All rights belong to Crystal Dynamics and Eidos Interactive concerning Soul Reaver, Soul Reaver 2, Legacy of Kain, etc. As for me, I'm just a sad little gurl who luvs her video games too much @_@

This fic is my first attempt at making a serious fic with serious angst to boot. I hope you all enjoy it, and I would appreciate feedback if you so desire.

ASTRID

In life I was Astrid Hlin Gunnlod, daughter of the prestigious vampire slayer Bjorn Gunnlod, whose reputation was revered by humans and feared by the dark creatures of the night. He once single-handedly slew an entire horde with but one axe, and no other man has been able to top that feat.
But for all his might he could not prevent one solitary vampire from entering my chambers one night and robbing me of my virginity. I was known only as Astrid after that.
It was fast and hard, and the pain lives forever with me; for on that night that vampire planted within me a parasite that drew out my blood until I had to steal from others to survive. My mother feared that I might be with child and sought the man who had visited me.
My father, on the other hand, knew exactly what was wrong with me and did nothing to stop it, no matter how I begged or pleaded with him. He became my first meal once my mutation to vampire form was complete; shortly after I killed my mother, as I couldn't have her rally the whole town against me.
As the curse in my womb wrought its handiwork, I succumbed to the bloodthirst ever so slowly, and eventually fell to slaying those who in life had been my closest confidants.
I drew the life regretfully from my best friend, cradling her cold body in my arms, tears of blood running down my cheeks.
She gasped and struggled for breath. She reached out, her hand trembling.
I have no good reason for taking your life, friend. I must sustain myself. And I couldn't bear the thought of you shoving a stake through my heart and damning me to eternal hellfire.
She and I embraced one last time, and she whispered, I'll always love you. Meet me in the afterlife.
Then she sighed and fell limp.

My next objective was to kill the man who had done this to me. I was able to locate him easily, following a trail of scent that I recognized as distinctly vampiric. The townspeople around me seemed to be unaware of such odors, their nasal acuity dulled by years of filth piled in the streets. I followed his trail to a hollow in a remote outcropping of rocks and immediately detected a strong smell of blood.
Perhaps he'd chosen another victim and taken her back to his lair, I thought. Taking my chances, I picked up a fallen tree branch and entered.
Upon entering the main hollow of his cavernous lair, I saw it was his own spilled blood that had attracted me so, and standing above his corpse was a woman, taller and more elegantly arrayed than I, and furling her luminescent wings behind her on my approach. She smeared his blood off her lips and addressed me.
So, Astrid, you sought vengeance as well? Her lips curled into a smile.
Who...are you? I clutched the branch, ready to strike if she made a move.
She laughed and tossed her long, braided hair. Don't you recognize me? Or has it really been so long since Father sacrificed me?
Father'?!...you can't possibly...what is your name?
I am—or rather, was—Enkeli Tro Gunnlod, your sister, but now I am only Enkeli the Unique, the clan leader of the Chaos vampires. I don't care which one you call me.
Slowly I sank to my knees, dropping the stick I would have raised against my long-lost sister.
She noticed my despair and continued to speak. Why don't you join my clan? You'll never survive on your own. I was surprised this guy evaded me for so long.
Your...clan?...You killed him...as vengeance?
Why else would I slay a fellow vampire? She began to walk around the room, circling me as I crouched over the floor. I also intended to kill Father for giving me up and then killing more vampires to cover up his guilt. But since you've taken care of that, and Mother as well, I feel I should thank you. Consider it a gift, from one sister to another... She knelt before me and looked me in the eye. ...because I'll be saving your ass in the process.
I dared not ask from what she was saving me; suddenly I could faintly hear the shouts of an angry mob and smelled their burning torches and their raging tempers. She told me to go hide in a corner and left to meet the mob outside the cave. Their words ricocheted off the cave walls, and I was able to understand only that the townspeople were after the one who now lay dead on the floor. My sister replied something, to which the mob leader responded with an angry shout, followed by more shouts and then screams. Enkeli walked back a few moments later, smiling ever so faintly.
Would you care to join me? There's a feast to be had out of doors.
Eagerly I followed her, greedily anticipating a few slurps of a feast I at once reviled and rejoiced in.
Once outside, however, I nearly dropped my jaw. Dead people lay in gruesome bloody heaps all over the ground. The dying groaned from inside the piles of corpses.
Oh...how could you? I gasped.
Enkeli laughed. You're still a bit too human yet, Astrid. You know nothing of what it is to be a true vampire. We are here to keep the human herd in check. Now, the first step to losing your human weaknesses is to put those miserable fools out of their misery. She disappeared into the cavern, tossing her hair.
I watched her recede into the darkness and then turned back to the massacre grounds. I pitied the husbands and fathers and brothers and sons who all lay bleeding, but I'm still not quite sure if I saw their spilled blood as a waste of life or a waste of food. Nevertheless, I drained each and every one of those wounded, making the first move down a long path of shame and dehumanization.

The next step I took was to learn the art of staff wielding. My sister, who eventually became my master, supplied my untrained hands with an ornate polearm and dared me to challenge her.
I gazed at the beautiful weapon, realizing its uselessness in my hands, and raised an eyebrow.
You expect me to fight you? She chuckled as I continued, What is the matter with you? You're the leader of a clan and you're asking me, your little sister who's got just a sliver of a fraction of your power, to fight you in a duel?
Well, they say you'll never know unless you try.
I hesitated just a moment longer, feeling the smooth warmth of the staff in my hands. Her frustrated growl edged me into the inevitable combat, as I sought not to infuriate my newfound benefactor. I had no inkling of the powers she could summon against me were she enraged, nor was I foolish enough to find out myself.
She parried each of my blows expertly, and I did as much for her. It seemed, after all, that we were an even match for each other, and that the duel would continue endlessly unless someone made a crucial move—which I selflessly took by allowing her to disarm me and beat me over the head with her staff.
Very good, Astrid, she applauded. You've realized the most important rule of combat. If you're fighting something much stronger than yourself, don't push it.
Now that you've proven yourself as a worthy warrior and vampire, you may follow me to my chambers. I have a gift you're sure to adore.
Her startling degree of arrogance amazed me, but I was not one to dwell long on other's faults. Or rather, I should say, I used to be that way. Since that day and everafter, I've changed. Some changes were subtle, some quite obvious.
Her gift to me was a small beaker of her blood, which she directed me to imbibe. Warily I followed her command and delicately swallowed the blood.
Once inside my body, it surged rapidly through all the derelict vessels of my vampiric body, plunging through all my defunct organs, and infused me with powers I never imagined possible. Pain seared through my body as my back was torn open by my very own pair of shimmering wings, dripping with the blood and flesh they had burst through on their way out.
Enkeli smiled as she observed my agony and drew aside the curtains on her window. The harsh afternoon sun boiled the blood and flesh from my wings and fluffed out the feathers.
I writhed on the floor, expecting death to come mercifully and quickly, and gasped. Slowly I stood and faced the window, and suffered not one burn. The light of the sun, once the bane of all banes, felt as good upon my skin as it had when I was human.
What...is this? Why is the sun not harming me?
Enkeli chuckled. That is one of the powers each of my fledglings inherits upon tasting my blood. Another is the handsome pair of wings on your back. Within several days' time, those wings will be lifting you high above the slopes and villages of Ihrlandja.
You, however, are the first of my Chaos vampires to receive the blessing of a Dark Gift. Only the most powerful of vampires have a gift such as yours. My gift is, surprisingly enough, to restore a broken, mangled, or rotten body to its former glory. She shrugged as she continued, I see no purpose for this gift in the company of self-regenerating vampires, but the one who granted it to me informed me that someday, it may change the entire history of Nosgoth.
...what is my gift, sister? I whimpered, still shocked from the pain of my wings.
That is for you to find out on your own, dear Astrid. I was told of my gift only because my savior knew what exactly it was he was giving me, and he said it was very necessary that I knew my power.
I shook my hair in the warm sunlight and gazed sadly at the landscape surrounding Enkeli's castle carved into the cliffside. Never again would I be able to traverse those forest paths and enjoy the charming scenery of the human lifestyle.
It ached, and yet I felt an opposing longing, a yearning to soar above those pitiful humans, eternally grounded and at the mercy of flying vampires such as myself. A smile cracked the cold mask of my face, then a giggle as I licked my fangs. Oh, how tempting was the power I now possessed over those puny mortals who only recently were my comrades.
Suddenly my belly ached, and I doubled over in a futile attempt to quench the hurt. It must have been that parasite that the vampire planted in me. I realized I should probably remove that parasite if I was to find any joy in this vampiric unlife which I had just begun.

Time marched on ceaselessly. Three centuries have passed since the day I received Enkeli's gift, and almost so long since I discovered the wonders of flight. Humanity slowly had less to offer me over these centuries than a source of vital nutrition.
Enkeli prides herself on the fearsome woman I have become. No one can stand up to me, neither human nor vampire, without in some way groveling in the presence of my might. My wings, a beautiful silver that flashes white in the sun, can take me everywhere.
My Dark Gift remains a mystery, even to myself. Nothing I try can bring those mystical powers out from my very soul. Perhaps it is necessary to leave the Chaos clan, only for a short time, to find my powers.
I bring this possibility to Enkeli's attention and she smiles.
I never imagined you would stay here very long, she replies. Centuries have passed, but there are centuries more ahead of you—and all around you—that you must experience yourself. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
She reaches behind her throne, withdraws a silky scarf, and tosses it across my right shoulder.
Take this with you. Something tells me you'll need it.
I nod my respects to her and take off into the sky from the large window in the ceiling of the throneroom.

Once aloft, I find myself wondering about the oceans surrounding Ihrlandja. My home country is by no means a small island nation, but a large landmass with no immediate neighbors. The vast expanses of water must surely separate my land from some other place. With that in mind, I set out to the west and sail over the blue waters.
I wasn't prepared for such a long journey, at least not well prepared. I flew from sunrise to sunset before finding a place to land, and once there I had no choice but to roost in the scraggly remains of a miniature tree.
The bats beside me gaze at me all night, and I at them, for I had no need of sleep. My tired wings need to rest, and these bats are too afraid to take the rest they so desperately wanted.
In the morning, when the bats finally curl up for their repose, I become so ravenously hungry that I succumb to feasting on the small blood these puny creatures hold and that of the nearby fish in the sea. Nothing is more repugnant than bat blood, except maybe fish blood.
How dissatisfying! I must find a human—and fast.

Once again, I take to the skies and fly until my wings can scarcely move. Today I find myself cresting the top of a mountain range and stumbling upon an elegant structure in the middle of one mountain.
It resembles an aerie, one constructed for birds the size of men. Without understanding why, I descend into the structure and search the building for any sign of life.
I call out. Is anybody home?
I hear no reply. What does catch my attention, however, is a chest laid up against a wall. As I approach, the design on the lid becomes more clear.
This chest appears to harbor a blade, one with mysterious powers. I lift the lid and discover the very blade depicted on the chest, lying still in its rest.
What was it...what did sister tell me about the ancients?
This curved blade is somehow familiar to me, though I know not why. I can't place the sensation I feel as I gaze upon it, nor can I remember what the blade was called. All I know is that it somehow finds its way to my hand, as if it commanded me to take it somewhere, and it feels good in my grasp.
You there! What are you doing??
I startle at the voice and replace the blade in its chest.
A man-like figure with huge, black wings, rushes down a long hall towards me. I can't imagine his intentions are too kind, as I just rooted through his personal belongings.
I shout as I dive out to the balcony and fly off into the falling snow.

This close call with the winged man of blue flesh reminds me of my deep hunger for blood. I'm not sure what it is about him; he seems to be as far from humans and vampires alike that he can call no one his kin.
A small village just on the other side of the mountain beckons to my thirsty self, and I plummet into the home of a very unlucky human.
she screams. Sarafan!! Save me!!
No one can save you now!! I retort.
I grab her and sink my fangs into her much-welcomed flesh. Her warm blood pools in my mouth and trickles down her shoulder, and I am at once relieved. My mind is restored, as are my senses—which suddenly alert me to the presence of another human in this very house.
JANOS AUDRON!! the human shouts at me as he rushes up the stairs to this room.
Your evil scheme ends here!!
He bursts through the door with his sword brandished and ready to gut me. He falters upon seeing a woman standing before him with her wings unfurled about her, rather than the man he wishes to destroy.
Oh. Are you looking for someone? I ask. His armor, though impressive, could not stand four blows from my staff.
He lowers his eyebrows and grunts. No matter; I shall slay all the foul kin of that demon vampire!
You're not very bright, are you? I claim no one as my kin but my sister Enkeli and the Ancient Ones. This Janos Audron...whomever he may be, I know him not and refuse to be classified as his ally.
Heh. Your fancy words will not stay my righteous hand from destroying you, vampire scum!
He charges at me and finds his sword stuck in the post of the dead woman's canopy bed.
Who are you to call yourself righteous, human? Only those with ultimate powers are allowed to be the righteous. You, being a human, can only languish in your desire for the power I and the Ancient Ones possess.
STOP TALKING!! he bellows as he charges at me once more.
I do not wish to fight this measly being, as I would destroy him quickly and get no pleasure from draining his arrogant blood. I remember the scarf about my neck and grasp it in my hands, weaving it in and around his body and mine, trailing it through time and space and hoping he will be distracted by the scarf.
He blinks, sheathes his sword and asks me, Is there anything wrong, Madam?
I turn to the dead woman's mirror and gasp. In that shiny pool I see the man who had just attacked me and, in my place, the image of the dead woman.

Madam? Are you all right?
Oh. I'm quite all right. I—thought I saw something coming towards me, and thought you might help save me.
He smiles, and I almost find myself blushing. Well, as long as you're not harmed, I don't need to be here. Unless you would like for me to stay...
This is most excellent, I tell myself. My Dark Gift must be illusions, because he doesn't remember who I am, nor does he see that corpse on the floor. I will enjoy this very much.
Ah, perhaps you should not stay, young man. As you see, I was just getting dressed for a long night of work—
I see that, my beautiful Madam. Then I shall take my leave of you—but I would love to come back here. You know the Sarafan could always use more recruits.
Oh, you're always welcome here! I laugh, secretly infuriated by his lecherous insult to my womanhood.
some highly irritated man shouts from outside. Get back to your post at once, you young fool!!
Raziel bows most politely to me, apologizes for bursting into my room, and darts back down the stairs.
I sink into the dead woman's bed and sigh.
Already I found myself some trouble. I've pissed off a creepy man with blue skin and wings, have a foolish human vampire slayer head-over-heels for me, and I've taken the role of a whore! What would my poor sister think of me now?

I decide to not find out for a long time what my sister would see me as, now that I had tricked this young man into believing I wasn't an almighty vampire but a lowly brothel girl. Though his unwarranted vindication against all vampires bothers me ever so much, his manly charms entertain the girl I once was, and we often spend nights together.
I wait for ten years in that little village under the mountain lair of the blade and the blue man. I wait, and then I tire of the human life and decide to leave. My illusions follow me through this mystical land with no name, and perhaps that young Sarafan priest Raziel has forgotten me entirely.
No one suspects me as a vampire. Whenever I come into the lair of humans I weave my illusions and become one of them, preying on their most dastardly bandits and chauvinist pigs. I thin the herd, move on to the next town, and repeat the process.
No one fears the godly vampire Astrid. No one knows she is hiding in the husk of the seductive lady Astrid. Without all the usual fear and hate accompanying my name, I find my job as a vampire can be carried out much easier.
All the joy in my silent massacre abandons me when I hear news of a Sarafan plot to slay the greatest vampire in all of Nosgoth. Unaware of the close-mindedness of these fools, I assume the humans are referring to my sister as the greatest vampire. I hurry to find the Sarafan before they can slay my benefactor.

Stupid Sarafan! I curse as I soar to their stronghold, towards which some fool had been kind enough to direct me. Do you wish to bring all the powers of the Chaos vampires upon your easily cracked skulls??
I am almost there when I suddenly notice a strange creature in the forest below me. It ambles along on two cloven feet, with small flaps of blue flesh trailing behind it from its back.
What manner of peculiar beast is that? I wonder silently. I must find out. How intriguing it is!
For this hunt, there is no need of my illusions. I am once again the vampire I respect, and I flit from tree to tree in pursuit of this emaciated blue beast. It seems to not have much in the way of a body holding itself together, but the chance that it has any blood to drink persuades me to keep after it.
It stops in the middle of its trek to the Sarafan stronghold and shouts to the trees.
I know you're there, vampire. Show yourself, or forever keep your cowardice!
I dive from the trees to land before it and scoff.
How dare you suggest that a vampire could be a coward!
It narrows its glowing eye-slits and bitterly retorts, In all my life, the vampires I've known are cowards.
You must have known some very weak vampires.
Even my maker Kain was a coward. The cowardly pawn of whatever dark forces are out to destroy Nosgoth.
Oh, now we're blaming demons and devils for your own kin's weakness? What are you, to insult vampires so relentlessly?
I am Raziel, the Soul Reaver. I am here only to avenge Janos Audron.
His words certainly are amusing, as I double over laughing before him.
OH! you? You're not that handsome young Sarafan priest who's absolutely smitten for me, nor are you the wraith blade of the Ancient Ones! You have balls to try throwing that bullshit at me!! Raziel?! I think not!
He seems to be a very easily annoyed person, as he barks back at me.
Your vanity blinds you, fool vampire. I AM the very same Raziel you speak of. I am as close to one of the ancient vampires as you'll ever have the fortune of meeting. I AM the Soul Reaver itself, don't you see?
He holds out his right arm for inspection and, as I watch, the coils of a blue wraith blade wrap around his fleshless arm and take the shape of the blade I saw in the winged man's aerie.
The Reaver disappears just as quickly as it appeared, and Raziel continues, I'm surprised the Sarafan haven't already destroyed you in your vain fits of self-appreciation, which I'm sure are many and frequent.
Oh, are you just jealous because you don't have wings as lovely as mine? You must be, you poor tiresome little creature.
...I used to have functional wings. That was before I stopped being a vampire and became this.
He starts to walk off towards the Sarafan stronghold, but he doesn't get very far before I pursue him and barrage him relentlessly with taunts.
You'd love if your wings worked half as well as mine, true? You can't even flap those useless pieces of flesh on your back. I imagine you don't have any friends either, what with that horrid look you always have on your face. You've fallen from the ranks of vampire, and you're not even half as charming as a human. You're even less than a demon, with that horrid little body! Oh, woe is the poor lonely Soul Reaver, wandering this cursed land with no friends—
He clutches my neck with his cloven hand and squeezes surprisingly hard. I find it impossible to reply as he vents his frustration on me.
DAMN YOUR INFERNAL CHATTER!! Janos Audron WAS my friend, my ONLY friend, and he's just been slain! Leave me to my mission, or I'll murder you along with those Sarafan DOGS!!
He coarsely tosses me to the side of the road and continues down the path.
I scrape the twigs from my hair and mutter curses.
You're not Raziel. You don't know anything that happened between us. Raziel loved me.
Something rustles the bushes behind me—I turn, and a child runs through the bushes towards the stronghold.

Hey! Child! I pursue her, fearful of the drastic measures she may take to save herself. If I could remember one bit of my training from centuries ago, it was a deep respect for children. Enkeli had warned me, if a child ever came to harm and I was to blame, my death would be slow and painful.
Please, don't run! I will not hurt you, child! Please stop!
she screams, stumbling over fallen trees and hurting herself in her mad dash for safety.
She bursts into a clearing, where I stop just short of exposing myself to the nearby humans, and buries her head into the belly of one of the Sarafan guards.
the guard cries out. What's wrong?
Ohh...it's terrible. I saw a vampire and—some horrible creature, and they were plotting to get into the stronghold and slay all of us!
He embraces the child closer to himself and stiffens his shoulders.
No such thing shall happen, Libera. I thank you kindly for warning us.
Another Sarafan guard picks up his trident and asks, Raziel? Shall I go back and warn the others?
Go, Melchiah. I will follow you shortly.
The other guard tears off into the wilderness, and Raziel strokes the trembling child's hair.
Do you know where the vampire is now, child?
She shakes her head. She followed me here, but I don't know where she is now. Oh Father, I'm so scared!
Father?
Father!?
I must save Raziel and the girl from that beast!