***disclaimer: I do not own Friends or any of the characters in this story. Especially the F.U.N.G. He's a creation of the brilliant Bright, Kauffman, and Crane. Any songs used in this story are given credit at the bottom of this page. ***
[A/N: ~In response to the question about Monica being 5 months pregnant, and not knowing it, I realize my mistake and I apologize for any confusion. Let's just pretend she had been feeling sick for a while, and just assumed it was a 24-hour bug or a cold or the flu. ~How did Richard get in the apartment? The apartment door was unlocked~]
``Return of the Richard``
~~~~~~Chapter Two: TOW the Fat Ugly Naked Guy~~~~~~
~In Monica and Chandler's Apartment~
"IT'S THE FAT UGLY NAKED GUY!!"
"WHOA! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE HIM AGAIN IN MY LIFE!"
"Yeah, me too! Well in this life, at least."
"I cannot believe it! Ross, we've got to go down there and stop him from ransacking our apartment!"
"Rachel, that guy is 500 pounds of ugly...exactly how do you propose we go about stopping him?"
"Take Monica with you. She's freakishly strong."
"Okay. Number one, I'm not freakishly strong. Number two,-"
"You are too freakishly strong! Monica, when we were kids, you broke my arm when we were arm wrestling one time!"
"That's because she was fat!"
"Okay, okay, shut up everybody! Just because I was fat doesn't mean I was/I am freakishly strong. Like I was saying, number two, I'm pregnant. I can't go down there with Ross and try to stop that brick wall."
"Okay, you 'men' go down there and try to stop him. We women will wait up here and watch you get your asses kicked."
"Fine!" yelled Ross, Joey, and Chandler as they left the apartment. A few minutes later, they ran into Ross and Rachel's apartment, and the girls watched them scream and get chased by the Fat Ugly Naked Guy around the apartment.
"C'mon, Pheebs, let's go" said Rachel to Phoebe.
"Hey! What about me?!" asked Monica indignantly.
"It's not our fault you're pregnant and you get to miss all the action. Oh by way, how far along are you? Boy or girl?"
"I'm about five months, so it'll start to show soon. I don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl, that's what we'll find out next month at the first sonogram. Now both of you, get over there!" Phoebe and Rachel left, and about five minutes later, showed up at Rachel and Ross's apartment. Monica was still standing at the window and was emphatically shouting at them even though they couldn't hear her.
"C'mon guys, whoop some ass! Well, it's the Fat Ugly Naked Guy, so I should have said 'c'mon guys, whoop some asses!' " She was shouting so loud she didn't even hear her apartment door open quietly, or a person's footsteps across the carpet to her.
"Hello, Monica Gellar-Bing." Monica whirled around and gasped.
"Oh my God, Richard! What are you doing here?! You just scared the shit out of me!"
"Monica, I'm here to make your life a living hell; just like you did to my life."
"What are you talking about?!"
"I'll just give you some time to think about that while your friends are down in that apartment with MY friends." Monica, confused, turned back to the window and look out. She was startled to see five other guys down there fighting Phoebe, Ross, Joey, Chandler, and Rachel because the Naked Guy was passed out on the floor. As she turned back around to face Richard, his outstretched hand met her face, and she went sprawling to the ground.
"OW! Damn it, you jerk! What the hell was that for?!" she screamed as she got back up. Richard didn't answer, but shoved her and she went flying backwards into the living room. She landed hard, on the floor, and hit her head on the corner of the coffee table. She immediately passed out. Chuckling to himself, Richard left the apartment.
~in the elevator, going back up to Chandler and Monica's apartment
"Ow, Ross, this really hurts."
"Don't worry Rachel, as soon as we get back to Mon's apartment, we'll get that cut taken care of."
"Guys, I don't know what was funnier-seeing Naked Guy up close, or shoving him into that Tiffany lamp Rachel out-bid Monica for at that auction five years ago."
"Um, I would go with Choice C, tying him to the treadmill and hanging junk food in front of him as we beat up those other guys. Where did they come from, anyway?"
"WHAT!? YOU BROKE MY TIFFANY LAMP?! WHO?! WHO!?"
"Calm down, Rachel."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, Ross. Screw you." Phoebe opened the door to the apartment.
"Oh my God, you guys, get in here!" Everyone ran into the apartment to find Monica, passed out on the rug. Chandler ran to her side.
"Monica! Monica! Mon, wake up!"
"Huh?" Monica said, quite confused as she came to.
"Monica, who did this to you??! I will KILL them!" roared Ross, who was extremely pissed.
"Richard..he snuck in here...those men you were beating up work for him" she managed to say before passing out again.
The group of friends rushed Monica to the emergency room, where it was determined she was fine. However, most of the concern was for the baby, so the doctors decided they would run some tests to see if the baby was fine.
"Well Mr. and Mrs. Bing, your baby is absolute fine, and in perfect health. You were scheduled for a sonogram tomorrow. Since you're here now, would you like to do that now, instead of tomorrow?"
Monica and Chandler agreed.
"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"
"I want to know..what about you, Chandler?"
"I-I-I...okay."
"Okay....well Mr. and Mrs. Bing, it looks like you're having a boy..."
"Chandler Junior!"
"NO! Chandler, we are NOT naming our son Chandler Ju-oh my God, we're having a boy!"
"..and a girl..."
[A/N: ~In response to the question about Monica being 5 months pregnant, and not knowing it, I realize my mistake and I apologize for any confusion. Let's just pretend she had been feeling sick for a while, and just assumed it was a 24-hour bug or a cold or the flu. ~How did Richard get in the apartment? The apartment door was unlocked~]
``Return of the Richard``
~~~~~~Chapter Two: TOW the Fat Ugly Naked Guy~~~~~~
~In Monica and Chandler's Apartment~
"IT'S THE FAT UGLY NAKED GUY!!"
"WHOA! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE HIM AGAIN IN MY LIFE!"
"Yeah, me too! Well in this life, at least."
"I cannot believe it! Ross, we've got to go down there and stop him from ransacking our apartment!"
"Rachel, that guy is 500 pounds of ugly...exactly how do you propose we go about stopping him?"
"Take Monica with you. She's freakishly strong."
"Okay. Number one, I'm not freakishly strong. Number two,-"
"You are too freakishly strong! Monica, when we were kids, you broke my arm when we were arm wrestling one time!"
"That's because she was fat!"
"Okay, okay, shut up everybody! Just because I was fat doesn't mean I was/I am freakishly strong. Like I was saying, number two, I'm pregnant. I can't go down there with Ross and try to stop that brick wall."
"Okay, you 'men' go down there and try to stop him. We women will wait up here and watch you get your asses kicked."
"Fine!" yelled Ross, Joey, and Chandler as they left the apartment. A few minutes later, they ran into Ross and Rachel's apartment, and the girls watched them scream and get chased by the Fat Ugly Naked Guy around the apartment.
"C'mon, Pheebs, let's go" said Rachel to Phoebe.
"Hey! What about me?!" asked Monica indignantly.
"It's not our fault you're pregnant and you get to miss all the action. Oh by way, how far along are you? Boy or girl?"
"I'm about five months, so it'll start to show soon. I don't know if I'm having a boy or a girl, that's what we'll find out next month at the first sonogram. Now both of you, get over there!" Phoebe and Rachel left, and about five minutes later, showed up at Rachel and Ross's apartment. Monica was still standing at the window and was emphatically shouting at them even though they couldn't hear her.
"C'mon guys, whoop some ass! Well, it's the Fat Ugly Naked Guy, so I should have said 'c'mon guys, whoop some asses!' " She was shouting so loud she didn't even hear her apartment door open quietly, or a person's footsteps across the carpet to her.
"Hello, Monica Gellar-Bing." Monica whirled around and gasped.
"Oh my God, Richard! What are you doing here?! You just scared the shit out of me!"
"Monica, I'm here to make your life a living hell; just like you did to my life."
"What are you talking about?!"
"I'll just give you some time to think about that while your friends are down in that apartment with MY friends." Monica, confused, turned back to the window and look out. She was startled to see five other guys down there fighting Phoebe, Ross, Joey, Chandler, and Rachel because the Naked Guy was passed out on the floor. As she turned back around to face Richard, his outstretched hand met her face, and she went sprawling to the ground.
"OW! Damn it, you jerk! What the hell was that for?!" she screamed as she got back up. Richard didn't answer, but shoved her and she went flying backwards into the living room. She landed hard, on the floor, and hit her head on the corner of the coffee table. She immediately passed out. Chuckling to himself, Richard left the apartment.
~in the elevator, going back up to Chandler and Monica's apartment
"Ow, Ross, this really hurts."
"Don't worry Rachel, as soon as we get back to Mon's apartment, we'll get that cut taken care of."
"Guys, I don't know what was funnier-seeing Naked Guy up close, or shoving him into that Tiffany lamp Rachel out-bid Monica for at that auction five years ago."
"Um, I would go with Choice C, tying him to the treadmill and hanging junk food in front of him as we beat up those other guys. Where did they come from, anyway?"
"WHAT!? YOU BROKE MY TIFFANY LAMP?! WHO?! WHO!?"
"Calm down, Rachel."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, Ross. Screw you." Phoebe opened the door to the apartment.
"Oh my God, you guys, get in here!" Everyone ran into the apartment to find Monica, passed out on the rug. Chandler ran to her side.
"Monica! Monica! Mon, wake up!"
"Huh?" Monica said, quite confused as she came to.
"Monica, who did this to you??! I will KILL them!" roared Ross, who was extremely pissed.
"Richard..he snuck in here...those men you were beating up work for him" she managed to say before passing out again.
The group of friends rushed Monica to the emergency room, where it was determined she was fine. However, most of the concern was for the baby, so the doctors decided they would run some tests to see if the baby was fine.
"Well Mr. and Mrs. Bing, your baby is absolute fine, and in perfect health. You were scheduled for a sonogram tomorrow. Since you're here now, would you like to do that now, instead of tomorrow?"
Monica and Chandler agreed.
"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?"
"I want to know..what about you, Chandler?"
"I-I-I...okay."
"Okay....well Mr. and Mrs. Bing, it looks like you're having a boy..."
"Chandler Junior!"
"NO! Chandler, we are NOT naming our son Chandler Ju-oh my God, we're having a boy!"
"..and a girl..."