Each of us like you
has died once
each of us like you
has passed through drift of
wood-leaves
cracked and bent
and tortured and unbent
in the winter frost,
then burnt into gold points,
lighted afresh,
crisp amber, scales of gold-leaf,
gold turned and re-welded
in the sun heat;
each of us is like you
has died once,
each of us has crossed an old wood-path
and found the winter leaves
so golden in the sun fire
that even the live wood-flowers
were dark.
~~~~~~~~~
-Excerpt from H. Doolittle
Part 1:The Past
Chapter 1
May 2000
I'm not sorry I stole this from you. Nor am I sorry I've read your previous entries since they've always managed to lead to some surfacing truth. I am sorry that you are not at my side right now as I celebrate this victory.
It is the millennium and civilization is still at a dead end. The only true triumph at hand is the death of monstrosity and ascendancy. The cigarette smoking man is dead. I was the one who held the honour of murdering that self-indulgent son of a bitch.
I did it for you. I did it for us.
I wish you could have seen the absolute panic in his emotionless eyes. I can still remember it so vividly. He knew his fate had been sealed long ago, but he was dismayed and surprised that it was I whom he was bargaining his life for. A plea for humanity.
Hah. To think, after all the lives he's ruined, he still views himself as the hierarchy of humanity.
All the pain he's caused in his lifetime. So many had fallen prey to this.this fraud. I reveled
in such revenge.
I wish you had been there to seen it, but I knew you had more threatening issues at hand.
June 2000
Washington, D.C.
Cassidy Adamson wished she was anywhere other than where she was right now.
A storm was brewing. Or was about to.
After inspecting her recently gnawed at nails, she began to survey Assistant Director's Skinner's office. Fortunately, the A.D.'s now stagnant position at the bureau hadn't affected his traditional mind, including his hand at interior decor.
The framed pictures of Reno and Clinton still hung proud, falsifying the current events at the White House. Cassidy sighed. She never had been interested in politics.
Turning her head, she caught the reflection glimpse of her former superior's name plate.
Assistant Director Walter Sergei Skinner.
Not intimidated the slightest at the grandeur of the title, not to mention of the name, Cassidy crossed her arms and ran through her stance on the matter at hand. She was more than indifferent to any offer the assistant director had to give her, even if it was working back for Agent Scully. When Sharon, Skinner's newest and greenest secretary, had called the previous week, Cassidy didn't even consider wanting to work for Scully any further. Dismissed by the bureau 3 months ago, she thought she would be able to lead a close to normal life.
The door opened and the towering AD walked in.
Walter Skinner wore his no-nonsense look wherever he was. In his late thirties and somewhat pre-maturely balding, Skinner had learned at a very young age to keep whatever emotion he felt hidden from general sight.
He had folded to strict upbringing on his Navy Intelligence father's behalf, learning when to restraint control and when to step forward. At 6'2 with piercing dark eyes, he didn't bother sympathizing for those agents who fidgeted and squirmed when they caught him in plain view. He did, however, give credit to those who did not. Which is why he held a fondness in his heart for the soulful Agent Scully, not to mention the disliked Agent Mulder, who, perhaps, could have rightfully been the cause behind Skinner's lack of hair, since he seemed to be pulling it out in frustration every time Mulder came through the door.
The assistant director prayed to whatever fates above that those days were not the last he'd see of Agent Mulder.
"I apologize to keep you waiting. There was some confusion downstairs I had to sort out." He sat down behind his desk and locked eyes with the young girl. She was growing up to be a beautiful young woman, but there was something unnerving in her eyes. Skinner stiffened as he remembered the similarity in Alex's eyes as the bastard renegade had stared him down, with Skinner's life in his hand.
"Please. Don't drag this out any longer than it has to be. At least give me that much. Let's just pretend that I'm not stupid for once and get straight to the point." Cassidy sat up straighter. She had no reason to be afraid of anyone anymore. The two most pernicious men seemed to have faded out of her life for good. Albeit Agent Mulder still pursued his cause, her mind reeled.
Skinner's jaw tightened. Stubborn, as usual.
"The point.is that we need you back." Skinner almost grimaced as he heard the not quite subtle pleading in his voice.
"No," the girl didn't miss a beat.
"You haven't let me finished.."
"The answer is no."
There was a painful silence. Cassidy stood up.
"If there isn't anything useful you've planned to tell me, I'm going to go now and do something productive with my time. Good afternoon."
Cassidy was two steps away from the doorway when Skinner spoke up.
"Agent Mulder's gone."
Cassidy's body betrayed her as it went numb. She shouldn't have cared, but for some reason she was unable to continue to walk out of the office. She turned around, nerves beginning to shake.
"She needs you." He watched as the girl took her seat again and settled in. He hadn't meant to lure the girl like he was now, but it was his last hope. Mulder had to be found and he knew what Cassidy was capable of.
"Mulder left."
"No. Mulder was taken."
"By whom?" Cassidy's eyes were wide and her voice shaky.
"I think you know." Skinner leaned forward and scribbled something down. Cassidy tried to see what it was but a look from the AD told her to do otherwise. He got up and slowly edged around the room while Cassidy sat, watching in half amusement and half wonder if Skinner had finally lost all common sense.
Opening a wooden cabinet, Skinner revealed a monitoring system and VCR. Pressing the buttons, Skinner grabbed the tape as it ejected and walked over to his office telephone, where he proceeded to take it off the hook.
"Are you--" Cassidy asked but was cut off by the A.D.'s deadly look. Skinner moved around his desk and bent his knees until he was at the girl's height.
"Kersh has signed on two new agents. He's over my head in authority so I can't always protect Agent Scully," he whispered.
Assistant Director Kersh. The words alone could actuate an agent, intern or superior to hand in his resignation papers. Kersh was a ruthless son of a bitch, most agreed. Those who didn't were those with the last say, of course.
".Wh..why does she need protection?" The girl asked in a somber tone.
"It's not my right to tell you but you have to trust me on this one. Something big and possible dangerous is about to occur soon and I need someone to be my eyes and ears. Someone who they wouldn't suspect."
"How can you be so sure I'm not suspicious?"
"I dismissed you, Cassidy. Kersh was the one who brought you back."
"He knows I'm here?"
"He knows you will be, but he doesn't know of this meeting. He never can, do you understand Cassidy?"
The girl was silent.
"Do you understand Cassidy?!" Skinner's voice was more urgent.
"And what do I get in return?" Cassidy stood up and the AD followed. He looked down and held out the tape.
"I'm sorry, but I think it's in your best interests to know what's on it."
Cassidy looked up. Questions began to swam through her mind and the morning's throbbing headache returned. Mulder had told her the tales of the Cigarette Smoking Man and Alex had even gone farther, telling her of his cryptic cold-blooded ways, but when she had seen him for the first time, she had been the one whose blood had run cold. Was he behind Mulder's disappearance? And why did Agent Scully need protection? Was she truly the one to give it to her?
Confused and dry-mouthed, the girl finally spoke up.
"I'll come back for it." She turned around and began to walk.
"This never happened."
The girl stood still for a moment and then walked out.
"All I'm saying Agent Scully is that maybe it's wise to take a leave of absence sooner than you planned," Agent Doggett leaned against the desk waiting for a response from his seated partner. "Listen, I understand why you didn't tell me in the first place, but what I don't understand is why you're making it more difficult for yourself than it already is."
" I can't shake the image of what those men did to Mary Hendershot. If I leave now, the odds are greater that they-"
"Another question, Agent Scully, is to who 'they' are. Zeus Genetics? Walden-Freemen Army? I made a promise to you, and I keep my promises, but you still got to help me out on this one." Agent Doggett paused and waved a hand in front of Scully's face mockingly.
"Agent?"
Scully's eyes went wide at the figure in the doorway.
She was almost a gypsy figurine, with wavy brown hair and fawn eyes. Tiny framed but trimmed with small muscle, she hadn't changed. The picture in the paper had favorably caught every curve of her body, every dimple of her face. Small time fame hadn't affected Cassidy Adamson, in appearance at least. She still looked like the same pretty doting intern Special Agent Dana Scully had mothered from first instinct, no matter what others said or thought.
This time, however, Scully saw something more painful in the girl's eyes.
"I didn't think I'd see you."
"It'll be about a year." Cassidy stood, looking guarded.
"Oh." Scully's smile faded but reappeared as the girl entered, laughing. Cassidy wrapped her arms around the agent in an embrace. If but not for a second, the girl put her head on Scully's chest and smiled. Mrs. Hofiat had always been kind, but, although she had never told anyone or admit it, Cassidy admired Scully and viewed her as the only true mother she'd ever known.
"Careful!" Scully protested quietly.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" The girl took a step back while the female agent exchanged a look between Doggett.
"No, no, I'm fine. Cass, this is-"
"John Doggett," the man held out his hand and grinned as Cassidy shook it.
"Cass Adamson." The girl took a careful look at his face and observed his very chiseled features. From his distinguishably jagged nose to the wrinkles in his forehead, to the dimples that surfaced from his grin, Agent Doggett, like his predecessor, looked like the All-American Boy grown up.
Special Agent John Jay Doggett was very much handsome, but, like Skinner, his company almost seemed unnerving. Looking up at him, Cassidy read there was trouble in his eyes. Grief, terrible loss. Agent Doggett shifted as he realized she was trying to see through him. Cassidy's exterior manner transgressed her first impression, luckily enough for Doggett.
Defenses down and friendly, his welcoming manner was completely opposite to Mulder's. Why am I comparing him to Mulder? she thought.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't know." Doggett admitted, smile still evident.
Cassidy's hand dropped as her mind reeled of where he could have known her from. Had Kersh maneuvered another stunt?
Sensing tension and reading the look on the girl's face, Doggett added, "Agent Scully's told me about you. I'm actually surprised Skinner would have assigned an internship to someone so young and to a division as small as the X-Files."
"Well, you obviously don't know how this division truly works then."
Doggett, somewhat put off by this remark, just chuckled. Scully shot a look at the girl, but it fell unnoticed.
"I suppose not," he turned back to Scully, "I have to go bring up these folders to Kersh. Nice meeting you, Cass."
Cassidy's eyebrows raised as he walked out of the room. Kersh. So he was one of Kersh's. It still didn't explain the awkwardness of their first meeting. If Doggett had been told beforehand about her, he was a damn good actor. The girl's face fluttered to a crimson colour. The fact also didn't explain why she had liked him so quickly. She silently scolded herself for coming off too overbearing.
Calming down, she shot a look to Scully, who matched her contact.
"Told him all about me, huh?" she took a seat, "Well.now that everyone's acquainted." She looked around the room and then back to the desk where something, or actually, a lack of something caught her eye.
"His name plate's gone."
"Jesus, Cass." was the only half-decent response the Agent could string out.
"It was bound to come up sooner or later so why waste time, Dana? Where's Fox? Where is Mulder?"
"That's what Agent Doggett and I would like to know. He was taken by them. AD Skinner saw the whole thing. It was after you walked out on us-"
"I NEVER walked out on you, I was dismissed," Cass reduced her voice to a hiss. "You walked out on me!"
" It was over my jurisdiction." A part of Scully felt guilty, knowing that it was most certainly not. She had been, at that point, torn between instinct and her growing relationship outside of the office with Agent Mulder.
"So just what did Skinner see?"
Scully held her breath before speaking.
"A ship."
"An alien ship..Mulder was abducted by..a goddamn ship.." the girl began to laugh, "And just where the hell do you expect to find him, huh?"
"All I need is to find him soon. Whenever someone walks through that doorway, in one way or another, they are at a great risk," Scully motioned to the basement doorway. "It will never end until I find him."
"And then what?"
"Then..I.reveal to him some very important news." Scully put a hand on her stomach while Cassidy looked on in awe.
has died once
each of us like you
has passed through drift of
wood-leaves
cracked and bent
and tortured and unbent
in the winter frost,
then burnt into gold points,
lighted afresh,
crisp amber, scales of gold-leaf,
gold turned and re-welded
in the sun heat;
each of us is like you
has died once,
each of us has crossed an old wood-path
and found the winter leaves
so golden in the sun fire
that even the live wood-flowers
were dark.
~~~~~~~~~
-Excerpt from H. Doolittle
Part 1:The Past
Chapter 1
May 2000
I'm not sorry I stole this from you. Nor am I sorry I've read your previous entries since they've always managed to lead to some surfacing truth. I am sorry that you are not at my side right now as I celebrate this victory.
It is the millennium and civilization is still at a dead end. The only true triumph at hand is the death of monstrosity and ascendancy. The cigarette smoking man is dead. I was the one who held the honour of murdering that self-indulgent son of a bitch.
I did it for you. I did it for us.
I wish you could have seen the absolute panic in his emotionless eyes. I can still remember it so vividly. He knew his fate had been sealed long ago, but he was dismayed and surprised that it was I whom he was bargaining his life for. A plea for humanity.
Hah. To think, after all the lives he's ruined, he still views himself as the hierarchy of humanity.
All the pain he's caused in his lifetime. So many had fallen prey to this.this fraud. I reveled
in such revenge.
I wish you had been there to seen it, but I knew you had more threatening issues at hand.
June 2000
Washington, D.C.
Cassidy Adamson wished she was anywhere other than where she was right now.
A storm was brewing. Or was about to.
After inspecting her recently gnawed at nails, she began to survey Assistant Director's Skinner's office. Fortunately, the A.D.'s now stagnant position at the bureau hadn't affected his traditional mind, including his hand at interior decor.
The framed pictures of Reno and Clinton still hung proud, falsifying the current events at the White House. Cassidy sighed. She never had been interested in politics.
Turning her head, she caught the reflection glimpse of her former superior's name plate.
Assistant Director Walter Sergei Skinner.
Not intimidated the slightest at the grandeur of the title, not to mention of the name, Cassidy crossed her arms and ran through her stance on the matter at hand. She was more than indifferent to any offer the assistant director had to give her, even if it was working back for Agent Scully. When Sharon, Skinner's newest and greenest secretary, had called the previous week, Cassidy didn't even consider wanting to work for Scully any further. Dismissed by the bureau 3 months ago, she thought she would be able to lead a close to normal life.
The door opened and the towering AD walked in.
Walter Skinner wore his no-nonsense look wherever he was. In his late thirties and somewhat pre-maturely balding, Skinner had learned at a very young age to keep whatever emotion he felt hidden from general sight.
He had folded to strict upbringing on his Navy Intelligence father's behalf, learning when to restraint control and when to step forward. At 6'2 with piercing dark eyes, he didn't bother sympathizing for those agents who fidgeted and squirmed when they caught him in plain view. He did, however, give credit to those who did not. Which is why he held a fondness in his heart for the soulful Agent Scully, not to mention the disliked Agent Mulder, who, perhaps, could have rightfully been the cause behind Skinner's lack of hair, since he seemed to be pulling it out in frustration every time Mulder came through the door.
The assistant director prayed to whatever fates above that those days were not the last he'd see of Agent Mulder.
"I apologize to keep you waiting. There was some confusion downstairs I had to sort out." He sat down behind his desk and locked eyes with the young girl. She was growing up to be a beautiful young woman, but there was something unnerving in her eyes. Skinner stiffened as he remembered the similarity in Alex's eyes as the bastard renegade had stared him down, with Skinner's life in his hand.
"Please. Don't drag this out any longer than it has to be. At least give me that much. Let's just pretend that I'm not stupid for once and get straight to the point." Cassidy sat up straighter. She had no reason to be afraid of anyone anymore. The two most pernicious men seemed to have faded out of her life for good. Albeit Agent Mulder still pursued his cause, her mind reeled.
Skinner's jaw tightened. Stubborn, as usual.
"The point.is that we need you back." Skinner almost grimaced as he heard the not quite subtle pleading in his voice.
"No," the girl didn't miss a beat.
"You haven't let me finished.."
"The answer is no."
There was a painful silence. Cassidy stood up.
"If there isn't anything useful you've planned to tell me, I'm going to go now and do something productive with my time. Good afternoon."
Cassidy was two steps away from the doorway when Skinner spoke up.
"Agent Mulder's gone."
Cassidy's body betrayed her as it went numb. She shouldn't have cared, but for some reason she was unable to continue to walk out of the office. She turned around, nerves beginning to shake.
"She needs you." He watched as the girl took her seat again and settled in. He hadn't meant to lure the girl like he was now, but it was his last hope. Mulder had to be found and he knew what Cassidy was capable of.
"Mulder left."
"No. Mulder was taken."
"By whom?" Cassidy's eyes were wide and her voice shaky.
"I think you know." Skinner leaned forward and scribbled something down. Cassidy tried to see what it was but a look from the AD told her to do otherwise. He got up and slowly edged around the room while Cassidy sat, watching in half amusement and half wonder if Skinner had finally lost all common sense.
Opening a wooden cabinet, Skinner revealed a monitoring system and VCR. Pressing the buttons, Skinner grabbed the tape as it ejected and walked over to his office telephone, where he proceeded to take it off the hook.
"Are you--" Cassidy asked but was cut off by the A.D.'s deadly look. Skinner moved around his desk and bent his knees until he was at the girl's height.
"Kersh has signed on two new agents. He's over my head in authority so I can't always protect Agent Scully," he whispered.
Assistant Director Kersh. The words alone could actuate an agent, intern or superior to hand in his resignation papers. Kersh was a ruthless son of a bitch, most agreed. Those who didn't were those with the last say, of course.
".Wh..why does she need protection?" The girl asked in a somber tone.
"It's not my right to tell you but you have to trust me on this one. Something big and possible dangerous is about to occur soon and I need someone to be my eyes and ears. Someone who they wouldn't suspect."
"How can you be so sure I'm not suspicious?"
"I dismissed you, Cassidy. Kersh was the one who brought you back."
"He knows I'm here?"
"He knows you will be, but he doesn't know of this meeting. He never can, do you understand Cassidy?"
The girl was silent.
"Do you understand Cassidy?!" Skinner's voice was more urgent.
"And what do I get in return?" Cassidy stood up and the AD followed. He looked down and held out the tape.
"I'm sorry, but I think it's in your best interests to know what's on it."
Cassidy looked up. Questions began to swam through her mind and the morning's throbbing headache returned. Mulder had told her the tales of the Cigarette Smoking Man and Alex had even gone farther, telling her of his cryptic cold-blooded ways, but when she had seen him for the first time, she had been the one whose blood had run cold. Was he behind Mulder's disappearance? And why did Agent Scully need protection? Was she truly the one to give it to her?
Confused and dry-mouthed, the girl finally spoke up.
"I'll come back for it." She turned around and began to walk.
"This never happened."
The girl stood still for a moment and then walked out.
"All I'm saying Agent Scully is that maybe it's wise to take a leave of absence sooner than you planned," Agent Doggett leaned against the desk waiting for a response from his seated partner. "Listen, I understand why you didn't tell me in the first place, but what I don't understand is why you're making it more difficult for yourself than it already is."
" I can't shake the image of what those men did to Mary Hendershot. If I leave now, the odds are greater that they-"
"Another question, Agent Scully, is to who 'they' are. Zeus Genetics? Walden-Freemen Army? I made a promise to you, and I keep my promises, but you still got to help me out on this one." Agent Doggett paused and waved a hand in front of Scully's face mockingly.
"Agent?"
Scully's eyes went wide at the figure in the doorway.
She was almost a gypsy figurine, with wavy brown hair and fawn eyes. Tiny framed but trimmed with small muscle, she hadn't changed. The picture in the paper had favorably caught every curve of her body, every dimple of her face. Small time fame hadn't affected Cassidy Adamson, in appearance at least. She still looked like the same pretty doting intern Special Agent Dana Scully had mothered from first instinct, no matter what others said or thought.
This time, however, Scully saw something more painful in the girl's eyes.
"I didn't think I'd see you."
"It'll be about a year." Cassidy stood, looking guarded.
"Oh." Scully's smile faded but reappeared as the girl entered, laughing. Cassidy wrapped her arms around the agent in an embrace. If but not for a second, the girl put her head on Scully's chest and smiled. Mrs. Hofiat had always been kind, but, although she had never told anyone or admit it, Cassidy admired Scully and viewed her as the only true mother she'd ever known.
"Careful!" Scully protested quietly.
"Sorry, did I hurt you?" The girl took a step back while the female agent exchanged a look between Doggett.
"No, no, I'm fine. Cass, this is-"
"John Doggett," the man held out his hand and grinned as Cassidy shook it.
"Cass Adamson." The girl took a careful look at his face and observed his very chiseled features. From his distinguishably jagged nose to the wrinkles in his forehead, to the dimples that surfaced from his grin, Agent Doggett, like his predecessor, looked like the All-American Boy grown up.
Special Agent John Jay Doggett was very much handsome, but, like Skinner, his company almost seemed unnerving. Looking up at him, Cassidy read there was trouble in his eyes. Grief, terrible loss. Agent Doggett shifted as he realized she was trying to see through him. Cassidy's exterior manner transgressed her first impression, luckily enough for Doggett.
Defenses down and friendly, his welcoming manner was completely opposite to Mulder's. Why am I comparing him to Mulder? she thought.
"I'd be lying if I said I didn't know." Doggett admitted, smile still evident.
Cassidy's hand dropped as her mind reeled of where he could have known her from. Had Kersh maneuvered another stunt?
Sensing tension and reading the look on the girl's face, Doggett added, "Agent Scully's told me about you. I'm actually surprised Skinner would have assigned an internship to someone so young and to a division as small as the X-Files."
"Well, you obviously don't know how this division truly works then."
Doggett, somewhat put off by this remark, just chuckled. Scully shot a look at the girl, but it fell unnoticed.
"I suppose not," he turned back to Scully, "I have to go bring up these folders to Kersh. Nice meeting you, Cass."
Cassidy's eyebrows raised as he walked out of the room. Kersh. So he was one of Kersh's. It still didn't explain the awkwardness of their first meeting. If Doggett had been told beforehand about her, he was a damn good actor. The girl's face fluttered to a crimson colour. The fact also didn't explain why she had liked him so quickly. She silently scolded herself for coming off too overbearing.
Calming down, she shot a look to Scully, who matched her contact.
"Told him all about me, huh?" she took a seat, "Well.now that everyone's acquainted." She looked around the room and then back to the desk where something, or actually, a lack of something caught her eye.
"His name plate's gone."
"Jesus, Cass." was the only half-decent response the Agent could string out.
"It was bound to come up sooner or later so why waste time, Dana? Where's Fox? Where is Mulder?"
"That's what Agent Doggett and I would like to know. He was taken by them. AD Skinner saw the whole thing. It was after you walked out on us-"
"I NEVER walked out on you, I was dismissed," Cass reduced her voice to a hiss. "You walked out on me!"
" It was over my jurisdiction." A part of Scully felt guilty, knowing that it was most certainly not. She had been, at that point, torn between instinct and her growing relationship outside of the office with Agent Mulder.
"So just what did Skinner see?"
Scully held her breath before speaking.
"A ship."
"An alien ship..Mulder was abducted by..a goddamn ship.." the girl began to laugh, "And just where the hell do you expect to find him, huh?"
"All I need is to find him soon. Whenever someone walks through that doorway, in one way or another, they are at a great risk," Scully motioned to the basement doorway. "It will never end until I find him."
"And then what?"
"Then..I.reveal to him some very important news." Scully put a hand on her stomach while Cassidy looked on in awe.