Another fic! Wow, two in two days, what's wrong with me? Well anyway, my inspiration for this fic is…get ready for this…an Archie Comic. I hope you enjoy!
Shits and Giggles
Disclaimer: I do not own anything that has to do with the universe of Harry Potter. All of that belongs to the genius, J.K. Rowling and the Warner Bros. Company. Also, inspiration for the plot came from the Archie Comics.
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James Potter was trying desperately to hurry and finish his annoying History of Magic essay (Write on the discovery of Apparition in three feet or more) so he can make it on time for this weekend's Hogsmeade visit. It was just his luck that Binns had assigned the essay and he had totally forgotten about it until the last minute. He sighed in aggravation.
Just then, the portrait door swung open to the Gryffindor Common Room and two, high-pitched voices, ranting back and forth met everyone's ears. James inwardly groaned in frustration. Today was just not his day, first the lateness of beginning the essay and now…Heather and Jennifer.
"I'm telling you! He prefers blondes, because blondes do have more fun!" screeched Heather, her blonde curls bouncing whenever she moved her head.
"The only thing blondes do have fun doing is being classified as stupid bimbos. Us brunettes are under the category of being classy and intelligent. He'll obviously prefer brunettes," replied Jennifer, swinging her dark, brown hair behind her shoulder.
"I wouldn't be so sure, Jennifer," Heather spat, her eyes shining in malice. "Why don't you go up to him and ask!" She pointed to a corner.
James was startled that Heather's finger was pointing straight at him. He sunk lower into his seat, praying that maybe the girls wouldn't notice a head of messy black hair protruding from behind piles of books and parchment. Unfortunately, they did…
"James," said a singsong voice. James rolled his eyes and rose once again into a normal sitting position. He was met with Jennifer's face, set into a sugary, flirtatious smile.
"Yes?" he asked, trying hard to not sound impolite. There really was no reason to be rude (well except the fact that they were stalling him from completing his essay).
"We have a question for you," she continued, swinging her hair behind her back again. James feared that she was going to whip someone in the face.
"Which do you prefer? Blondes," Heather said, grinning similarly to Jennifer, "or brunettes?" Her face suddenly turned sour as her eyes darted over to where Jennifer was standing. A short, shooting of daggers through vision passed between the two, but they simultaneously turned their heads to James.
James didn't know what to say. He was trying to think up answers that wouldn't hurt the other person, and trying to suppress the laughter that threatened to ring out because of the stupidity of the question. He looked warily between the two, and a thought struck him.
"I like grey-haired people," he said, feeling smug. Heather and Jennifer's faces were one of pure appalling.
"What?"
"They hold such a true façade of knowledge and wisdom. Quite like Professor Dumbledore…"
"You have a crush on Professor Dumbledore? Oh James, that's so sickening!--"
"No, stupid, he didn't understand the question!"
"Don't call me stupid. I'm not stupid!"
"Could've fooled me…"
"What was that?"
While their bickering dragged on, James caught sight of his best friend, Sirius. He leaned his head past the fighting bodies of Heather and Jennifer and mouthed a plea for help. Confused, Sirius strolled over to where James, Heather and Jennifer were.
"What's going on?" he asked. Heather and Jennifer stopped fighting and looked up at Sirius, eyebrows raised.
"We were just asking which James prefers, blondes or brunettes," Heather answered. From behind their heads, Sirius could see James mouthing for help.
"Er…well, I believe I can answer that for you…" he said, scratching his head.
"Really?" Jennifer squealed. She and Heather stepped forward towards him and looked at him eagerly.
"Well…you see…James actually prefers people with…um…with brown hair. Yeah, that's it. James likes people with brown hair!" Sirius said, stuttering.
"Brown! That's close to brunette. I win, ha ha!" Jennifer said, pumping her fist in victory. "Now, James would you like to go to Hogsmeade with--"
"No! Brown could be anything! Brunette is specifically a really dark brown. The brown Sirius is talking about could be a totally different shade of brown. Right, Siri?" Heather asked desperately, pouting like a little girl.
Sirius cringed at the nickname she gave him. "Well…yeah. I meant light brown. Quite like our friend Remus' hair," he said.
"You see? I still have a chance. James could still go to Hogsmeade with me!" Heather said excitedly. "We just need an exact answer, Siri. Blonde or brunette?"
Sirius looked helplessly at James and shrugged his shoulders. "Er…would you look at the time? I have to go, see you!" He bolted out of the room at an incredible speed. James sunk into his chair again, dreading…
"So, James. Since Sirius couldn't answer for you, blonde or brunette?"
James kept quiet.
"James?"
Out of the corner of his eye, James caught a glimpse of red hair. Finally, salvation had come, as that person approached the three of them. She stood behind James, looking puzzled.
"What going on?" she asked light heartedly. Heather and Jennifer looked at her, irritated that she had interrupted their interrogation.
"Hello, Lily," said Jennifer. "We were just asking James if he preferred blonde or brunette."
Lily looked down at James, who was practically falling out of his chair, and noticed how distressed he looked. Then an idea came to her…
James was surprised to feel Lily's arms hug him around the neck…it was quite comfortable actually. Her scent carried a light dash of vanilla.
"Don't you guys know?" Lily inquired at the two girls, whose faces were contorted in jealousy and astonishment. "James prefers red-heads!"
Getting the idea, James snuggled closer to Lily and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah…red-heads," he agreed. With a loud 'humph', Heather and Jennifer stormed off, not caring that the Fat Lady yelled at them for slamming her so hard.
Lily withdrew her arms from around his neck. "I just saved your ass, Potter," she said jokingly. James smiled with relief.
"Yeah. I owe you big time! Now I won't have to bring any of them to Hogsmeade," he said. Lily grinned and was about to depart when James took a grab of her arm. "Say, Lily…you just did me a big favour. How about I buy you a drink at the Three Broomsticks?"
Lily looked down at his hand, which was clutching her arm, and looked directly at his face. She smiled again and said, "Sure!" And the two headed off…James' unfinished History of Magic essay forgotten.
He had the whole weekend anyway…
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