Chapter 5- My Way Out
'Clark told me that I was the one constant thing in his life. That he appreciated me. I wish I cared. It means nothing to me. Clark is so oblivious to the way I feel, but that's nothing new! I've been especially rude to Clark. I can't help it. I'm so tired of being a last resort. If no one else is around *cough*LanaLex*cough* then he'll pick me. We never talk anymore. I feel my love for him changing. I'm not sure what exactly it is changing into. Scary thing is, I really don't care.'
* * *
'I'm so stupid! I thought that Justin actually cared about me. You'd think I know by now that that isn't possible. Justin made me feel special. That was before he tried to kill me. Once again, Clark saved the day. I was so mad at Clark that I was fuming, but I couldn't help clinging to him. I was really afraid that I was going to die this time. Then, later at the Talon Clark held my hand. He initiated it, not me. I was so happy that I forgot every reason that I had for being mad.
That was before the funeral. Whitney's father passed away. It was pouring rain as the priest read from the Bible. Clark and Lana were looking longingly at each other over the casket. It was morbid. We were standing around a coffin, and Lana and Clark couldn't keep their eyes off of one another. It was sick. It's moments like these that remind me why I should hate Clark.'
Clark was horrified. How could Chloe think those things? Without hesitation Clark reached for the phone.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Do me a favor?" Clark asked trying to control his voice.
"Anything," Lex replied.
"Find Chloe," Clark said.
"Clark." Lex warned.
"Lex, I need to know where she is. If she's okay. You're the only one I know who can find her," Clark said resorting to begging.
"I'll call you back within the hour," Lex said choosing to save his questioning for later.
Clark hung up the phone and read the last two entries of the diary.
'Today I was buried alive. I almost died. Want to know a secret? I was actually at peace. At first I fought against the lid of the coffin, but as I lost oxygen I gave in. I kept thinking that if I was dead, than I wouldn't have to think about Clark. Now who's being morbid? Clark saved me. In reality, I knew he would and I wanted him to. I really did. Deep inside, I didn't want to die.
Clark asked me to the Spring Formal/Prom. I accepted. He apologized for waiting so long to ask me. I told him it was worth the wait.. Part of me hopes that he's coming around. The sensible side thinks that he's only doing it because he knows he can't take Lana. I hope my sensible side is wrong! Of course, based on previous experience logic will win again.'
* * *
'Clark left me at the dance. Alone. For Lana. I should have seen it coming. What am I saying? I did see it coming, I just chose to believe Clark when he said he was going with me by choice and not default. This was the last straw. No more of this. I have already packed. I did most of it in my dress. I leave in two days. The night of graduation. I don't know where I'm going. All I know is that I am getting out. I am leaving the Farmboy and this life behind. No one knows that I am leaving. It's better that way. I'm sure that they won't even miss me!
I'm planting this diary in Farmboy's loft in hopes that he will find it. A tiny part of me wants Clark to come after me and save me from myself. I just hope he can do it before my heart turns to stone. My heart is already black.it's just a matter of time before it withers up and dies. If that happens all will be lost. (I'm being melodramatic, I know. I just can't explain it any other way.)'
Clark jumped when the phone rang.
"Clark, I have it," Lex said when Clark had answered.
Clark scrambled for a pen. "What is it?"
"1315 West 49th Street. Apartment 4G," Lex answered.
"Isn't that." Clark trailed off.
"The slum district of Metropolis," Lex supplied. "Chloe didn't exactly get the job she had dreamed of. There's something you need to know."
"What is it?" Clark asked curiously.
"She's different now. Like I said, she didn't get a job at the Planet like she had hoped. She had no money, no way to make a living. She got desperate, Clark," Lex explained.
"What are you trying to say, Lex?" Clark asked impatiently.
"Clark, she had to resort to prostitution," Lex said gently.
"No! Not my Chloe," Clark exclaimed. "Chloe could never do something like that. You read the article she wrote when she interned at the Planet. She did a whole editorial on the prostitutes of Metropolis. She thought that it was a disgusting job, and that no one needed to stoop that low no matter what the circumstances."
"She's not your Chloe anymore, Clark. She's not the same person. Desperate times call for desperate measures. She's changed her name to Lynnsey Lee. She's tried to erase her past life. She even had her birth certificate changed. Don't forget that, Clark. I don't want you getting hurt," Lex said.
"I know, Lex., but you have to understand I-" Clark said.
Lex cut him off. "I do understand. I know what it's like to lose someone and then have the chance to get them back.."
"I have a chance, Lex. Now that I know where she is I'm going to fight for her," Clark told him.
"Let me help, Clark. Let me see if there's something that I can do," Lex insisted.
"I know you want to handle it for me, but I have to do it myself," Clark said. "You can't fight all of my battles."
"Not even just this one?" Lex added hopefully.
"No," Clark said, his tone ending the conversation.
"Fine. Whatever you want, but call if you need anything at all," Lex said, giving in.
"I will," Clark said hanging up the phone.
'Clark told me that I was the one constant thing in his life. That he appreciated me. I wish I cared. It means nothing to me. Clark is so oblivious to the way I feel, but that's nothing new! I've been especially rude to Clark. I can't help it. I'm so tired of being a last resort. If no one else is around *cough*LanaLex*cough* then he'll pick me. We never talk anymore. I feel my love for him changing. I'm not sure what exactly it is changing into. Scary thing is, I really don't care.'
* * *
'I'm so stupid! I thought that Justin actually cared about me. You'd think I know by now that that isn't possible. Justin made me feel special. That was before he tried to kill me. Once again, Clark saved the day. I was so mad at Clark that I was fuming, but I couldn't help clinging to him. I was really afraid that I was going to die this time. Then, later at the Talon Clark held my hand. He initiated it, not me. I was so happy that I forgot every reason that I had for being mad.
That was before the funeral. Whitney's father passed away. It was pouring rain as the priest read from the Bible. Clark and Lana were looking longingly at each other over the casket. It was morbid. We were standing around a coffin, and Lana and Clark couldn't keep their eyes off of one another. It was sick. It's moments like these that remind me why I should hate Clark.'
Clark was horrified. How could Chloe think those things? Without hesitation Clark reached for the phone.
"Hello?" he asked.
"Do me a favor?" Clark asked trying to control his voice.
"Anything," Lex replied.
"Find Chloe," Clark said.
"Clark." Lex warned.
"Lex, I need to know where she is. If she's okay. You're the only one I know who can find her," Clark said resorting to begging.
"I'll call you back within the hour," Lex said choosing to save his questioning for later.
Clark hung up the phone and read the last two entries of the diary.
'Today I was buried alive. I almost died. Want to know a secret? I was actually at peace. At first I fought against the lid of the coffin, but as I lost oxygen I gave in. I kept thinking that if I was dead, than I wouldn't have to think about Clark. Now who's being morbid? Clark saved me. In reality, I knew he would and I wanted him to. I really did. Deep inside, I didn't want to die.
Clark asked me to the Spring Formal/Prom. I accepted. He apologized for waiting so long to ask me. I told him it was worth the wait.. Part of me hopes that he's coming around. The sensible side thinks that he's only doing it because he knows he can't take Lana. I hope my sensible side is wrong! Of course, based on previous experience logic will win again.'
* * *
'Clark left me at the dance. Alone. For Lana. I should have seen it coming. What am I saying? I did see it coming, I just chose to believe Clark when he said he was going with me by choice and not default. This was the last straw. No more of this. I have already packed. I did most of it in my dress. I leave in two days. The night of graduation. I don't know where I'm going. All I know is that I am getting out. I am leaving the Farmboy and this life behind. No one knows that I am leaving. It's better that way. I'm sure that they won't even miss me!
I'm planting this diary in Farmboy's loft in hopes that he will find it. A tiny part of me wants Clark to come after me and save me from myself. I just hope he can do it before my heart turns to stone. My heart is already black.it's just a matter of time before it withers up and dies. If that happens all will be lost. (I'm being melodramatic, I know. I just can't explain it any other way.)'
Clark jumped when the phone rang.
"Clark, I have it," Lex said when Clark had answered.
Clark scrambled for a pen. "What is it?"
"1315 West 49th Street. Apartment 4G," Lex answered.
"Isn't that." Clark trailed off.
"The slum district of Metropolis," Lex supplied. "Chloe didn't exactly get the job she had dreamed of. There's something you need to know."
"What is it?" Clark asked curiously.
"She's different now. Like I said, she didn't get a job at the Planet like she had hoped. She had no money, no way to make a living. She got desperate, Clark," Lex explained.
"What are you trying to say, Lex?" Clark asked impatiently.
"Clark, she had to resort to prostitution," Lex said gently.
"No! Not my Chloe," Clark exclaimed. "Chloe could never do something like that. You read the article she wrote when she interned at the Planet. She did a whole editorial on the prostitutes of Metropolis. She thought that it was a disgusting job, and that no one needed to stoop that low no matter what the circumstances."
"She's not your Chloe anymore, Clark. She's not the same person. Desperate times call for desperate measures. She's changed her name to Lynnsey Lee. She's tried to erase her past life. She even had her birth certificate changed. Don't forget that, Clark. I don't want you getting hurt," Lex said.
"I know, Lex., but you have to understand I-" Clark said.
Lex cut him off. "I do understand. I know what it's like to lose someone and then have the chance to get them back.."
"I have a chance, Lex. Now that I know where she is I'm going to fight for her," Clark told him.
"Let me help, Clark. Let me see if there's something that I can do," Lex insisted.
"I know you want to handle it for me, but I have to do it myself," Clark said. "You can't fight all of my battles."
"Not even just this one?" Lex added hopefully.
"No," Clark said, his tone ending the conversation.
"Fine. Whatever you want, but call if you need anything at all," Lex said, giving in.
"I will," Clark said hanging up the phone.