Scrub and Darling both faint from Honey's awful breath)
Darling: X - I
Deku Scrub: (X - o
Honey: ...KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Scene 7
Fishing Guy: Hey! Welcome to Hylian Idol! I'm happy to be here, how about you?!
Audience: Yay!
Cucco Guy: I'm never happy...
Fishing Guy: Hey guy! Take it easy! Be like me and be happy!
Cucco Guy: ...People are disgusting...
Link: (sighs) Honestly, I don't know WHO picks these writers, but...
Zelda: (staring blankly at ceiling while twirling hair) I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ganondorf: That explains it.
Cucco Guy: You're all disgusting.
Zelda: (dandruff falls from her hair) WHAT DO YOU MEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAN?
Link: (dandruff falls on him) EW! GET THAT NASTY JUNK OFF OF MY SILKY BODY! (brushes off dandruff in girly manner)
Fishing Guy: Um...Yeah...Well, anyway, tonight we have a very special contestant. Care to do the honors Cucco Guy?
Ganondorf: (whispers to Link) Is there any point of the Cucco Guy's existence besides giving you the Bunny Hood?
Link: (whispers back) Not really...Except to fill the empty space in front of the tree in Kakariko Village at night.
Ganondorf: Ah...
Zelda: CUCCOS ARE YUMMY!
Audience: BOO! (throws Cuccos at Zelda)
Zelda: EEK! (attempts to slap Cuccos, only falls on her head)
Cucco Guy: Well, now that we've wasted two pages of endless dribble...
Deku Scrub: And 15 minutes of my bedtime!
Fishing Guy: ...We should move on...Anyway, the next contestant is...
Cucco Guy: A disgusting person...
Ganondorf: Oh, that is it, mister! (zaps Cucco Guy into Treasure Chest Shop/Bombchu Bowling Alley lady)
Audience: (gasp)
Zelda: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
TCS Lady: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!
Fishing guy: Oh for Pete's sake!
Link: Is there a Pete in Hyrule? (puts on glasses and tries to look intelligent)
Fishing Guy: SHUT UP YOU LAZY IDIOTS!!!!! I'M FED UP WITH BEING THE VILLAGE IDIOT! IT'S ALWAYS 'FISHING GUY'S SO STUPID' OR 'FISHING GUY'S A FRIKKIN MORON!' WELL I'VE HAD IT! (eyes glow an evil red)
Deku Scrub: Whoa, watch out! Fishing Guy's mad! My powers may not be able to contain him!
Link: What do you mean 'they won't be able to contain him?' YOU'RE THE AUTHOR!
Deku Scrub: Yes, but let me tell you a story, kiddies...(screen goes to that annoying story backdrop that always comes up whenever Zelda tells a story)
You see, there has always been a secret Eighth Sage too...
Ganondorf: Even more secret than the Seventh?!
Deku Scrub: YES EVEN MORE SECRET THAN THE SEVENTH YOU IDIOT!!!!!!!!!
Ganondorf: Wooo...**SECRET**
Deku Scrub: Anyway, back to the story...
This was the Sage of Sheer and Utter Annoyance and Stupidity, or SSUAS for short.
Although he seemed like an empty, classic example of the Token Idiot to the whole, intricate plot of Zelda, he was actually (dramatic music, please...)
DUN DUN DUN! THE STRONGEST SAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Audience: (gasp)
For, you see, this Sage held the ultimate power of truthfulness, that, when its truest true form was truly revealed, unleashed the truthful power of truth unto the true enemy of truthfulness, with the truest power of truthful true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judges: (blink blink)
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: YES! AND I WILL UNLEASH UPON YOU ALL MY TRUE POWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Deku Scrub: Which is to make anything he wants happen to anyone he hates. : )
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: THAT'S IT! (zaps Deku Scrub)
Deku Scrub: NO! (pops out of existence)
Link: HOW DARE YOU?! (unsheathes Master Sword) FOR YOU DEKU SCRUB!
Ganondorf: Erm...while Link gets womped by the almighty SSUAS
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: that's ALMIGHTY SSUAS! THE ALMIGHTY MUST BE IN CAPS!
Ganondorf: DON'T HURT ME! ...Anyway, while that happens, Treasure Chest Lady, will you please introduce our next guest already?
TCS Lady: SURE! This next guest is someone that I wanna eat! Please welcome Nabooru!
Nabooru: (Enters stage, notices lipstick is cracking, quickly puts on another coat of hideously pink lipstick) Um, hi, I'll be doing "Independent Women" by Destiny's Child.
Ganondorf: (too busy drooling over Nabooru) Suuuuuuuure...
Nabooru: (ahem) ALL THE WOMEN WHO INDEPENDENT, THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (throws her hands up in a ditzy manner, smacking Ganondorf full in the face)
Nabooru: ALL THE HONEYS WHO MAKIN MONEY THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (smacks Ganondorf in face again as she raises her hands)
Nabooru: ALL THE MAMMAS WHO PROFIT DOLLAS THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Zelda: (throws hand into Ganondorf's face while gazing around idiotically)
Ganondorf: (has a big bruise on his lip)
Nabooru: (attempting to do a belly-dance) ALL THE LADIES WHO TRULY FEEL ME THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT ME!
Ganondorf: (ducks in preparation for Zelda's hand, waits, looks up curiously, gets smacked again) THAT'S IT! (Zaps Zelda's hand, Triforce of Wisdom peels off, Ganondorf grabs it greedily and shouts in triumph as he pastes it on his own hand)
Nabooru: So, um, how was I?
Zelda: (totally unaware of pain) IT WAS GREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! (twirling hair)
Ganondorf: (sighs at Nabooru's "beauty") I loved you...I mean, IT
Zelda: ............................................................................ .........(stares at hand, finally realizing pain) OW!
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHA!
Link: (still battling Eighth Sage - AND LOSING BADLY!!!) Help! I think he knows that my only weapon is my Master Sword! (realizes what he said, smacks lips) ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh crap...
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FOOL! (makes Master Sword DISAPPEAR ENTIRELY)
Link: OH NO! WITHOUT MY MASTER SWORD, I'LL LOSE MY SEX APPEAL!!!
Zelda: NO! (what's appeal?)
ALMIGHTY SSUAS; MWAHAHA! AND, BY THE DEFINITION OF RPG'S IN CODE 338-A LITTLE I, (takes out a humongous book called "RPG'S FOR DUMMIES") IF YOU LOSE YOUR SEX APPEAL, YOU CANNOT BE AN RPG HERO!!!!!!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
TCS Lady: YAY! Oh, I mean...NO!
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND NOW I HAVE THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM! IT'LL BE EASY TO KILL LINK AND GET HIS TRIFORCE NOW THAT HE IS..... dare I say it? Oh, I SO dare! ...A NORMAL TEENAGER!
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (face breaks out, muscles become average size, voice cracks)
Ganondorf: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
TCS Lady: Um...What should I do, Deku Scrub?
Deku Scrub: (still out of existence)
TCS Lady: Um...We'll be back...
Link: .....OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Ganondorf: ...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Zelda: ...OW!
ALMIGHTY SSUAS: ...UM, MIGHT AS WELL... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!